Dungeons and Dragons: A parody
By an outraged author
Authors Note: Before you read this parody, be warned that is for people who did not like the movie. If you are reading this, and have liked the movie, close this window now.
cue the crickets
….thank you! Enjoy!
Chapter 1: Little rods and Big Dragons
Scene: A giant whirring machine is spinning wildly out of control. Note the monkish slaves in the background.
"Yes, finally! That staff to control Red Dragons is mine!"
Suddenly, the machine breaks and the rod flies in a bystander's eye.
"Oops".
A man in blue lipstick (who made this movie???) walks in.
"Is everything according to plan?"
"Yes, YES!...except for that poor chap there.
"It burns…"
"Yes well, we can't afford to lose another! This is strictly a low-budget movie! We can't have these dime-a-dozen mongrels wasted!"
"I understand."
The blue-lipstick man pries the rod from the man's eye.
"Owwww."
"Hand me the staff!"
read last sentence
"Perfect! Open the blast doors!"
"The what?"
"The Red Dragon gate thingy."
"Of course…"
The gate is opened. Note the menacing red dragon. If it wasn't for the staff, I wish the dragon would engulf the bastard in a rage of flames. But noooooo…
"Yarg."
"That's my Dragon???"
"Like I told you…"
"It's….not even a dragon! My cat is scarier than this little piece of shit.
Squishes dragon
"Sqeeeeeak!"
"No wait!!"
Like in the movie, the hall IS engulfed in flames. I would conjure up a halleluiah chorus, but it would the kill the dramatic tension (if any!)
Scene: The rivers go completely nuts. Boats blow up, people go flying hundreds of feet, and cows burned to nothing. Two thieves watch from a bar.
"Look at that. Must be another mage experiment."
"I think they still need to learn that it's the blue little vial, not the red."
"Or they think their brains are so big they can just magically read the instructions. Hell, a retarded fish could do the stuff they do!"
"Hey, that could be us!"
"A fish?"
"No! We could climb that tower, even though it reaches into the atmosphere, and somehow get up there, like in that movie!"
"Yeah!"
Thus begins an epic saga of name-calling and finger-pointing. Enjoy chapter 2 once it gets up.
By an outraged author
Authors Note: Before you read this parody, be warned that is for people who did not like the movie. If you are reading this, and have liked the movie, close this window now.
cue the crickets
….thank you! Enjoy!
Chapter 1: Little rods and Big Dragons
Scene: A giant whirring machine is spinning wildly out of control. Note the monkish slaves in the background.
"Yes, finally! That staff to control Red Dragons is mine!"
Suddenly, the machine breaks and the rod flies in a bystander's eye.
"Oops".
A man in blue lipstick (who made this movie???) walks in.
"Is everything according to plan?"
"Yes, YES!...except for that poor chap there.
"It burns…"
"Yes well, we can't afford to lose another! This is strictly a low-budget movie! We can't have these dime-a-dozen mongrels wasted!"
"I understand."
The blue-lipstick man pries the rod from the man's eye.
"Owwww."
"Hand me the staff!"
read last sentence
"Perfect! Open the blast doors!"
"The what?"
"The Red Dragon gate thingy."
"Of course…"
The gate is opened. Note the menacing red dragon. If it wasn't for the staff, I wish the dragon would engulf the bastard in a rage of flames. But noooooo…
"Yarg."
"That's my Dragon???"
"Like I told you…"
"It's….not even a dragon! My cat is scarier than this little piece of shit.
Squishes dragon
"Sqeeeeeak!"
"No wait!!"
Like in the movie, the hall IS engulfed in flames. I would conjure up a halleluiah chorus, but it would the kill the dramatic tension (if any!)
Scene: The rivers go completely nuts. Boats blow up, people go flying hundreds of feet, and cows burned to nothing. Two thieves watch from a bar.
"Look at that. Must be another mage experiment."
"I think they still need to learn that it's the blue little vial, not the red."
"Or they think their brains are so big they can just magically read the instructions. Hell, a retarded fish could do the stuff they do!"
"Hey, that could be us!"
"A fish?"
"No! We could climb that tower, even though it reaches into the atmosphere, and somehow get up there, like in that movie!"
"Yeah!"
Thus begins an epic saga of name-calling and finger-pointing. Enjoy chapter 2 once it gets up.