Spoilers 5x11
I'm feeling so much angst right now that I just needed to write this to get it all out.
Killian's thoughts through his final moments.
"Let me die a hero. That's the man I want you to remember, please!"
"I love you."
"I love you too."
She stepped back away from him, breaking their embrace. He wanted nothing more than to pull her back, to freeze that moment. He needed to hold her again. If he could just do that, if he could hold on to that moment, just a little longer, everything would be okay.
But no, nothing would be okay. Not with this darkness in the world. He needed it gone. She needed it gone. And more than anything, he needed to give her that.
He could see her hesitating, faltering before him. The darkness swirled inside him, angry, wanting nothing more than to rise up and save itself. He pushed it down. He was stronger than that now.
"It's okay."
Two small words. They slipped out, almost by accident. But it was the truth. It was okay. The darkness would be gone and Emma would be okay. That was all that mattered.
Time was standing still. Their shared kiss still lingered on his lips. Oh, to have that single moment back.
And then, a crushing weight as she lunged towards him.
The darkness rushed in, but it was a different kind of darkness. It blurred his vision and he swayed, no longer able to hold himself as he realized his legs were numb. He felt her weight against him, supporting him, holding him. She was his Emma again. He was himself again.
The uprising of darkness from inside him was gone. There was nothing left to struggle against.
He let go.
It was ironic, how free he felt in death. The weight that had held him down over the past days was no longer there. The pain and injustice the darkness had brought into his life had disappeared. All that lingered was a dull ache, the knowledge that Emma was no longer there with him, accompanied by the relief of the knowledge that she was safe.
And there was something else.
Something that he knew could not be burned out.
Hope.
She would find him. Somehow, somewhere, they would be together again.
It's okay.