Disclaimer: The book on which this is based is, has always been, and will forever be the exclusive property of Theodore Seuss Geisel. I do not own Horton Hears A Who!. Nor do I own the characters of WWE Raw.
On the fifteenth of May, at the Hotel Gazool,
In the heat of the day, in the cool of the pool,
He was swimming, enjoying the resort's great joys,
When Randy Orton the wrestler heard a small noise.
So Randy Orton stopped swimming. He looked toward the sound.
"That's funny," thought Randy Orton. "There's no one around."
Then he heard it again! Just a very faint yelp
As if some tiny person were calling for help.
"I'll help you," said Randy Orton. "But who are you? Where?"
He looked and he looked. He could see nothing there
But a small speck of dust blowing past through the air.
"I say!" murmured Randy Orton. "I've never heard tell
Of a small speck of dust that is able to yell.
So you know what I think? …Why, I think that there must
Be someone on top of that little speck of dust!
Some sort of a creature of very small size,
Too small to be seen by my great big eyes…
"… some poor little person who's shaking with fear
That he'll blow in the pool! He has no way to steer!
I'll just have to save him. Because, after all,
A person's a person, no matter how small."
So, gently, and using the greatest of care,
The wrestler stretched his great arm through the air,
And he lifted the dust speck with no great power
And placed it down, safe, on a very soft flower.
"Humpf!" humpfed a voice. 'Twas Paul Burchill.
And the hot bikini girl clinging to him said "Humpf!" at will.
"Why, that speck is as small as the head of a pin.
A person on that? …Why, there never has been!"
"Believe me," said Randy Orton. "I tell you quite sincerely,
My ears are quite keen and I heard him quite clearly.
I know there's a person down there. And, what's more,
Quite likely there's two. Even three. Even four.
Quite likely…
"… a family, for all that we know!
A family with children just starting to grow.
So, please," Randy Orton said, "as a favor to me,
Try not to disturb them. Just please let them be."
"I think you're an idiot!" laughed Paul Burchill
And the hot bikini girl clinging to him said, "You're on a pill!
You're the biggest dope-head in the Hotel Gazool!"
And the guy and girl plunged in the cool of the pool.
"What terrible splashing!" Randy Orton frowned.
"I can't let my very small persons get drowned!
I've got to protect them. I'm bigger than they."
So he plucked up the clover and hustled away.
Through the expensive penthouse suites, the news quickly spread:
"He talks to a dust speck! He's out of his head!
Just look at him walk with that speck on that flower!"
And Randy Orton walked, worrying, almost an hour.
"Should I put this speck down?..." Randy Orton thought with alarm.
"If I do, these small persons may come to great harm.
I can't put it down. And I won't! After all
A person's a person. No matter how small."
Then Randy Orton stopped walking.
The speck-voice was talking!
The voice was so faint he could just barely hear it.
"Speak up, please," said Randy Orton. He put his ear near it.
"My friend," came the voice, "you're a very fine friend.
You've helped all us folks on this dust speck no end.
You've saved all our houses, our ceilings and floors.
You've saved all our arenas and grocery stores."
"You mean…" Randy Orton gasped, "you have wrestling there, too?"
"Oh, yes," piped the voice. "We most certainly do…
"I know," called the voice, "I'm too small to be seen
But I'm the Mayor of a town that is friendly and clean.
Our buildings, to you, would seem terribly small
But to us, who aren't big, they are wonderfully tall.
My town is called Who-ville, for I am a Who
And we Whos are all thankful and grateful to you."
And Randy Orton called back to the Mayor of the town,
"You're safe now. Don't worry. I won't let you down."
But, just as he spoke to the Mayor of the speck,
Two other wrestlers breathed down Randy Orton's neck!
Jeff and Matt Hardy came shouting, "What rot!
This idiot's talking to Whos who are not!
There aren't any Whos! And they don't have a Mayor!
And we're going to stop all this nonsense! So there!"
They snatched Randy Orton's flower, and with it, they ran
To an ugly old geezer named Mr. McMahon
A man of some power, with a voice quite sour,
And they said, "Will you kindly get rid of this flower?"
And, before Randy Orton even could speak,
That geezer flew off in a copter to Mozambique.
All that late afternoon and long into the night
That Black Hawk helicopter spun its blades in fast flight,
While Randy Orton chased after, with groans, over stones
That tattered his stretchypants and battered his bones,
And begged, "Please don't harm all my little folks, who
Have as much right to live as us bigger folks do!"
But far, far beyond him, that copter kept flying
And ugly Mr. McMahon radioed back, "Quit your crying.
I'll fly the night through. I'm rich. I don't mind it.
And I'll hide this, tomorrow, where you'll never find it!"
And at 6:56 the next morning he did it.
It sure was a terrible place that he hid it.
He let that small flower drop somewhere inside
Of a great patch of flowers a hundred miles wide!
"Find THAT!" sneered Mr. McMahon. "But I think you will fail."
And he left
With a smirk
As he turned his tail.
"I'll find it!" cried Randy Orton. "I'll find it or bust!
I SHALL find my friends on my small speck of dust!"
And flower, by flower, by flower with care
He picked up and searched them, and called, "Are you there?"
But flower, by flower, by flower he found
That the one that he sought for was just not around.
And by noon poor Randy Orton, more dead than alive,
Had picked, searched, and piled up, nine thousand and five.
Then, on through the afternoon, hour after hour…
Till he found them at last! On the ten billionth flower!
"My friends!" cried the wrestler. "Tell me! Do tell!
Are you safe? Are you sound? Are you whole? Are you well?"
From down on the speck came the voice of the Mayor:
"We've really had trouble! Much more than our share.
When that ugly old geezer let go and we dropped,
We landed so hard that our clocks have all stopped.
Our beer bottles are broken. Our massage-chairs smashed
And our motorcycle tires all blew up when we crashed.
So, Randy Orton, please!" pleaded that voice of the Mayor's,
"Will you stick by us while we're making repairs?"
"Of course," Randy Orton answered. "Of course I will stick.
I'll stick by you small folks through thin and through thick!"
"Humpf!" humpfed a voice!
"For almost two days you've run wild and insisted
On chatting with persons who've never existed.
Such carryings-on in our peaceable town!
We've had quite enough of your act of a clown!
And I'm here to state," snapped Paul Burchill,
"That your silly nonsensical game is all through!"
And the hot bikini girl clinging to him said, "Me too!"
"With the help of the Hardy Boyz and dozens
Of Hardy Uncles and Hardy Cousins
And Hardy In-Laws, whose help I've engaged,
You're going to be roped! And you're going to be caged!
And, as for your dust speck, hah! That we shall brew
In a hot steaming kettle of Bonza-Beast Stew!"
"Boil it?..." gasped Randy Orton!
"Oh, that you can't do!
It's all full of persons!
They'll prove it to you!"
"Mr. Mayor! Mr. Mayor!" Randy Orton called. "Mr. Mayor!
You've got to prove now that you really are there!
So call a big meeting. Get everyone out.
Make every Who holler! Make every Who shout!
Make every Who scream! If you don't, every Who
Is going to end up in a Bonza-Beast Stew!"
And, down on the dust speck, the scared little Mayor
Quick called a big meeting in Who-ville Town Square.
And his people cried loudly. They cried out in fear:
"We are here! We are here! We are here! We are here!"
Randy Orton smiled: "That was clear as a bell.
You two lovebirds surely heard that very well."
"All I heard," snapped Paul Burchill, "was the breeze,
And the faint sound of wind through the far-distant trees.
I heard no small voices. And you didn't either."
And the hot bikini girl clinging to him said, "Me neither."
"Grab him!" they shouted. "And cage the big dope!
Lasso his biceps with ten miles of rope!
Tie the knots so tight he'll never shake loose!
Then dunk that dumb speck in the Bonza-Beast juice!"
Randy Orton fought back with great vigor and vim
But the Hardys and the gang were too many for him.
They beat him! They mauled him! They started to haul
Him into his cage! But he managed to call
To the Mayor: "Don't give up! I believe in you all!
A person's a person, no matter how small!
And you very small persons will not have to die
If you make yourselves heard! SO COME ON, NOW, AND TRY!"
The Mayor grabbed a tom-tom. He started to smack it.
And, all over Who-ville, they whooped up a racket.
They rattled tin kettles! They beat on brass pans,
On garbage pail tops and old cranberry cans!
They blew on bazookas and blasted great toots
On clarinets, oom-pahs and boom-pahs and flutes!
Great gusts of loud racket rang high through the air.
They rattled and shook the whole sky! And the Mayor
Called up through the howling mad hullabaloo:
"Hey, Randy Orton! How's this? Is our sound coming through?"
And Randy Orton called back, "I can hear you just fine.
But the Burchills' ears aren't as strong, quite, as mine.
They don't hear a thing! Are you sure all your boys
Are doing their best? Are they ALL making noise?
Are you sure every Who down in Who-ville is working?
Quick! Look through your town! Is there anyone shirking?"
Through the town rushed the Mayor, from east to the west.
But everyone seemed to be doing his best.
Everyone seemed to be yapping or yipping!
Everyone seemed to be beeping or bipping!
But it wasn't enough, all this ruckus and roar!
He HAD to find someone to help him make more.
He raced through each building. He searched floor-to-floor!
And, just as he felt he was getting nowhere,
And almost about to give up in despair,
He suddenly burst through a door and that Mayor
Discovered one shirker! Quite hidden away
In the Fairfax Apartments (Apartment Y2J)
A very small, very small shirker named Hornswoggle
Was sitting, just sitting, and, by himself, playing Boggle!
Not making a sound! Not a yipp! Not a chirp!
And the Mayor rushed inside and he grabbed the little twerp!
And he climbed with the lad up the Trippelaitch Tower.
"This," cried the Mayor, "is your town's darkest hour!
The time for all Whos who have blood that is red
To come to the aid of their country!" he said.
"We've GOT to make noises in greater amounts!
So, open your mouth, lad! For every voice counts!"
Thus he spoke as he climbed. When they got to the top,
The lad cleared his throat and he shouted out, "YOPP!"
And the yopp…
That one small, extra yopp put it over!
Finally, at last! From that speck on that clover
Their voices were heard! They rang out clear and clean.
And Randy Orton smiled. "Do you see what I mean?...
They've proved they ARE persons, no matter how small.
And their whole word was saved by the smallest of all!"
"How true! Yes, how true," said Paul Burchill.
"And, from now on, you know what I'm planning to do?...
From now on, I'm going to protect them with you!"
And the hot bikini girl clinging to him said, "…ME, TOO!
From sun in the summer. From rain when it's fall-ish,
I'm going to protect them. No matter how small-ish!"
A/n: This started out as an idea that just kind of popped into my head while I was thinking about Dr. Seuss's book. The first thing that came to mind was: ORTON HEARS A WHO! And, of course, the thing I find the most funny is that Randy Orton is a heel (a "bad guy") on Raw, and here I'm imagining him being caring and protective of small things. Maybe it's because he's gonna be a Daddy; I find it a very distinct possibility that Mr. Orton can be a regular teddy bear in real life.