Saito... why had he even chosen the name? Something about it appealed to
him. He couldn't explain it, but it was like he could hear it, being said
to him. Being said the way a lover would say it. How that would sound was
actually the thing that pushed him. Whenever he took a new name, he knew
what he was doing. He knew what would be attached to that name. After a
year as Yamaguchi Jirou, he realized he needed something new. Something
strong. Something empowering. And he found it.
Saito.
Who was saying it? That he couldn't figure out--the voices in his mind. He only knew one thing about them. They were starkly different, but they both belonged to... men.
Damn, that made him want a cigarette. However, he'd given up tobacco when he was accepted into the Shinsengumi. It made him an irritable asshole, as opposed to just an asshole, but it was good as a member of the protectors of Kyoto. He always tried to talk himself out of his craving. It was the same internal pleading every time: Don't think about the sweet swell of nicotine filling your mouth. Don't think about the smoke as it chars your lungs in a most pleasant and relaxing way. Don't.
"Saito-san?"
Saito broke from his silent mantra and didn't even realize he was holding his hands in a gesture reminiscent of his smoking. He saw the young man standing there, looking at him with an amused smile. Okita. Saito was embarrassed.
"Yes, Okita?"
Okita shook his head, trying valiantly to hide his own embarrassment at catching Saito so deep in thought.
"Forgive me, Saito-san. I just saw you out here alone and I just wanted to talk, if you're not too busy, that is."
It never failed that Saito's cold heart warmed just a little around Okita. Perhaps if Okita wasn't who he was, Saito could stay in mean spirits, but after spending so much time with the gifted young man, it just wasn't possible. He bowed his head, hiding his grin.
"I'm not busy," he said, the grin perfectly visible through the sound of his voice.
Okita beamed at this, his posture immediately straightening as he climbed on the banister adjacent to Saito's perch.
"You were thinking," Okita said, even though it was obvious that was what Saito was doing. He just wasn't sure how to start a conversation with the rigid man.
"Yeah, I was."
"Um . . . do you mind if I ask what it was you were thinking about?"
Okita's voice was thin and fragile, something his spirit was not. Saito admired that about him, the way he could fool people without even trying.
Saito sighed and then let a small smile play around his lips, reaching to his narrow eyes.
"I was thinking about a cigarette."
The deceitfully sweet swordsman had to smile broadly at that.
"Are you out?" Okita asked eagerly. "Should I go find one for you?"
Saito turned his gaze on Okita then, and the smaller boy almost gasped. Somehow Saito looked even more intense when he smiled his true smile.
"No," Saito said quietly, "it's nothing like that. I quit a while back."
Okita chuckled, a light sound, like it was carried on the wings of butterflies.
"You miss them that much then? I mean, you looked so absorbed, I wasn't sure you'd even heard me!"
It was Saito's turn to chuckle then. "Maybe I wasn't only thinking about a smoke."
An easy silence settled on the porch as the afternoon sun beat down around the pair. Somehow Saito's quiet and hard nature didn't scare or bother Okita. In fact, he quite enjoyed the way Saito didn't ask anything of him, the way Saito just let him be.
And then the silence was shattered.
"Okita-kun!"
It was the Shinsengumi's vice-captain, Hijikata, looking for his right-hand man.
Okita immediately hopped off the banister and jogged to the far end of the porch. And Saito couldn't help but watch, from the corner of his narrowed eyes, Okita's hair bouncing as he ran along.
Hijikata spoke to his little minion in hushed tones that Saito did not even bother to hear. He figured if it were his business, Hijikata would say something. After all, Okita was the best as far as everyone was concerned, captain of the first squad of the Shinsengumi and all that.
Soon the vice-captain turned and swiftly left around the corner, quick as he'd come. Okita trotted back over to Saito, smiling at him shyly.
"Thank you for talking with me, Saito-san," he said brightly, bowing his head.
Saito's lips quirked in an amused smile and he watched Okita bound away. He kept the expression as he thought, "Ah, but we didn't really talk."
Saito.
Who was saying it? That he couldn't figure out--the voices in his mind. He only knew one thing about them. They were starkly different, but they both belonged to... men.
Damn, that made him want a cigarette. However, he'd given up tobacco when he was accepted into the Shinsengumi. It made him an irritable asshole, as opposed to just an asshole, but it was good as a member of the protectors of Kyoto. He always tried to talk himself out of his craving. It was the same internal pleading every time: Don't think about the sweet swell of nicotine filling your mouth. Don't think about the smoke as it chars your lungs in a most pleasant and relaxing way. Don't.
"Saito-san?"
Saito broke from his silent mantra and didn't even realize he was holding his hands in a gesture reminiscent of his smoking. He saw the young man standing there, looking at him with an amused smile. Okita. Saito was embarrassed.
"Yes, Okita?"
Okita shook his head, trying valiantly to hide his own embarrassment at catching Saito so deep in thought.
"Forgive me, Saito-san. I just saw you out here alone and I just wanted to talk, if you're not too busy, that is."
It never failed that Saito's cold heart warmed just a little around Okita. Perhaps if Okita wasn't who he was, Saito could stay in mean spirits, but after spending so much time with the gifted young man, it just wasn't possible. He bowed his head, hiding his grin.
"I'm not busy," he said, the grin perfectly visible through the sound of his voice.
Okita beamed at this, his posture immediately straightening as he climbed on the banister adjacent to Saito's perch.
"You were thinking," Okita said, even though it was obvious that was what Saito was doing. He just wasn't sure how to start a conversation with the rigid man.
"Yeah, I was."
"Um . . . do you mind if I ask what it was you were thinking about?"
Okita's voice was thin and fragile, something his spirit was not. Saito admired that about him, the way he could fool people without even trying.
Saito sighed and then let a small smile play around his lips, reaching to his narrow eyes.
"I was thinking about a cigarette."
The deceitfully sweet swordsman had to smile broadly at that.
"Are you out?" Okita asked eagerly. "Should I go find one for you?"
Saito turned his gaze on Okita then, and the smaller boy almost gasped. Somehow Saito looked even more intense when he smiled his true smile.
"No," Saito said quietly, "it's nothing like that. I quit a while back."
Okita chuckled, a light sound, like it was carried on the wings of butterflies.
"You miss them that much then? I mean, you looked so absorbed, I wasn't sure you'd even heard me!"
It was Saito's turn to chuckle then. "Maybe I wasn't only thinking about a smoke."
An easy silence settled on the porch as the afternoon sun beat down around the pair. Somehow Saito's quiet and hard nature didn't scare or bother Okita. In fact, he quite enjoyed the way Saito didn't ask anything of him, the way Saito just let him be.
And then the silence was shattered.
"Okita-kun!"
It was the Shinsengumi's vice-captain, Hijikata, looking for his right-hand man.
Okita immediately hopped off the banister and jogged to the far end of the porch. And Saito couldn't help but watch, from the corner of his narrowed eyes, Okita's hair bouncing as he ran along.
Hijikata spoke to his little minion in hushed tones that Saito did not even bother to hear. He figured if it were his business, Hijikata would say something. After all, Okita was the best as far as everyone was concerned, captain of the first squad of the Shinsengumi and all that.
Soon the vice-captain turned and swiftly left around the corner, quick as he'd come. Okita trotted back over to Saito, smiling at him shyly.
"Thank you for talking with me, Saito-san," he said brightly, bowing his head.
Saito's lips quirked in an amused smile and he watched Okita bound away. He kept the expression as he thought, "Ah, but we didn't really talk."