"You're Funny, Easter Bunny"
A Gold Standard Easter Tale
Featuring
Baby Regal/Mr. Gold
1
Kitchen Disaster
Gold's Victorian
Three days before Easter:
"Auntie Belle, I wanna dye the Easter eggs my own self!" Regina Nolan declared as she sat at the Golds' kitchen table, which was covered in newspaper and had a carton of hardboiled eggs on it, and five colored cups of Paz egg dye solution in front of it, along with a wire holder to dip the egg in. A second carton was set out so you could put the finished dyed eggs in it and there were also several paint brushes and washable glitter paint in green, purple, gold, pink, blue, and red to create stunning designs on the dyed eggs when they had dried.
Belle already had several examples of the Gold children's artistry, since Henry, Alina, Grace, and their friends had come over yesterday and dyed their eggs after school. Even Jimmy had participated in this "new" activity-at least for him. His, Alina's, and Henry's eggs rested in golden holders on the mantel in the den, and Belle and Rumple had even made eggs for the twins, so they were also represented.
Rumple had read everyone the two Easter stories, one which was the traditional tale of Jesus' resurrection, and the other was the tale of the Easter bunny, which came down from Fairy Tale Land. The Easter bunny, in his fairy tale guise, was supposed to visit the houses of all the good children and leave gifts of eggs, fruit, and candy in basket upon Easter morning for the children and their families. Legend also said that if a child happened to come upon the Easter bunny, but by chance only, that one would have a special blessing bestowed upon him or her. People dyed eggs in brilliant colors to welcome the Easter bunny into their homes, as the bunny brought hope, light, renewal, and the promise of rebirth with him.
"I wanna see the Easter bunny, Unca Rumple!" Regina told him after he had finished reading the tale from Henry's fairy tale book.
"Well, imp, if you're lucky, then maybe you will," Rumple told her, and he playfully tweaked her nose. "Can you wriggle your nose like a bunny's?"
Regina shook her head, her dark hair flying about her face. She was wearing a pink top and sweater combination over her flowered white jeans and her favorite light up purple Reeboks. She was cuddled on her uncle's knee, her usual position when he read to her."No-o. How do ya, Unca Rumple?"
"Like this," he answered, then he twitched his nose back and forth just like a rabbit's.
Regina burst into giggles. "You're funny, Unca Rumple!"
"Now you try," he invited, his brown eyes sparkling.
So Regina did, scrunching up her little nose and wriggling it back and forth. "I did it!"
Henry and Alina started laughing, because the face she made was so silly and adorable.
Rumple poked her playfully in the tummy, saying in a squeaky voice, "Oh no! It's Tickle Torture Regina time!"
Regina started laughing hysterically. "No-o-o! Unca Ru-u-mple! Hahahahee!" she giggled helplessly when he tickled her with his long slender fingers.
"Do you surrender?" her uncle queried, smirking his trademark mischievous grin.
His niece gasped for breath, then she poked him back in the ribs.
"Hey!" he laughed.
"It's Giggle Me Rumple!" cackled Regina, tickling him back.
That caused the sorcerer to start laughing harder, until he said, "All right, that's enough, minx. Now we're going to kiss and make up." Then he said in his squeaky voice, "Like bunnies do!" and he twitched his nose and touched it to Regina's nose. "Bunny kisses!"
Regina grinned and gave him a "bunny kiss" back.
Jimmy watched from his seat on the recliner and muttered to Henry, "You know, sometimes I think I missed out on all these fun things growing up . . . even though I never knew they even existed till I came here. My dad never played like that with me when I was her age."
Henry nodded. "Grandpa's in a class by himself."
"You can say that again," Jimmy agreed, and he felt a bit envious of his elder half-brother, Baelfire. Then he reached out to tickle his nephew, and they rolled on the rug, wrestling and laughing.
That had been last night, and now Regina was over at her uncle's house decorating eggs with Belle for her family. She had on a pink apron so she didn't ruin her clothes, and was trying to paint the eggs with sparkly paint while Belle made an angel food cake with vanilla glaze and fresh strawberries for dessert that night. The twins were upstairs in the nursery napping, with Freya and Nala standing guard inside the room.
"Okay, Regina, you can paint six eggs yourself," Belle agreed, as she slid the angel food cake upon the cake plate covered with wax paper to cool. She would drizzle it with the glaze later and put cut up strawberries on top.
Regina happily dipped the paint brush in the paint and began painting.
Just then one of the twins began crying.
Right after that, Freya started barking, as if calling Belle to come and see what was the matter.
"Okay! I'm coming!" Belle said, and put the oven mitt on the counter and slung the Snuggli over her shoulders before going upstairs to feed the twins.
Regina continued painting the eggs, making them extra sparkly with lots of paint. She finished her six eggs in about seven minutes, then was bored. Freya, Rumple's collie puppy, who was almost forty pounds now, came and licked her arm, wagging her tail.
"Hey, Freya!" Regina greeted the pretty dog, who was colored gold, white and silver. "Lookit what I did for Easter. I dek'rated these eggs for Unca Rumple, Auntie Belle, Mommy, Daddy, and Emma and Bae!" She pointed to the row of eggs sitting in the carton.
Then she looked at the collie and had a brilliant idea. "You need to look pretty for Easter too!" she stated, then she grabbed the paint brush and some blue and purple sparkly paint.
Belle came downstairs some fifteen minutes later with Dylan in the Snuggli and holding Daria in her arms, and she called, "Regina, would you like to play with your cousins on the toy quilt for awhile? Are you done decorating your Easter eggs?"
"I's all done, Auntie Belle! An' lookit! I made you a s'prise!"
"You did?" Belle smiled as she made her way into the kitchen. "How sweet—oh my good Lord!"
The sight that greeted her eyes was a surprise all right . . .an unexpected and unwelcome one! Belle was so shocked at what she saw that she almost dropped Daria.
Her formerly neat and clean kitchen looked like a paint war had occurred in it. There was sparkly paint in all colors of the rainbow everywhere. On the eggs . . . on the chairs . . . on the counter . . . on the walls . . . on the fridge . . . even Freya was covered in blue and purple paint on her head and her back.
The collie looked at Belle as if to say, "Look what she's done to me!"
"Auntie Belle, do you like it? I made the kitchen pretty!"
Belle regained her voice. "Regina, what on earth have you done?"
Page~*~*~*~*~*~Break
Rumple came home for lunch and heard not just the twins crying, but Regina as well. He shut the door and walked into the kitchen, calling, "Belle? What's going on in—Jesus H. Christ!"
He gaped at the mess and then saw Regina standing in the corner, whining and squirming. "Regina, did you . . . do this?"
His kitchen looked like a bomb had hit it . . . a paint bomb.
Regina turned about, her lower lip sticking out in a classic pout. "Unca Rumple! Auntie Belle's mean! I wanted to s'prise her an' so I painted the kitchen pretty colors an' Freya too for Easter an' she got mad an' put me in time out for five minutes an' she smacked my butt too! It's no fair!"
He raised an eyebrow. "You're telling on your aunt?"
"Uh huh." The little imp sniffled pathetically. "Auntie Belle's mean an' nasty!"
"For punishing you when you've . . . made a disaster of her kitchen?" Rumple sputtered. "I don't think so, young lady!"
"Rumple?" Belle called from the hallway.
"Belle? Are you okay? Where's the twins?"
"Upstairs, asleep. And I'm fine, I'm giving Freya a bath up here because Regina painted her too!" his wife called.
"You painted my dog?" Rumple frowned.
The little moppet gave him a stubborn look. "So's she looked nice for Easter! It was s'post to be a s'prise!"
Rumple groaned. He could imagine what a surprise poor Belle had had! He pointed to the corner. "I hope you've learned your lesson, Miss Nolan. You know you're not to paint anything except paper or Easter eggs. Now turn and face the wall. You know the rules."
Sullenly, Regina turned around again. "You is mean too, Unca Rumple!"
"I know, dearie. I'm a horrible nasty beast," he sighed.
"Yeah, you is!" came the angry retort.
Rumple rolled his eyes. "Belle, how much longer does she have?"
"Three minutes," his wife called.
Rumple began to count on the oven clock.
The front door opened, and Jimmy Jones entered, tugging off his sneakers before padding into the kitchen to see if there were any snacks to eat before supper. He had been skateboarding down at the park and was starving. "Uncle Rumple, do we have any Rice Krispie treats?" He walked into the kitchen, which still resembled the aftermath of paint ball war. "Holy shit! What happened in here?"
Rumple craned his head around and gave the teenager a Look. "Hey! Watch your mouth, Mr. Jones! Before you're eating soap and I put you in the other corner next to her."
Jimmy's eyes widened. "Whoa, Uncle Rumple! Relax! It was an observation! Jeez!"
Rumple glared at him and said, "And you can observe the wall, if you don't quit sassing me, boy!"
"I . . . I wasn't . . ." Jimmy protested, then subsided at another knowing glare. "Okay . . . maybe I was . . . a little . . . but you don't need to jump all over my butt . . ."
Regina turned around then and smirked, saying in a sing-song treble, "Jimmy's in trouble! Jimmy's in trouble!"
Jimmy scowled and snapped, "Well, at least I ain't an evil bitch, Your Majesty!"
"Ooh! You said a really bad word!" gasped the toddler.
"Regina, turn around and think about what you did," Gold ordered, totally out of patience now. "Mr. Jones, come with me. Now!" His tone brooked no disobedience.
"But . . . Uncle Rumple . . .!" Then he swallowed the rest of what he was going to say and followed the older man into the bathroom down the hall.
While his young charge sputtered in the soap he'd conjured, Rumple quietly and thoroughly tore strips out of him. "I cannot believe you said that, Jimmy! You know perfectly well she doesn't know who she is . . . and that's how we prefer it at this time! You know that! You also know better than to let a three-year-old get to you like that . . . or at least I thought you did."
Jimmy nodded, his eyes pleading.
"Rinse your mouth out," he sighed.
Jimmy did so. "I shouldn't have said that." He made a face. "Yuck!"
"Next time watch your mouth. Now come with me."
A rather disgruntled and ashamed pirate followed Gold back to the kitchen, and he went to go towards the pantry, when Gold's voice stopped him. "Hold it. I'm not finished yet. Corner, now." He pointed to the opposite corner where Regina was standing.
Jimmy's jaw dropped. "You can't . . . you've gotta be kidding!"
Rumple put his hands on his hips and frowned sharply. "Mr. Jones, what did I say before?"
"You said . . . but . . .that's not fair . . ."
"Isn't it? Mr. Jones, what would your father do if you disobeyed him on board his ship?"
"Uh . . . he'd make me holystone the deck, probably. Or . . . or mend sails or scrub the bilge," the other admitted.
"Now who's the captain in this house?"
"You are, sir."
"Right. Now stick your nose over there. Five minutes," Gold ordered. Then he turned to Regina, who was staring at Jimmy, her mouth partially open. "You're not done with time out yet, Regina, so face the wall. And no comments or else it'll be an extra five!"
"'Kay, Unca Rumple," she muttered and obeyed, turning around.
"Hardass!" Jimmy groused as he obeyed as well.
"Excuse me?" Rumple demanded sharply. "You want another fifteen and a second session with liquid Dawn this time?"
A horrified Jimmy shook his head. "Sorry, sir. I'll shut up now."
"Wise decision," Rumple remarked. Then he waved a hand and the kitchen was restored to its former pristine condition. He checked the clock and was just about to tell Regina to come out when Bae came into the kitchen.
"Hey, Mama, I finished planting the tulips in your planter for Easter," her son announced. "Is there anything else you'd like me to do—Jesus H. Christ!" he exclaimed upon coming into the kitchen and seeing both Regina and Jimmy in the corner.
Then Regina piped up, without turning around, "You better watch you mouth, Baelfire, b'fore Unca Rumple puts you in the corner next!"
Jimmy put his hand over his mouth, his shoulders shaking.
Bae rolled his eyes. "Yeah, right."
Rumple turned and gave his eldest one of his Looks.
Bae paled and muttered, "Sorry, Papa."
Then he coughed and asked, "Why in the world are they there anyway?"
"Regina, you can come out," Gold said, and then he hugged his niece. "Next time behave. And tell your brother here what you did to get in trouble."
While Bae listened to Regina telling him how she had painted the entire kitchen and Freya, Rumple went up the stairs to see how Belle was doing with Freya's bath.
Bae looked at his little brother. "So what'd you do?"
"Me? Nothing!" Jimmy protested. Then he chuckled. "Okay. I swore at Regina and I was a smartass to him."
"Ah. That'll do it then," Bae said knowingly.
Regina nodded in agreement.
"Uh, Bae? Did he do this to you too?" Jimmy asked, shifting slightly.
"That'd be a yes," his brother sighed. "Too many times to count."
"You is s'post to stay still. Or else he's gonna add another minute," Regina instructed him.
Jimmy muttered something that probably would have earned him a second mouthwashing had Gold been there to hear it, and froze in place.
"This sucks!"
"Well, next time watch what you say," Rumple said, coming back into the kitchen with a fluffy clean Freya at his heels and Daria in the Snuggli. "You're done, come out."
Jimmy did and he and Regina exchanged rueful glances with each other. Both had learned something today—to never cross Rumple, though it was lesson they would probably have to have repeated, given who they were.
"Sorry, imp," Jimmy apologized to her.
"I forgive you," she said magnanimously. "You wanna help me plant some petunias?"
"Me, plant flowers?" Jimmy gaped at her. "But that's women's—" he halted as Bae glared at him warningly. "Uh, sure, kid. Where are we planting them?"
"Outside, on the patio," Regina said, then she dragged him over to the sliding glass door and opened it, calling, "C'mon, Freya!"
As the teenager, toddler, and collie ran outside, Bae turned to Rumple and said, "See, Papa. He can be taught . . . it just takes the patience of a saint!"
"Which I'm not," Rumple chuckled ruefully.
"But you try, dearie," Belle chuckled and hugged her husband. With the way it was going, this holiday was going to be another milestone in their family. Little did she know, her prediction would come true . . . in more ways than one.
A/N: So I decided to write something fluffy and cute to offset my more serious story, Magic's Price. Next chapter will be a Charming Easter egg hunt—gone wrong!