Disclaimer: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by George Lucas. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended. The character of Ryn Orun belongs to DestructiveGlory; I am simply borrowing her for the purposes of this story.
A History of Tears and Sex is a collection of stories is set in the Jedi Master, Galactic Tyrant universe by Estora. These are a series of outtakes; a side-story, so to speak, that looks at the life of Ferus Olin in the AU. It might not make sense if you haven't read Jedi Master Galactic Tyrant or DestructiveGlory's Freefall (and its sequels), but I hope you enjoy it anyway!
(1)
to the dogs
Ferus Olin wasn't on Coruscant when the Republic went to the dogs.
He didn't come up with that phrase, of course, but most of the things his best friend – or was that partner? (Lover? Girlfriend? He wasn't even sure) – said that shocked him also stuck. Ryn's crass description was actually quite fitting, all things considered, from the way the politicians, like starving snarling bitches mauling a slab of meat, lunged for the power vacuum left behind when Palpatine was killed.
Murder was the word in the Senate. Republic against Republic, Separatist against Separatist. Palpatine was to blame – and the Separatists were to blame. And the Clones were to blame! And the Jedi! Blame the Jedi!
In other words, absolute chaos, and no corner of what was left of the Republic was left untouched by it. It was much like dropping a pebble into a still lake, watching the ripples expand from the centre until the surface was completely broken. Except with much less grace. And if the pebble was more like an asteroid and the lake was more like an already-raging ocean. With no stable government, another war was threatening to break out, this time within the Republic, and unless someone took power – something no self-serving politician really wanted anyone else to do – it was starting to look pretty bleak.
(Pathetic, actually, according to Ryn, since it wasn't like the Republic was credible anymore anyway.)
It didn't really have much to do with him, at any rate. Bellassa was a Core planet that aligned itself with the Neutral Systems Alliance in the third year of the Clone Wars and was enjoying an uninterrupted flow of trade, and had a relatively stable economy. Ferus liked to jump between Coruscant and Bellassa – the latter, because he had a house and a livelihood and a business in slicing with Roan Lands; the former, because Ryn was there. One day, he thought, when Loreth and the Jedi reached a proper agreement that didn't involve exploiting Ryn, he'd ask her to come back to Bellassa with him.
(He didn't know what her response would be to that, but he hoped that she'd say yes.)
Ferus had his regrets about leaving the Order. Darra and Tru and Master Tachi… the Jedi were the only family he had. The only ones, aside from Ryn, who'd ever really understood him. He thought of the Order often – far too much for someone who'd sworn to never look back. Secretly, though, Ryn was his biggest regret about leaving. Yes, they stayed in contact (and later in physical contact, she would smirk as she straddled him) but it wasn't the same, not having that partnership from their youth. He missed it. He missed her, even when he was with her, because she was Areth'ryn Orun and Areth'ryn Orun belonged to the Jedi Order, and as long as he didn't and she did there would never really be a them again. Orun-and-Olin.
Unless, of course, he went back to the Jedi, and that was out of the question.
(If she asked him to go back to the Jedi, he was almost certain he would. But she would never ask him to do that, and he wasn't sure he wanted her to.)
(He made himself confused sometimes, too.)
It took six months for the chairman of the Neutral Systems Alliance, King Androssi V – informally styled as Senator Kenobi – of Stewjon, to disband the squabbling remains of the Republic and re-establish order using the NSA as its base. Another month later and the New Republic officially had a Supreme Chancellor.
The idea of Obi-Wan Kenobi as a politician prompted two reactions from Ferus: amusement, and shock. Amusement, because anyone who had ever known Obi-Wan prior to the Clone Wars knew the man couldn't stand politicians, and the situation's irony let even the most serious of persons find amusement in it. Shock for the exact same reason, except that it wasn't funny at all.
He certainly didn't feel like laughing when he actually met Obi-Wan for the first time in years, on a routine trip to Coruscant. Being invited to the Chancellor's office was… unusual, to say the least. Worrying, too, since he wasn't sure what he'd done to catch the attention of the Senate.
"I heard you were on Coruscant," Obi-Wan explained when he arrived. "I wished to see how you were. I apologise for making you come all the way here, but the rest of the Senate is convinced that if I take so much as a step outside the building everything will fall to pieces…"
The truth, Ferus suspected, probably wasn't too far from that, considering the mountain-high pile of datapads and documents on Obi-Wan's swamped desk.
"It's been a long time, Ferus."
"Yes, it has."
"You look well."
It's all the sex, Ryn snarked in his mind, and he stifled a cough. "Thank you."
To return the favour and say that Obi-Wan was looking well would be such a blatant lie that he couldn't even bring himself to say anything of the sort. As the Chancellor, he was sure Obi-Wan heard enough lies in one day to last him a lifetime…
"Do you know about Siri?" Obi-Wan asked softly, treading the water around Ferus.
There was no need for his caution, but it was appreciated. Ferus bowed his head, hiding the flinch of regret and pain. "I do."
Obi-Wan sighed. "I'm sorry."
As used to them as he was (since he had a habit of creating them, according to Ryn), Ferus still didn't like long awkward silences. "How is Skywalker?" he asked prudently, finding the thick Coruscant traffic rushing past the window far more interesting than it had any right to be.
Obi-Wan leaned against his desk, letting a smile flit across his face. "Oh, he's quite well. Still manages to give me a headache, but he's not the impetuous boy you used to know. He's matured."
Ferus nodded, shifting on his feet. "Was there anything in particular you needed, sir?"
"Your years away from the Order have not dulled your astuteness, I see," Obi-Wan said, then confessed, "I do have an ulterior motive in asking you here."
Ferus had a sinking feeling that he knew just what it was. "Oh?"
"Do you ever regret leaving the Order?"
Yes.
But he didn't say that, and stood back, observing Obi-Wan coolly. Obi-Wan noticed the sudden change in temperament and adjusted accordingly. "Things are different now, Ferus," he assured him, voice as smooth as any politician's. "It's slow, but things are changing. Anakin is publicly married to Senator Amidala, there are talks of the Code being revised –"
"You know why I left," Ferus interrupted, crossing his arms. It didn't have anything to do with the Code. It didn't even have to do with Anakin – he'd forgiven the then-child a long time ago. It didn't even have to do with Ryn. It –
"I know why you left, but it doesn't explain why you stayed away," Obi-Wan responded, ever perceptive, and when Ferus tried to turn away he was stopped by Obi-Wan's hand resting on his shoulder. "You don't need to punish yourself anymore," Obi-Wan continued softly. Comfortingly. "You didn't need to punish yourself in the first place. You were never at fault. And you still have friends in the Order."
"Friends?" Ferus repeated. "No, not really. Everyone was my friend, but nobody was my particular friend. Except Siri, and Darra, and Tru." And Ryn. "At least one died because of me, and the other two died anyway."
"You have more friends than you think you do. Ryn Orun, for example…"
It was unnerving, how much Obi-Wan knew about him. Negotiators do their research for an understanding of the situation, he thought. Politicians use it for a specific purpose. Ferus frowned, failing to hide his displeasure. "She is not a Jedi."
"No, but she is bound to the Jedi," Obi-Wan reminded him. "You could teach the Order a lot. Make a difference. I said there are talks of the Code and the way things are at the Temple being changed, but that's all it is at the moment: talk. Anakin's sway with the Council is… tenuous, at best. But you, Ferus – you were one of the most admired pupils the Order has seen in years. They will listen to you where they won't listen to Anakin."
Change. He'd had a lot of that in his life. He used to think that going back to the Jedi would be a step backwards, a return to old life, but if what Obi-Wan was saying was true…
You could be with Ryn again. Orun-and-Olin, like it used to be.
It was tempting.
(But not yet tempting enough to erase the years of hurt over Darra. He wondered if anything would.)
Then again… Change. Maybe he could do something for Ryn. Skywalker could only do so much on his own, what with his less-than-stellar reputation with the Council, and he couldn't rely on him for Ryn. They barely even knew each other. And the Council talking, but no action…
He didn't realise he'd responded until he finished talking: "I'm not making any promises to you, but… I'll think about it."
Obi-Wan's expression melted into exhausted gratitude. "Thank you."
Another long and awkward silence. (He was starting to think maybe he should keep scores of the long awkward silences he initiated. There had to be a galactic record out there he could break, or something.)
"I confess, I am surprised," Obi-Wan finally said. "I didn't expect that life outside the Jedi Order would suit you, but…"
Ferus ducked his head, hiding a flush. 'Suit' was one word for it, yes. (Ryn preferred 'thriving', usually said with a smirk as they, well…) "I would have said the same," he instead replied, pretending his face wasn't turning red. "But I adjusted. Master Tachi used to always tell me that I must accept change. Welcome it, she said – change is what keeps the galaxy spinning."
"Yes, that does sound like something Siri would have said," Obi-Wan murmured. "Change. So much has been happening, as of late." Ferus glanced up, and for the first time, he really looked at Obi-Wan. The man was… not just tired, but well and truly worn out, as though the only thing that was keeping him standing was the sheer strength of his will. And even his will looked to be rapidly disintegrating. The hair at his temples was grey, and wrinkles of exhaustion creased the corners of his eyes – his whole face just looked… gaunt. It struck Ferus as wrong. But then Obi-Wan smiled, and he almost looked like the Master Kenobi of the old days. "Siri would have been proud of you."
Would she? He didn't know, but the suggestion warmed him. "Thank you, Master Kenobi."
A flash of – regret? Grief? Longing? – swept across Kenobi's face at the slip. "Not Master," he corrected gently. "Not anymore."
And probably never again, was the unspoken part, but it resonated loudly about the room anyway. Ferus resisted the urge to fidget. "If I may, Mast- uh, Chancellor Kenobi –"
This made Obi-Wan wince. "Just Obi-Wan, Ferus. Please."
(And was that desperation?) "Obi-Wan."
The name felt unnatural on his tongue – here he was, addressing a former Jedi Master and now the Supreme Chancellor of the New Republic by his given name. The Ferus Olin of the past would never have dared, even with permission…
He almost said, "I'd never have expected life outside the Order to suit you either," but the word 'suit' felt very wrong, looking at Obi-Wan's heavy expression and tired eyes and politician robes. So he swallowed it and instead said, "I'd never have expected you to live a life outside the Order either."
The Chancellor's eyes darkened. "No," he agreed, but the tenor was clipped. "However, it is as you said – change is what keeps the galaxy spinning."
Obi-Wan's bitter tone haunted Ferus for days afterwards.
It takes him three years, a bad argument, a disastrous affair, a lot of plates thrown at his head, a failed marriage proposal, another argument, a lot of sex, and a finally successful marriage proposal to make a decision about becoming a Jedi once more. It's why Ferus is on Coruscant when the Republic goes to the dogs again, only five years after all of that.
(But that's another story all together.)