Rei Cooper: The Great Time Theft Chapter 1: Happy Birthday, a sly cooper fanfic

Rei Cooper: The Great Time Theft

Chapter 1: Happy Birthday (In the Space Time Continuum)

One week ago

(Gah! Forgot the disclaimer!

I own the idea of Rei Cooper, Bryce, and Murph. However, the idea of Sly Cooper and the Thievious Raccoonus nor do I own Henritta Cooper, Slytankamen the Second, nor do I gain any monetary value from it. The list may expand.)

A call came in on Michel Fox's phone, and he answered it without hesitation.
"Hello?" He said, still bouncing the ball against the wall in his office.
"There have been reports of raccoon sightings in west china. Sir... do you think it's her?" Said the Interpol officer on the other side.
"On my way." Michel said, grinning happily.
That was a few weeks ago. Michel Fox, AKA Michel Rechin, the fox inspector who has risen through the ranks by taking down every big name you can think of, searched for Rei Cooper, a notorious thief who was unfortunately unconscious at the time. Rei Cooper was well known for taking down Clock-la for the third and final time, and her story is perhaps the most tragic of the entire Cooper clan's history.
At the age of ten, Rei Cooper witnessed her parents' murder, and had been orphaned. It was also her birthday at the time. No one knew this, no one had even asked, and a week from this day, this very special day, was Rei Cooper's birthday. It is also when Rei traveled to the far past, recent past, and the near future.
But I'm fairly certain you want to hear about the birthday more right? No? Fine...

Now

Five seconds. I pressed a button hidden in the wraps on my arm to activate the small burners on my finger tips. A quick circle sliced through the window and I was in. Three seconds. No time to dally with lasers. I scanned the floor for the infrared sensors, looking for the dust particles that would float through the beam, revealing its location. I closed my hand, only just remembering that the burners were still active. Another press and they were off. Two seconds.
Five lasers, each horizontal and one foot apart. I ran toward it head on, diving through the lasers without setting off the alarm. This place wasn't the same system as many I had seen, where the lasers would fry you to a crisp the second they see you. Alright, I have five more seconds to get through that door, and downstairs before I'm caught. I reach into my bag to grab the lockpicks already stashed there. Slipping each tool into my palm, I picked the lock quickly. I have no seconds. I'm behind by a second even.
I notice that I'm standing next to a rail that should lead down to the next floor. That would make up the missing second. Without even thinking, I jump up, spin, point my toes, and land within the few seconds I had given myself. One second. I land carefully on the floor, kicking up very little dust. There it is. The gold statue of Ra, said by many that it was lost to time. No, this guy just wanted it to himself. It would be worth the time spent to upgrade my gear and sneak in to see his face when it went missing.
Seven lasers horizontal, arranged in the lines on the tile floor and six vertical forming a cage around it. Good, I wanted a challenge. I planted my hand in the center of the tile, doing several cartwheels -mostly for flair- over to the laser cage, standing on one hand, I pulled from my leg pouch a small bug, designed to deactivate to lasers by sending the main receiver a feedback loop, or something like that. I watched it crawl between the two beams, almost holding my breath. I was determined to have this job go better than the last few, and I had the scars to prove that will.
"Come on..." I whispered under my breath, hoping desperately not to be shot at this time.
A click signaled the lasers should be down. I activate the infrared mode in the mask hidden beneath the hood. All clear. I have a minute until a guard comes down here to investigate. I press the button to activate the burners again as I stand fully on the floor. I trace a circle several times until the glass melts away, and turn off the burners so as to not melt the statue of the tiny Sun God. The tiny figure had the head of a hawk and the body of some strange creature we had not ever encountered. It was said that it fell from space, and that it was not made of gold, but of some other material. The sun floated above the head, like some kind of giant crown. I reach for it with my left hand, feeling for pressure plates with my right. As my fingers brushed the gold, an involuntary shiver went through me. Months of planning coming to culmination at last! It felt so cold to the touch, and every molecule screamed to me.
'Save me!' It said.
And I obliged, gripping the torso of the figurine. I slid it out of the case, and into my bag, where I grabbed a small cartoon raccoon face, shaped like a football, but with blue on top and two points jutting up like ears. And two light blue eyes stared back, it was all propped up with a small paper stand behind it. A calling card, to clue in my two favorite InterPol agents as well to let the criminal owner of the statue know that he wasn't safe, and no amount of money or security will keep me from robbing him blind again. I began to leave, walking toward a vent that would only work one way, leading to the party downstairs. Or at least the bathroom which held a window. As the sweatshirt-like fabric folded in, it allowed me to move in, sliding along, almost like a penguin on its stomach.
After inhaling several pounds of dust, I thought I had made it to the bathroom. I had instead made it to the boardroom. Before leaping down, I checked the exit to see two people in the room, and from the looks of it, it was very vital to whatever they were doing. So I stayed put and waited.
"Avio, we can't stall any longer. If we do, we risk exposure and the plan will be ruined." Said the dressed up dog in a suit. I recognized him as the owner of the priceless statue in my bag. Mr. Vile.
From the other side of the room, a small bird answered. "No, when it is finished we shall end them all. We will not have anyone meddle. I have seen the future with my own eyes Mr. Vile. I know we shall succeed in killing the family line of that upstart." It seethed with condescension and hate.

"Who's family line I wonder."

I leaned in, fully immersed in their conversation.
"But, what if-"
"No buts! It willhappen." The sound of a motor was heard and a small perch with a bird sitting upon it rolled up. "But such things are too easily heard with walls with ears. Come, let us enjoy what is now."
With that they left, and I was left to wonder.

"I'd like to say the Cooper clan... but seriously, I destroyed the bird that went psycho and tried to kill me... I don't think I've earned any hatred outside of that..."

A sneeze was swelling up, some dust had found their way up my nose and I was now left sitting there, holding my breath and trying not to call attention to myself. Which I'm pretty sure is bad. I quickly pull my hood back up, and the metal mask concealed in the fabric rises to conceal my mouth and nose like a ninja. No time to be giddy about using it now, I have to leave. A rhino guard has just come in, it looks like he forgot something. Something like the keycard I stole from him a few hours before the party. I should leave before I actually-
"Ah-choo!" I sneeze, loud enough for the guard to look up and see my face through the bars. My sneezes have perfect timing.
He reaches for his gun through the suit jacket and I launch myself through the grates, as well as battle back my tongue as I want to scream at him for not saying 'bless you'.
Be serious Rei. Thousands of guards, all have guns, and they all know what you look like now. Serious stuff. Thieving is serious business. As my mind wanders off, I wonder how many video games I could buy on the black market with the money from this statue.
All too soon, I slam into the gate at the end of the vent, and into the wall beyond it. Dammit, they'll know I came in here now. So much for stealth. It was nice knowing me. I then notice the window, and I smile, clambering up from my position on the floor and flipping the window lock back to unlock the window and escape. I leap through the window on the fourth floor without even thinking, and the parachute activates over me, allowing for a safe glide to the street. I drift steadily toward the window of the next building, hands free to grab and pull myself back up onto the familiar rooftop view of Gansu Province, China.
"How'd the translation software work?" Asks a nervous voice in my ear.
"Like a charm." I reply back to Bryce, not thinking of the repercussions.
Silence replied. Ever since Jia died, and he figured out -I told him- Jia had a crush on Bryce, he's been studying Voodoo, wicca, and whatever else I can steal/buy/loan for him. My mind drifted back to the dark alleyway... and I was snapped back via gunshot.
"No time to talk!" I yell, diving onto the next rooftop.
"Only you could get caught in a foolproof plan." Bryce snapped.
"Your plan didn't include the fact they never dust the vents." I snipped back, leaping to the next rooftop as the sirens began to wail in the distance.
"I'm not the one who didn't put up the mask earlier."
"Oh can it Bryce," I replied, snatching out a hook-shaped knife from the pouch on my back. I snagged it on a wire hanging between two buildings and lowered myself to the nearest window. "You need to get out more. I'm starting to worry that the cheeto dust on you will eventually turn into a real stain." Bryce was currently holed up in an apartment far away, speaking to me through an earwig.
There was long strangled cry from where I had just run from. It was like someone was angry, but it held a finality to it, like it was the last breath they would ever draw. Like my parent's cries as they went down, each emitting a final sigh, and leaving this plane. Only Kenji and I remember the outcome, which set us on careening paths, each set to the other way. Kenji is the 'upstanding citizen' of my family, ironic since I come from a line of thieves that have been around since the ancient egyptian times. It had to come sometime, but I guess now works too. Since Kenji knows all the laws that we break -he's trying to get in law school- we usually try to give him an example of breaking it when he has trouble with any such law. Typically to help him understand exactly what each law entails.
Its not that I don't love my brother, he's just had issues due to some mental imbalance. Naturally the only reason Harvard wouldn't take him was due to him currently being inside of an asylum in America. And he's not going to be accepted anytime soon either. At best he could be a paralegal. Also, I can't visit him due to my favorite cop, Michel Fox, having a sudden, personal interest in my brother's case. So we send him little videotapes when we can, trying to keep him in the loop minus actually getting in trouble with the law.
"That's physically impossible for dust to become a stain. It would mean fusing to your shirt." Bryce retaliated, and I could hear him move to brush something off. Cheeto dust perhaps?
"What about the woman who got fused to her couch?"
"You lie."
"I looked that up."
"Did not!"
"Fine, I had Murph look it up."
"Do you ever shut up? We heard you from all the way over at Mr. Vile's place." With that I was staring down the barrel of -a well cleaned- shock pistol.
"Occasionally." I replied, hands up and checking for ways out. "I do tend to do so when a guns shoved into my face."
"Not even then raccoon." Said the fluffy white fox holding said pistol in front of my face. I could go back, but no doubt that's the easy way out, and she's anticipated that... probably. Time to do the stupid thing.
"It was nice seeing you!" I yell and hold my hand over my right eyebrow in a mock salute. "Maybe we could chat later." I quickly ran back the way I came, making it look like I was going down to the street to lose her. She quickly followed after and I vaulted over her, snatching a shiny object in her back pocket, back arced and landing on my hands to transition into a roll. "You know, over coffee or something." With that I ran back toward the roof behind me. "Say Ní Hao to Michel Fox for me!" I yelled over my shoulder as she began to register I had just leapt over her, gun and all.
"Wait! You're under arrest?" She asked/commanded.
"No thanks! I've got a statue to deliver!" I yelled back, already ducking into the nearby building's stairway. By now I had hoped she had turned around to chase me. Its been a while since I've had a good chase.
I took the fun way, the railing, gliding along with the help of gravity and watching as the InterPol agent crashed in and watched as I vanished with a silly face on.
"Get back here!" She screamed at the top of the stairs, out of breath and out of patience. I guess they train them to hop across rooftops like ninjas now.
"Sorry! Busy! But if you wanna catch me, you gotta be faster!"I yelled back to her, it wouldn't be fun to lose her just yet. That was when I realized I had stolen her badge when I had leapt over her.
"Fayth Alli huh? She can't be here alone... I've always known cops to move in pairs." And due to my lack of attention I slammed into the wall. "Dammit Rei!" I cursed myself. "This ADHD is gonna kill me one of these days."
"Or maybe get you arrested, Rei Cooper." And there he was, Michel Fox, my favorite InerPol agent.
"Its about time. I've robbed enough rich people's private homes. But you've surely noticed the fact that they were stolen long before I put them back where they belong?" With that, I sprung up, kissed him on the cheek to see his face afterward, and jumped over the rail of the spiral staircase all with a small wink.
I let myself freefall until he peeked his Fox face over the edge and that's when I launched my bungee line past his face, where it connected to the wall behind him and I slid to a slow stop. I gently touched down, closed the hooks on the wire so it slid back into the wraps of my left wrist.
"You like my new gear?" I yelled up to the now steaming mad InterPol agent.
He yelled some very unflattering things back at me. He's kinda cute when he's mad. I disappear into the crowd, and he rushes out of the building, shaking his fist in the air like a cartoon character on one of those saturday morning cartoons. I smile to myself as I look up to see Gansu Provincial Museum looming in front of me. Sweet, sweet victory. And also, happy birthday to me.

*~TheBlueRacoon~*

I swing in through the window, which has been left open for me, and I lower my mask and hood. I shut and lock the window, and walk inside. I leap onto the couch provided, and relax, knowing that I have at least a brief moment before chaos and theft would begin again. Well, at least someone finally picked up on all the clues I had been leaving.
Ahh. Maybe Bryce and I could take a vacation. Gansu is getting boring now. I hear Paris is nice this time of year. I allow myself to relax, and my eyes slam shut.
I was floating in space, safe and drifting along. Scenes are playing in front of my face, my house on fire, Ceyla snapping my parent's necks, and the day I killed Clock-la. You might qualify this as a nightmare right now, but this is normal for me. However, another me came flying out of nowhere -literally- and grabbed my shoulders.
"Do not under any circumstances, killanyone. If you do, everything will be messed up so bad..." She shuddered, "That the time stream cannot be repaired. Don't over-think this, just relax and wake up! Wake up, Rei!"
I snapped to an upright position, grabbing Bryce's neck in defense. "Dammit," I muttered crossly at myself for nearly killing him. Let's just say, I've been busy trying to learn self-defense from a sketchy Southern Mantis style teacher. What can I say, I'm sick of my being able to defend myself. And being kidnapped. Those are on my list.

"Bryce, do not wake me after a job unless you have a death wish."
The poor grungy, starved, mouse replied, "We need to head back to Washington."
"Okay." I rubbed my eyes and stretched. "You get the tickets?"
"Yes, as soon as I got the e-mail from Murph."
"How long will it take till takeoff?"
"Twelve hours."
Not quick enough. "How much we have on hand?"
"Five thousand."
And I grinned. It would be enough. "Let's go get our own flight."

*~TheBlueRacoon~*

At last the rickety old plane landed, and we all wobbled out, weary and woozy from the turbulence. But hey, if we hadn't taken the first plane that would take us, then something would probably be very wrong in Murphtown. Not that we were actually going to a town called Murphtown, we went to D.C.
Yeah yeah Bryce I'm getting there, I'm trying to do some decent exposition! Fine, fine. A short car trip later, and we had reached a -and before I say this you might wanna keep your mind open- old abandoned coffee shop. And the forgotten sign hanging over the doorway proclaimed this as 'Herbs Teas and Fleas'. I keep saying we should move to Paris or somewhere better and cooler, but Bryce doesn't want to move some old crummy project of his.
Little did I know, I was about to get caught up in that project. Big time. Literally.
"So what did Murph say was wrong?" I asked as we exited the cab. I was wearing a sweatshirt and slacks to avoid attention. Plus, I kept the wraps from my thief outfit tucked away in the bag slung over my shoulder.
"Not much. Just a garbled message and an explosion. I would say it was from here, but everything's still standing." And a quick glance told me no traps went off while we were traveling. And the front door was still open.
Now, open front doors normally signal death, robbery, or something bad is going to happen -especially on TV. But, we left it open as a sign that everything was okay. It was also rigged to a dozen booby traps, all of which close the door when activated. And another would remove the planks from the windows and turn the name into 'Teas, Fleas, and Herbs' it's the subtle things that people never notice on the street. I usually take an effort to notice these things now, since they usually mean a difference between a goodthief and a squashedthief. I once noticed that a guy had been picking his nose on a certain street at five 'o clock AM every day in an attempt to hide the vulgar habit.
"Well, if its not here, then... where was he transmitting from? If he-"
I was interrupted by a flying hippo hug. Patent pending.
"You're back! I'msohappyIcan'tbelieveyou'redonesofast!" I was gasping for air, a 'side-effect' of Murph's bear hugs. Bryce was slowly backing away, self-preservation and adrenaline at its peak.
At last Murph released his grip and I managed to wheeze and cough some air back into my lungs. Meanwhile, Murph had Bryce in his grasp. Even the strongest man in the world's punch would have had me less winded. "Looks like somebody's all right..."
"Why wouldn't I be?" Murph asked, innocent and naive as usual. "Did you guys get a transmission or something like that from me? 'Cuz I never sent one out."
"Eeessss..." Bryce wheezed from between Murph's mountains of muscles. Strange that an artist can be so strong.
"Oh. Sorry." Murph gently placed Bryce back on the concrete. But Bryce was still formed to the contours of the hug. His back was arched and his arms were splayed out in a spectacular, if not, melodramatic fashion.
"Oh get over it Bryce, I got one too and I'm still standing. Well, almost. I think I cracked a rib or two when he hugged me." I joked.
It didn't go over so well.
"Rei! You've only been awake for barely even two weeks!" Bryce panicked, now running over to check for injuries. "Your ribs have only just healed from the beating you took from Clock-la!"
"Hey hey. Listen, I'm fine. No problems here!" I waved Bryce off.

"Although, I'm still aching from that hug. Its nothing though, I've been hurt a lot worse than this before."

"Still, I think we should go inside and check up on it." I still think its because he wanted to check up his project.
"Fine." I relented and I stepped forward, punching the well hidden button next to the open door while avoiding the tense brittle wires surrounding it. All at once, the wires relaxed, the traps disabled. I walked inside, pushing the door in to see the abandoned interior, the herbs had long since rotted, making the sweet smell sour. "Are you sure we can't move? It smells like rotten egg salad in here." "There's no 'salad' part in egg salad." Bryce countered.
But we'll skip the rest of this conversation due to a need to get to the point. I quickly pressed another button under the counter, apparently the previous owner was more paranoid than we were and had a trapdoor behind the counter. We guessed that it was for holding money or valuables, seeing how it was safe-sized, and several pennies had been found pressed against the lining, so we assumed that we were correct in guessing so. We quickly dug it out, and made a sort of cave -we also hit a hidden cave system, we're not that strong or patient- and set ourselves up here. Murph is the main user nowadays, but Bryce usually comes down there with his weird tools and spends hours down there, when he wasn't patching me up or in China. But, he kept muttering about something that I could never quite make out.
"Ah. Home sweet Lair." I felt the echo reverberate around the cave that we hadn't quite finished exploring yet. "That's really creepy."

"Can we get on with this already!" Screamed a voice from deep in the depths of the cave.

"What. Was. THAT." I half whispered, half yelled to Bryce and Murph, both of whom were now coming down the stairs now, and I tried to signal that something was wrong. "I take barely even a few days off, blue sparkles appear, someone hires me for the little statuette, and nowoh now I get attacked in my own lair. Come out and don't even think about one of those stupid little darts! I'm so sickof those!" Of course, as I was saying this, I had clicked the strap off, and started to wrap my arms in the blue bandages specially made to prevent me from injuring myself. "Why do you think I wear baggy clothes?"
I heard an echo like 'stupid wibbly wobby timey wimey crap...'
"Stop talking to yourself and come out before I get irritated." I growled at the disembodied voice.
"Okay, you're not gonna find this much help right now, but..." My eye twitched.

"That voice sounds... a little familiar."

"Listen. Come out or I'll come get you out." I replied, cracking my knuckles and generally looking awesome.

"I sound awesome!"

"Okay listen, I'm coming out! Do not do anything I would do!" Replied the disembodied voice.
But instead of surrendering, I was forcibly shoved into the box in front of me, falling into a hollow area and slamming into the back of it.

"Ow..."

I heard a chirp and a shadow was in front of some panel which illuminated the figure's gloves.
"What are you-?" I barely asked before it felt like someone had grabbed my hood and yanked me backwards.
And suddenly I landed -roughly- on a sandy hill.

"Cute, Bryce built a teleporter."

I stood up to get my bearings, only to discover a long and dry desert in front of me. It was so hot just standing there that I felt like I was going to be cooked alive before I even took five steps.
Please insert expletive of your choice here.

*~TheBlueRacoon~*

Karyra: Whew. The ending sucks, but I really wanted some wibbley wobbly timey wimey. (Kudos to those who get the reference.)
Rei: When did I become so awesome?
Karyra: You get to be awesome for one chapter.
Michel: If she's time hopping do I...?
Karyra: Not unless wibbley wobbly timey wimey is involved. Now stop pouting!

As usual please review below!

Rei Cooper: The Great Time Theft

Chapter 1: Happy Birthday (In the Space Time Continuum)

One week ago

Now

"Who's family line I wonder."

"I'd like to say the Cooper clan... but seriously, I destroyed the bird that went psycho and tried to kill me... I don't think I've earned any hatred outside of that..."

*~TheBlueRacoon~*

"Although, I'm still aching from that hug. Its nothing though, I've been hurt a lot worse than this before."

"Can we get on with this already!" Screamed a voice from deep in the depths of the cave.

"That voice sounds... a little familiar."

"Listen. Come out or I'll come get you out." I replied, cracking my knuckles and generally looking awesome.

"I sound awesome!"

"Ow..."

"Cute, Bryce built a teleporter."

*~TheBlueRacoon~*

As usual please review below!