She'd Never Know Why...
Disclaimer; I do not own, nor will I ever own, Harry Potter or anything HP related, that all belongs to J.K Rowling. The plot is mine though.
A/N; Please read A/N at the end before you review! Hope you enjoy! Also, I wrote this at about 3am, sorry for any grammar/spelling mistakes.
She'd never know what I was doing for her.
She'd never know why.
I watched her for nearly two years. I watched as she dated numerous guys, all jerks. I watched as she was never truly happy with any of them, and I watched as she pretended everything in her life was how she wanted it to be.
I'd seen all her smiles, her laughs, her anger, and even the sadness she only expressed when no one was watching. I saw her lies to her friends and family, she always lied to those she was close to and only ever let her walls drop when she was around those who seemingly didn't care - those who weren't watching.
But I was watching.
I couldn't tell you why I spent the better part of a year studying her. How I came to know when she was actually happy and when it was an act. I couldn't tell you what caught my attention in the first place, and I couldn't tell you why I never seemed able to look away.
I couldn't tell you any of this because every possible answer a person could give applied. There wasn't a reason why I shouldn't have watched her. There wasn't one thing about her that caught my attention – it was everything. And I didn't one day figure out how to tell the real her apart from the part of herself she'd show to everyone else; it was as if I already knew.
She was my everything, my obsession, my life, my power, my strength, my hope, my light. She was my Ginevra.
She didn't belong to me.
But she was mine.
She knew none of this though. She didn't see the jealousy and hurt in my eyes when she was with another boy, another boy who would only hurt her in the end. She didn't see me watching in the shadows, caring for her, worrying for her, but never able to go to her aid. She knew none of this only because I couldn't show her. I let my own fear take over and strip me of any real happiness. I could never blame her for hurting me in the way she did though, as I said – she didn't know she was doing it.
If she did though... if I had ever stepped out of the shadows, if I had ever made myself known... she wouldn't hurt me, she'd love me as I love her. She'd be mine in all ways. The smile she gave to others would be saved for only me, that glint she got in her eyes when she was truly happy would be because of thoughts of me and us. I'd never have this though. It was never mine.
No one knew. Barely anyone in Hogwarts knew me as it was, but even the few that did, that knew more of me than just my name, didn't know how I felt. They didn't know I watched her, that I pinned for her. They couldn't know, they wouldn't understand. They would think I was mad, not because I had fallen in love, not even because I had fallen in love with a person that didn't know I existed, that fact that she's a Weasley wouldn't even have been enough for them to think I was off it. No, it was simply because they didn't see in her what I saw.
She didn't even see it in herself.
It wasn't only her piercing eyes, kind yet fierce all at once. It wasn't only her milky, alabaster skin that I knew was like silk. It wasn't her luscious curves, her fire red hair that made them sun seem dull by comparison. It wasn't her full, soft, supple, lips. It wasn't her voice that could either make you melt or turn you to stone depending on her mood, or her laugh, a laugh that would make your head swim.
It was all of these.
And more.
It was her ability to make anyone, male or female, older or younger, flinch away with just a look. It was the way she'd stand up for herself no matter who was trying to put her down. The way she wouldn't take shit from anyone. It was all of her.
No one else understood this though. Not even those closest to her. No one else saw what I saw. I was able to look past her blood-status, past her lack of wealth, past her worn clothing, past her amazing physical attributes, and even past her personality. I saw things in her I don't think she saw herself.
I saw her emotions, like light, radiating off her her, surrounding her. It would glow around her, fill her and extend outwards to the world. The world was blind though, they all missed it. But not me. I saw it, I wanted to get closer to it – but I couldn't. It wasn't in my nature to step out of hiding.
I was watching her before it happened, it seemed I was always watching her. I saw it all, as if in slow motion but I could do nothing to stop it. Bellatrix, that evil witch, was attacking my Ginny. I wanted to jump out, to attack the ugly older woman, to scream at Ginny to move out of the way. But I was stuck. All I could do was watch, horrified.
Ginny hadn't seen her yet, she wasn't looking, she was fighting off another Death Eater. She won, I felt myself smile when I saw the look of satisfaction on the redhead's face. Then I remembered Bellatrix. The crazy witch let out a sharp, piercing, laugh that seemed to cut through all other sounds in the Great Hall.
I watched in paralyzed agony as Ginny's face blanched at the sound. She seemed as horrified as I felt. Slowly she turned to face mad woman, but I already knew it was too late. Bellatrix had her wand raised and a curse on her lips. Ginny's eyes closed tightly, preparing for what was about to happen, I wished I could have looked away, but I was still frozen.
And then... much to my relief, it was over before it began. A short plump woman came running towards the pair, screaming at Bellatrix. Ginny's eyes snapped open and she watched her mother take on the Death Eater with a mix of surprise and adoration evident in her eyes.
After Bellatrix was taken care of Mrs. Weasley quickly checked on her daughter before running off to continue fighting.
I wanted to run up and grab my redhead, pull her into my hiding spot and keep her safe. I even took a step towards her, but when she turned and looked at me I found myself frozen all over again. Her eyes, like molten gold, stared back into my own ice blue ones, and for the first time – I couldn't read what she was thinking or feeling.
Whether it was that realization that rooted me to the spot or just her gaze its self (or both) I didn't know, but once again I couldn't move. She gave me a confused look, but at the same time it was so understanding, like she knew what I was doing and had been doing all along. And in that moment I knew I couldn't go to her.
But it was also in that moment I nearly lost her.
Since she was staring at me she was like a sitting duck in the middle of this war, oblivious to everything going on around her, I noticed this too late though. Someone else had seen her as an easy target. I didn't know him, I had never paid too much attention to Voldemort's followers, but I knew that he wanted her, not her body, but her blood.
She hadn't seen him yet, I had barely seen him in time. But when I did, when I was able to tear my eyes away from her mesmerizing ones I saw it, a wand raised, and a curse already uttered. Ginny turned when I broke our gaze but it was too late. Her eyes went wide and pure fear and panic crossed her features. She knew what was coming just as well as I did. She turned back to me, silently pleading for help. But what could I do?
Out of my peripheral vision I saw the tip of his wand begin to light and something inside of me broke. A mix of her fear and pleading and the knowledge of what I knew would happen if I didn't stop it took over and punctured through my preference to always remain hidden.
I had never cared about the war, I didn't side with the Death Eaters or the Light Side. I personally didn't even care who won, whoever it was I was willing to adapt, as long as I didn't have to get involved.
All that changed though. In this moment it broke and shattered into pieces and I found that I did care. Not about the war or those lives that could and would be lost, but about her and what was about to happen.
Before I even knew what I was doing I had darted out from my hiding spot and jumped in front of the unknown Death Eater. I could feel the rage twisting my face, darkening my eyes, and taking over my body. Without thinking I grabbed the man's wand and dug it into my chest. He looked at me with pure confusion, but it was too late, the curse was already uttered and a second later a powerful, searing hot, jet of green light flew from the wand and shot straight into my chest.
I flew backwards, hitting my head hard on the marble floor, most likely breaking a few bones as well, but I felt none of it. There was just enough left in me to turn my head and look at her one last time.
She was standing there, looking confused and horrified at the death she had witnessed, at the person who had sacrificed themselves for her. She didn't stay though. Someone grabbed her hand and pulled her away from the Death Eater quickly. She allowed herself to be dragged away from the sight of my near-lifeless body but her eyes held onto mine until it was over.
I died.
But she lived.
Fair trade.
A/N; Anyone who loves Blaise (and seriously, how can you not love Blaise?) will hate me for this I know! Sorry! The idea popped in my head and wouldn't leave me alone! I didn't even want to write it I swear. So even though I know you will all hate me, please leave me a review to tell me what you thought of this, or to just yell at me. Thanks for reading!