"He said he went with Ruby because he wanted to get away from me. That I smother him." Dean said and took a drink from one of the glasses of whisky that he had poured for himself and Bobby. "Does that mean that Dad ditched me because I was smothering him too?" Dean asked after a minute. Bobby was startled by the childlike quality to Dean's voice. "I mean, Sam, well, I raised Sam. I thought…well I thought lots of things…but a demon over me? Because….she was more…what? Fun? Less smothering? I didn't realize…."
"Dean." Dean looked up at the older man. "Dean. He didn't tell you that he left you because you were a horrible person or a bad hunter…"
"No. But there were so many times when he was out with Ruby that I needed him. Bobby, this past year has been so hard for me."
"Been hard for your brother too."
"He hasn't had to deal with the…"
"Atrocities of hell?"
"Right." Dean said and took a sip of the liquid.
"Yeah, son, he really kinda did."
"I seriously doubt that." Dean said with a glare. "He was too busy drinking hell bitch blood and trying to get away from me, because I make him feel weak, I make him feel like a little brother."
"Well, you treat him like one."
"He acts like one!"
"Because you don't give him the chance to grow!"
"But, I need…"
"You need him to be the little brother?"
"Yeah, I need someone to look up to me, to love me unconditionally, to want to be around me. Little brothers do that. This new Sam….This adult Sam. He doesn't even like me much less love or want me around." Dean took another drink. "Makes sense. No one else likes me either. Whatever. Enough whining in my beer. How are you feelin' Bobby?"
"No you don't Dean. You don't get to go and change the subject."
"Bobby…"
"Now you listen to me boy. You are plenty liked and plenty loved. When you were gone Sam and I…"
"Moved on." Dean said simply and without bite. "You and Sam moved on. Sam became a better hunter, and you continued to live your life, as you should. No one really missed ME while I was downstairs." Bobby was shocked by this line of thinking. The boy really didn't understand. "You guys missed the idea of me. Sam felt guilty, felt like he should do something because well…I'm his brother…I'm his blood. Whatever. And you, well, Bobby I'm nothing to you. No relation, no nothing. People get along just fine when I'm not around. It was obvious."
"You really think that boy?"
"Yeah, I pretty much do Bobby. Because when I came back from the pit, there wasn't one shread of anything that showed me anyone missed me. Sam put an Ipod in my car, was hunting, found himself a new partner even, and well, whatever. It's not important. I should have seen it coming."
"You need to get over yourself boy. We had to move on. There was nothing we could do. We tried everything we knew. Pulled in every favor between the two of us. We tried Dean. But we had to move on."
"I'm here. I've been here for a year Bobby." Dean said quietly. "And he left me. He kept going off with her. Kept leaving me. Even when he knew I needed him." Dean snorted and put the drink back down on the table. "I guess old Yellow Eyes was right. He said that I needed him and Dad more than they ever needed me. He was right. Just wish I would have listened."
"You need to get your head out of your ass boy. Just simply. Get it the hell out. You need to get off of the pity pot, you need to suck it up and move on, treat your brother like an adult, and build a new relationship with him. Quit your whining."
The last sentence echoed in his day dreams. Dean shook himself, sat up and looked over at his brother. He needed to talk to Bobby. Bobby would give him a fast kick in the ass and make him realize that everything Sam said was true and it was right, and he just needed to deal with it and move on. Yes. He needed to see Bobby.