Standard Disclaimer: TMNT Is © of whoever owns it. 4Kids currently I think. This story draws from both the classic 80's Turtles, both cartoon and movie format, and has or may/will contain material related to the 2003 version. Please enjoy.

June 19, 2003

Manhattan. Home of apple pie, tall buildings, and a rather large mass transit system. Subways are not just locations to get a good sandwich and chips, but the best way to get from point A to point B without a car. Of course, the place is also home to some social miscreants and oddballs. We get to see their kind more than others in the city you see. All in all, it's not a bad place. Most of the wildlife hangs out at parks... or Rock concerts, depending on who you ask.

It's also home to New York style pizza; real NY style pizza, not that fake stuff you get elsewhere. Yeah, a nice deep dish pizza, smothered in cheese and anchovies? That's what America's all about. Mmm. It's a pretty good life, eat pizza, train at martial arts, kick ninja butt.

Eh? Oh yeah. I'm a ninja. Ninjas are still cool right? It wasn't just some passing fad in the 80's wasn't it? Well, forget Mr. Miyagi, my brothers and I are a pretty sweet group. We were trained by our Master, who learned from one of the best. We call him "Splinter," but we should really be calling him "father", since he raised my brothers and I. He's like a father too. He's always been there for us, and he always seems to know what to say and do... even when we don't like it. Mostly, I enjoy the martial arts lessons, but now and then, it gets a little 'old'. Kicking butt never does though... He says we're too eager to fight but with Shredder running around all the time? Someone has to stop him.

Shredder's an oversized sardine can with an attitude. Actually he's a punk who tried to destroy Splinter's master years ago. There's been a lot of tension between them, but you know how there's the Mafia and underground crime rings? Well, there's more of the same in ninja clans. Shred-head happens to be in control of the Foot Clan, and every time they cause trouble, we're always there to stop it.

Sometimes we wind up on the 6 o' clock news. Kinda hard not coming across like monsters the way we fight, but then again, having a friend like April sure helps. Who's that? Well, she's easily Channel 5's sexiest news reporter. Sure, she was a bit repulsed by us when we met, but hey... saving someone's life kinda gets you on their good side.

She's smart, funny, cheerful, optimistic, sexy and she's shelled out the cash for more than a few good pizzas. I don't think there's another girl like her in all of New York. Certainly not Manhattan, and maybe not even in Rhode Island. And... she's also out of my league. Any girl would be, but April? She's special...

She deserves someone who isn't so... green. No, I don't mean that as... well... I don't mean I'm inexperienced, come on... er... envious at least. I'm... green. Well? Well... not like I had a chance with her anyway. If she is with anyone, it's hanging on the arm of that ra-- guy Casey Jones.

Casey's kind of like us... a vigilante who fights crime. He just does it while wearing a hockey mask and swinging a baseball bat, or golf club, or whatever other piece of sports equipment he can get his hands on. But more importantly? He's tall, good looking, he's got hair, abs, he's older than us... and he's... human. That right there improves his chances 210.

So where does that leave me? Well, I'm a teenager with a love hangover that won't quit. Sure, the guys might be content to show off and flirt with her knowing nothing will ever come of it. But me? Nah... April O'Niel... She's the only reason I sometimes don't want to be a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle.

That's right, turtle. I'm a turtle, and a teenager. Gee, that bout of acne you had two months ago sure looks like a minor annoyance and really normal now doesn't it? Normal... I like that word, but I just can't seem to picture it. What is normal anyway?

Well, if you're me, I guess normal would mean living under a heat lamp munching lettuce for the rest of my life. I did start life as a regular turtle, just so you know. So how did I go from that to... this? Well, getting dumped in some glowing green mutogenic slime works. It changed me and my brothers into something... well, not really turtle, but not really human either. I mean, I still have a shell, and green skin, and no hair. On the other hand, I have feelings, thoughts, emotions, real as any human. Better yet, I'm a teenager!

I would give it all up though, for a chance... a chance to be human... if I thought it would make April smile.

It's crazy, I know it is. I'd like to talk with the guys about it, but they'd just laugh at me. Master Splinter? I know he would give me some sage, mystic advice that would leave my head spinning and maybe in a few years I'd feel better about it...but I'd like to do something about it.. now.

She doesn't shy away from us when she sees us anymore, and that's good. Still, no matter how much she relaxes around us, there's something in her eyes. It says... "I know you, but I don't know you." We're different, alien to her. Just a twinkle in her eye that tells her that we're not human... a reality check, lest she ever really fall for one of us. And you know what? We have that too.

We're constantly reminded, by everyone around us, that we're deviations from the norm. Picking up pizzas at odd locations, wearing trench coats and Richard Nixon masks gets an odd look from anyone, but the horrible shrieks without it? Doesn't seem like it matters how many times we save the city, we're still outcasts.

Being a ninja outcast? I think I could take it. Being a teenage outcast? Who isn't? But the combination ninja-teen-turtle-outcast? It's getting to be more than I can take. Well, I better get back to the pizza party, they'll be wondering what's gotten into me if I turn down another slice.

-Troubled TMNT