It's late, my eyes are heavy, mind weary and my body aches for rest. But sleep does not find me. Trying to get comfortable, I shift, toss, and turn. But to no avail. With a frustrated sigh, I push the covers off and spring up.
No one else should be up, so I don't bother to slip on pants over my boxer shorts or a shirt over my bare chest. I wander out into the hallway. It's dark and quiet. Everyone is surely asleep in their beds.
Filled with envy my footsteps fall heavy on the cold linoleum floors. My frown turns into a slight snarl. I find myself standing in the common room. The television on. I guess I wasn't the only one sleep skipped tonight. Curious, I quietly make my way to the couch. The young man is unaware of my presence. His head rests in his hand, eyes tentative on the screen, ears fixed to the nearly inaudible dialog.
"Nivans," I say firmly.
A look of udder surprise takes over his once blank expression as his eyes slowly find their way to me. Once he realizes I am not dressed, he quickly looks away and sits up straight.
"Captain," he replies. Confusion and nerves fill his voice.
"Couldn't sleep either?" My tone softens.
He simply shakes his head. Expression fading into a thoughtful one. My weight shifting the couch catches him off guard again as I sit next to him. Why is he blushing?
"I didn't think anyone else was up," I say, breaking the silence.
He just nods. I found myself almost staring at the kid. He stared nervously at the television screen. Avoiding eye contact. Is it because I am in my underwear? Or is it because of what happened? Ever since he washed up on some shore in China after the underwater oil facility incident he had a hard time looking at anyone. Let alone having people look at him.
My eyes examined his scarred right arm, the subtle scars on his face. The medical team did a great job considering how he looked before.
He went through a lot to get where he is now. I remember every detail of the day Echo team brought him back.
"He is in pretty bad shape," a soldier said.
"We were expecting him to be dead, or be completely mutated, but he was alive and didn't try to attack us. Just his arm had major mutation, his face and body were very acute. The first thing he asked us was if Captain Redfield made it out ok. Guess he never lost himself."
He never lost himself.
The kid was lucky. By the time he was retrieved an antidote was available thanks to Jake's antibodies. With continuous treatment the mutation was reversed. The doctors were impressed and ran numerous tests, took samples, and treated him like a lab rat. It must have been so hard on him. The doctors and scientist dubbed him fit for interaction and did not keep him locked up like some feral B.O.W. Even though a lot of people thought he was.
He still isn't allowed on the field quiet yet and has trouble with his self esteem. But he is doing so much better.
"Still having nightmares," I asked.
He nodded again.
It's almost like he isn't even here. His eyes finally meet mine. He blushes again once he realizes I have been staring.
"I should try and get some rest." He says as he tries to get up.
"You know we really haven't been able to talk since you've come back."
He sits back down.
"What would you like to know, Captain? I am sure you've already read the files." He is ashamed, I can tell in his voice and demeanor.
"I'd much rather hear it from you."
"I remember sending you off in the escape pod, the Haos swimming after it. I remember gathering up all my strength and shooting it down, then my memory goes black. When I came to, I was on some beach and Echo team was making sure I wasn't a monster."
"How'd you do it? How'd you fight off the virus?"
"I don't know. I just had to know you were safe, Captain. When I injected myself I accepted my fate. I didn't think I was going to make it out of there. I had to save you."
The words stung like a jagged knife digging into my chest. I suddenly felt a lump in my throat that I struggled to swallow. My cheeks burned like a child who' been caught doing wrong. Piers was like this because of me.
The feeling sat heavy on my chest. Guilt, was something I was very familiar with. I tend to get my company into trouble and I'm beginning to feel like a curse.
"I wanted to save you," he finished quietly.
His eyes were now fixed on his hands, sad and thoughtful. I didn't want him to relieve those memories. I place my hand in his and squeeze gently. His brows furl with question as his eyes meet mine.
"Thank you."
The corners of his mouth curl into a tiny grin. It must have been the closest thing to a smile since he returned. I was glad that I was the one who witnessed it.
"I was afraid of returning here in the state I was in. We hunt and kill B.O.W.s and I turned myself into one. I should be thanking you, Captain. I hear the murmurs in the halls. If it weren't for you sticking up for me. . ."
"You're not a monster. You saved my life. The ones who can't see passed this," I say, raising my hand to trace a scar on his face. "Are ignorant. You have such a great heart, Piers. You're a hero."
There it was again his cheeks turned red. It was cute. Wait did I really just think that?
"I guess. Thankfully I have responded well to the treatment, otherwise I'd be locked up and studied like the other specimen."
"You're not some specimen."
"You're the only one to believe that."
His voice was so sad. It made my heart ache and drop to my stomach.
I try to touch his face again, but he pulls away.
"Please don't," he whispers.
And I abide. I don't want to make him feel any worse.
"I know how this all looks. You don't have to be so polite, Captain."
But the thing was was he didn't look bad.
"You've always been your own worse critic."
"It's late. I should rest." Piers begins to get up and walk away.
"Would you like some company?"
What did I just say? The words slip pass my lips with out my brain giving the ok. What the hell is wrong with me? I try not to let my features show my inner turmoil. This could be borderline sexual harassment. This is an abuse of my authority. This is inappropriate behavior for a captain.
Piers face is flush and full with shock. His beautiful eyes wide, full lips slightly parted. I have to say something else to save us both the embarrassment.
"Considering your nightmares. It might be a good idea to have someone to reassure you that everything is ok."
Not sure if that made things worse or covered the awkward suggestion up, but it should do. He doesn't say a word, just stands there, eyes wide, face still blushed. I feel like I know what's going trough the kid's head. This is so against protocol. I am kicking myself. Before realizing my actions, I stand up and grab his left hand. My logic is screaming at me, but something keeps me going. I start to lead him to my room. What am I doing?
Thankfully there is no resistance from the young man. He just silently trails behind me. When we get to my room, I pull the covers back and gesture for him to crawl in. Stop now, Chris. I'm battling myself. He does just that. I get in just after him. It's painfully awkward now. This has gone too far. I wrap my arm around him, his body lean, but still muscular. His frame is much smaller than mine and he fits perfectly into the contours of my body.
"It's ok. It's just like when we have to camp out on for missions. You can cuddle up," I say in a reassuring tone.
Great, now I am starting to sound like one of those molester camp counselors. The way he feels in my arms, his scent, his warmth, it all felt nice. He sheepishly snuggles into my chest.
"Captain," he whispers.
"Yeah?"
"I didn't mean to put you through all of that."
He was apologizing to me? He sacrificed so much for me and HE was apologizing.
"You have no reason to be sorry, Nivans."
"Yes I do. I injected myself and lead you to believe that another one of your comrade's blood was on your hands."
There goes that guilt swelling up again. Something else was building up inside of me, anger. I push myself up and he falls back. Our eyes lock.
"Stop that right now, soldier. I won't have you feeling guilty for this. You did what was right. I just wish you would have came with me in that escape pod."
"I couldn't do that, Captain. The virus was unpredictable. I didn't know if I would've been able to control it for much longer. Especially in such closed quarters. It would have made you feel worse if you had to pull the trigger yourself. Besides, I would never forgive myself if I'd hurt you or even worse if I had killed you."
His eyes swell with tears, but they don't fall. My heart feels like its breaking.
I can't bear to see him this way. Once again, before I was able to rationalize my actions, our lips clashed. I was WAY out of line now. I was kissing one of my subordinates, a soldier, my second in command.
No, I was kissing the man who saved my life.
At first he didn't kiss back. He must have been in shock. I almost pull myself away. Until his eyelids slowly shut, tears being forced from their stagnant positions, and his soft full lips began to kiss back. I feel my heart jump from the pits of my stomach and beat rapidly in my chest. It's so intoxicating. Our hands gently exploring the other's body. Fingers going through locks of hair.
Caressing, embracing, taking each other in. It's wild , passionate, messy, and it feels so right. But this is wrong. Get a hold of yourself, Chris. You must stop this now! But I can't stop. I feel myself grow harder, pulsing, aching. I can feel his erection brush up against mine. It drives me crazy. This can't go any further. But the voice of logic is slowly hushing as the rage of lust screams "Now! Do him now."
Our hands are everywhere at once. I grab a hand full of his hard cock. He was pretty thick for a kid his size. I pulled it out of his pajama pants. A little moan escapes from our kisses. He was average in length, but just as I suspected large in girth. I began to trail my kisses from his mouth until I found a spot on his neck that made him moan a little louder. I begin to slowly stroke the length of his erection.
"Chris," he whispers through gasps of breath.
"Mmmm fuck."
This little utterance surprises me because I don't think I've ever heard him curse. I grin and begin to stroke a little faster. Logic was dead.
"Chris, wait." He began to whimper, but I don't slow down or stop.
"Chris."
My hand pumping faster.
"Captain, please stop." His voice cracked.
I stop and he quickly puts his penis back into his pants. I lay there confused.
"I'm sorry," he says quickly as he jumps up from the bed and slams my door.
I am left there with a rock hard on and a feeling of emptiness.
Shit, I went to far.