Secret Sin

by Hibkei

* Written for the Slash Backslash One Shot Contest* On the darkest night of the year for best friends Jasper and Edward, Jasper thinks back to the events of the summer that changed their lives forever. AH

SLASH BACKSLASH ONE-SHOT CONTEST

Story Name: Secret Sin

Pen name: Mystique772

Pairing: Jasper/Edward

Disclaimer: Everything Twilight is owned by Stephenie Meyer

To see other entries in the "SLASH BACKSLASH" contest, please visit the C2: http://www(.)fanfiction(.)net/c2/74941/3/0/1/

********

We sat in the dark secluded bar nursing generous portions of aged whiskey. Tonight was the night. Every year on this day it was the same. We would wake up covered in a cloud of guilt and shame. The day would be spent in quiet reflection with hardly a word spoken between us. The next day we would put it behind us with no insight gained. It was an endless cycle that would remain until our memories failed us. My name, Jasper Whitlock. Sitting opposite me in our private booth was Edward Masen. We were best friends. We were. . .damaged.

Edward looked at me inclining his head slightly, silently asking me if I was ready to head back to the excessively expensive apartment building where we each resided. I sighed and nodded in assent. We were twenty-five but on this day we could easily be mistaken for much older, burdened men. There was none of Edward's boldness and easy smile and none of my. . .well I was usually the quieter one on any given day anyway.

Heading out into the New York night we walked with our backs hunched from our burdens. Looking at his ridiculous Rolex Edward frowned, realizing that we had been inside for a lot longer than he had intended.

Glaring daggers at his 'time piece' as he jokingly called it, I thought of how our entire lives were ones of excess. We were bred - not taught or brought up but bred, much in the way one breeds race horses - to keep appearances of opulence. 'Son, everything that has happened and will happen in this world can be explained in terms of money and power. . .' my father always intoned with a hand on my shoulder like he was imparting invaluable truths and wisdoms. There was more to that lecture but I always tried my hardest not to pay attention when my father spoke.

Edward's father was much the same. It was like the two were cut from the same cloth. They joked to company and associates that they were brothers in another life and that was why their sons were so attached to each other. Looking back now I wonder if they were subtly making excuses for how extremely close and inseparable me and Edward were growing up.

Hailing a cab we sat on opposite ends of the backseat staring out into the mounds of concrete and steel that comprised the city we loved. Edward's hand reached out and covertly touched mine. I looked over and met his gaze. It was penetrating and it spoke volumes. I knew what I wanted to say to him in response but instead I just stared back for a moment before turning my eyes back to the dark scenery.

Arriving at our building we took the elevator to the 28th floor. Edward swiftly exited and headed towards his apartment without a backwards glance. This was the part of the night where I would head the opposite way to my own apartment so that tomorrow we could begin again as our usual selves. However, for some reason, tonight I could not bring myself to take the steps that would lead me away from him. Breaking protocol I hesitatingly followed behind him to his door. Wordlessly he unlocked the door, stepped inside and held it open for me. Carefully placing his keys on the bowl in the entranceway labeled keys - that was just Edward - he walked into the living room and gracefully lowered his lean muscles onto the black leather sofa. I lingered on the periphery not sure what he would think of this breach.

"Sit with me."

I visibly relaxed and took a seat on the other end of the sofa.

"I know this is different...this isn't how…" I began, trying to explain but was interrupted.

"Come closer." He said quietly.

I readily obliged and slid across the surface of the couch until our shoulders brushed. Edward took my hand in his, weaving his fingers with mine. The sparks that were always ignited through his touch traveled through my body calming me.

"From now on, on this night we stay together." He stated leaving no room for argument.

I was not about to argue, because this is the way I had wanted it to be. I never quite understood why he had always insisted that we should spend the night apart. This was one of those times when we needed each other, needed to be together. I did not know what made him realize this but I did not question it. I was grateful.

I twisted my body slightly and positioned myself so that I could rest my head against his shoulder. Edward laid his head on mine and gripped my hand tighter. The stillness in the apartment was absolute and we did nothing to disturb it. We were each lost inside ourselves. Thinking of the choices we had made and the consequences.

Our families came from money. Extremely old money. The marriage of our fathers to the Evenson sisters, Charlotte and her adopted sister Elisabeth, had been an extravagant and highly publicized affair that was orchestrated by their parents. Edward Masen Sr. and Jackson Whitlock had accepted their predetermined roles to keep the families strong and prominent and thrived in the notoriety, respect and power that the money they did nothing to earn brought them. In their world people married for position and so love was a vague and foreign concept. I knew that my parents could not be in love. My father kept a steady stream of mistresses and my mother while much more discrete also had her indiscretions. Married men were the desired target of the single female socialite and married woman a past time of the young men being groomed for their future patriarchal positions.

The life we had would seem desirable to most. We had every gadget and new technology that fascinated us. Everyone wanted to our friend. We went to school with the unspoken knowledge that we could not fail, our grades could be bought if necessary. Easy but so fake. Surrounded by people but still lonely. Friendships forged on the basis of what could be gained with a constant need to one up each other. Our life had its freedoms but it was filled with deceit and mistrust.

I had known Edward for as long as I had known myself. Growing up we were inseparable, our friendship serving as a life preserver that kept us afloat. As we got older our relationship began to change. Looking back I could see subtle signs of the shifting of our feelings for each other but at the time it seemed sudden and without warning. The major turning point was in the summer before our first semester of college. That summer changed our lives forever. For me it started with a dream that brought my suppressed desires to the surface.

******

It was a few days after graduation and most of our former classmates were off taking trips trying to prolong ties and experience some of their new found freedom. Edward and I had opted out preferring to spend the time together as we usually did. We had spent the day out in the trails in the woods that pressed against the back of our adjoining properties. The day had been humid and muggy and we had ventured out to the stream hidden by the trees. Upon arrival we had promptly stripped down to our swim trucks and waded into the cool water until we were submerged to our waists. It was then that Edward began to act a bit strange. I felt his eyes burning into my back as I stood facing away from him. Turning I raised my eyebrow, silently asking him what his deal was.

"Uhm nothing." He hedged his voice a bit gruff.

I just shrugged dropping it but for the rest of the afternoon he kept on worrying his hair with his hands making it stick up in odd angles. He became increasingly taciturn which was unlike him when we were together. At one point trying to break the tension I splashed him in the face with the cool water. It seemed to work, he laughed and lunged forward intending to make me pay for my silliness. Laughing I tried to twist out of his way and his arms caught me around the chest. I am sure that his intention was to throw me off balance and make me loose my footing in the stream. However, when he made contact with my skin, I suddenly felt heated and nervous. Edward froze in place and we stood in the middle of the stream in an odd kind of embrace with my back to his chest for a moment. The air became thick and uncomfortable. Edward cleared his throat and moved his arms away from me.

"Sorry." His murmured apology was barely audible as he stepped away and waded out of the stream. I wordlessly followed his trail and by the time I was back on dry ground he was already almost dressed.

"I think we should head back its getting late." He said, averting his gaze.

"Okay." I agreed. I was worried that Edward had sensed my strange reaction to his touch and was trying to get away from me. I honestly could not blame him.

We quietly made our way back to the grounds of his home and I diverted walking over to my neighboring property. Before I was out of hearing range Edward yelled across to me.

"I'll text you with plans for tomorrow!" He smiled his genuine smile and I felt immense relief at least knowing that he was not angry with me. I waved and made my way home.

All that evening I could not take my mind off of that small moment in the stream with Edward. For that short interval something had shifted but I was at a loss as to what that something was. It kept going around in my head until I was completely frustrated and tired. I decided to go to bed earlier than usual in an attempt to quiet my thoughts and get some rest.

My sleep was fitful and in my slumber I was accosted by images. I saw Edward back in the stream, his toned naked body dripping with water and embracing my own wet, naked form. His lips were attached to my neck, biting, kissing as his hand wrapped around my cock. My head fell back allowing him more access as he continued to draw the most intense sensations of pleasurable pain from my willing body. Moans and grunts filled the forest air as he rubbed his prominent erection roughly against my ass. I was buckling under the desire to be more connected to him.

"Fuck me Edward." I pleaded, unashamed in my extreme need.

"I intend to." He growled into my neck.

I awoke with a start. I was covered in sweat and terrified. It made no sense. Edward was my friend and I was not gay I was attracted to women. . .I was. I knew that I could not help what I dreamt but the thing that terrified me more than the actual dream was the fact that I was incredibly aroused by it. I sat up abruptly and tried in vain to clear my head. I thought back to the dream, of his long lean fingers traveling the length of my chest and torso. I had an unstoppable craving to feel him against me and I shook myself running my hands over my face trying to get back to reality. What was happening to me? Why was I thinking of my best friend this way?

I told myself that I was just tired and needed rest. I could not bring myself to confront what I was feeling and try to decipher it. I lay back on my bed determined to forget all about the dream and go back to sleep. Unfortunately, my mind would not cooperate and thoughts of Edward came unbidden and I felt my self hardening further, more aroused than before.

Laying back in bed I became so desperate that I actually contemplated calling my girlfriend Maria for a distraction. However, I dismissed the thought almost as quickly as it came. Maria was never someone I wanted to talk to especially now. I burrowed my head into my pillows trying to find comfort. I closed my eyes and was once again assaulted by images of my friend. I saw myself gripping handfuls of his messy bronze hair as he kissed his way down my bare chest. I moaned at the thought and my hand began to slowly creep downward. I tried to restrain myself but it was as if it had a mind of its own, my desire too much to contain.

I hesitated when my hand encountered the waist band of my pajama bottoms.

"This is so wrong." I breathed into the stillness of my room as flashes of Edward's perfect hands running along my sides swam before my eyes. I slowly reached in and ghosted over my erection. I hissed at the resulting sensation and the images came faster. Edward hovering over me, his eyes hooded with lust. Me exploring the planes of his chest with my tongue. Edward with his hand wrapped around my throbbing cock. The last image was my undoing. It remained fixed in my mind and pushed me closer to the edge. I freed my erection. Gripping firmly I mimicked the motions of the Edward in my mind imagining my hand as his.

I knew it was crazy but I could not help it. I wanted him. I craved his touch so badly that I was writhing and moaning as I continued to move my hand feverishly, reveling in the friction, imagining his touch.

My breaths were coming in short bursts and my skin was heated. I grunted as the pressure began to build and I increased my pace, repeating Edward's name like a mantra, frantically eager to fall over the edge. My cock swelled and pulsed in my hand. My body convulsed and I erupted with Edward's name on my lips.

It was intense and unlike anything that I had ever experienced before. The room was spinning and I swallowed gulps of air trying to calm myself as I came down from the high. My body was languid and I felt like I was floating.

I was startled by my cell phone alerting me to an incoming message. I stretched over and retrieved it from the bedside table. When I flipped it open and saw Edward's name the enormity of what had just occurred came crashing down on me. I jolted upright and the phone fell to the carpet, the unread message completely forgotten.

'What the fuck have I done.' I launched myself out of bed and ran to my adjoining bathroom. I leaned over the sink panting heavily. When I looked up and saw my reflection in the mirror I heaved. I managed to collapse next to toilet and thew up into the bowl.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck." I repeated over and over sickened by my behavior. I flushed and made my way to the shower, turned the water on as cold as I could stand it, discarded my pajamas and stepped under the chilling spray.

I could not believe that I had just masturbated to thoughts of my best friend. What did this mean and what would Edward do if he ever found out? My body shivered from the cold but I refused to warm the water - it was no less than I deserved - and tried to wash away the immense guilt and shame that I felt. I slid down the tiles until I was curled up on the floor of the shower. I could not stop the tears that forced their way out of my eyes, I was so confused.

I do not remember how long I cowered in the corner of the shower stall before I finally gave in to exhaustion and made my way back to bed.

Even in the aftermath of that event it never occurred to me to reserve any of my subsequent guilt and shame for my girlfriend. Our relationship was just another of the many facades that existed in my world.

When Edward and I had turned seventeen we were gifted with expensive BMWs and encouraged by our parents to take our acquaintance with the Denali sisters and turn it into a worthwhile romantic connection. Our parents pushed and pressured us to pursue relationships with who they felt were acceptable and worthy marital candidates. The sisters Maria and Tanya were the spoiled daughters of a widowed socialite. With the death of her husband their mother Irina had inherited an obscene amount of money that allowed her to put all her efforts into securing suitable mates for her spoiled and vain daughters.

Until this point Edward and I had not shown much interest in girls. We always said that we could not trust girls to love us for the people we were and not for what he had. Looking back I see that while that belief had merit, it was mostly just an excuse to cover up our lack of desire for the opposite sex. We had dated causally at some points but relationships never developed because there was a lack of connection and our interest quickly waned. Also, there was always a hidden jealously when one of us would attempt to date. I would feel threatened, thinking that she was going to take my friend away and the thought of not having Edward around constantly and of him being physical with someone would upset me.

We knew that our fathers expected us to marry and keep the family names going in a reputable manner and our irrational need to be accepted and loved by them coupled with our lack of desire to pursue girls on our own led to us allowing ourselves to be pushed into dating the sisters. Tanya and Maria proved to be insufferable and we soon took to avoiding them as much as possible. They made sure that we knew that the feelings were mutual as they made no effort to hide their sexual escapades from us. They resented us because we were not attracted to their artificial beauty and chose to remain virgins if they were to be our only option. They could not accept that any male would find them undesirable and quickly our relationship was alive in name only. We kept up the pretense for our parents because Edward and I were afraid of disappointment and Maria and Tanya saw that they would have the best of both worlds, the money and the freedom to have as many indiscretions as they pleased. This type of relationship was not what we wanted for ourselves but it was what we accepted as the inevitable. As usual we found our peace and solace in each other.

*********

It had begun to rain and the water danced against the large windows of the living room casting strange shadows on the walls and furniture. Edward stood abruptly disturbing my position.

"I need aspirin, I feel a headache coming on."

"We can just go to bed now if you want." I offered, making to stand. He waved me off though.

"Not yet if you don't mind."

I did not mind and told him as much. I watched as he headed in the direction of the bathroom. As I waited for him to return I again thought back to that summer seven years ago and how a simple headache had acted as the catalyst that changed our relationship forever.

*********

My parents had been arguing again and it was upsetting me. Edward always said that I felt too much, but I could not help that I was sensitive to the emotions of those around me. My head was pounding and I needed an escape. I of course wanted to run over to Edward's but I hesitated as I was still afraid of what I was feeling towards him. These new emotions were scary to me and I felt alone as for the first time I did not have him to confide in. Ever since the night of my dream I was nervous every time I was around him, doing my best to hide my feelings and desires from him. I was so afraid that he would find me out and I would lose the only friend that I had, a friend that I desperately needed.

I heard a crashing noise and my father's voice carried up the stairs.

"I paid 5,000 dollars for that you bitch!"

I sighed, picked up my new video game and slipped out of the house.

I walked into the Masen's mansion and was met by Mr. Masen in the foyer. He was impatiently glaring at his watch.

"Mr. Whitlock! How are you son?" He boomed when he saw me.

"Fine." I replied rubbing my temple as the pain in my head increased. I made a mental note to head straight to Edward's medicine cabinet for some aspirin as soon as I made it to his room.

"How are things with Maria?"

"Fine thank you Sir." I muttered barely able to contain my annoyance. I knew he did not give a shit and it did not really matter how things were in our poor excuse for a relationship. Once again with the formalities. It was tiresome.

"Well the wife and I will be out for the evening so you boys have fun. Maybe invite the girls over."

He straightened his already straight tie and patted me awkwardly on the shoulder in what I guess was the best imitation of a paternal gesture that he could manage. He turned away from me, once more glaring at his watch and I knew that I was dismissed.

I rolled my eyes and wandered up the stairs to Edward's room. I entered without knocking as over the years we had taken to navigating each other's personal space with abandon. The room was empty and I briefly wondered where Edward was but figured he could be roaming anywhere in this behemoth of a house. I immediately headed towards the attached bathroom remembering my goal to medicate. As I got closer to the door, I realized that the shower was running. That was where Edward was. I stopped in my tracks as I began to feel a bit weak in the knees. Edward was behind this door in his shower completely naked, I wanted to be in that shower too. I felt the nervousness creeping back up as I did my best to rid myself of inappropriate thoughts. I contemplated waiting until he was done to go in and get the aspirin or shout to him to bring me some on his way out. However, I could not resist the desire to be closer to him in this situation. It was ridiculous as over the years we had seen each other in compromising positions but now it was different. Even though I may have been able to admit to myself that I might have found him attractive for quite some time, these feelings were still new.

Gathering my courage I turned the knob and slipped into the bathroom. It was steamy and hot and I could barely breathe. Through the shower door I could make out his silhouette and I melted. I was rooted in spot torn between my raging teenage hormones and extreme guilt. I was such a bad friend for having these kinds of thoughts and trying to ogle Edward through his shower door. A wave of shame rolled over me and I turned to leave the bathroom, my need for aspirin completely forgotten.

"Uh, Jas is there something that you need or do you just like steamy bathrooms with hot guys in them?"

In my shock I whipped around so fast that I tripped on the plush bathroom rug and almost face planted in the middle of the floor.

"Uhm. . ."

Edward's head was poking out around the shower door and he was chuckling, apparently taking great pleasure in almost giving me a heart attack. If he knew just how close he had come with that statement he would not be nearly as amused.

"Yes?" he inquired, raising an immaculate eyebrow.

"A. . .aspirin?" I stuttered.

"M. . .m. . .medicine Cabinet?" He replied, mimicking my intonation.

"Funny Masen. . .so fucking funny." I muttered, embarrassed. Averting my eyes I grabbed the first bottle I saw and quickly exited the bathroom. Edward was still chuckling to himself when I closed the door.

I settled on the couch in his bedroom, trying to stop my trembling. My hands were shaking so badly that the pain pills were rattling inside the bottle. On inspection I realized that they were actually vitamins. I groaned and stashed them under the cushion so that Edward would not see the mistake and make even more fun of me. I would have to remember to put them back without him noticing before I left.

After a while I heard Edward moving around the bathroom. Knowing that his shower was over and he would be coming out soon, I turned the television on and did my best to look unaffected, my video game completely forgotten. By the time he entered the room I was sure that I was giving a convincing performance even though he was shirtless and godly. He shuffled his sweat pants covered legs over to his dresser and opened his shirt drawer. I covertly took in his broad toned back and his beautiful pale skin. He was just standing there, seemingly riveted by the contents of his drawer like it was a complex math equation. Eventually he decided that the answer to the universe was held in a white undershirt because he finally took one out and pulled it over his head.

As he turned around to face me I quickly averted my eyes back to the television. I felt Edward's eyes on me and I nervously shifted to meet his gaze.

"I feel it too." He stated quietly.

"Wha. . .What are you ta. . .what?" I all but squeaked, taken very much off guard.

Edward sighed running his hands through his hair. He sat on the opposite end of the couch.

"I saw you looking at me through the mirror Jas." He leveled me with a cryptic look. "You were staring like I was food and you were starving."

I could not breathe. My chest felt tight as the panic began build.

"Fuck Edward . . . It wasn't like that. . ." I could not lose Edward. He was going to hate me. I had to think of an explanation.

"Stop Jas," He interrupted. "it's not the first time and to be honest it's freaking me out."

"Edward, please I didn't mean it . . . I'll stop please don't be mad." I interjected. I was practically begging. I felt like I was going to cry, this was not supposed to happen he was not supposed to know. ' I thought that I was doing a good job of hiding this craziness. Damned reflective surfaces.' I rambled inwardly.

"You are Jas, but I know you too well." Edward stated calmly.

"What the fuck! How . . . what . . Can you read. . . Shit!"

Rolling his eyes Edward closed a bit of the distance between us. My palms were sweaty and I was burning up. 'Edward's going to kill me, I just know it.'

"Seriously Jas?" he looked at me with slight amusement. " Calm the fuck down. You're thinking out loud again and while I usually find that little trait amusing, you're nervousness is catching."

'Oh.' It was then that I became aware of the calm that Edward was exhibiting, he was not going off on me, he was not yelling and telling me to stay the hell away from him. What did that mean? I did my best to steady my breathing and control my thoughts.

"You're not mad?" I asked timidly.

He ran a hand through his still damp hair making it stand up oddly. He shook his head.

"Not mad, freaked out,"

"Sorry." I interrupted before I could stop myself.

Edward threw me a pointed glare that clearly said shut up, so I did.

"I'm freaked out that I'm not freaked out by how you were staring at me in that damned reflective surface." He finished with a slight smirk.

My eyes widened in shock at his words but I was otherwise frozen silent by his admission. Edward licked his lips in a subconscious gesture and the mood in the room abruptly shifted. His hand reached into his hair again as he continued in a subdued tone.

"I'm freaked out that when you walked into my bathroom earlier all I wanted was to have you pressed up against the tiles with my hand around your cock."

I swallowed thickly as I registered his words and our shallow breathing. He continued to inch closer to me and I began to lean towards him pulled into his orbit. The atmosphere was thick and hazy. Pent up desire and the weight of his confessions hovered over us like a cloud. I could not believe this was happening. I wanted more, needed more.

"What else freaks you out?" I whispered. My breath fanned across his face, he was now that close to me.

"It freaks me out that I want to be on my knees with your cock in my mouth and you screaming my name as I make you come."

My mouth hung open as I saw the images of what Edward had described. I was so turned on that I was uncomfortable. My erection strained against the confines of my jeans. I had never been this hard before and I saw that Edward was also dealing with the same. My mind was reeling partly from his words and proximity and partly from the turn the situation had taken. It was overwhelming, consuming and I did not want it to end. Apparently Edward held the same sentiment because he reached out and traced the outline of my jaw with the index finger of his right hand. Sparks of electricity flew through me at his touch and I shivered at the sensation. Looking into Edward's eyes I saw that he had felt the sparks too.

"Tell me Jasper, what freaks you out?"

I trembled as I looked into Edward's green eyes. They were darkened by lust but there was something else too. There was a softness and a hint of uncertainty that he was trying to hide. Even though he was bolder, this was as new and confusing for him as it was for me.

"Edward, it freaks me out that I have dreams of you entering me, feeling and stroking me until we both find our release." My words were quiet and I averted my eyes away from his face.

I was surprised when a soft moan escaped his lips and he closed his eyes. His reaction gave me the confidence to continue.

"It fr. . ." I started but the rest of my words dissolved as Edward's lips touched mine. It was unexpected and I was a bit startled but I quickly melted into him and I moved my lips against his.

The kiss was soft and tentative. It held none of the boldness of our previous statements but it was everything we needed. Edward's hand snaked into my hair and I parted my lips slightly, silently asking for more. He willingly gave it and our tongues met doing for us in that moment what words could not. There was desire and need but there was also fear and uncertainty. It was one of the most honest moments of my life and as we continued to taste and feel, to confess and reveal, something fell into place. It was as if I had found something that I did not know was missing. His intimate touch filled a void, it made me whole in a way that nothing or no one else ever would.

"Jasper." Edward whispered as he pulled away from our kiss. My eyes had drifted closed and I opened them to look at him. He looked torn.

"What are we doing? What does this make us?" He asked, a slight tremble to his voice.

"I don't know Edward." I whispered back. " I just know that as scary as this is, it feels right. Things only ever feel right with you."

I pressed my forehead against his and his hands reached up to cup my face.

"What do we do now?" I asked.

Edward blew out a breath in a loud puff."

"Nothing Jas." He said, straightening up and breaking our contact.

"Edward, no . . . Please." I probably sounded pathetic but now that we had crossed that line I could not pull back. Now that he knew how I felt and I knew he felt the same there was no way I could return to how it was.

"I cannot go back Edward, not after this." I confessed.

Edward stood and moved over to his large window staring out into the woods that pressed against his parents' property.

"Edward?"

He turned to look at me and I was taken aback by the glassy appearance of his eyes.

"No one can know Jas. . .what would happen if they knew?"

I knew what he meant. If our parents ever found out about how we felt, knew that we had kissed it would be a disaster. I was afraid of what our fathers would think of us, about what they would do. Appearance was everything and they would not tolerate gay sons, the scandal it would cause. As much as we hated our lifestyle we were firmly under the thumb of our fathers and the thought of their disappointment and anger was paralyzing.

"No one will Edward, Just us."

"Tanya and Maria." he said quietly with slight irritation. Just thinking of them was enough to annoy the both of us at any given time.

"It's not as if they care about us at all plus they flaunt their exploits in our faces all the time." I scoffed.

"True, but they are quite perceptive so we must be very careful not to alert them to any change in our relationship." He was contemplative and I knew he was giving this serious thought.

I could not help the beaming smile that tugged at my lips. Our relationship had changed and even though I did not know exactly how to describe that change, I knew that Edward had just acknowledged it and that meant that he would want to continue to explore these new feelings.

Edward rolled his eyes at my expression but his crooked smile was threatening to break through. I wanted him to sit next to me again, I wanted to kiss him and the fact that I knew now that it was okay elated me. My confidence soaring I beckoned him back to the couch.

"Come sit with me Edward." I lowered my voice in what I hoped was an inviting manner.

Edward smiled mischievously, "Sure Jazzy," he began in a too sweet voice. "but first I just want to know one thing."

"What?" I asked suspicious and did he really just call me Jazzy?

"How'd those vitamins work on that pain of yours?" He could not contain his amusement any longer and fell onto the couch laughing at his perceived cleverness. I groaned as I pulled them out from their hiding place and stomped my way to the bathroom to replace them.

"You think you're funny Masen, but you really aren't." I muttered on my way. Edward just laughed to himself the entire time.

That first kiss was a catalyst and we spent the majority of our time together caught up in exploring the new territory we had entered. Our kisses moved from tentative to passionate. We lost the trepidation in our touch and our hands became possessive, feeling, learning, claiming. It was extraordinary. The butterflies I felt in his presence, the jolts of electricity I felt at his touch were addicting and I offered no resistance. The new level of our relationship set my heart on fire and it was not long before I knew that I had fallen completely for Edward Masen.

The night that I declared the depth of my feelings began as any other but ended in a way that neither of us could have anticipated.

********

I was taking refuge in Edward's room. We spent more time there than at my place because his parents did not have live in help like my mother insisted upon. This afforded us more privacy and we were currently taking advantage of having the house to ourselves for the weekend with his parents having taken off somewhere.

We were set up on the couch fully prepared to immerse ourselves in 'Halo' for the X-box. We were really excited to play the co-op mode and planned to make a night of testing it out. I settled in with the 1st person controller because well, I preferred to have the top half of the split screen. In my excitement I forgot that Edward had the same preference but I was quickly reminded of that.

"Hand it over Jas." He held out his hand in an annoyingly authoritative manner.

"No man it's my turn, seriously."

"No, it's not."

"Yes."

"No."

Okay it was getting ridiculous and I thought that maybe he had realized this as he fell silent. Edward rose from his position on the couch and I realized that he was going to switch the controllers' cords on the system so that his would become 1st and of course I could not let that happen so, I tripped him. I did not have a choice, this was serious. Edward landed with a thud on the carpet and I could not help the chuckle that escaped. I did not get a chance to recover before he launched himself at me, effectively sending the couch crashing against the wall. I held on to my controller for dear life as I was dragged to the floor and we began to wrestle like the teenage boys we were. Edward being physically stronger was easily gaining the upper hand but I refused to give up easily. One well placed jab to the ribs gave me enough time to scramble to my feet and hope that he had surrendered but it was Edward so he had not. He was right behind me and it was clear that I was going to lose.

Edward was indeed victorious as he pinned me against the wall and grabbed the control. I probably could have resisted but I was suddenly turned on by the action. I half expected him to do a jig of some sort or comment on his victory but instead he unceremoniously dropped the control to the carpet and pushed his lips against mine. I responded immediately running my hands down his back and up under his t-shirt. The feeling of my hands on his skin elicited a whimper from Edward and our kiss became almost frenzied. I moaned unabashedly as our tongues met and mingled and I felt his hard cock pressing against me through our jeans. Craving more contact I pushed my hips into him and he groaned pushing me harder against the wall. Moving away from my lips he kissed below my ear and down to my neck sucking gently on my skin. My breathing was erratic and I fisted my hands in his hair overwhelmed by his touch and my emotions. I wanted to tell him, I wanted him to know. My lips parted as I tried to articulate my feelings but before I could get any words out Edward pulled away from my neck and gripped the hem of my t-shirt. He lifted it over my head and tossed it to the floor. My words were momentarily forgotten as he discarded his own t-shirt and pulled me toward his bed.

He gently pushed me onto the huge bed and I moved backwards towards the pillows as he crawled slowly over me. His eyes were locked with mine and his movements were so predatory. The moment was intense and my desire for him increased even more. Hovering over me, his hair falling into his eyes I was struck by his beauty and the fact that he was really mine. I gripped the back of his neck and pulled him down to me kissing him passionately letting my tongue taste as much of him as I could. He groaned at my intensity and broke our kiss, his green eyes flashing with lust. He moved down my body placing open mouthed kisses on my jaw, my neck, my chest. When his lips closed around my nipple my back arched and the sensations ran straight to my groin. I moaned as he flicked his tongue and nipped gently. I gripped his shoulders tightly as he slowly tortured me with lips, tongue and teeth. Just when I thought that I could not stand it anymore he moved to the other providing equal attention and I squirmed as he ghosted his hand over my prominent erection, the sweet torture almost too much to take. He pushed his palm more firmly against where I wanted him most and I could not stop myself from raising my hips and pushing up against him. Our labored breaths filled the room and my entire body felt like it was on fire.

Edward hastily unbuttoned and unzipped my jeans and I lifted my hips eagerly as he pushed them and my boxers down with one swift motion. They were discarded somewhere off to the side and I was laid bare before him. His eyes devoured my form and I felt the heat increasing as I anticipated his next move. Slowly and deliberately he wrapped his hand around my cock and lowered his head to my erection. I could not help the whimper that escaped at the thought of what he was about to do. His tongue slowly came out and licked my tip and he fixed me with a stare that nearly melted my insides.

"Tell me what you want." Edward's voice was husky and incredibly sexy but my brain was not cooperating with his demand.

"You . . . Please Edward." The words were basically a whimper, my need overwhelming me.

"Say it." He growled. He punctuated his demand with a firm stroke and I cried out,

"I want you to suck my cock Edward!"

With a smirk he complied and my eyes rolled in their sockets. His tongue did crazy things to me as he licked from the base to the head of my erection and proceeded to take as much of me as he could into his mouth. The wetness and heat was dizzying and I was arching off the bed trying to get as much of it as I could. He moved his hand stroking firmly as he sucked setting a steady pace. The sounds that came from him as he sucked and erupted from me as the pleasure increased were almost animalistic and I abandoned myself to the carnality making no effort to stifle my cries. As he continued to work me my hands made their way into his hair needing to feel as much of him as I possibly could. I wanted this to last forever but all too soon the now familiar pressure began to intensify and I knew I would not be able to hold out much longer.

"Edward," His name came out as a grunt. "I'm so close." I was panting uncontrollably, so responsive to his touch, to everything about him. Edward gave no indication that he heard my intended warning and instead intensified his efforts. I was coiled so tight that I saw bursts of light as my orgasm ripped through me. Edward stayed connected to me as I rode it out taking me into him without complaint.

At some point Edward had unbuttoned his jeans and had been stroking himself. As I came down from my incredible high I was determined to make sure that he had his release. Sitting up I wrapped my hand around his cock and took over his movements. I was enthralled as his back arched and his eyebrows knitted together in reaction to my touch. He was already so close that just a few more strokes were all he needed to come undone. Crying out he fell back completely spent.

"Your touch drives me crazy." He confessed looking down his body at me. His words came out almost in a huff as he tried to regulate his rapid breaths. I smiled brightly thrilled at his words and crawled up the bed to lay beside him. As soon as I had settled he turned and curled around me with his face in my neck and his arm thrown over my chest.

We lay on top the covers completely naked, entangled in each other. I lived for these moments now. Being in Edward's arms was like being home surrounded by warmth and comfort. My heart felt like it was going to burst and the words I wanted to say poured out of me. "I love you Edward." The words felt so right and so natural. Edward lifted his head from the crook of my neck and looked into my eyes. The emotion swirling in his green ones was staggering.

"I love you too Jasper." His voice was steady as he continued to stare into my soul, "You are everything to me, you are my life."

We fell silent enveloped in the depth of our feelings for each other. Edward traced lazy patterns on my side and I kissed his messy hair. A few months ago if I was told that we would find ourselves in this position I would have scoffed, but it had happened and it was perfect.

I do not know how long we laid together. When I was with Edward time became an abstract concept something I was vaguely aware of but not ruled by. Eventually we drifted to sleep completely satiated and content.

"Seriously they are disgusting."

"I know right. . .this is perfect."

The voices were hazy as I was slowly brought out of my comfortable sleep. For a minute I thought that I was perhaps dreaming but as my eyes adjusted it became very clear that the voices belonged to Maria and Tanya who were standing inside the doorway.

All thoughts of sleep left me as I jerked upright and sprung to my feet. My actions jolted Edward who had been resting on my chest and he was visibly startled.

I was completely mortified as I remembered our nakedness. Panic surged through me as I scrambled to find my discarded clothing. Edward was in the same frenzy, gratefully pulling on the t-shirt that I tossed at him. My ears burned as the girls stood snickering at our actions. My mind was stuck on the horror of being discovered. Feigning ignorance would not work. The position we had been caught in was obvious, our embrace screaming that we were lovers.

The girls had advanced further into the room and were wearing strangely smug expressions, clearly enjoying our embarrassment.

"How the hell did you get in here?" Edward's face showed a mixture of embarrassment and fear. His voice was eerily quiet but menacing. It chilled me. Either ignoring or failing to notice his strange tone, Tanya grinned.

"I told your mother that I had a special surprise for you this weekend," her grin widened, "she happily lent me a spare key and gave me the security code. So are you surprised?" She practically snorted in delight.

Edward made no comment in response but he was fuming, his chest visibly heaving.

"You know," Maria spoke up in a tone of mock hurt. "how do you think this makes me feel Jasper?" she apparently could not keep up the facade and broke into a fit of laughter repeating the words that woke me earlier. "You are disgusting," She fixed me with a condescending glare, "but why am I not surprised?"

"That would be because we've suspected them for a while now." Tanya helpfully replied.

"Fucking How" I thought, the panic steadily increasing.

"Well Jasper, since you asked so nicely." Maria rolled her eyes and I realized I had spoken out loud. Smirking devilishly she continued, "You boys spend all your time together, completely ignoring not only us but girls in general so naturally we wondered."

Tanya took over. "Remember your mother's insipid garden party?" Not waiting for an answer she continued, "Well, I took advantage of your carelessness sweetie. I found some interesting texts implicating that my boyfriend was cheating on me with his best male friend. Imagine my horror." She placed a hand over her heart in an exaggerated manner.

"What the fuck did I tell you about touching my shit?" Edward's voice was almost monotone and oddly detached belying the anger I could plainly see.

"I'm your girlfriend Eddie," She sneered, "what's yours is mine and all that, besides that should teach you not to leave incriminating evidence around."

A snarl was the only way to describe the sound that emitted from Edward. The emotions swirling around me were almost too much to take. My heart was thundering against my rib cage and my head throbbed muting their voices. I was terrified and I just wanted it to go away. lowering my head in surrender I was prepared to do whatever it took to keep them silent.

"What do you want?" I implored quietly. Understanding my intentions their grins became almost sinister. They had won and they knew it.

"We want everything boys." Maria announced. Nodding in agreement Tanya continued,

"From now on we own you. You give us whatever we want, whenever we want it."

"You do what we say, no questions. You belong to us now. " Maria said smugly.

"Remember, we can out you to your parents and everyone. You will be a disgrace, they will disown you." Tanya's reminder was wholly unnecessary, we were clear on the consequences of being found out.

"We want it all." Maria finished. The confidence in their voices was sickening.

The room was stifling, the atmosphere heavy. I had questions, I wanted to defend our positions, call them out on their own indiscretions but words would not come. All I saw in my minds eye was the destruction of our lives. Our fathers would never accept us and any hopes of gaining their love would be obliterated. I wanted to scream and yell, tell Tanya and Maria how much I hated them but I remained locked in place as even more of our lives slipped from our grasp beyond our control.

Something that I could not identify began to course through my veins. Looking at their confident grins and thinking of the flippant way they treated us and their reaction to our embarrassment was infuriating. They were taking advantage of our vulnerability with no regard to our feelings, it was as if we were not human to them, we were just another means to an end.

Suddenly, Edward sprung forward and the world shifted. Everything seemed to accelerate and slow at the same time. Edward's strong fingers wrapped around Tanya's slender neck and I snapped, lunging and mimicking his actions on Maria. I did not think at that moment, I believe I became incapable of reason. We were not Jasper and Edward we were inhuman. All I knew as I saw the life drain from Maria's eyes was that they had done this to themselves. They had pushed, everyone had pushed, taking advantage of our compliance. Staring into the frightened eyes of my girlfriend I felt powerful, I was taking charge of something and not allowing myself to be taken advantage of. They were flailing and clawing at our hands trying in vain to free themselves, trying in vain to breathe but they could not we were the ones in control and for once they could not have what they desired.

In that moment we projected onto Maria and Tanya every bit of resentment and bitterness we felt. We poured into our hands the anger we felt at them, our parents and ourselves. Anger at being pushed, at not having the love of our parents, at not having the strength to declare who we really were. The sick gurgling noises that rose from their constricted throats only enraged us further, we were determined to silence them forever. We took what was not ours. We were the products of our world . . . we were cowards.

Their lifeless bodies eventually slipped from our deranged grasps and I staggered back dumbstruck. Edward looked at me and all I saw was wildness and I'm sure that it was a exact replica of my own eyes.

"Fuck, Jas."

I could not move. I kept my eyes averted from the bodies crumpled on the immaculate carpet.

"My God. . .we are going to jail." I covered my mouth with a trembling hand.

My words broke the trancelike atmosphere and Edward snapped into action.

"Help me move the bodies we have to dump them."

"What?" I was jolted by his cold words. "We. . .we can't just dump them." I shook my head for emphasis.

"We have no choice!" Edward snapped, his eyes devoid of emotion. His hand gripping his hair was the only indicator that he was feeling anything.

"We are not going to jail." His voice was shaky and his eyes pleaded for my compliance.

The longest hours of my life were spent wrapping, transporting, weighing down and dumping the bodies of two young girls like they were nothing more than unimportant waste. The entire task was tiring but we performed it robotically like we were hovering above ourselves merely observing. We did not speak and were in our respective beds by dawn, exhausted but awake.

We had killed two human beings and no matter our excuses it was undeserved. We would never be the same.

After that, time seemed to accelerate and everything flew by in a haze. We were so consumed by playing the appropriate roles of grieving boyfriends and portraying innocence that we did not immediately stop to question the lack of interest in us as suspects. Besides routine questions of alibis and whereabouts we were pretty much left alone which was extremely odd given the circumstances. One afternoon a few weeks after the investigation had officially begun Edward saw the lead detective leaving a meeting with his father. After that we were declared free of any wrongdoing and never bothered again. By some miracle the case was kept out of the spotlight as much as possible and media coverage was surprisingly spotty for something involving high society. It was also curious that Maria and Tanya's mother Irina never pushed to have her daughters disappearances resolved. She moved away shortly after the case was declared cold. Our parents never even spoke to us about the incident, choosing instead to pretend that nothing had happened.

It was later after the immediate fear of being found out began to wane that Edward and I thought of these peculiarities and realized that our parents' money must have bought our freedom. It was the only explanation that made sense and it indebted us to them. This was confirmed to us two years ago when were at home for Christmas.

We had brought home Alice and Bella, our girlfriends who we had been dating for the past few months. Our mothers' were thrilled as they were from prominent families from New York and met their high standards. What they were not aware of was the fact that Alice and Bella were secretly dating and we used each other as covers to present to our families as we were still unable to admit to our relationship and face their wrath. The four of us had become friends in grad school and they had admitted their situation to us over too much alcohol. We had jumped at the chance to use each other and a coin toss had declared that Alice would be with me and Edward with Bella. It worked perfectly for us as we had a face to present to society that allowed us to continue our relationship in secret and friends to empathize with and understand our decisions.

We had gathered at Edward's for a Christmas Eve party and after meeting the girls our fathers had requested our presence in Mr. Masen's study. Closing the door they rounded on us, leveling us with knowing glares.

" Make sure these don't wind up dead too." Mr Masen challenged.

"What is that supposed to mean?" Edward demanded trying to put on an air of annoyance.

"Save the indignation boy!" Edward's father dared him to continue with his feigned ignorance. "We do not tolerate scandal in this family. We know what you are. We are not stupid." He spat.

"Both of you are a disgrace." My father took over, not wanting to be left out. "However, as Masen says we do not tolerate scandal. We cleaned your mess but make no mistake, if you shame us publicly we will make sure you pay for your crimes."

Edward and I were speechless. It felt like someone had pushed us off a cliff. We had suspected their involvement in our freedom but to have it laid out in the open was staggering. They knew that we had killed Tanya and Maria but did they know why? "We know what you are." Edward's father had said. Did he mean murderers or gay? We dared not ask but chose instead to mumble our acknowledgement of his words and escaped back to New York as quickly as we could.

******

I was exhausted and tired of thinking, tired of remembering what we had done. The memory of our crime was overshadowing our happier ones as it always did on this day. I was ready for it to be over, for the pain to be lessened for one more year.

As if reading my mind, Edward turned to me,

"Are you ready to go to bed?" he inquired as he stroked the palm of my hand lovingly.

"Yeah." I sighed.

We rose from our position on the couch and made our way to Edward's bedroom. We got ready for bed and I changed into some of the pajamas that I kept in his apartment. We lifted the covers and crawled into the massive bed that dominated one wall of his immaculate room. Edward opened his arms to me and I laid back against his chest. His arms came around me securely and I felt safe and secure as only he could make me.

"I love you Edward." I whispered into the darkness.

"I love you too Jas, more than you can ever know." He answered with a slight tremble to his voice.

Emotional I pressed myself further into his arms and they tightened around me.

"It's almost tomorrow, Edward."

In reply he placed a soft kiss on the back of my neck. As we drifted to sleep eager to put the day behind us I knew that no matter the guilt and burdens we carried, we would always have each other and as long as we had that we would survive anything.