A/N:
If you are seeing this thanks to an author alert my apologies for not having updated any of you her stuff in ages. Real life, lack of ideas/inspiration for them and many other writing projects (especially my original series Lycanthropy which can be found on AO3) have made it hard to work on them. They are not dead, just moved to a back burner until I can find time and the inspiration to work on them.
This story will be the first in my new series called Jedi Monthly. This series will be semiserious with many cracky elements mixed in for laughter. The change that sets off all the other changes takes place back in Episode 1. When Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan are fighting Darth Maul there comes a point where all three are separated from each other via laser fields. This is where things change, a glitch in the software controlling the fields doesn't drop it when it is supposed to, and the field separating Jinn and Maul stayed up so long that Maul grew impatient and left to find way around to the Jedi (though unsuccessfully). When the field finally dropped, Maul was long gone, leaving the two Jedi to believe Maul had simply fled the scene, and did not pursue him. Elsewhere on Naboo everything else played out as in cannon. When all was said and done, Anakin destroys the droid control ship, and Padme turns the tables on Gunray and captures him.
After learning just what Anakin had managed to do, and knowing that with or without their permission, Qui-Gon would train Anakin, they decided to compromise. Wanting to at least have some say over his training and development they accepted Anakin into training as padawan to Qui-Gon pending Obi-Wan's successful completion of his trials, which would be a few months later.
With Maul on the loose and causing trouble many events occur differently and Padme decided that one term as Queen was enough for her. Like in cannon, her successor asks her to serve as a Senator to which she agrees. Now on Coruscant much more often she became a larger part of Anakin's life. About a year before the start of this story they began officially dating, but in secret. To their knowledge only a very select few handmaidens of Padme's, Anakin's family (his mom and several people from Tatooine that he considers family), and Qui-Gon know. Qui-Gon rather than objecting, chooses instead to give cautious advice to his apprentice about the path he's heading down. Unbeknownst to all other knowing parties, Palatine is also aware of their relationship but hasn't done anything to use it to his advantage yet. With Qui-Gon training Anakin and not Obi-Wan, the relationship between Anakin and Obi-Wan is not the same, but they are still friends. While Anakin loves to play pranks on Obi-Wan, he does not hesitate to come to Obi-Wan's aid if needed.
As the title of the piece suggests, this is my take on what happens in episode 2.
As needed I will cut in with additional notes (for which I apologize in advance). So, with all this said and my apologies for these long intro notes I hope you enjoy my creation.
My final note to you all is a minor formatting one. please ignore the extra periods on empty lines, they are place holders for spacing since I still can not figure out how to properly space the story here.
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Star Wars
Jedi Monthly
Attack of the Clones
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Chapter 1
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Obi-Wan sat reading the latest issue of Jedi Monthly. He had originally been reluctant to read it, a galaxy wide periodical on all things Jedi had seemed a little ridiculous, especially considering he was a Jedi Knight himself. But after he'd seen Anakin reading it, and being told just how hip it was to read; he'd subscribed to it. None of the other Jedi could understand why he read it, but he found it very enlightening. Sure, there'd been a few misunderstandings along the way, but all in all it definitely made it easier for him to connect with the current generation of padawans and younglings.
"Please tell me you're not reading what I think you're reading." A voice said and Obi-Wan looked up to see Master Windu.
"Master Windu, my apologies, I didn't hear you come in." Obi-Wan greeted him.
"Obi-Wan please tell me you weren't just reading the latest issue of Jedi Monthly."
"It really is quite informative. I've said it before and I'll continue to say it; it isn't all that bad. This month's featured article on Lightsaber swallowing should prove useful if I can master the technique."
"Lightsaber swallowing?" Master Windu asked in disbelief.
"A technique in which one swallows the blade of an active lightsaber without injuring themselves."
Master Windu shook his head despondently.
"What, it is possible, I've seen Anakin do it a number of times. It's all a matter of relaxing the body so the blade does not come into contact with any tissue. In learning to relax the body so, it trains you to be a more relaxed and free flowing in combat, thus making you better swordsman."
Master Windu just stared at Obi-Wan with a blank look on his face. "Let's just skip to why I came by. The council has an assignment for you."
"Very well, what is it the council wants me to do."
"You are aware of the debate in the Senate to create an army for the republic are you not? And that the Senate is scheduled to vote on it."
"I am. Though I fail to see what has to do with the council."
"As you are no doubt aware there is much debate and strong feelings on both sides over this issue. Earlier today Senator Amidala returned to Coruscant to cast a vote against it."
"She is one of the most outspoken against the act is she not?" Obi-Wan asked as he recalled everything he could think of regarding the issue and all the major players involved."
"She is.
"And just after landing an attempt was made on her life. After much persuasion she has agreed to a small security detail, and the council want you to head it up."
Obi-Wan's expression showed a moderate amount of pride. "It shall be my honor. I shall assemble a team immediately."
"There will be no need for that, the council has already selected the team for you."
"Very well, who all will I will be working with?"
"Padawan Skywalker."
"Always a pleasure working with him, and of course I always love an opportunity to work with my old master. Who else?"
"Actually, it's just Padawan Skywalker."
"Just Anakin and I?" Oi-Wan asked inquisitively.
"That's not going to be a problem is it?" Master Windu asked.
"No," Obi-Wan replied confidently. "So long as I don't have to go flying anywhere with him. And wouldn't it be better to have a few more Jedi? And if Anakin is to be assigned to this detail, why not Qui-Gon as well?"
"For starters you know how well the Senator and Master Qui-Gon get along."
"Yes, they do have a very rocky relationship don't they."
"Also Master Qui-Gon has a separate assignment. A reported sighting of Darth Maul has been brought to us, it's a highly sensitive mission and as such he will be going to investigate alone."
"Very well, I shall go and meet up with Anakin right away."
"Oh, and one more thing Obi-Wan." Master Windu added with a hesitation in his voice.
"Yes?"
"Try not to let Padawan Skywalker pull any pranks on you."
"I'm not sure I know what you mean Master Windu."
"Shaving your head to make you less wind resistant and therefore able to move faster in combat?" Master Windu offered up as an example.
"It made sense at the time. You have no hair on your head and you are arguably one of the greatest swordsmen in the order, second only to Master Yoda."
"Just try not to fall for any of his pranks."
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Across town Anakin Skywalker sat at a computer terminal typing rapidly. He was so immersed in his project that he did not sense his master approaching, or hear the door slide open.
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"I take it that is your featured article for next month's issue of Jedi Monthly." Qui-Gon Jinn asked his padawan.
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Jedi Monthly, had started as one of Anakin's countless pranks on Obi-Wan. Initially when he told Obi-Wan about it, the Jedi Knight had been resistant, but when Anakin "allowed" himself to be seen reading it he was able to convince Obi-Wan that it was hip and cool. Once Obi-Wan started reading it he began telling a few others about it, and Anakin saw an opportunity. He had longed to free his mother from slavery. Anakin had often dreamt up various plans to do so, but they all were flawed. Qui-Gon had encouraged him to continue his quest, but would not help him saying it would be part of his training, and that when and if Anakin could come up with a feasible plan, he would help Anakin to carry it out. Qui-Gon had believed that Anakin knowing his mother was free and safe would help him to better focus on his training. Starting out with just the handful of readers Anakin began selling subscriptions to his new magazine. He knew the process would be long and hard, but he also knew if he could grow it large enough, he would have the money to buy his mother's freedom. It also proved to be a continuing way of messing with Obi-Wan. More than 90% of what he put in the magazine was ridiculousness meant to make people laugh, and fool the gullible.
It took a couple of years, but Anakin saved up the money and with some help bought his mother's freedom.
Realizing just how successful Jedi Monthly was, and knowing how many more slaves were still out there in the galaxy; he began to work towards freeing as many as he could. He freed all his friends from Tatooine, and used parts of his proceeds to help them get on their feet until they could support themselves. In time he eventually grew tired of helping the slavers to get richer with his purchase of their slaves' freedom; now often times after a slave had been freed, the slave master was caught up in some horrible scandal that ruined them. That or the money that had been paid out would disappear without a trace and no way to track who had stolen the money from them. A few times even they lost their newly acquired credits gambling on games of chance -though they did not know the outcome of those games was always going to be the same. However, things went down, the money always returned to its source, and in cases where the slaver was taken down, any of their remaining slaves were freed. Anakin furthered his efforts to rid the galaxy of slavery by finishing the device he had started as a child to locate the bombs within slaves, and deactivating them and helping the slave simply escape.
Jedi Monthly had become quit the operation, and he had a full staff to help him on it (mostly former slaves), but only a few knew that he was the mastermind behind it all. Right from the very first issue he'd gone under the pen name of Ekkreth so Obi-Wan wouldn't realize he was behind it (AN: a special thanks and shout out to my friend Fialleri who came up with this name. Ekkreth is the name of the Tatooine Trickster in their slave culture, for more information on Tatooine slave culture, please see her works on AO3). Later it would prove useful in hiding his extracurricular activities from the council; he knew they wouldn't be supportive. Qui-Gon had figured it out early on and given him free reign to continue so long as it didn't interfere with any of his training, or official Jedi activities. After a recent article that ended with Obi-Wan falling into a Gundark nest, and Anakin having to rescue him, Qui-Gon began to keep an eye on Anakin's articles to make sure they wouldn't lead to similar trouble. Anakin had a habit of not thinking his pranks through all the way and trouble would ensue for the victim.
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Anakin let out a startled yelp and turned to see his master. "Master Qui-Gon."
"What is next month's featured article?" Qui-Gon walked over to the terminal and began to read aloud. "Is the Supreme Chancellor really a Sith Lord?
"Do you really think that's a good idea?"
"It was his idea." Anakin replied innocently.
"His idea? So, the Chancellor knows you are behind this publication?""
"Yes, he saw through it from the very first issue and reads it monthly. He says it always gives him a good laugh and wanted to give back."
"Be that as it may I worry about the possible consequences. Obi-Wan may take it a bit too far. Need I remind you of the Top Ten Signs YOU are a Sith Lord incident?"
"I had no idea Obi-Wan would take it that far." Anakin protested.
"It took the entire Jedi council two months to convince him that he did not have a split personality."
"You have to admit it was worth it to see the looks on the faces of the council when he told them he that he was a Sith Lord named Darth Tyranus."
"This is a whole different category. What happens if after reading that he decides to try and arrest the Chancellor?" Qui-Gon asked.
"Actually, that's part of the plan."
"Part of what plan?"
"Chancellor Palpatine will be in his office and Obi-Wan comes bursting in accusing him of being a Sith Lord. The chancellor will ask for evidence and when Obi-Wan starts spouting off the reasons listed in the article, the Chancellor turns them right back around on him drawing him into an ever more ridiculous conversation that is being caught on holo. After a while Ashton Kutcher will pop out and tell Obi-Wan that he was being punked."
AN: While this prank probably will not happen, and it will probably prove irrelevant to the story, I think you might like this small behind the scenes tidbit. This prank that Palpatine is encouraging is meant to really be a trap for Obi-Wan. Palpatine's influence over Anakin isn't all that powerful, so he intends to make it look like Obi-Wan (a Jedi) went mad and attacked him, and that his guards (though it would probably Sidious himself that does the deed) would kill Obi-Wan to defend Palpatine. He is trying to create a public distrust in the Jedi and create reason to scrutinize them closely and reveal the relationship between Anakin and Padme. He believes that this would result in either Anakin's expulsion from the order, or create a rift between them that would ultimately end up with him leaving the order. Either way, from there he would be able to sway Anakin's thinking to more anti-Jedi, and lure him down the path to the dark side. I now return you to the story.
"We plan to put the video up on YouTube; it will go viral and should really help my boost by subscriber count. I'm still a few million credits short of being able to fund Kitster's play."
"Kister is trying to produce a play?" Qui-Gon asked curious, "And you are funding it? I thought you were using the proceeds from this venture to buy slaves their freedom?"
"I still am. 90% of my profits go towards that, but recently I started setting some aside to help Kister get The Menace of the Opera up and running. He's planning to contribute 90% of the profits from his shows to the slave liberation front too."
"Well as noble as your cause may be, I would still rather sit down with you and the chancellor to discuss this and make sure it is well and truly thought out, so that nobody gets hurt in the process.
"When is your publishing deadline?"
"In three days."
"That does not leave enough time for this meeting unfortunately. Do you have anything else you can go with?"
"Well I do have that piece on Master Yoda really being a Hutt in disguise." Anakin offered. "It's still very rough and needs some polishing. The science behind the tech allowing him to disguise himself so well doesn't quite work yet."
"Have you considered that he is mealy using the force to project the image of his choosing into the minds of all those around him."
"But then how does he move so quick, even in his old age Master Yoda moves quicker than a Hutt augmenting his speed with the force."
"Ever hear of a hover sled?"
"Master Qui-Gon you're a genius, though I would still rather the disguise be technology based. Are you sure there isn't enough time to get a meeting with the chancellor? If I ask him I'm sure he'd clear up his schedule to meet with us."
"That is not the issue. We have been given assignments."
"What does the council have for us." Anakin asked excitedly.
"Darth Maul has been spotted in a cantina on Nal Hutta. And I am to go investigate and see if this new lead can go anywhere."
"That's the third outer rim world he's been spotted on this month. What could he be doing out there. Pretty much the only thing out there is pirates, smugglers and slavers. Unless he's looking to get into the spice trade or has some hot motivators to sell, there's not much that would be of interest to a sith."
"All the same I will be going to investigate and am to leave immediately. And you are to accompany Obi-Wan on a security detail for Senator Amidala while she is on Coruscant for the vote on the creation of an army for the republic."
"Padme's on planet?" Anakin's excitement spiked.
"Yes, and an attempt was made on her life just after landing."
"Is she all right?"
"She's fine, though one of her handmaidens was killed in the blast. In light of the attack the council has convinced her to accept a small security detail; people she is familiar with, and comfortable with."
"If I'm to be assigned to this detail why aren't you?" Anakin asked.
"You are well aware of how the senator and I get along. Even with your persuasion I doubt she'd accept the security detail if I were a part of it. Plus, with the timing of this Maul sighting I couldn't be a part of it either way."
"Speaking of which," Anakin interrupted his master, "Not that I'm not excited to see Padme, but why am I not going with you?"
"I will need to proceed with the utmost discretion, and you tend not to be discreet about things."
"Hey, it's not like I go chopping somebody's arm off every time I go into a bar." Anakin protested.
"Nevertheless, the council feels it would be better if I undertook this mission alone."
"Well, at least I'll get to spend time with Padme.
"You don't think she's still mad about that overthrowing the republic article do you?"
"Another example of why you need to think the consequences of your articles through. Obi-Wan took that one too far as well.
"As for if she's still mad at you, I do not know. Your best bet would be to pick up flowers just in case. If she is still upset over the article they will go towards smoothing things over, if she has forgiven you they will buy you some good will. Oh, and Anakin,"
"Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know." Anakin cut in, "Use protection."
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That folks is chapter 1. This entire story is already done and written. I am in the process of going through and doing final proof reeds and edits on all the chapters, so I should be back in 1 week with the next chapter. See all of you then.