Disclaimer: I don't own Fairy Tail

A/N: Takes place after Grand Magic Games

I don't write Fairy Tail fics but I really want to give it a try so here is my tryout. I have been thinking about this story for a few weeks now and I hope I can write it out the way I imagine it. I hope you guys find it interesting.

Living With Despair

Chapter 1

It was a great day already, even though she had only been awake for two hours. She slept through the night without Natsu waking her up, and when she woke up, he wasn't in her bed at all. She had thought he might break into her apartment this morning while she showered or made breakfast, but she was pleasantly surprised to find out that he hadn't shown up to annoy her.

Pleasantly surprised, but also a bit confused and worried. He didn't always sneak into her bed or break into her apartment to have breakfast with her, but he hadn't done it for two weeks, which was strange. He had never gone this long without breaking into her place. It was making her a bit paranoid about when he would do it next. And she knew there would be a next time. It wasn't something that Natsu would grow out of.

So that left her with the question, what was Natsu doing?

Lucy sighed as she trekked down the street to the guild hall. She thought about asking him why he stopped doing it, but she didn't want to put the idea of it being alright for him to do into his head by doing that. That was her reasoning a week ago, but now she missed having her best friend around. Home was starting to feel lonely and so empty. She never had her apartment to herself for so long. Even when she just moved in, there was always someone breaking in, mostly Natsu. Now that people weren't constantly breaking in, she realized just how lonely it was to live alone.

And now that she thought about it, she missed Natsu. Of course she saw him all the time at the guild, but for the past couple weeks he was usually hanging by himself at a table in a dark corner with a glass of fire, which even after all this time, was still weird to her to see him drinking fire like it was water.

But that was beside the point. The point was that Natsu wasn't interacting with any of them. He wasn't talking to anyone. He wasn't insulting Gray. He wasn't getting involved in brawls. All he did was sit there.

With a sigh, Lucy looked up at the guild hall as she reached it and pushed open the doors. Once inside, her eyes immediately strayed to the corner where Natsu always sat nowadays. She sighed when she immediately spotted his figure hunched over the table, hiding in the shadows of the corner.

Two weeks of this was just too much. She knew she wasn't the only one who had noticed him behaving like this, so why wasn't anyone confronting him about his weird depressing behavior? Depressed and Natsu just didn't go together. Of all her friends in Fairy Tail, Natsu wouldn't even be on the list of ranking people who were depressed or got depressed.

She really wanted to go talk to him, but she thought it best to leave him alone for a while and instead approached the bar counter where Mira was when she noticed the bartender glancing at Natsu for a quick second with a frown.

"Her Mira," Lucy said as she sat down on the stool.

Mira smiled at her. "Good morning, Lucy. Can I get you anything?"

Lucy shook her head as she looked over her shoulder at Natsu again.

Mira followed her eyes and sighed sadly as she picked up a glass to wipe it clean. "Oh, I had forgotten you've never seen him like this."

Lucy looked back at her with a frown. "You mean this has happened before? That would explain why no one seems concerned about it." She mumbled the last part to herself, but Mira still managed to hear her.

"On the contrary, Lucy, everyone is very concerned about Natsu right now." Mira replied.

"It doesn't seem like it." Lucy replied.

"That's because it's become routine." Mira replied as she examined the glass. Finding it sparkling clean, she put it down and grabbed the next glass.

Lucy raised a brow. "Routine? What do you mean?"

Mira looked up from the glass to give her sad smile. "There is one month a year when Natsu gets completely depressed like this. He becomes quiet and withdrawn, doesn't interact with anyone, and when he comes to the guild, he sits in his corner unmoving from open to close." She sighed. "I hate when he does this. It is so hard to get him to eat. If I don't remember to take food over to him, he won't eat."

Lucy's brows rose in surprise at that. Natsu not eating? It just didn't sound realistic.

"Even when I do take him food, he eats the bare minimum. He stays like this for a couple weeks before he disappears for a while. We don't know where he goes or what he is doing, but when he returns, he spends a couple more days in a sullen state then he bounces right back into the Natsu we all know, love, and are sometimes annoyed by, in Gray's words." Mira replied.

The blond mage laughed a bit at the last part. That was so Gray. "So this happens every year? Why? I would understand if it was around the time that Igneel abandoned him, but it isn't."

The Take-Over mage sighed as she glanced at Natsu again to see his ears twitching before looking back at Lucy. She wondered if the fire mage was listening to their conversation. "We don't know. It started about three and a half years before you joined the guild. Everything was fine at the time, then Natsu left for a mission. It was a simple mission to take out a greedy tyrant that took over a city and was forcing everyone to pay ridiculously high living taxes."

"Is anything ever simple with Natsu?" Lucy asked dryly, though her lips were twitching up into a smile.

Mira laughed. "Certainly not. The city contacted us after the mission was completed to tell us that Natsu destroyed half of a castle in the city where the tyrant had taken residence, but they didn't care about the castle being destroyed. They said it added character and showed that a Fairy Tail mage was there to save them from this evil tyrant. As far as I know, it was never repaired."

Lucy snorted a bit. Added character, huh? It was probably a monument by now to signify that the great Salamander saved the town, destroying the evil tyrant's castle in the process. "If they didn't care about having the castle repaired, why did they contact you?" She asked confused. She's been on enough missions with Natsu to know that when things get destroyed on missions, bills are sent their way and complaints are sent to the Council. If everything went fine, there really was no need to contact the guild.

"Natsu refused to take the reward for the mission, but the city was very thankful and wanted to send it our way so Natsu could take it when he returned." Mira explained as she down the glass with a quiet thud before she leaned against the counter.

Lucy frowned as she tapped her fingers on the counter. Natsu has refused the rewards for missions before, but that was only when they didn't do the actual job they were hired for. But if he completed the job and the city was that thankful, why would he refuse it?

"After that, we knew he finished the job, but he never came back to the guild. He was missing for two months before Gildarts returned with him thrown over his shoulder, unconscious." Mira replied. "Natsu was not happy when he woke up."

"I'm guessing Gildarts brought him back by force." Lucy mumbled.

"Correct." Mira said with a sad smile. "Any other time, it would have been hilarious, but Natsu was still pretty upset over what happened."

"Wait, you never told me what happened to make him depressed." Lucy interrupted confused.

"That's because we don't know." Gray said as he leaned onto the counter suddenly, shirt missing.

"Put a shirt on!" Lucy shouted, only just restraining herself from punching him in her surprise.

Gray looked down on his chest in disbelief. "What?! When did that happen?!"

"What do you mean you don't know? Natsu tells us everything." Lucy said, ignoring Gray who was now looking around for his missing shirt.

"Not this. This is the one thing he never told us about." Mira said sadly. "He never opened up about it. Well, that's not completely true. We suspected he at least told Gildarts something since he told us to give Natsu time. Even so, the way Gildarts was at the time, I think even he wasn't told the complete story." She sighed and leaned her chin into her palm. "And when Master tried to give Natsu the reward for his mission, Natsu lost and set it on fire."

"Are you serious?" Lucy said, eyes wide in shock. "He didn't want it that much?"

"We were all shocked to see that happen, especially when it was such a high reward too. Natsu needed that money to buy food for him and Happy, and yet he destroyed it. All that was left were ashes. Whatever happened on the job must have really upset him to cause him to do that." Mira explained.

"Oh," Lucy mumbled. "Wait, why can't Happy tell you what happened? He goes on all of Natsu's jobs with him."

Mira shook her head. "That wasn't always the case. It wasn't until after this mission that Natsu started taking Happy with him." She looked over at Natsu, who had sunk farther back into the shadows of his corner, probably wanting to hide from them. With this story being told to Lucy, she doubted the dragon slayer was happy. "I think having Happy with him is a safety mechanism for Natsu now."

Lucy looked down at the counter, eyes filled with sadness. Natsu was always so happy and full of cheer, no matter the situation. What could have possibly happened on one mission to make someone as happy as Natsu this detached for a whole month every year? "So it is because of all of that you guys think something happened on that one mission to make him act like this for a whole month every year?" She asked, not looking up from the counter.

"That is correct." Mira replied. "Now that I think about it, you just missed seeing him act like this when you joined."

Lucy looked up, looking thoughtful. Was it really almost the date of when she joined Fairy Tail?

"You met Natsu in Hargeon where you two dealt with Bora, right?" Mira asked.

Lucy nodded.

"Well, Krov gave that rumor to Natsu because he wanted to get Natsu's blood boiling again so he told him where "Salamander" was going to be to get him back on his feet and out of his depressed state." Mira smiled a bit. "Because when Natsu is searching for Igneel, despite missing his dad, he is never down for long and there is this certain spark in his eyes."

A smile graced Lucy's face at that. That was certainly true. Despite his father leaving him, Natsu was always excited when he got a lead or rumor about the dragons, and even when it turned out to be a dead end, his determination never wavered. He would look at them, eyes glinting with fierce resolve to never give up in his search. His unwavering determination was simply amazing. And to think his guild mates gave him leads to keep his spirit from staying low. It was really sweet to think about them giving Natsu leads to lift him from his depression.

"I'm back." Gray said.

Lucy looked him over to see him wearing his shirt, but no pants. She slapped her forehead while Mira laughed.

"Your pants, Gray." Mira said.

Gray looked down in shock. "How does this keep happening?" He screamed as he ran off in search of his pants.

"He's never going to grow out of that stripping habit, is he?" Lucy muttered before she twitched a bit as she felt a dark glare on her back. Against her better judgment, she looked over her shoulder to see Juvia glaring at her from behind a pillar. Sweat dropping, Lucy shifted her attention elsewhere. What did she have to do to make Juvia realize she was not a love rival?!

"I think it's entertaining." Mira laughed. "Lucy, if you still need money for rent, you are either going to have to solo a job or join another team."

"What?" Lucy asked confused. "I know it's likely Natsu isn't going anywhere with how he is right now, but I can still go with Gray and Erza, can't I?"

"Maybe if it is nearby or short, but Erza and Gray never stay long away from the guild around this time." Mira explained. She leaned in closer to whisper, but she wasn't sure if it was even enough considering just how good of hearing Natsu had. "They like to keep an eye on Natsu during this time; even when he disappears for some time, they stick around in case there is any news about Natsu coming in or if he returns early, which he never does. Though Gray will never admit he stays around during this month because of Natsu."

"Keep an eye on Natsu?" Lucy repeated softly, rolling that idea around in her head. Even that sounded completely absurd. It was hard to believe Natsu ever needing anyone to watch over him like that. Even when they dealt with Daphne and her fake dragon, once they got Natsu's blood boiling, they relied on him to take out the dragon. He was the one always there for all of his friends in Fairy Tail, and it wasn't often he needed saved. He usually managed to find a way out of the dangerous situations he got himself into.

*Gajeel*

Gajeel scoffed before finishing his drink in one gulp. So that was why Salamander was acting weird and not picking any fights for two weeks? He looked away from the bar counter to look over in Natsu's direction. What kind of idiot was he to let one job affect him this same month every year? Did he enjoy being depressed for a whole month so much?

What an idiot. He should just go punch the dense mage in the face. He missed out on so many good opportunities to smash Salamander's face into the ground because the idiot wanted to be all depressed over something that happened years ago.

*Lucy & Mira*

"Wait, don't Gray and Erza have to pay rent too?" Lucy asked.

"Didn't you realize those two took a lot more solo jobs last month?" Mira asked. "They do that the month before this month to raise enough money to pay their rent for this month and then they take small jobs here and there to pay for food or anything else they need. As I said, they don't like being away long during this time."

Lucy's head dropped down to the counter. "I see, so it's only me stuck with worrying about rent still. Why did no one warn me of this sooner?"

Mira gave a small smile. "Well, this can give you a good chance to see about working with another team to see what it is like. I suggest asking Levy. She was planning to take a job soon with her team. I'm sure they wouldn't mind helping you out."

Sighing, Lucy turned her head on the counter to get another look at Natsu and immediately her head shot off the counter. She looked around the guild frantically for the familiar pink hair. "Where'd he go?"

Mira blinked and looked at the corner with a sigh. "Oh dear, I see he's not lost that skill of his to sneak away when he wants to."

"Natsu doesn't know how to sneak." Lucy hissed. "Where'd he go?"

"This is what I was telling you about earlier. After moping around the guild for a couple weeks, Natsu disappears at some point and returns a few weeks later." Mira explained.

Lucy glanced back at her and was surprised to see such a sad look in her eyes. "What's wrong? You said this happens every year."

"It doesn't make it any easier just knowing the routine." Mira replied quietly. "And there is always this lingering fear that one year he won't come back from whatever he is doing."

"Come on, Mira." Lucy said, attempting to cheer her up with a small smile. "This is Natsu we are talking about. I may not understand the situation as much as you guys, but I believe in Natsu always returning to us. After all," She spun around on the stool and took in the guild, watching all her friends talk and fool around. She wouldn't be surprised if a brawl started soon. And as she thought that, a mug went flying across the hall and hit someone in the head, which led to that person punching the person next to him. Before anyone knew it, insults and fists were flying through the air. "This is his home."

A/N: Please Review!