Dirge: Happy Thanksgiving to all! This is my holiday story, just like I promised on my Bulletin! Wow, a non-OC story! GASP! Anyway, I'm here escaping from the pounds of turkey and mashed potatoes that my Nana is trying to smother me with. I swear, that is ONE lady who DOES NOT understand the words I'm Full. There is nothing that I am more thankful for than you all, my loyal reviewers and small following I may have! May you all be blessed with much joyous feelings and... happy... stuff...
Disclaimer: Why are you reading this disclaimer? This story is in the fanfiction center, so of COURSE I don't own this! I am NOT Jhonen, but if I was... *shudders* Oooh, that's scary to think about. But to those who are stupid enough to think I own anyone here, THINK AGAIN! I OWN NO ONE! NO ONE, I SAY! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!!!

Pepito growled menacingly at the paper before him. It was Creative Writing, the class Mr. Elliot taught, and he was making them all write what they were supposed to be thankful for! He wondered if the teacher would be mad if he blew up the paper, along with the desk and, probably, the rest of the class. But then again, his only friend was there, and he didn't really want Todd to be blown up, even though the boy was so obviously terrified of the Anti-Christ.

Tak, behind him, also wondered what to write. Well... What is there to be thankful for? she wondered. My SIR unit is trash now, no thanks to Zim, my plan to take over the Earth failed miserably, Zim destroyed my life, and that fat kid over there won't stop staring at my chest. She put her head on her desk. STOOPID human holiday.

Zim seemed to have lots to be thankful for. His pencil was moving non-stop, and he had filled up two pages already. Dib had written one thing, and left it at that. (Zim is writing 'My Mission' over and over)

And Keef, of course, was delighted in this assignment. He had filled up twenty-four pages in a matter of minutes. Everyone watching wondered how that was possible.

Gaz wrote down "Vampire Piggies" and "Pizza", then took out her Gameslave and began to play.

Todd Casil was staring at his paper in dismay. What was there to be thankful for in his life? Well, the scary neighbor man had moved away, but that was it, wasn't it? No, his parents were something to be thankful for... They loved him, right? They didn't mean it when they told him to get run over by a semi-truck.

"Okay, class!" Mr. Elliot said in his overly happy voice. "Time's up!"

Both Gaz and Pepito were now wanting to blow his overly-happy blond head off.

"Now, there's a second part to this assignment!" Mr. Elliot said, ignoring the groans. "You all have to read your papers to the class! Isn't that great, class? Huh? Huh?"

"Shut up." Tak mumbled.

"Oooh! Oooh! I'll go, Mr. Elliot! I'll go!" It was, of course, Keef.

"Sure!" Mr. Elliot pumped a fist and Keef ran up to the front of the class.

"Okay!" Keef started. "I'm thankful for my family, my dog, my two bestest friends Zim and Dib..." A shudder from the said 'Friends', "And I'm also thankful for-"

An hour and a half later, he was done.

"Okay!" Mr. Elliot high-fived Keef. "Tak! Yoooou're NEXT!"

"Oh holy Irk..." Tak sighed and walked up to the front of the class. "I'm thankful for my... family... and my...uh...cat?"

"Good job!" Mr. Elliot put up a hand for her to highfive, which she pointedly ignored.

"Gaz!"

Gaz groaned and walked up. "I'm thankful for Gameslaves and pizza. That's it."

"Not your family?"

"Never." She walked back to her seat, where she resumed her game.

"Todd! Come up here!"

Todd made his signature squee noise. Mr. Elliot was scaaaary.

"I'm thankful for my parents and... um..." Todd trailed off. "I'm done."

Pepito snorted. Giving thanks to his parents. He guessed the poor boy had to do that, because otherwise, he wouldn't have anything to be thankful for.

"Good job!" Mr. Elliot patted Todd on the back, which made a long 'squee' noise escape his ten-year-old lips. "Pepito!"

"I pass, por favor."

"OoooKAY!"

"What? You can pass?"

"Frick you!"

"I didn't know you could pass!"

"Why, God, why?"

"I hate you! GO BURN IN HECK!"

"Heck is a place for people who don't believe in Gosh! But I agree!"

"I think that I am going to kill myself."

Mr. Elliot, ignoring the angry comments, or just not processing them, called up Zim. Instead of going up to the front of the class, he stood up on his desk and started to yell.

Typical was the word that ran through three minds, the people that had known him the longest. Pepito looked weirded out, and Todd seemed like he was on the verge of a panic attack.

"I, the AMAAAAZING Zim, am thankful for my AMAZING brain, my ADVANCED SIR- I mean, dog- and my mission. And Tak." He said the last word rather quietly, and only the people sitting near Zim could hear him. Tak's eyes widened, and Pepito snickered.

"Looks like someone has a boyfriend." he taunted.

"Sh-shut up." she stammered, turning red. She would have to remember to kill him later.

"Dib?"

"I'm not really thankful for anything besides my computer." Dib frowned. "I mean, no one believes me that Zim is an alien! NO ONE! And it is SO obvious! He has no ears! NO EARS!"

"Zim TOLD you he has a skin condition!" Zim yelled.

"Yeah, Dib, stop picking on people because they look different than you." Brian said.

"Aw, come ON!" Dib promptly slammed his head into his desk, violently and repeatedly.

Todd ducked as a random can was chucked at his head.

"Now, now kids!" Mr. Elliot scolded "We all have to get along and be FRIENDS! Aren't friends great? Friends are amazing, and you can NEVER get enough of them! Remember that one song?" He clasped his hands together and began to sing. "Make new friends, and keep the o-old, one is silver and the other's-"

"Your voice is annoying me." Pepito said in a monotone voice. He zapped him, and the blond teacher fell to the ground, writhing in a pool of his melted flesh.

"EEEEEEEK!" Todd turned pale, jumped up, and ran out of the classroom. The students looked at one another and then at their dying teacher.

"I... guess this means that schools out." Zita said, standing up. The students filed out of the classroom, some jumping out the window, and Gaz kicked the skeleton of the teacher before walking out.

Meanwhile, several Chinese children looked at a small screaming boy running past them.

"Those Americans are so weird." one said, and her friends nodded.

---uploaded Thanksgiving, November 26, 2009, 10:44 pm---