Notes: This is a humor fic, as seriously as it starts out. I like serious fics as much as the next person, but funny is so much more suited to my personality. (^^) This was inspired by something really weird in my head and I just grabbed the keyboard and started typing. Please R&R!
It was sunny as always in Costa del Sol. Since Cloud bought a villa there, that's where most of the party stayed most of the time. Vincent sat in Bar del Sol, alone in a corner. It was dark here, just how he liked it, and besides, Cloud's Villa just happened to not have a kitchen in it. Vincent was sure he had gotten ripped off, but since Cloud never seemed to notice, he never bothered to speak up.
It had been a week since they had defeated Sephiroth. It made Vincent feel rather old, and he guesed he was-- even though his body had frozen in time because of Hojo's experiments...
The dark man frowned at the thought of Hojo and glowered. Death was far too good for him...
Those words still echoed in Vincent's mind. "Sephiroth is my son..." He had to smile at that. Lucrecia may have chosen Hojo over him, but he was certainly no father of Sephiroth, Jenova cells or no.
He finished off his drink and stood to leave. He was starting to feel restless, and thought that a walk around town might do him some good.
The sun was setting over the ocean as he stepped out of the door. It was, of course a beautiful scene-- when wasn't it? For some reason, he felt compelled to head toward the beach, and did so. When he got there, it was deserted.
"Strange... there would usually be tourists all over the place right now." Vincent mused out loud. Shrugging it off, he walked to the edge of the water.
He wasn't feeling restless anymore... in fact, he was starting to feel tired. He thought he should head back to the villa, but something made him wait... something wasn't right.
There was a flash of bright light.
Shocked, Vincent stepped back, his eyes wide, wondering what was going on.
The flash came again, this time flickering for a second before becoming brighter, brighter... until everything was an ocean of pure white. Without warning, the white was suddenly black. Vincent looked around, confused... what was going on?
"You're wondering what's happening, aren't you?" a voice said from behind him.
Vincent turned around calmly. Somehow, he had expected this, but he was still surprised.
"Sephiroth... what are you doing?" He asked, glaring at him.
"I'm not dead, Vincent. But of course, you knew that. Not even Cloud could sense me, I was hiding so well, but in the back of your mind, you knew. Yes, Lucrecia's words must have played over and over in your mind at night... I cannot die so easily."
"You knew... about Lucrecia?" Vincent asked, his eyes widening.
"Of course I did. How could I not know who my own mother is? My father, too." A smile slowly spread across his face. "Hojo... thought that he decieved me. But I know the truth. Perhaps we are the only ones left who know the truth..."
"If you knew, then why did you call Jenova Mother?"
Sephiroth began to laugh, holding oute on hand. He waited until the laughter had ceased, and then answered, "It has all been an act, until now. I have fooled them all, shown them only a bit of my true power. The truth is this. Meteor was to be stopped. It was only for show. I was to be removed from my physical body through death... so that I could take that of another. One that they trust, but who has a strong relation to me. My next move will be to leave this planet, and to go to another... one where my bride is waiting for me. We shall rule that world together... And I will do it with your body."
Vincent stepped back and gasped, but had no time to react further. Sephiroth flew straight into him. He could see what was going on, but it was as though he were watching it on a television screen, he had no control over himself, yet he was made to watch... there was no turning away, no closing his eyes.
Sephiroth, now inhabiting Vincent's body, smiled to himself as he walked back to Cloud's Villa. Oh, the revenge he was going to reap... It would be a warzone. How amusing.
He opened the door and walked in. Cloud, Tifa, and Cid were the only ones there, but that was okay. His revenge would be greater this way, since he knew that not many of the others were strong enough to harm him.
"You're finally back. What were you doing, picking up girls?" Cid joked.
Sephiroth didn't answer. He knew that Cid and Vincent were friends, and he also knew that Vincent didnt talk much. Oh, how he had monitered the party...
Ignoring the pilot, he walked up behind Cloud, and lifted his hands, grasping for the Masamune and finding it.
"Cloud!!" Tifa yelled, horror reflecting in her eyes.
"@#$%&*!!! What're you doing?!" Cid cursed.
His eyes flashed in anticipation as he brought the sword down upon Cloud's head. But the sword never made the connection with Cloud's skull. It simply continued to swish downwards, and the surprised Sephiroth brought it back up. Cloud had evaded his attack and drawn his own sword.
"Vincent?! Where did you get Sephiroth's sword?!" Cloud cried.
Tifa slapped her forehead with the palm of her hand. "That's not Vincent, Cloud! That's Sephiroth!"
"Vincent! You were hiding that all this time? I never guessed!"
"Shut up, idiot! And stand still, I'm trying to kill you!"
Sephiroth attacked again. Steel clashed against steel, leaving the two in a deadlock.
"Cloud, prepare yourself for death! Your Omnislash will not save you this time!" Sephiroth said with a smirking grin.
"Grr... quit... haunting... me!" Cloud grunted, his blue eyes flashing dertermination.
And then, Sephiroth felt something heavy hit his head, his body falling into a dead faint... no, not his head, not his body. Vincent's. Curse him...
Cid stood over Vincent's motionless body, holding a heavy lamp. "@#$%*... Well, now what?"
Cloud shrugged. "Kill him?"
"No! We don't know what's going on. Let's tie him up and make him tell us what happened." Tifa said.
"Sounds like a plan!" Cloud answered.
"Anybody got any rope?" Cid asked.
Sephiroth groaned as he came to. He forced Vincent's eyes to focus for him. Something coarse... rope? was digging into his wrists, arms, ankles, and legs. He was propped up in a corner, his hands tied behind him. He cursed under his breath.
"So he's finally come to..." Cloud said. Sephiroth looked in his direction. Cloud had both the Masamune and his own weapon in his hands. He also noticed that Vincent's gun was on a table.
"Well, @*%$##, Sephiroth, you've gotten yourself into trouble this time." Cid said from the opposite direction.
"Yeah, you picked the wrong time to mess with us." Tifa agreed from the same direction.
Sephiroth looked stright ahead, glaring.
"Ain'tcha gonna say somethin'?" Cloud asked.
"I've met horses with better English than your's." Sephiroth dissed.
"What? A horse?" Cloud asked, confused. "A horse is a horse..."
"Of course." Tifa said.
"Of course!" Cid echoed.
"And no one can talk to a horse, of course..." Cloud said, still puzzled. "Unless, of course, that particular horse... Is the wonderful Mr. Ed!"
"You make me sick. I'm going to kill you all as soon as I get out of these ropes..." Sephiroth glared.
"Don't you like old TV shows?" Cloud asked.
"I despise you for even suggesting that."
"Uh... All right..." Cloud said, a little confused.
"We're getting off the subject. Cloud, ask him what happened to Vincent." Tifa commanded.
"Right..." Cloud said, "Sephiroth! What have you done with Vincent?!"
Sephiroth began to laugh. After it stopped, he said, "I am Vincent. Or, I'm in his body, at least. Who knows where he is... Of course, he must be somewhere near. He can't stray to far from his body..."
"What are you talking about?! Bring him back!" Tifa yelled.
"Why would I want to do that?" Sephiroth grinned.
Cloud held up his sword threateningly. "Because if you don't..."
"Youre going to what? Kill your friend? I'm only borrowing this body, killing it won't mean anything to me at all."
"@#$%&*!!" Cid cursed, "He's right, Cloud."
"Oh, I wasn't going to kill him..." Cloud said evilly.
"There is nothing you can do to make me leave..." Sephiroth smirked.
"There is one thing! Sephiroth! Prepare yourself!" Cloud yelled, pointing his sword at him.
"What are you going to do?" Tifa asked.
"$#%@!! Don't mess around, Cloud!" Cid yelled.
"I'm going to use this summon materia..." Cloud said, his eyes flashing.
Tifa and Cid watched in confusion as Cloud summoned.
"I hope it's not Knights of the Round..." Tifa worried.
"It better @#$%&! not be!!"
All fell silent and dark. There was the sound of footsteps in the Villa. When the lights came back on, everyone was shocked by what they saw.
He was short, but beautiful. He had long, white hair like Sephiroth's and was wearing... well, hardly anything.
"You summoned, Cloud?" He asked, smiling.
"Yes. I need you to get this guy unpossesed. Right now the spirit of my worst enemy that I killed is in his body."
"Ah... this should be fun. May we have some privacy?"
"Yeah, I think that would be preferrable to all of us." Cloud answered.
"All right... to the bedroom then." The man laughed a little, picked up Sephiroth in Vincent's body, and threw him over his shoulder. He walked into the bedroom and closed the door.
"Um, Cloud?" Tifa asked.
"Yeah?"
"Who... was that? And where did you get that materia?"
"Oh... that was Kuja. He's from the future. And I found that materia in the trash... it's called, 'Genome' materia."
"I see..." Tifa sweatdropped.
Before there was a chance for much more conversation, there was screaming from the bedroom.
"All right! All right! Just no more, please! I'll leave him!!"
A minute later, Kuja came back carrying an unconcious Vincent.
"Wow! What did you do?!" Tifa asked, amazed.
"I don't think you want to know that." Cloud sweatdropped.
"Uh... all right..."
"Anyway, he should be back to normal." Kuja said, looking pleased with himself. "Let's wait for him to wake up." He proped Vincent up on a chair.
A few minutes later, Vincent groaned and opened his eyes. "Ugh... That was terrible. I need a drink..."
"Vincent! You're back!" Tifa chirped.
"Yeah... Hmm. I never imagined I would be possesed by my dead son."
Everyone except for Kuja sweatdropped.
"Your son? I thought he was Hojo's." Tifa said.
Vincent shook his head. "Come on... as if Hojo could possibly father Sephiroth. No, it was me..."
"Umm... that's really... intersting, Vincent." Tifa said.
".........."
"He's definately back." Cid chuckled.
"Right. So can you untie me now?"
"Oh, right! Here, I'll do it. Kuja, you can go now." Cloud said.
"All right, Cloud. Call whenever you need me..." Kuja left in a flash of green light.
Cloud walked over and began to untie Vincent. "Well, that was a close one. You all right now?"
"Fine. And Cloud..."
"Yeah?"
"I think you need to remodel this house and get yourself a kitchen."
Everyone else sweatdropped in unison.
It was sunny as always in Costa del Sol. Since Cloud bought a villa there, that's where most of the party stayed most of the time. Vincent sat in Bar del Sol, alone in a corner. It was dark here, just how he liked it, and besides, Cloud's Villa just happened to not have a kitchen in it. Vincent was sure he had gotten ripped off, but since Cloud never seemed to notice, he never bothered to speak up.
It had been a week since they had defeated Sephiroth. It made Vincent feel rather old, and he guesed he was-- even though his body had frozen in time because of Hojo's experiments...
The dark man frowned at the thought of Hojo and glowered. Death was far too good for him...
Those words still echoed in Vincent's mind. "Sephiroth is my son..." He had to smile at that. Lucrecia may have chosen Hojo over him, but he was certainly no father of Sephiroth, Jenova cells or no.
He finished off his drink and stood to leave. He was starting to feel restless, and thought that a walk around town might do him some good.
The sun was setting over the ocean as he stepped out of the door. It was, of course a beautiful scene-- when wasn't it? For some reason, he felt compelled to head toward the beach, and did so. When he got there, it was deserted.
"Strange... there would usually be tourists all over the place right now." Vincent mused out loud. Shrugging it off, he walked to the edge of the water.
He wasn't feeling restless anymore... in fact, he was starting to feel tired. He thought he should head back to the villa, but something made him wait... something wasn't right.
There was a flash of bright light.
Shocked, Vincent stepped back, his eyes wide, wondering what was going on.
The flash came again, this time flickering for a second before becoming brighter, brighter... until everything was an ocean of pure white. Without warning, the white was suddenly black. Vincent looked around, confused... what was going on?
"You're wondering what's happening, aren't you?" a voice said from behind him.
Vincent turned around calmly. Somehow, he had expected this, but he was still surprised.
"Sephiroth... what are you doing?" He asked, glaring at him.
"I'm not dead, Vincent. But of course, you knew that. Not even Cloud could sense me, I was hiding so well, but in the back of your mind, you knew. Yes, Lucrecia's words must have played over and over in your mind at night... I cannot die so easily."
"You knew... about Lucrecia?" Vincent asked, his eyes widening.
"Of course I did. How could I not know who my own mother is? My father, too." A smile slowly spread across his face. "Hojo... thought that he decieved me. But I know the truth. Perhaps we are the only ones left who know the truth..."
"If you knew, then why did you call Jenova Mother?"
Sephiroth began to laugh, holding oute on hand. He waited until the laughter had ceased, and then answered, "It has all been an act, until now. I have fooled them all, shown them only a bit of my true power. The truth is this. Meteor was to be stopped. It was only for show. I was to be removed from my physical body through death... so that I could take that of another. One that they trust, but who has a strong relation to me. My next move will be to leave this planet, and to go to another... one where my bride is waiting for me. We shall rule that world together... And I will do it with your body."
Vincent stepped back and gasped, but had no time to react further. Sephiroth flew straight into him. He could see what was going on, but it was as though he were watching it on a television screen, he had no control over himself, yet he was made to watch... there was no turning away, no closing his eyes.
Sephiroth, now inhabiting Vincent's body, smiled to himself as he walked back to Cloud's Villa. Oh, the revenge he was going to reap... It would be a warzone. How amusing.
He opened the door and walked in. Cloud, Tifa, and Cid were the only ones there, but that was okay. His revenge would be greater this way, since he knew that not many of the others were strong enough to harm him.
"You're finally back. What were you doing, picking up girls?" Cid joked.
Sephiroth didn't answer. He knew that Cid and Vincent were friends, and he also knew that Vincent didnt talk much. Oh, how he had monitered the party...
Ignoring the pilot, he walked up behind Cloud, and lifted his hands, grasping for the Masamune and finding it.
"Cloud!!" Tifa yelled, horror reflecting in her eyes.
"@#$%&*!!! What're you doing?!" Cid cursed.
His eyes flashed in anticipation as he brought the sword down upon Cloud's head. But the sword never made the connection with Cloud's skull. It simply continued to swish downwards, and the surprised Sephiroth brought it back up. Cloud had evaded his attack and drawn his own sword.
"Vincent?! Where did you get Sephiroth's sword?!" Cloud cried.
Tifa slapped her forehead with the palm of her hand. "That's not Vincent, Cloud! That's Sephiroth!"
"Vincent! You were hiding that all this time? I never guessed!"
"Shut up, idiot! And stand still, I'm trying to kill you!"
Sephiroth attacked again. Steel clashed against steel, leaving the two in a deadlock.
"Cloud, prepare yourself for death! Your Omnislash will not save you this time!" Sephiroth said with a smirking grin.
"Grr... quit... haunting... me!" Cloud grunted, his blue eyes flashing dertermination.
And then, Sephiroth felt something heavy hit his head, his body falling into a dead faint... no, not his head, not his body. Vincent's. Curse him...
Cid stood over Vincent's motionless body, holding a heavy lamp. "@#$%*... Well, now what?"
Cloud shrugged. "Kill him?"
"No! We don't know what's going on. Let's tie him up and make him tell us what happened." Tifa said.
"Sounds like a plan!" Cloud answered.
"Anybody got any rope?" Cid asked.
Sephiroth groaned as he came to. He forced Vincent's eyes to focus for him. Something coarse... rope? was digging into his wrists, arms, ankles, and legs. He was propped up in a corner, his hands tied behind him. He cursed under his breath.
"So he's finally come to..." Cloud said. Sephiroth looked in his direction. Cloud had both the Masamune and his own weapon in his hands. He also noticed that Vincent's gun was on a table.
"Well, @*%$##, Sephiroth, you've gotten yourself into trouble this time." Cid said from the opposite direction.
"Yeah, you picked the wrong time to mess with us." Tifa agreed from the same direction.
Sephiroth looked stright ahead, glaring.
"Ain'tcha gonna say somethin'?" Cloud asked.
"I've met horses with better English than your's." Sephiroth dissed.
"What? A horse?" Cloud asked, confused. "A horse is a horse..."
"Of course." Tifa said.
"Of course!" Cid echoed.
"And no one can talk to a horse, of course..." Cloud said, still puzzled. "Unless, of course, that particular horse... Is the wonderful Mr. Ed!"
"You make me sick. I'm going to kill you all as soon as I get out of these ropes..." Sephiroth glared.
"Don't you like old TV shows?" Cloud asked.
"I despise you for even suggesting that."
"Uh... All right..." Cloud said, a little confused.
"We're getting off the subject. Cloud, ask him what happened to Vincent." Tifa commanded.
"Right..." Cloud said, "Sephiroth! What have you done with Vincent?!"
Sephiroth began to laugh. After it stopped, he said, "I am Vincent. Or, I'm in his body, at least. Who knows where he is... Of course, he must be somewhere near. He can't stray to far from his body..."
"What are you talking about?! Bring him back!" Tifa yelled.
"Why would I want to do that?" Sephiroth grinned.
Cloud held up his sword threateningly. "Because if you don't..."
"Youre going to what? Kill your friend? I'm only borrowing this body, killing it won't mean anything to me at all."
"@#$%&*!!" Cid cursed, "He's right, Cloud."
"Oh, I wasn't going to kill him..." Cloud said evilly.
"There is nothing you can do to make me leave..." Sephiroth smirked.
"There is one thing! Sephiroth! Prepare yourself!" Cloud yelled, pointing his sword at him.
"What are you going to do?" Tifa asked.
"$#%@!! Don't mess around, Cloud!" Cid yelled.
"I'm going to use this summon materia..." Cloud said, his eyes flashing.
Tifa and Cid watched in confusion as Cloud summoned.
"I hope it's not Knights of the Round..." Tifa worried.
"It better @#$%&! not be!!"
All fell silent and dark. There was the sound of footsteps in the Villa. When the lights came back on, everyone was shocked by what they saw.
He was short, but beautiful. He had long, white hair like Sephiroth's and was wearing... well, hardly anything.
"You summoned, Cloud?" He asked, smiling.
"Yes. I need you to get this guy unpossesed. Right now the spirit of my worst enemy that I killed is in his body."
"Ah... this should be fun. May we have some privacy?"
"Yeah, I think that would be preferrable to all of us." Cloud answered.
"All right... to the bedroom then." The man laughed a little, picked up Sephiroth in Vincent's body, and threw him over his shoulder. He walked into the bedroom and closed the door.
"Um, Cloud?" Tifa asked.
"Yeah?"
"Who... was that? And where did you get that materia?"
"Oh... that was Kuja. He's from the future. And I found that materia in the trash... it's called, 'Genome' materia."
"I see..." Tifa sweatdropped.
Before there was a chance for much more conversation, there was screaming from the bedroom.
"All right! All right! Just no more, please! I'll leave him!!"
A minute later, Kuja came back carrying an unconcious Vincent.
"Wow! What did you do?!" Tifa asked, amazed.
"I don't think you want to know that." Cloud sweatdropped.
"Uh... all right..."
"Anyway, he should be back to normal." Kuja said, looking pleased with himself. "Let's wait for him to wake up." He proped Vincent up on a chair.
A few minutes later, Vincent groaned and opened his eyes. "Ugh... That was terrible. I need a drink..."
"Vincent! You're back!" Tifa chirped.
"Yeah... Hmm. I never imagined I would be possesed by my dead son."
Everyone except for Kuja sweatdropped.
"Your son? I thought he was Hojo's." Tifa said.
Vincent shook his head. "Come on... as if Hojo could possibly father Sephiroth. No, it was me..."
"Umm... that's really... intersting, Vincent." Tifa said.
".........."
"He's definately back." Cid chuckled.
"Right. So can you untie me now?"
"Oh, right! Here, I'll do it. Kuja, you can go now." Cloud said.
"All right, Cloud. Call whenever you need me..." Kuja left in a flash of green light.
Cloud walked over and began to untie Vincent. "Well, that was a close one. You all right now?"
"Fine. And Cloud..."
"Yeah?"
"I think you need to remodel this house and get yourself a kitchen."
Everyone else sweatdropped in unison.