Disclaimer: I do not own Maximum Ride, Sharpies, or Chuck Bass.
The Sharpie War
Rated K
Humor/Friendship
I looked down at the poster board I was supposed to be making for school. It made me decide that I was not the artistic type.
My art teacher had decided we needed to have some take home assignment thing. We were supposed to be making lost pet signs, only my cat looked like a monkey. I couldn't really see how I could possibly do that. While we were genetically enhanced in more than one way, apparently the whitecoats decided I didn't need any artistic skills. I would argue with them on that subject right about now.
The floor of my room was littered with many different colors of Sharpies, most of them just thrown here and there after deciding it wasn't the right color.
I looked at the poster again. Maybe I should just make it a lost monkey sign, that would be easier. Wasn't it possible for people to have a monkey as a pet?
I thought about this one book I had picked up. I was sure that the man in it had a monkey for a pet. Even if the owner of the monkey did act like a freak, it still proved my point. And really, what was a freak? You would have to include me in that column.
I picked up a black Sharpie, taking the cap off, and wrote 'Lost Monkey' at the top. In the crooked information box I had drawn at the bottom (I swear that ruler wasn't straight) I wrote 'Sweetie' as the name. I don't know what that man was thinking when he named his monkey Sweetie, but I figured it was okay to steal the name.
Rather than look for an address, I made up an Upper East Side address. I decided that if anyone asked I could say I stole it from the character too.
I was just doodling some designs on the poster when my door opened. I wouldn't have even noticed it if it hadn't been for our sharp senses. Without looking up, I immediately knew who it was. There was only one flock member with the ability to move that quietly.
"Hey," Fang said. His voice was just as quiet as his entrance. He came over to sit down next to me.
"Kids asleep?" I asked while concentrating on making some demented swirly things on the paper. I knew that if they had gone to bed already I would have gotten up to say goodnight to them.
Although, knowing my flock, they would refuse to go to bed so early. It was only 8 o'clock here.
I could have sworn Fang's eyebrows twitched just then. Maybe I'm just delusional, right? Don't answer that.
"Are you done with this thing yet?" I asked him while waving my marker-free hand at my Lost Monkey poster.
"Finished it in class," he said simply. It was true, we were given the chance to do this work in class. My friend J.J. kept distracting me though and I ended up not getting it done. Lucky me, now I get to do the project right now.
We sat in silence while I made some more random shapes and colored them in.
"Does that seriously say Lost Monkey?" He asked.
"He's Chuck Bass," I said. "I believe he's allowed to lose a monkey."
A flicker of amusement crossed his eyes (and no, I was not looking into them). "Chuck Bass? Didn't Nudge force us to watch a show with a Chuck Bass in it?" Yes, we have excellent memories. "Don't remember a Chuck Bass there."
"I'm not talking about the show," I said. "They had the books in the library at the library and I read them out of boredom. You really don't know Chuck Bass unless you've read the series."
"Whatever you say," said Fang. "But nobody else needs to know how crazy you are, do they?"
"Hey," I scoffed and moved so that I was positioned super close to Fang, facing him. He leaned in closer. Before he got any closer I took the black Sharpie in my hand and did exactly what I planned to do. A black line appeared when I moved the marker.
"You didn't," he said. There was now a black line on his left cheek starting from just below his eye and going towards his mouth. I knew what I had just started, Fang was never one to just take something and move on.
His right hand reached down to the floor by his leg and he picked up a green Sharpie that had fallen.
"Oh, believe me, I did," I said. I knew exactly what I would get for taunting him. He pulled the cap off the marker, flinging it somewhere. The hand with the Sharpie in it reached out towards the right side of my face. I felt the tip as the marker ran from the side of my mouth and to my cheekbone.
I did the only thing I could think of doing. My hand reached out and made a mark on his other cheek while my left hand went to the floor to look for another marker.
Jackpot. I grabbed the marker and pushed the cap off with my thumb.
Fang took my distraction and used it. His marker ran from my right shoulder (he had pushed my t-shirt out of the way), down my arm, and to my hand. He stopped when the marker bounced off the nail of my middle finger. It was a miracle he didn't get it on the carpet. Anne would have surely killed him then.
Simply said, I lashed out. The hand with the black marker started to make a long line on his forearm while the one with the unknown color came out from behind my back. I made marks on both his cheeks and his forehead.
It was then that I noticed the marker was a vibrant shade of pink. Oh, I'd be in trouble later.
While I was thinking Fang had picked up a second marker. That was when the real fun began.
We both stood up and starting sparring with the markers. No matter which one of us moved faster, we still managed to get marker on the other.
I could easily see the pink and black marks on Fang's olive skin. He looked very...punk princess-y. I hate to think of what I looked like.
"By the way," I said. "You're just as crazy as me."
"Not a chance," said Fang.
I responded by speeding up. There weren't many non-colored spots left on Fang's arms and his face. Fang was lucky that I was wearing shorts and he had more room. Why, oh why, did he need to wear jeans and a t-shirt? I needed a bigger canvas.
I would make one. I pulled his shirt up and over his head and got to work. I could have sworn he seemed surprised by what I did but I was too busy to notice.
--
After about an hour there were not many spots left to run the marker along on his body. I could imagine he was running out of room on me too.
Soon after that we both collapsed on my bed. Believe it or not, having a Sharpie war was exhausting.
I hadn't even realized that I fell asleep. But sure enough, I woke up and it was one in the morning.
I rolled over and ran into a lump on my bed. Fang. We had both fallen asleep.
Someone had turned the light in my room off while we were sleeping. Although it was dark, I could see Fang perfectly. My eyes roamed my art piece, stopping at his chest for a little too long. Too bad I couldn't just submit him into my art teacher.
Looking at Fang, I hated to think about what I looked like right about now. I wasn't even sure what the color of the second marker had been.
I knew I would regret was I was about to do. I hopped off the bed and my feet carried me to the bathroom. My first glance at the mirror told me that I was right.
I looked like a freaking Christmas tree. Green and red. The other color had been red, the shade of red that normally went with a Christmas tree. Not that I'd really know. My memories of happy Christmases were pretty limited and the only ones I remembered were the one's with Jeb. That pretty much made them unhappy memories right about now. But they did at least include trees so I knew the colors.
But as bad as I looked, Fang was worse. That thought made me smile. I knew he'd kill me in the morning, but it was all worth it.
I felt awake but my eyes were closed and my head felt weird. I remembered where and when I had felt something like that before. Right in my room and last night.
My eyes shot open and connected with Fang's dark irises. He put the cap back on the marker he had just been using to draw on my forehead.
"That is for the pink," he said. He was no longer leaning over me. I got up and ran for the bathroom.
The sight in the mirror was even worse than before. Looking back at me was the same face I saw as last time. The only thing different? The freaking yellow star on my forehead. Now I really looked like a Christmas tree.
"FANG!!" I yelled. He is so dead.
This oneshot was written for Rainxface's Writing Challenge.
And you have no idea how hard it was to not make it majorly Faxy. But I'm pretty proud of this oneshot.
By the way, Chuck Bass and his monkey named Sweetie are from Gossip Girl (the books). And I meant what I said about not knowing Chuck Bass unless you've read the series.
And you expect a Twilight oneshot from me and me continuing This Maximum Ride as soon as I have the time.
--alexz1jude, Sarah, Schuyler, Patsy, whatever you want to call me.