CHAPTER 1 – A Glitch In The Matrix

I don't want to get up yet, okay?

I mean…I don't like to complain, but coming back to life fucking hurts. Every bone in my body feels like broken glass, my head is throbbing, and I just want to lay here in bed in the dark for a while before I have to face the world. Fuck my life.

As carefully as possible, I rolled onto my side facing the door and pulled the hood of the parka I always wake up in around my face, trying not to think about anything. Like how I'd just spent what felt like twelve hours in hell, playing cards and bullshitting with Chef and Damien; and wondering how long I'd actually been dead this time, because time is reckoned very differently in hell than it is here. Hopefully it wasn't more than a day or two.

It was almost funny. This was the second time I've been struck by lightning (at least I assume that's what that bright flash of light and what sounded like a cannon being fired right next to my ear was just before I fucking died).

Whatever. It was a stupid way to die, and what kept it from actually being funny was the fact that Butters had been standing ten feet away, and either saw it happen or turned around immediately afterward. Either way, he was there…and dear God I hope he's already forgotten about it and didn't remember it for too long.

At least it didn't happen one minute sooner, or we would have been standing next to each other, probably sucking on each other's faces while his fingertips worked their way down the back of my pants.

So much for trying not to think about anything.

I moaned and curled up tighter, reaching down with one hand to pull the blanket higher over me since I'm naked from the waist down. I hoped Butters was asleep and having good dreams. I need to text him.

Judging from the complete lack of light coming around the edges of the cardboard taped over my broken window, it was the middle of the night. Much too early to text or call him, no matter how worried I was about him.

My mind refuses to shut off. For an instant I wondered what day it is, and whether I need to be at the bus stop in a few hours or if I could sleep in; then I remembered that summer vacation had started a few days ago, senior year of high school was almost three months away, and it didn't matter what day it was. I could lay here as long as I want to.

Knowing this made me feel a whole lot better. I could sleep for a few hours and be as good as new.

I was just starting to doze off when I was awakened by footsteps in the hall outside my door, getting closer and not making any effort to be quiet. Kevin had long since moved out; my dad usually got up to piss in the middle of the night, but the bathroom was at the other end of the hall and he always went right back to bed. These footsteps were right outside my door though. That left only Karen, and she hadn't come into my room after having a bad dream in years; so who the hell just twisted my doorknob?

The door swung open and I sat up, groaning at the pain in my back. Motherfucker…! Someone reached their hand through the door and turned on the light switch, and I winced and put a hand over my eyes at the sudden glare from the overhead light.

This had better be either someone I know having a life or death emergency needing my help…or Karen; or else somebody was about to get their ass kicked.

"Oh holy shit," whoever had just walked into my room and temporarily blinded me said in a surprisingly familiar voice. "Oh fuck!"

I opened my eyes just enough to squint through the glare to see what the commotion was about. Of course I recognized the voice; it was me standing in the door looking back at me; who else would have the balls to turn on the light—

Wait, what?

He (I!) was wearing jeans and one of our dad's old Def Leppard tee shirts and his hair was probably more disheveled than mine was at the moment (he just got laid, I though jealously and again my mind went to Butters and how badly I needed to see him) …but it was me standing there. We stared at each other for a long moment.

"What…what are you doing here?" I finally asked, and at the same moment I figured most of it out. I don't understand how it happened (yet), but I know what happened: Something had gone wrong with that whole life / death/ rebirth thing I'm cursed with, and now there's two of me. Or two of us…

"This is my room, and I was about to go to bed," the other Kenny replied. "What are you doing here?" He took a single step into the room and closed the door.

"I'm not sure," I said slowly. "I mean…I think it's obvious what happened, I just don't get why it—"

"Wait," Kenny interrupted, narrowing his eyes. "Hold up…did—did you just reincarnate?"

He's figuring it out too. Thank God…I really didn't want to have to try to explain this. "Uh huh," I lay back down, secretly proud of myself for figuring it out first. "About fifteen minutes ago."

"Oh, man…" He took two steps closer, regarding me carefully. "So, uh…how are you doing?" I was strangely moved by the question. No one had ever asked me how the painful rebirth process was going before, and who else could really relate to what that's like beside myself?

"Um…the worst is over, I guess?" My bones still ached, but it was becoming more bearable. He nodded sympathetically, knowing what I'm going through. I looked up at him and added, "I'm almost okay now."

This was already way too weird, and it suddenly got a lot weirder when my dick twitched underneath the blanket at the sight of him standing three feet away looking back at me. I'm usually horny at about this point in the rebirth process, and damn he looks good; but sex should be the last thing on my mind right now with… this going on. I normally would take matters into my own hands (so to speak) while thinking about Butters, but I just had the most fucked up idea…

I shook my head. No. Bad Kenny.

He sat down on the edge of the mattress, still studying me. I rolled over on my back and sat up straighter, resting my shoulders against the wall and arranging the blanket around my chest. If my dick gets any harder, I'm going to have to bend my knees or something to hide it.

"So," I said. "It looks like the universe fucked up. It's like some weird glitch in the matrix, but it must have thought I was dead or something, but I don't get why it happened, or why you're here."

He seemed to be deep in thought too; and when his eyes widened, I knew he'd come up with a theory.

"Okay, hold on," he said. "This is actually starting to make sense. How did you die?"

"I got hit by lightning?" I replied. "Or at least…that's what I think it was? I know I died, and it felt like I was gone for about twelve hours, and then I woke up here, just like always."

He nodded. "Yeah…" He reached toward me and then stopped. His eyes seemed to be asking my permission for something. "Hey, I want to see something, okay?" he asked, and at my cautious nod, he reached for the collar of my parka and eased it back, baring my right shoulder. I didn't know what he was doing but my dick suddenly rolled across my thigh as it get even harder, and when his fingers brushed over the skin covering my clavicle I had to suppress a groan.

"Wow," he whispered. "Okay, geez." He pulled my parka closed again and took his hand away; a moment later he reached down and pulled his tee shirt over his head and let it drop to the floor.

The sight of myself sitting shirtless next to me didn't help my erection go away; I bent my knees under the blanket while I looked him over.

He had the same body I saw every time I looked in the mirror without a shirt on, the same navel and nipples, the same moles and freckles scattered across his chest and torso—but he also had something I'd never seen on myself before, a large scar on the front of his right shoulder, an area of puckered skin about the size of a baseball. It looked like the sort of scar a severe burn would leave.

"I got hit by lightning," he said quietly. "Only…I didn't die." I could have heard a pin drop as he continued. "Well, no; I mean I did… but Butters came running over and started doing mouth to mouth on me…and there was a cop nearby who saw the whole thing and heard him screaming. He…" He sighed. "The cop had a defibrillator in his car and came running over with it and zapped me back to life. I…I was dead for like a minute." He fingered the edge of the scar on his clavicle, stretching the puckered skin until it was smooth and shiny. "I guess I'll have to die now, to get rid of this."

Okay, this was starting to make sense. "All right," I said. "So I got hit by lightning and died…and whatever happened, it was enough for the universe to think I was dead and reincarnate me, even though you didn't die." I shook my head. "Jesus, this does make a weird kind of sense."

"You and I are the only two people in the whole world who would think so," he said with a smile, and then his eyes widened again. "Ah dude, something you should know: That happened—" he paused to think for a moment. "Ten days ago."

Oh shit…I've been dead that long? He must have seen the question in my eyes because he added, "Yeah…sorry man. Today's July second."

I nodded as I took this in; I'd been dead for ten days this time. There would be a lot of catching up I'll need to do. Ten days, fuck my life again. What have "I" been up to for the past week and a half, and how were we going to explain any of this to anyone?

He was apparently thinking of something completely different. "Hey…do you remember the last time I…er, we…got hit by lightning?"

I had to think about the question; I've died so many times and in so many different ways that they all kind of blurred together. The last time I'd been hit by lightning had been…

Holy fucking shit.

"It was when," I said wonderingly, "we went to South America with Mr. Garrison's class, back in fourth grade." I sat up straighter and leaned forward. "To sing in that 'Save the stupid rain forest' thing, only we all got lost instead. Once we found our way back to our group, I got hit by lightning…"

"Only we didn't die," Kenny said, still speaking in barely a whisper.

"No!" I replied. "I did die…but that girl I met there. Kelly? She gave me mouth to mouth…"

"And brought us back from the dead," Kenny finished for me. He sat down on the mattress next to me. "Maybe being hit by lightning before and not dying has something to do with this."

I nodded; it was as good a theory as anything I could come up with. "Jesus. What are we supposed to do now?" I was thinking of all the things we'd have to work out now that there was another one of me: Our friends and family, school eventually…would we be in the same classes? I felt my heart skip a beat when I thought about trying to explain this to Butters, and how he would take it.

At least he'll finally believe I wasn't lying about my curse.

"I dunno," he said a moment later; he'd been lost in thought as well, probably thinking about the same things I was. "But we'll work it out somehow. We always seem to." He grinned. "Well, at least I do."

I snorted. "Yeah, but you've gotta admit: This isn't like getting caught sneaking out of the house. This is kind of a big deal."

"Dude, this is South Park. Strange shit happens here all the time." He settled back, running his hands over his legs. "Sure, dad will probably bitch about the extra mouth to feed—" I couldn't help but laugh at that. "But people will get used to it, you'll see."

I nodded, still unable to look away from the scar on his chest; he was probably right. At least I hoped he was; it wasn't like everyone was going to run us out of town with torches and pitchforks.

He must have caught me staring, because he suddenly grinned.

"Hey dude…um…" He ran his hands down his chest, sliding them toward the waistband of his jeans and fingering his zipper suggestively. "I know something we could do in the meantime though, while we figure it out…?"

Oh fuck, that did it. My dick went completely hard in about three seconds as I thought about the things we could do together, and realized he was thinking the same thing.

I mentally slapped myself. Of course he was thinking the same thing I was.

Duh.

He was still looking at me, waiting for an answer. I made up my mind instantly. "Oh fuck yeah."