Title: , Chapter 1

Rating: M…I think…

Timeline: AU…You'll find out sooner or later

Summary: Zack is dead. His funeral is now in the process. You might want to kill me for it later.

Disclaimer: 1st person Zack's POV. Later crossover

After the preacher spoke, Reno walked up to the stand.

"I'll miss Zack deeply," he said. "he gave me the best blow job."

Rude's mouth dropped open with shock.

"Oh, C'mon! I was drunk that night!" I said from behind the red-head. It was a waste of time since they couldn't hear me. Let alone see me.

Next, Vincent came up. I was quite surprised to be honest.

"I won't miss the guy. He wouldn't buy me a phone for my birthday."

"What the hell?! You're anti-fucking-social; you don't need a phone!"

Vincent stepped down and I sighed in relief, but it didn't take long before Aeris came up.

"I will miss Zack dearly. He promised to pay child support."

"What the fuck?! What part of 'That ain't my kid' did you not understand?"

I would have said more, but I was too bust grimacing over the next person to come up: Tifa.

"I'm not going to miss the bastard. He stole Cloud and his virginity from me."

To my surprise I had nothing to object to . I had to admit, I didn't think she would be so mad.

Cloud blushed furiously and I had to laugh.

"Zack was a great soldier, but I cannot forgive him for leaving Shinra," I heard Rufus say.

I was shocked, but it wasn't a complete surprise since he ordered his guys to kill me.

"So that's why I took his head while you all were outside!" He said with a huge smile as my head came into view.

My mouth dropped and I reached out for it (though I couldn't really get it), but Rufus ran down the stairs and out the door. I soon managed to recuperate; thank god.

"I'll miss Zack. He was like a father to me."

"Yuffie, you little bitch kidder. How could I be like a father to you if we only talked once?!"

She stepped down and Rude stepped up.

"I never really talked to Zack, but when I did I could tell that he was a great guy that love life.--"

"And stealing Cloud's virginity!" Tifa shouted.

"-I also realized that he love Cloud. I could tell by the way he talked and looked at him." Rude finished.

I was at a total loss for words. I sat down on my "box" and stared up at Rude.

"Did you really see all that?" I asked in a low voice.

Rude walked away and Cloud walked up. To be honest, I was afraid of what he would say. Though I judge that by what everyone outside of Rude and Tifa had said.

"Zack was a great guy. He made me happy and turned me emo."

"I did no such thing," I said, pouting.

"But I loved him more than anything and will miss him."

I smiled at Cloud. It made me realize that I didn't want to die yet. I didn't want a funeral, but it was too late for that to not happen.

"Don't forget that he took you virginity!" Tifa shouted once again.

I covered my face with my hand and groaned. Cloud rolled his eyes and jumped off the stage.

Next…SEPHIROTH!?

My mouth drooped open as the silver haired psychopath walked up to the stand.

"I am upset that Zack died. Mostly, because I wanted to kill him myself."

I stared at him.

"I wanted to kill him for calling my an uke!"

I laughed at that one, but now I was afraid of how they were going to react about the will.