Do Not Disturb

by sandy2x400

You want your night to be special, but it is hard with his perfection. Loe.

Warning: Sensitive Topic.

How is Love Defined?

"Do Not Disturb"

He wanted to wait until we were married to do it. I'm just too self conscious to care about it.

I see Joe, and I wonder why he's with me. I'm not exactly a supermodel and I know that. I know I have redeeming qualities and I know I have serious flaws. I like my hair and my lips. My breasts are too small though and I have a nonexistent butt. My eyes are blue, but so are every other blonde's. I'm too short. My hands are too small. My feet are cool though, especially in a great pair of Converses. My legs have some scars from skating, but at least they're fit. I'm not super skinny either. I get pimples in the weirdest places and my breath smell really bad in the morning. I bite my nails too much and my nose is odd.

So, with so many flaws and not enough good things, why would I want to sleep with anyone, much less Joe fucking Jonas?

He's perfect, but you knew that already. He doesn't have to worry about stuff like I do. His hair is naturally awesome, and his lips superb (Trust me on that one). He doesn't have to worry about size, like I have to with my breasts and butt (You've seen him in tight pants). His eyes are the perfect brown with green, unlike anyone else's I've ever seen. He's taller than any of his brothers. His hands are just fine. His legs and thigh are quite muscular, and have no freak scars. He's the perfect weight. He hardly gets any acne, and his breath smells like fucking cinnamon. He never bites his nails and his nose is perfect.

So, with so many great things and hardly any bad, why would he sleep with the likes of me?

To make a long story short, sex wasn't an issue in our relationship. He was perfect and wanted to wait 'till marriage. I was too shy and bashful to care. But here's my problem: I'm twenty years old and he's twenty-two and we're both virgins. No one believes us, of course. Somewhere I guess it's an unwritten rule that if you're over twenty and have been with someone for more than two years, you're having sex. Everyone just assumes, even though he's perfect and wears a purity ring.

We let them, because we know we're not.

See here's the thing: I don't actually mind being a virgin. I guess it's a 'You've never done it, so you don't miss it' thing, but I really don't care. I sometimes wonder about it. Sex. I know the basics obviously, but it seems a little played out for me. And I know Joe doesn't mind being a virgin. I think. I mean he is a guy and he's never had sex. That must suck, but like I said he's perfect!

So, now I guess you're wondering why, if neither Joe nor I mind being virgins, why is it a problem of we don't care what people say? Because it's our wedding night. Tonight.

And we're both virgins.

My heart is beating too fast and I feel so faint, I think I'm gonna die. Or puke. I'm scared and vulnerable. I'm also locked in the hotel bathroom. Tonight, we're staying at The Plaza in New York City, and then we're leaving for the Bahamas tomorrow for two weeks. Officially, our honeymoon starts tomorrow. So, why do we have to have sex tonight?

I really don't want to do this tonight. Don't get me wrong! I love Joe. So much. With all my heart. Trust me! And I want him, even in that way. He makes me feel things sometimes that leave me breathless. Plus, he's a freaking entertainer so he's dripping with sex appeal. It's me that makes me not want this.

I'm scared I'm not good enough for him. I'm scared he'll be disgusted with me. I'm scared he'll be disappointed with me.

I know, I know. He married you, so that means he loves you! I don't doubt that! Joe is a loving human being. He loves everyone and has such a caring heart. I know he loves me as much as I love him. That's not what I'm worried about. I'm worried about pleasing him sexually. I'm worried about me.

Suddenly, a soft knock comes from the door and I look up wordlessly at it before unlocking it and opening it from the floor. I see my new husband wearing a bright smile, already out of his tux and into a pair of sweats and random tight shirt he packed. His shaggy hair was in his eyes and he never looked better. That only made me sadder.

He came to me, laughing slightly. "Why are you on the floor? You do realize you're wearing white and it can get dirty right?" he asks, as he sits next to me. I don't answer, but hide my head in my arms. He laughs again, and pulls me into an embrace. "And what is Lillian Roslyn Jonas thinking about?" the new name made me smile and look up at him. He gave me the same bright smile, brushing my hair softly. "You look so beautiful today." He whispered.

I blush and look down. He laughs his soft pure laugh again. "It's so cliché saying the bride never looked any prettier than their wedding day, but it's true. You look absolutely amazing, Ms. Jonas." He said, smiling at the end very happily. I laugh and roll my eyes, still looking at my white dress.

Suddenly, his lips are on mine for two seconds, before he pulls away. "So, what is my lovely wife thinking of?" he asked again, pushing my chin up. He frowned, and I realize he notices the tears in my eyes. His face grows alert and serious. I laugh out loud noisily.

"Please don't ever make that face again." I try to say sternly. He rolled his eyes, before looking at me seriously. And, I mean seriously. I try to smile for his benefit, but both he and I know it's fake.

"What's wrong?" he asks, his eyes searching powerfully into mine. I blush again and look down, but he just push my chin up again. I see his eyes and I recognize hurt in them. Why is he hurt? I think my face went pale, because suddenly he was more concerned. "Lily?" he asked slightly terrified, unintentionally comically.

I laugh again. "You're such a dork, Joe Jonas." He loosens up slightly, and glared at me. Softy, he nudged me with his hand. Suddenly, my eyes are glued to his left hand, of which used to hold a ring and now holds an entirely different one. I think he catches on now, and bits his lip.

"We don't have to do anything tonight, Lils." He whispers, holding me close to him. I don't know why but I start to cry in his chest. He holds me tightly, confused but not saying a word, brushing my hair softly. He kisses the top of my head tenderly. "Shh, baby. I know you're scared. So am I." he confessed, whispering in my ear. I shiver and look at him incredulously, through my tears.

"You're scared?" I asked, the unbelief clear in my voice. He looked at me weird.

"Yeah." He said awkwardly, shrugging slightly. I looked at him, and bit my lip. He looked small in the oversize bathroom. He did look scared, and suddenly I remembered we're just kids. Why are we having sex again? Oh, right. It was out wedding night.

"Of what?' I blurt out before I can stop myself. I close my eyes, angry at myself. I don't actually want to hear his fears, just in case they have to do with me and my inadequacy. I hear him take a sharp breath, and I panicked.

I got up really quickly, almost hurt him, definitely surprising him, and started to run. He caught me effortlessly. "Where are you going?" he asks as I break down in his arms. He sighs, and holds me tight. "You asked me a question. I'll answer it." He said softly. So softly. I look at him, and see that his cheeks are red-ish and his eyes looking past me. He tenderly guides me to the bed, holding me tightly as we sit and I cry.

"I'm scared of everything." He says, and it surprises the hell out me. Well, not really, if I had me to sleep with, I'll be scared too. He didn't notice my discomfort and look out the window. I look as well, and saw the magnificent New York skyline. Suddenly, he turns to me, tears in his eyes. That surprises me. Joe never cries! "Okay, what I'm going to say cannot in any way be repeated or used against me." He said sternly, fear very present in his voice. I nod, confused and scared.

He closes his eyes defeatedly, letting tears run down. "Just know the only reason I'm telling you this is because I love you to death, you're my wife, and I don't think we should lie to each other." He said not opening his eyes. He was embarrassed. Extremely embarrassed. Suddenly, his eyes fluttered open and I was met with his perfect eyes. He was breathing heavily, terrified and mortified at what we wanted to say. I don't think I was breathing.

"I'm scared I won't be enough." Am I saying this or is he is? He's crying as he says this, totally humiliated. "I'm scared I'm not…" he trailed off, still not looking at me. "Not big enough." My eyes widen, but I don't make a sound as he continues to talk to the wall. "I'm scared I'll hurt you because I have no idea what I'm doing." Suddenly, he's talking faster. "I'm scared you'll laugh. I'm scared I won't be good at it. I'm scared you won't love me as much tomorrow. I'm scared this will change our relationship." He closes his eyes, letting tears fall again.

I can't move, especially now that he's finally looking at me. His eyes are filled with tears and he looks terrified still. "I'm just scared." He says simply, looking at me for my response. But I can't speak, so instead I pull him into a hug and I kiss him softly.

But, he breaks away and looks at me, still humiliated, still terrified. I don't answer, but move away from him. I see hurt flicker in his eyes, but he watches as I stand up. I feel like a moron, by the way, standing on this bed, especially considering how soft and plushy it is. I'm looking him straight in his eyes the whole time, as I reach for the zipper of my white dress. At first, he doesn't know what I'm doing, but I think it catches on when the white dress is pooled at my feet.

Did I mention I'm trembling while I'm doing this? Like shaking. Hard. My cheeks are so red and burning so badly. I feel tears go to my eyes, but I still go to unhook my bra. He watching me wordlessly, shocked and in awe of my actions, but stops me before I can take it off. Internally, I'm glad. I think I just sighed in relief.

He laughed. Actually, it more of an involuntary slightly amused release of breath, but it broke the ice nonetheless. We looked at each other, our eyes connected, and started to laugh. It wasn't happy laughter. It wasn't hysterical laughter. It was 'Holy Shit' laughter. I sink to my knees, and continue to laugh. He takes the white dress from my feet and stands up. I watch him wordlessly as he puts it on the chair and turns off the lights.

I love him, I swear to God. He comes back to me, and I can see his outline. My eyes aren't very accustomed to the dark yet, but I can see him shaking. I laid down wordlessly, putting my head on the soft pillow. He sighs, and I see him reach for his the bottom of his shirt. I closed my eyes tightly at that.

What any girl would give to be in my place? Ha! What I would give to not be here right now. I close my eyes tighter, when I feel him besides me. "Well, I think people would be very disappointed if they bought our porn tape." He says a bit too loudly in the afterglow of silence and whispers.

I scrunch my nose and roll my eyes even though they're closed, but don't disagree. Suddenly, I feel him come closer to me. "Tell me what you're afraid of." He says softly in my ear. I jumped at his hot breath on my neck.

I want his arms around me for support, but I know he won't do it. One, I'm not really all the dressed. Second, I don't think he is either. I coughed slightly, not opening my eyes at all. "You." I whispered. He freezes besides me.

"That I'll hurt you?" he asks, and I can tell there's hope in his voice. I almost question him on that, but his next words hit me hard. "Or that I'll suck." He said and I suddenly realize why he was hoping. I shake my head. "Then what?" he said and I feel him move besides me uncomfortably.

I wonder if he's looking at me or if his eyes are closed like mine. "You! Joe, you!" I finally snap my eyes open and look straight at the ceiling, anger getting into my system. "You're so freaking perfect and I'm… not." I finished lamely, the fire running out before time was up.

I hear his "Holy Shit' laugh again. "Yeah, okay." He said sarcastically. I let my eyes close again, just not as tightly, and shake my head at his answer. "You're great baby. Don't doubt that." He whispered and I open my eyes again, looking at the ceiling.

"We shouldn't do this tonight." He says suddenly, as I counted the specks on the ceiling. I made the mistake and turned to him. Well, just got my answer. His eyes are not closed. I was hit with the unexpected force of his eyes, but they fell short to what else I saw. He was in his boxers with no shirt on. My eyes traced every twist and turn on his abs and stomach. He breathed harder as I did, not stopping me.

I gulped hard, and reached out to touch his chest. Like I said, sex was never really a big thing, so this is really new to us. Not the sights as we've both seen each other in bathing suits, but the sensation. He shivers as I trace down his body. I never noticed before, but he has a line of hair going down from under his belly bottom to beyond his boxers. I stopped when I felt the elastic waistband, and took my hand away swiftly.

I didn't realize it, but I had turned my body towards him. So, now I was full on facing him, his eyes connecting with mine again. We're both staring at each other scared and shaking and terrified. I can tell he's about to say another bullshit line about waiting so I kiss him. That shuts him up, and we get into the kissing thing. We're good at that. Trust me, when you don't have sex, you'll be a wiz at kissing.

But it's weird because neither of us really have the courage to touch one another as we kiss, so it's just mouths. His tongue sweeps into my mouth, exploring softly and mine does the same. Finally, his hot hands rest on my hips as our kissing escalates. I shiver hard at his touch, the first time since the bathroom, and lean into it. He pulls himself on top of me as we kiss, and suddenly I realize the potential to have sex just escalated.

I think he realizes it too, because he breaks away from me, looking straight in my eyes as he situates himself on top of me. "I love you." He whispers, and I allow him a small smile.

"I love you too, Joe." I say, bringing him down for another slow, hardly touching, kiss. I sighed, with the pace we're at, we're probably going to be in this bed for a long time. I'm just wondering if Joe put up the "Do Not Disturb" sign on the door.

I hope he did.

XxX

Hey, it's Meghan. For some reason Sandra wanted this separate than the rest of the oneshots. She's better; still can't walk but better. Unbreak My Heart chapter will be edited soon. Luigi's getting better too, but they still don't know.

Sandy thanks all of you and wants you to know she'll be back very soon.

Please review. She told me to tell you the more reviews she gets for this one shot, the faster she'll get better. So start reviewing!