Because sometimes what you need in life is Blaine using the worst pick-up lines ever. I don't recommend trying this in real life, friends!
"Is there a mirror in your pocket?"
"...What?"
"Is there a mirror in your pocket?" Blaine repeated himself. The shit eating grin on his face had Kurt a little worried, if he was being entirely honest. "Because I see myself in your pants."
"Blaine, why- since when do you use God-awful pick-up lines?" Kurt asked, facepalming hard and stifling a reluctant laugh into his hands.
"Sam told me he uses them all the time on Mercedes," Blaine said. "He actually bet me that he could get her into bed using 'awesome' lines faster than I could get you." Blaine air-quoted around "awesome," pulling a face that showed his true opinion on Sam's idea of flirtation.
"Oh, so now our trysts are fodder for bets between a couple of bros?" Kurt said, arch yet joking. "What happened to 'I don't like knowing our roommates can hear us make love, Kurt!'? Has the romance finally gone?"
"If I win, he promised to let me pick the next ten Star Wars fanfictions we read," Blaine said earnestly. "And I just found this really good saga about Chewbacca!"
"Oh, well, if Chewie's at stake, hit me with your best shot, Anderson." Kurt sprawled out on his back on his bed, sticking his hands behind his head to give a true picture of relaxation. "You've got a bet to win, and you know I only date champions."
"No pressure there," Blaine teased, getting up and standing on the opposite side of the bed from Kurt. "Okay, uh...you must be from Tennessee, because you're the only ten I see." He pointed at Kurt and then himself at the appropriate points in a manner that would bring a tear to Coop's eye, voice going deeper and smoother.
Kurt let out a spate of giggles. "That was terrible. Got anything better?"
"Did it hurt?"
"Did what hurt?"
"When you fell from heaven, angel," Blaine finished up, shooting Kurt a smile that was probably supposed to be winning but just looked smarmy since Blaine couldn't hold back his own laughter.
"Flattering, but not good enough. I'm half tempted to get up and leave," Kurt said, pushing himself upright as a look of inspiration passed over Blaine's face. He turned around, giving Kurt an excellent view of his ass, and stuck his hand in his back pocket in a manner Kurt could only describe as caressing.
"Oh, good, I have my library card," Blaine said, turning his head back first, then the rest of his body. Kurt couldn't keep his face from falling slightly as he lost sight of Blaine's incredible ass. "That means I can check you out, gorgeous." Blaine leveled his gaze on Kurt's face before deliberating staring up and down Kurt's semi-outstretched body, eyes darkening as he did. Kurt could practically feel them burning into him. "Hey, is there something on your shirt?" he asked suddenly, staring directly at Kurt's nipples, easily visible through his worn, white shirt.
"What? Oh God-" Kurt looked down at his shirt in horror, afraid he'd gotten soy sauce on it from his Chinese food earlier, but Blaine cut him off.
"Nope, sorry, it's just my eyes." Kurt snickered lightly at that before looking back up at Blaine and getting trapped in his gaze. "Do you happen to have a band-aid?"
"What? Why?" Kurt asked, slowly losing the thread of what was happening in favor of staring at Blaine, who had crossed his arms over his chest to stare at his (ridiculously muscular) forearms intensely.
"Because I just scraped myself falling for you," Blaine said, winking at Kurt. It was a testament to how turned on Kurt was that he didn't immediately burst into laughter at that. Instead, he took a deep breath before wetting his lips, feeling a bit like a deer in headlights as a tiny shiver went through him. Blaine walked over to the bed and took a seat practically on Kurt's lap at that, looking – victorious? "Hey, baby, can we build a garden? I want to put our tulips together."
"God," Kurt said, before surging forward and kissing the living daylights out of Blaine at that. "I didn't think you could actually do it."
"We're getting married, Kurt. I know exactly how to get you going."
"Shut up and make out with me more, Anderson." Blaine did just that, kissing Kurt deeply before getting to work on his neck. Kurt lost track of everything after that, only focusing on Blaine and more and sweet Jesus when did he learn to do that with his tongue?
Once the sex haze finally cleared, Kurt turned to Blaine, a cheesy grin wide on his face as a line of his own occurred to him. "I can tell you're a great boxer, B, because you're a total knockout."
"And you said my lines were awful?" Blaine teased, leaning in to kiss the tip of Kurt's nose after his giggles passed.
"Only speaking the truth, Anderson. Hey, at least you won, right?"
"Thank God for Sam's inability to use any lines that aren't Harry Potter themed. Mercedes is never going to forgive him for 'do you want to whomp my willow?'."
"I'm never going to forgive you for repeating that," Kurt said, shaking his head slightly in mock disgust. "I might never be able to get it up again."
"Oh, really?" Blaine said, and before he knew it Kurt was ready to go for round two.