*Takes a break from studying earlier today to work on a fic I'm hoping to finish before exams end for a little bit, is randomly struck with the urge to write this, ends up writing this entire fic instead of studying* I'm goanna fail my history exam rip
So, here's a fic inspired by the fact that I think if SOL!Judai happened, the closest thing to what he would be like is s3!Yubel. I don't think beings of darkness can be taken over like others are, but more of a slow growing taint that makes them easier to influence and control, becoming a bit unstable in the process. Writing from the LOR's POV was weird, but fun and I hope it's not too bad. I'm writing off my vague memory of the events from ep 59 to 61 though I can't remember how much time passes between these episodes so you'll see no concrete references to that, and, unimportant, but Manjoume doesn't get SOL'd in this au either
(I apologize in advance for any similarities this fic may have to other SOL!Judai fics, I've never read any, for reasons I won't say but you can maybe guess, any similarities are unintentional -probably unnecessary, but just in case)
It's Not Always Down That We Fall
The last thing he sees before everything goes black, is white.
And somehow, he feels that is worse.
-o-
It can't take over, not right away, not in him.
So instead, it digs its roots in and bides its time; even the sturdiest of walls eventually crumble.
-o-
He opens his eyes and all there is, is white, bright white and light and there is a panic building in his chest and he can't discern why, why suddenly he feels like the light is wrong and is going to swallow him whole. For a moment, the panic takes him fully that he can't even breathe and then it all snaps back, he comes back to himself exhausted and confused.
The panic is still there, but it's more of a nervous flutter now than anything else, a fast-paced rhythm that tired his already exhausted body out even more. He manages to process the fact he's in the nurse's office before darkness takes him again.
-o-
The Darkness within the boy is roaring as the Light seeps in deeper. It claws and lashes out solely on instinct as if an animal –there is no awareness, no intelligence, to it; not when its holder is all but blind to its existence and hasn't allowed to develop.
The conflict though between them though, it is sparking something. The boy does not know, does not understand; not the Light and its goal, nor the Darkness he controls, but he is starting to see, to feel.
It matters not, its hold seeps deeper even as Darkness screeches all around it trying to pry the roots it has sown from the ground, but it will not be so easily cast away.
No, its roots only dig deeper, chipping a bit more of the darkness out of the way to make room for the Light.
-o-
No matter how hard he looks or tries his cards remain as white as the room he's in and he can tell no one really believes him. He knows they aren't lying when they say it looks fine to them because some part of him knows that it isn't the cards that are messed up –it's him that is wrong.
It's him who can't see his cards, nor feel their spirits, or hear his partner's voice. It's him who keeps looking at light and white like a child looks at the shadows in their room after bedtime.
He just wants to go back to his dorm room (where there's no white and blinds that keep the light away) and sleep; he can't help but feel a bit defeated, slightly useless. His deck was all he had, what gave him a purpose, what allowed him to be and without it he can't help but feel a bit lost.
What is he even doing here if they aren't with him?
He knows the answer, he doesn't want to admit it, but he knows the answer.
"Are you alright Judai?" The question registers, but only vaguely, as if whispered quietly from a distance, and he stares at his cards a beat too long for his reply to really be believable perhaps.
"Of course," he responds anyway, flashing a grin he knows looks passably real, he's always fine.
-o-
The Darkness is still raging but its strength is diminishing, fading with the boy's will, but never disappearing. No the Darkness cannot cease to exist anymore than it can but it can be broken and beaten just as they had probably intended to do to it.
It would laugh, if it could, because this boy was their hope and it will make sure that he belongs to the Light before he even realizes it is here. Its powers weren't enough to control but they were enough to make him blind and for now, that is enough. The loss will keep him busy, vacant, and too lost to notice the struggle that goes on within him even as he grows more aware of the situation.
Because knowing does not mean doing, and he cannot act, not the way he is now. The loss of his spirits has only left him a far easier target, for he has responded by curling in on himself like a wounded animal, hiding from those humans he calls friends –and without the adequate support, foundations begin to crumble.
No the boy is in no condition to fight back, not now, and soon enough not ever. Its hold will be too strong for the boy to break free of so easily.
The Light continues to grow brighter and brighter within the boy, and a bit more of his Darkness burns away in the process.
-o-
He's well enough, they say, to finally be discharged from the Nurse's office and back to his own room. Physically only, they don't say, because he won't stop insisting his cards are a blank white and his gaze keeps going distant and lost.
They are all worried about him and a part of him wishes they weren't.
He doesn't need or deserve their concern.
He just wants to sit in the dark of his room because the light has begun to grate on his eyes and seeing anything white keeps making his skin crawl as if afraid or repulsed, and he doesn't know why but he feels like he's coming apart at the seams. It's ridiculous, and he can't explain the feeling but it feels so real, his grip tightens on the blank deck of cards that he hasn't let out of his sight since it was first returned to him.
The top card on the deck bends slightly, a slight upwards curve not enough to leave any kind of mark, and he whispers a silent apology to whichever one of his spirits he may have harmed.
He wonders if they can still hear him, if they are all actually still here with him and he just can't see or if something or someone has locked them all away.
He doesn't know which situation he finds to be worse.
Decides it doesn't really matter because he's still alone all the same.
-o-
The Darkness has gone quiet and it's not sure what to make of that, it still snaps when it approaches and probes at all the places it has rooted itself to, but there is a lack of intensity to its movements, one that does not come from its ever-growing weakness.
It is a blessing, though without a cause it is cautious to state it as such.
There is something happening here, something beyond its current capabilities of comprehension, and it does not appreciate that. Light is seeing and knowing and understanding and for it to be blind to anything is not the way things should be.
The Darkness flickers, the Light frowns despite itself, and everything in the boys mind goes a shade brighter.
-o-
He's not sure how long he's been sitting in his room – whether hours or days because neither Sho nor Kenzan has come but maybe they've just moved back to the Ra dorm and (finally abandoned him) let him be for the time being, giving him some time to his self – when the door flings open with no warning.
There is someone standing there but all he sees is the light entering through the door's now open frame and he stares as the shadows recede, drowned out by the light. It is terrifying and maddening, it is inviting and alluring, and it makes him want to scream.
"Close the door," he says, but by the way the person – Manjoume, it's Manjoume – at the door flinches he thinks it might've been closer to a yell.
"I'm sorry," he amends quickly, tugging at the ends of his hair, the light is gone but he feels no relief.
A part of him, he realizes, wants it back.
Shoving those thoughts away, he turns his full attention towards Manjoume, who hasn't moved from his spot in front of the door and is just staring at him.
"Are you okay?" He asks after a moment, face twisting in a way that tells Judai that probably wasn't what he came here to say.
Judai offers no response, eyes flicking back down to his cards to make sure he isn't clutching them too tightly again.
"Never mind," Manjoume continues after a moment, most likely guessing Judai isn't going to answer, "I came here to challenge you to a duel but," he pauses again, eyes scanning Judai as if searching for something.
"Have you even left this room since you came back at all?" At Judai's continued silence he asks, "Have you eaten?" Judai tilts his head; the answer is he hasn't, but he wonders how long it's been because he hasn't felt hungry at all.
"No," he finally responds, and Manjoume's eyes widen –has it really been that long?
Manjoume has grabbed him and pulled him up towards the door before he's able to even process the situation, "That's it, we're getting some food in you," he says, throwing the door open and letting all that light in as if it isn't going to hurt them.
The light floods in again but this time Judai is right there and it's going to get him this time he can't hide or run so he closes his eyes waits and nothing, nothing happens. His eyes sting when he opens them at the sudden brightness, the sun high in the sky. It's too bright and he's uncomfortable and he wants to go back but nothing has happened so it's fine right, it's okay?
Manjoume is looking at him oddly and he probably looks stupid wanting to cower and hide away from light, something that completely encompasses them, so he just turns his head away, he hears him huff, and then proceeds to drag him down the stairs.
When they finally reach their destination all his friends are already there, they look up in surprise when he walks in, paying no mind to Manjoume who has briskly walked by them, and Judai hesitates. His hands both close around his deck, as opposed to just one from moments prior, a comfort despite its blankness, and takes a quiet breath. They're all staring at him and he wants to grin and tell them he's fine but the words won't come out.
He still hasn't said anything when Manjoume comes back, shoving a plate of food at him and then glaring at him until he sits down.
He's still not hungry but he doesn't think he'll get away with not eating.
Conversations start up again slowly, though despite their best efforts Judai's attention rarely strays from the plate of food in front of him and the deck in his lap. He stays until they leave, just to avoid the conversation of having to leave beforehand, and by the time he gets back to his room the sun has already set.
The darkness isn't as comforting as he lasts remembers it being.
-o-
Oh, oh, so that's what is happening.
The Light doesn't laugh, but it does pulse and glow in a way that feels like it is, this is absolutely fantastic –a better outcome than it had thought possible.
-o-
There is laughter bubbling in Judai's throat but he refuses to let it loose because he knows it won't sound right. Something has been wrong since he lost that duel but it feels like it's all just spiralling out of control now.
His head is pounding and somehow pulling at his hair provides fleeting moments of relief but it doesn't stop his head from aching or his chest from feeling like it's about to burst at any second. There is so much pain that it is blinding and he feels like he's on fire because he has to be burning from the inside out right now. It's the only explanation for what he feels, the unending scorching pain that is coursing through him.
A fresh sharp jab of pain pries his mouth open and laughter slips out but it just sounds twisted in his pain and more akin to a screech. He snaps his mouth closed again, fingers digging deeper into his hair, some scratching at his scalp.
He's fine, he's fine, he's fine.
Faintly, through his pain-dulled mind, he thinks he hears sounds from the door. Is someone there? Why don't they come in, is it locked? He doesn't remember locking the door.
His head pulses and he curls in on himself tighter, biting his tongue to keep from crying out. Something is changing – he is changing – rearranged from the inside out, broken and taken apart only to be pieced together again all wrong.
The door bursts open, and he registers that despite that the room remains dark, and then knows no more.
-o-
Invasion, Inhibition, Corruption (Infection).
The first two were the plan though the final step was not. Assimilation was initial the end goal, inhibit the boy's Darkness enough that it could be locked and stored away without issue and then let the Light take its place.
What it had not expected was that the weakening Darkness's prolonged exposure to it actually having so much of an affect. It has become tainted by the Light turning into some abnormal amalgamation of the two.
It is an unexpected outcome but not unwelcome –to not only have control – control in the loosest of sense, it is loath to admit – of the one who should have led to their destruction but also the opposing entity that he controls is the most favourable of outcomes, one so good that it was not even considered.
The wall has not only crumbled, it has taken everything else down with it.
-o-
He's back in the nurse's office when he comes back to himself. No one else is there at the moment so he simply gets up and leaves, he's fine he feels fine there is no need to wait to tell anyone, he'll see them all eventually.
He leaves with a grin on his face and the fleeting thought that it's too wide, too sharp, that is quickly squashed down.
He manages to avoid (why is he avoiding) running into anyone on the way back, arriving back to the Osiris dorm undisturbed.
His eyes immediately land on his deck when he enters, still scattered around the ground where he was, was –where he was before he was sent to the nurse's office and he lets out a sigh of relief. He doesn't know why no one picked them up but he feels somewhat glad they didn't.
He picks them up with care, elation filling him as he notes that they're back, that he can see them. "Partner," he exclaims softly, as he picks up Winged Kuriboh's card, and the tuft of brown fur appears, wings fluttering nervously as he does.
Kuri Kuri!
He tilts his head, already too wide grin widening further. "What do you mean, everything's fine."
His brows furrow at the remark, fur puffing up in displeasure. Kuri!
"I've never felt better," he snaps, words coming out harsher than he intended, and he swallows the unexpected rage down.
"I've just finally seen the light."
-o-
Their hope is lost, fallen into the light, and with that nothing will stand in its way.
Mankind will fall to ruin, humanity will be eradicated, and the universe will be destroyed.
Just as it was always meant to be.
The whole burning thing, is a reference to Yubel's experience while in space -idk, I had the thought that the Light quite literally burns the Darkness away, and since they are beings of Darkness that experience is quite painful.
There is no continuation to this, aside from the basic idea for the entire rest of the season that exists in my head that I'll never write because #duels, but who knows, maybe if I ever learn how to write duels I'll continue this
Anyways, thanks to anyone who read this, hope you enjoyed it! It's 11pm now and I'm goanna try to read a chapter of ecology and go over some history notes before going to bed -wish me luck!