"All hail the internet," said Velma.
"Like we're not worthy man," said Shaggy.
The pair of them stared out of the window, faces pressed to the glass like small children looking through the window of a toy store, as the courier carried two large packages up the path to Velma's house. Daphne looked up from her newspaper with a mixture of sympathy and distain; she gave a sigh and resumed reading. Within seconds of the packages being delivered they were torn open.
"Like all the books, we've got all the books now," said Shaggy with his head buried in one of the boxes.
"And the art books, guides and maps," Velma clutched a mass of stuff to her bosom.
Velma and Shaggy danced around their stash hand in hand while Scooby darted between their legs caught up in the excitement.
"Those two sure are happy," said Fred.
"They're having a nerdgasm," said Daphne dismissively.
Velma dashed over to her computer to Skype her sister.
"Maddy all the stuff came, thanks for finding that site for us," Velma waved a map as she spoke.
"No worries Vel. Listen, I've got some leads on some more stuff. Plus I hear there's a fan remake of the film in the air."
"Do tell, pleeeeease!" said Velma.
"No pleeeeease don't," whispered Daphne heading off to find a quiet place to hide.
It was several months later and Daphne was walking as fast as she could for Velma's house. It was the closet place of safety on her way home as she couldn't see any taxis to hail. She suspected – no knew she was being followed, by some of the meanest rain clouds she'd seen in a while. 'Light spring showers' was the weather prediction for the day; these clouds had obviously stopped off at Shaggy's favourite 'all you can eat' pasta and pizza place on the way. She dashed into Velma's house and closed the door behind her just after the heavens opened. For once Daphne was glad that Velma had moved to this part of town, they'd spent ages looking for a house with a decent size basement as Velma loved basements. Daphne hung up her jacket and was about to call out for Velma when…
"Torture me if you will, I'll never tell you anything!"
Daphne cleared the water out of her ears, she must be hearing things the voice sounded like Velma's. Must be the TV she thought but a glance through the lounge door proved otherwise. There was an evil cackle from the basement; Daphne crept closer, pressing her ear against the door.
"Oh I will, I will torture you, and enjoy every minute of it. But when I'm done with my fun then I'll really get down to business on you!" the voice was full of evil and menace.
"No! Not the pain laser!" Velma shrieked.
"That was only on 2; wait till I turn it up to 11!"
"Mercy!"
"Mercy? Have you forgotten who you are talking to? Now prepare to suffer like you have never suffered before."
Daphne went into full combat-mode, she kicked open the basement door and summersaulted down the stairs. On landing she readied her most lethal attack moves determined to save her friend from whoever it was… even if it was just Shaggy dressed up in a green sparkly cape with a high conical collar wearing a straggly false beard and plastic bald head, more Ming the Tasteless than anything else. Shaggy held a flashing bicycle LED against Velma's bare belly by means of a toy throwing hoop. For her part Velma was wearing an insubstantial metal bikini with chain-mail detail and thigh-high boots. She was loosely tied spread-eagled atop a large table by thick ropes which had been spray-painted silver and appeared to have Christmas lights embedded within for good measure. Fake pieces of equipment were littered around the room and hung from the ceiling, all obviously made out of painted cardboard boxes. Scooby was sitting in a director's chair reading from a manuscript of some kind, an old voice-powered megaphone was on the floor next to him. Three pairs of eyes looked round at Daphne in surprise.
"Emmm, I'll, I'll come back, later," much later thought Daphne, her hand automatically reaching for her cell-phone; her therapist was on speed-dial for just such an emergency.
"Don't go Daph we're only rehearsing," said Velma.
What, for being weird? 'Cause you two don't need too thought Daphne "What in the name of all things fashionable and purple are you all up too?" Scooby held out the manuscript for Daphne, she walked over and took it.
"Rebellion of the Intergalactic Slave-Girls from Dimension 9?" Daphne's incredulity meter went off the scale as she flicked through the first few pages of the script.
"It's a B-movie classic Daph, there's going to be a fan remake and..." said Shaggy.
"We've got big parts in it!" said Velma with a level of excitement almost as indecent as her costume.
"Like I play Zarquad the Evil, he's the major bad-guy," said Shaggy proudly, you don't say thought Daphne.
"And I'm Boobella the leader of the slave-girl rebellion," said Velma proudly.
Daphne inwardly cringed "Take one notorious exploitation flick, marinade for 30 years in rose-tinted nostalgia, serve with a side-order of contemporary irony and bingo suddenly it's all OK now?"
"You finished Daph?" said Shaggy.
"Sorry meant to keep that in my head, so what about Scooby?"
"He's Vrexxan, Dog-King of the Underworld and Zarquad's second in command. I've almost finished his extra animatronic legs," said Velma sitting up and getting off the table "plus he's an assistant location director."
"Reah, revil renius" cackled Scooby before he started coughing.
"Well at least your special effects budget is bigger than the original."
"True, we're also trying to add some of the ideas from the books so it will have more depth than the original film."
"Depth? There's plenty of depth right there," said Daphne pointing at Velma's cleavage "which was the whole point of the original film from what I recall."
Velma moved Daphne's finger away "The books are much deeper, in the same way that H.G. Wells wrote War of the Worlds as a polemic against imperialism the author here was trying to do the same regarding the role of women in society at the time and their portrayal in fantasy literature in general. That by demeaning and degrading one section of society, society ultimately demeans and degrades itself while in the process of justifying..." began Velma unconsciously adopting her lecturer pose.
"She wrote a paper on this at college didn't she?" muttered Daphne as Velma continued to drone on, Shaggy nodded sticking his fingers in his ears. Mercifully Velma's impromptu lecture was interrupted by a phone call.
"Bother, Libby can't make it, she's been stung by a wasp and isn't feeling well..." said Velma as she hung up.
"Libby?"
"Someone you don't know Daph, she's my co-star of sorts; her uncle has a ranch out in New Mexico where the wilderness scenes will be filmed."
"So what's she going to be doing?"
"Well now hopefully listening to her husband and letting him take her to the hospital emergency room. What she would be doing here is working with me rehearsing the jail-break scene. Not much chance of that unless…" they all looked at Daphne.
"I am not wearing one of those things!" said Daphne pointing Velma's costume "and seriously doesn't that chafe?"
"It's more comfortable than you think. Shaggy made it; the inside is lined with very soft leather."
"Awww that's nice. No!"
"Aw come on Daph we need to practice this and it won't be the same if Scooby has to take her part, he has to be Vrexxan in this scene as well," said Velma.
"Like yeah, we don't have a costume his size either and Libby's about your size."
Daphne looked at three pairs of honest and innocent eyes. "Oh all right I'll read but I'm not dressing up. Pass me the script."
"Rake rive reveryone! Rake-up!" yelled Scooby through the megaphone right into Daphne's ear.
After depositing the megaphone over Scooby's head Daphne sat down to read. While she was doing so she glanced up to watch Velma as she tried to pull the megaphone off Scooby's head while Shaggy held on to Scooby. Velma's choice of clothing had always been a mystery to Daphne, at one level she insisted on covering herself up, yet she wore short skirts. She'd cover herself up at the beach but was happy to prance about in a tiny-weeny metal bikini and kinky boots for a dumb sci-fi film remake. Daphne resigned herself to the fact that how Velma ticked was one mystery that she'd probably never solve. With a quiet pop the megaphone came of Scooby's head causing Velma to fall backwards onto the floor.
"OK I'm ready," said Daphne.
"Right in this scene, Boobella and her co-conspirator Buttockszina, stop looking at me like that Daph, have allowed themselves to be captured so they can infiltrate Zarquad's lair and save their fellow slave-girls. They've just been thrown into a cell from which they plot their escape and instigate the rebellion." Velma took off her boots "That's better." she wiggled her toes.
"So where is the 'cell' then?" said Daphne.
"Like this way but be careful the paint might still be wet," Shaggy motioned for them follow him. They went into another room where a deep alcove had been fitted with floor to ceiling bars and a door. The door had a large lock fitted to it with a key hanging on the wall. Daphne tapped the door lock, it made a hollow sound.
"Like not too hard Daph! That's just a cereal box," said Shaggy.
"Sorry," said Daphne gingerly removing her hand while Velma gently opened the door and the girls walked inside.
"Sneeze and we'll be free," muttered Daphne eyeing up the build quality of the cell bars.
Shaggy carefully closed the door behind them, the bars glowed briefly when the door was closed, he turned the key in the lock which closed with quiet metallic click. While the girls had their back turned he briefly put his full weight on the bars, they didn't budge an inch. He turned so they wouldn't see the grin on his face.
Fred was driving to Velma's to pick-up Daphne when he noticed a pair of familiar figures hurrying along the road.
"Say buddy, need a ride?" Fred rolled down the window of the Mystery Machine as he pulled up to the pavement.
"Sweet thanks Fred, anything to save our feet. Man we are so late."
"Yeah looks like it's going to rain again."
"Right man we're inside."
"Well don't get too settled we'll be at Velma's soon," said Fred as Shaggy and Scooby relaxed into their seats.