This was in my head and would not leave so I had to let it out. I debated whether or not to publish it. But as I attended a funeral today for a good friend, I was reminded how short life it and how regrets add up. I want no more regrets in my life, no more "I should have." So here this is. I hope you like it. If not thanks for reading it anyway, if you did like it—please drop me a little note saying so. I have been a terrible reviewer in the past so I have no leg to stand on to ask you to review but I promise I am going to start sharing my praise and my joy much more now. CKD would want it that way because she spread joy where ever she went. Thank you!
Oh… yeah…the not owning Bones thing…do we really own anything on earth? Or are we just renting it for a little while. In any means…HH and the bunch at Fox have the rights, I myself have a dream…
Faith and Love
Booth carefully parks his black SUV in front of Saint Augustine's Catholic Church, being careful to angle the front tires towards the curb. It's years of experience in driving through snowstorms such as this one that have taught him this precaution. He does it in case someone hits his vehicle from behind it will not be pushed out in traffic.
He steals himself against the coming onslaught of blowing snow and sub-zero temperatures, wrapping his grey and black stripped scarf high around his neck and buttoning up his black wool coat he steps out of the vehicle. He bows his head against the driving snow and makes his way up the steep steps to his church.
He is immediately stuck with the rush of warm air as he pulls open the large carved wooden doors to the old church. The second thing he is hit it with is the familiar odors of burning candles and incense, these smells immediately provide Booth with a calming sensation. He knows that here he is safe and here he can find the peace that has been missing for most of his 36 years of life.
He removes his heavy overcoat and scarf, shaking them gently to remove snow that has covered them on his short walk from his SUV. Three nuns walk through the vestibule and into the cathedral in front of him, nodding in recognition of him. Booth has been attending this church since he settled in Washington DC. He walks over to the font and dips two fingers of his right hand in the holy water and blesses himself before entering the sanctuary.
As Booth walks down the aisle his dress shoes click on the Saltillo tile floor, echoing in the almost empty sanctuary with each step he takes. He spies the man he is here to see kneeling in the 2nd pew from the front on the right hand side, his head bowed in silent prayer. As Booth approached the pew he again makes the sign of the cross and does a partial lunge and bows his head in reverence then looks up at the eight foot crucifix hanging behind the alter. He sends up a silent prayer for clarity of mind and wisdom of experience.
Booth sits next to the man and waits for him to finish. He uses the time to compose his thoughts for the conversation to come. Booth hears a quite, "…Father, Son, and Holy Ghost Amen." the priest kneeling next to him completes his prayer and sits back, settling into the pew next to Booth.
"Still snowing out there?" the priest asks.
"It's coming down harder than ever." Booth replies.
The priest nods his head in understanding, "It's been quite the winter, and we thought the snow we had last year was bad. Is Parker here?"
Booth shakes his head, his smiling eyes saddening a bit. "No, he is with his mother in Canada for the holidays; he'll be back on the 3rd."
The priest's face saddens a bit as he looks the FBI agent in the eyes, "That's a shame; it must be hard to spend Christmas without him."
Booth nods in agreement, "It is hard, but we get to spend the whole week of Easter together this year because it coincides with his spring break, I am thinking of taking the week off and going to Hawaii."
"That will be a nice trip."
Booth turns and looks forward to the alter at the front of the sanctuary, "It should be, after the year we have had it will be nice to get away and be a family for a while."
"Family is important to you is it not Seeley?"
Booth leans forward, bowing his head, nodding, "Family is everything, I lost track of that for a while but I am finding my way back to what family really means."
"I have to admit Seeley I always hoped that you and Rebecca would be able to form a family unit." The priest confesses.
Booth turns and looks the priest in the eyes when he replies, "I did too for a while." Booth pauses for a moment before he continues to explain, "I grew up believing parents should be married. I know Rebecca thought the only reason I asked her to marry me was because of Parker, and that was a lot of it but not all. I truly loved her; part of me still does and always will. We will always share something priceless and will always have a deep connection but I understand now that that connection is not an unconditional love for one another but for Parker."
The priest nods in understanding and asks, "But you found a love like that with someone else correct, the pretty young reported you brought here a few times earlier this year?"
Booth winced, "I thought I did. I gave that love my whole attention; I loved her with everything I could. It just wasn't good enough. It wasn't enough because no matter how much I tried to love and wanted to love her for the rest of my life, it wasn't, I wasn't what she needed. And she couldn't be what I wanted. "
The priest's face softens when he asks, "What is it that you want exactly?"
Booth chortles, "I thought I knew exactly what I wanted, a home, a wife, the white-picket fence, the love that lasts 30, 40, 50 years. The thing was…everyone I wanted to share that with did not want it or did not want it with me. I have to be honest I found myself in quite a crisis of faith."
The priest looks surprised and is quick with his response, "Seeley, you know that even during hard times that God never left you. He will always be with you."
"No, Father. I never lost my faith in God, but rather in myself. I figured if I was not worthy of the love of these wonderful women that maybe there was something fundamentally wrong with me. I was terrified, scared to the core of the man I became. I became obsessed with a case involving a sniper I knew from the army, I was drinking too often, and I was close to starting gambling again."
"I am going state the obvious, number one you are here." The priest smiled "and number two, you keep using the past tense."
Booth smiles at the priest, a sly smile starting at the corner of his eyes that continues to grow as he speaks, "I guess I am. Well, I no longer seem to have the "issues" I once had. I have regained faith in myself. It started with the sniper case I mentioned. After a pretty long hard day, one where the bad guy got away, I was sitting having a conversation with my partner when the simplest thing was explained to me. In three little words my world changed. It's not the three you're probably thinking." Booth says in jest. "It was 'You are good'. I was thinking that my partner was comparing me and my choices in life with that of the killer we were hunting, when she told me. She said I was wrong because she thought in the simplest terms that he was bad and I was good. I was floored, my partner never spoke in absolutes and for her to declare that absolute out loud" Booth huffed out a laugh "It rocked me to my soul."
"That's the thing about her, "Booth continued, "She can do that to you and have no idea what she has done. She has no idea the impact she has on the world. She thinks she does. She knows she is brilliant, she knows she is beautiful. What she doesn't understand is she too is good. She brings out the best in everyone around her, I know she does me. I can truly be myself when I am with her, and when I am less than stellar, she calls me on it." Booth is full out grinning as he thinks of his partner.
"That sounds very special. You sound close" the priest said.
Booth smiles, "She is my partner, my best friend. I asked her before, once, I asked her to give us a chance and she turned me down." Booth's eyes sadden just a bit as the memory of that night outside the Hoover building comes back to him. "She turned me down, said she did not think she was capable of change, that she was not capable of that kind of love."
A gloved hand settles on his left shoulder, "It's a good thing, I am a quick study Booth, you not only gave me love but taught me how to give it in return."
Booth stood up and kissed her on her cheek, "Baby, I have not yet taught you all I know about love."
"Again, I am going to site my capacity for learning and say that I am eager to advance in this area of study. And don't call me Baby." Brennan chided him with a huge grin on her face.
The priest stands and holds his hand out to shake Brennan's and puts his other on Booth's shoulder and says, "Well...on that note I think it's best to start. Are you two sure you want to do this alone?"
Booth and Brennan, both nod. Brennan is the first to reply, "This is ours." And Booth finishes, "It's between us."
Brennan tells the priest, "We will celebrate this with everyone later tonight at a New Year's party that we all are attending".
Booth adds, grinning like the cat that ate the canary, "They'll never know what hit them—we plan on springing it on them at midnight."
The priest looks curious, "You mean no one knows?"
They both shake their heads. Bones says in her honest direct way, "They don't even know we have had sex yet."
Booth looks horrified, "Bones! Remember where you are."
The priest chuckles, "I hardly expected you two to be chaste Agent Booth."
"See Booth, even the priest here understands that sex out of wedlock in a normal practice in our society and not a concept that antiquated ideal systems would have you shunned."
The priest sees this as the perfect time to intervene before the couple get into an argument, "To save Seeley from you," he smiles at Brennan and then at Booth, "and from his delicate sensibilities, what do you two say we came here to do."
Booth and Brennan smile at him and nod.
Booth reaches down and takes Brennan's hand in his and says, "Let's do this thing, what do you say?"
"Booth—don't you remember, I already accepted your proposal—are you having memory loss?" Brennan asked, concerned.
"It's just a saying Bones, and yes I remember you saying yes to my proposal—I remember it talking you 7 minutes to explain why you were answering yes. Thanks to you I now know the anthropological reason for the marriage custom from several societies around the world. " Booth replies with a grin.
"Good then" said the priest, laughing "I won't have to start this off with my sermon on what a good marriage entails".
"Just cut to the good stuff would your Father?" Booth asks. He reaches down and takes but of Brennan's hands in his and kisses the knuckles on each hand.
"Very well"
The couple then listens as the priest comments on commitment and family, and the couple reply in the affirmative in the appropriate places, they bow their heads as the priest prays for them. All the time their eyes never leaving the others. Love flows in the shared look, they are so tuned to one another that they never hear the priest prompting them for their vows.
"Agent Booth!" the priest says forcefully. Finally breaking eye contact with Brennan, Booth turns to the priest looking rather surprised to see him there.
"Huh?" He responds turning back to look at Brennan.
"I said, you told me that you two had written your own vows". The priest responded, thinking to himself—they honestly wouldn't notice if I threw off my robes and danced a jig.
"Yes" Booth replies nodding, still staring into Brennan's eyes.
"Very well then, um… now would be the time" the priest prompts.
Booth thought he heard one of the nuns giggle.
"Right, yes, right." Booth stammers. He breaks eye contact with Brennan just long enough to look down at his feet and take a deep breath.
When he looks back into her eyes he sees them shimmer slightly with unshed tears.
"Bones, remember you once telling me that you find comfort in things that you can count on like the sun rising in the morning or sugar in your coffee making it sweet. I want you to now add me to that list. Add me because I am something you can count on, from today on you can count on me loving you, you can count on my faith in you , my faith in us. And you can count on the fact that until my last day on earth I will never leave you. I love you."
As a tear slides down her cheek, Brennan replies,"Booth, I know loving me is not easy. I know I am difficult and awkward. I also know that loving you is easy, just as trusting you is easy. I also know because I have faith in us, that you will never leave me as I will never leave you. I love you and I will continue to love you for the next 30, 40 even 50 years."
"Do you have rings?"
Booth and Brennan both nod, each pulling out the others ring from their pocket. As they exchange rings their eyes focus on one another. Booth massages Brennan's finger as he slides the ring on. Loving the feel of it on her hand.
Brennan did not originally want rings but Booth won that argument, when he convinced her it was not a form a branding her as a possession but rather to think of it as an anthropological marker indicating her marital status in society (Pops had helped him with that one).
Brennan takes her time sliding Booths ring on his finger, and despite her earlier protests, is very happy the Booth talked her into the ritual. Yes, she is very happy indeed. In fact as she looks down at his ring clad finger—a strange word occurs to her—MINE.
"Now that you have given and received rings, and made vows in front of God and these witnesses, I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may now kiss." The priest says finishing the ceremony.
Booth and Brennan with huge grins on their faces lean towards each other. "Wife," Booth whispers. "Husband," Brennan whispers back. As their lips touch a thunderous applause breaks out in the church.
The newlyweds turn, eyes wide with shock as they see all their family and friends gathered at the back of the church.