A/N: I know, I know, where have I been recently on this little community? Infact, I must confess, I have been around, reading a few fanfictions here and there along with the occasional review, but otherwise I just haven't really been partcipiating within he community, and so I apologize unreservedly! Ha, ha, ha. Anyway, last night I had this pretty whacky dream about the Joker and um ... yeah. With regards to my last few fanfics (ie: the joker and batman in the big brother house, the dark knight – the second philosophy) I guess they're just on hiatus. For now. Oh, and in response to 101 dates with CJS... well, I haven't been able to upload that certain file. HOWEVER, right now I have two free periods and seeing as I have nothing to do, I figured I'd do some writing. So, yeah. Completely off the top of my head and purely imagination based. And maybe, just maybe, it'll satisfy.

Disclaimer – Obviously, I don't own TDK.

Concludes – Mild language.

Pairings – (unofficially) DopeyxAlfred, RachelxHarvey...

Characters – Rachel Dawes, Harvey Dent, the Joker. Bruce Wayne, Alfred, Lucius Fox, Commissioner "James" Gordon., Danielle (OC/based on real friend), Myself, Stephanie, Sami, Dopey, Happy, Sad, Grumpy, Ant and Dec, Camera Crew.

Location – I'm a Celebrity, Get me out of Here! [Reality television show were celebrities are placed in the jungle with horrendous tasks to follow!]

Timeline – present

(Damn. I wish I had my iPod.)

ooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooo
3...2...1... Now on air!

"And welcome to the show that has been revived due to your support! RIGHT then, shall we get straight on to the characters, Dec?"

"I think we should, Anty boy! Speaking of Ant's..." the young presenter sidestepped to avoid a giant red ant that was crawling towards him, "This season of I'm a Celebrity get me out of here will simply be PLAGUED with all kinds of creepy crawlies, mud, some more mud and... horrible tasks! So, sit back in your seats ladies and gentlemen, and be prepared to laugh the evening away!"

Ant smiled towards the camera, ruffling his dark hair. "I reckon we should go and meet the contestants, what say you Dec?"

"What say I? I fancy some good pie."

"Come on!" Ant smirked and dug Dec in the ribs.

And the two young presenters set off across a wooden bridge, which swayed side to side. The cameraman had difficulty following and the camera shook slightly as a gust of unexpected wind blew them all to the side of the bridge. "Nearly there... this ain't half like an expedition!" Ant was frowning and wiping rain splatters off his face. "Dec...?" He spoke from the side of his mouth to his best friend and co worker, making sure – or at least, trying to hide the conversation from the camera crew, "This isn't that whacky lot from Big Brother, is it?"

"Shh! It might just be..."

They crossed the bridge eventually and headed over to a canopy of trees. They entered the clearing were a group of people were sitting together, some looking angry, others looking slightly dreamy, and some relaxed. Relatively.

"Hey gang! Excited for the series of one of the best television series ever?" Ant smiled encouragingly at the participants, his perfect smile lighting up his features considerably. One man, who was perched on a rock as if he was a character from Baywatch, jumped down and strode over to him, his long purple coat already covered in mud splashes. His face was pale, as if some kind of paint had been plastered over it, and his eyes were darker than ever, the dark eye shadow clouded around even more than usual. His lips were scarlet and his scars had grown longer. He smiled at the two presenters, licking his lips and baring his yellow stained teeth in what could have been a 'pleasant' grimace. "I can't say I am pa-tic-u-lar-ly excited... I don't have time for television... but as long as I can feed The Batman to a crocodile or two, I have no reason to be angry..."

A tinkling laugh sounded and the camera men turned the cameras towards a young petite woman with brown hair and glittering eyes. "You're permanently angry, be it because you're on another reality television show, you haven't bombed anyone recently, or because you're out of candy."

The Joker glared at her and darted in front of the camera, determined for all attention to be on him. "This thing on?" he asked Dec, knocking on the screen noisily. The camera man moved away and zoomed in on the other participants.

"Um, yeah, we've already started filming..." replied Dec.

Danielle, the youngest of the group at just thirteen, was sitting calmly next to Commissioner Gordon, reading his newspaper in interest. She glanced at the camera and smiled, waving shyly. "Hello!"

Harvey snorted, his pompous features lengthening into a smug smirk. "This is going to be a doddle. Nothing more than a couple 'o rattlesnakes and cockroaches. Nothing is too much for me."

"Of course!" shrieked the Joker excitedly, "Nothing is too much for the HARVEYmeister! Is that what they called you at school, mmm? Or was it the size of your chin that put them off?"

This threw Harvey for a moment. "The size of my chin? Christ, man, what has that got to do with it?"

The Joker burped in his face – bits of onion and carrot stick covering Harvey's face. "EVERYTHING, HARVEY, EVERYTHING!"

Bruce looked disgusted; he was sitting on a clean rock and somehow had managed not to dirty his clothes like everybody else. He sat there with aristocratic features and as he did, he set a scowl upon the Joker. "Don't be so immature. There's nothing wrong with Harvey's chin."

"Excooose me?" giggled the Joker, "Who asked YOU, Batsy darling?"

"What's so bad about my Harvey's chin, then?" interjected Rachel, looking quite furious and determined for her size.

Dec and Ant exchanged looks; the cameramen filmed the dispute with interest.

"Well, Ruh-achel," the Joker grabbed Rachel by her skinny arms and pulled her tightly towards him, one hand snaking around her waist and the other hand holding her chin and forcing her to look up at the night sky. "See that, Ruh-achel? See the sky?" He spun her around, giggling, before stopping her. "We are the centre of the world's axis... and so is Harvey's chin. Infact, Harvey's chin is probably responsible for the gravitational speed at which we are currently bal-anced."

"You're not making any sense!" Rachel pulled away and sat next to Harvey.

"I think he is," replied Danielle softly, not looking up.

Rachel snorted. "Is that so, kiddo? Prove it to me then."

"If my science lessons at school are correct," said Danielle slowly, "I am right within thinking that because Harvey's chin is so massive, the world is balanced on top of it. No offence, Harvey."

Harvey frowned while the Joker shrieked with uncontrollable laughter. "EXACTLY what I was trying to say! But I was being more polite about it, see."

Ant raised his eyebrows and went to speak but was interrupted by Dopey, who had been staring at the night sky. "I think Danielle and Joker are right..." he returned to utter silence, and everyone nodded.

"Yeah, Dopey, you're the man!" Bruce clapped Dopey on the back, and Dopey started, evidently terrified of physical contact.

"Nicely said, Dopey," said Alfred blushingly, looking at Dopey admiringly.

"Um, guys, we need to interview you..." Dec cleared his throat and the group looked at him, as if only just remembering he and Ant, and the rest of the crew, had been standing there.

Lucius smiled politely. "That'll be no problem, Dec."

The Joker mimicked this. "That'll be NO problem, Decsy darling!"

Lucius ignored him.

Gordon glanced up from his newspaper (page six) and smiled calmly. "That'll be interesting... hey, these guys—" he indicated the group, "Is that it? I'm sure someone's missing..."

Mel, Sami and Steph, who had been sitting relatively quietly near Lucius and Grumpy, smirked and exchanged glances.

"How did... how did you sit there all along without ME, ZI JOKER, NOTICING?" The Joker glared at them all, sticking out his bottom lip in the manner of a small child.

Steph ignored him, but spoke directly to Gordon. "David's missing, that's for sure. Where is David, anyway?"

Sami scowled. "You mean, THE DOCTOR, not David..."

Steph rolled her eyes. "They're the same people—"

"Shush!" Sami flapped her hands and Steph watched with fascination, but silenced promptly, and went back to her book.

"Well!" said Ant, sitting next to Bruce, "Perhaps you can tell us a little about what you're expecting to happen on the show?"

Bruce shifted his weight and looked slightly uncomfortable, but answered in his posh tone. "Well, I'm expecting it to be very dirty..."

The Joker's eyes widened. "Ah. So that's why the girls are here."

Mel hit him on the arm and flicked her hair over her shoulders. "Perlease," she said with distinction, "That's what the boys are here for, darling."

"Don't call me darling..." the Joker edged away from her, looking scared.

"And, uh," Bruce swallowed, "I'm hoping to rekindle a certain romance."

Dec beamed. "Wahey! JUST what we wanted to hear!"

Bruce frowned. "Are you taking the Mickey?"

"OH MICKEY YOU'RE SO FINE, YOU'RE SO FINE YOU BLOW MY MIND HEY MICKEY, HEY HEY MICKEY!" Surprisingly, it wasn't the Joker who had burst into song, but it was Lucius. He winked and then silenced, twiddling his thumbs.

"No, no, not at all Bruce, pal!" Dec looked hassled. "Um, so who is this special lady?"

"That's not your place to comment," snapped Rachel, turning red.

"Oh, disgusting." The Joker waggled his fingers about and pointed at Rachel. "You, my dear, are the definition of a lurve rat. Particularly the rat bit."

Alfred rested a hand on Rachel's knee and stopped her from getting up to whack the Joker over the head with the nearest heaviest object. This happened to be a block of wood...

"Well, thanks for that," said Dec slightly sarcastically. He glanced at his watch, and then quickly looked at Steph and Gordon. "Well, yeah, in answer to your question, there'll be a ton of men tomorrow! I can promise ya that!"

Dopey shrieked and everyone looked – a ladybug had landed on his am.

Steph beamed. "I hope it's The Doctor..."

"In the white coat," said Gordon cruelly.

"It could be..." stated Dec casually.

"Or it could be someone so much better!" Ant winked and then glanced at the camera. "Right guys that's all we've got time for as this was only an introductory episode, but be sure to tune in tomorrow to see what kind of grizzly tasks will be taking place, and just who the new additions to the show will be! See ya next time!"

"And we're off air..." The cameraman looked relieved and after packing away the equipment with the team members, headed straight towards the hidden bar in the jungle. Several beers and a downing of vodka were in order.

"Do we get any vodka too?" asked the Joker hopefully, batting his eyelashes at Dec.

"No, sorry," replied Dec with an expression which had suddenly hardened with frostiness. "You might wanna behave yourself on air, 'Joker'; the public viewers may be insulted by your personality..."

"And yet!" the Joker stood up and whacked Alfred around the head with a tea towel which had appeared from no were, "I'm the person who brings in the most viewers!"

Danielle smirked. "I wonder why that is?"

The Joker frowned. "Don't push your luck, SpongeBob Bigpants!"

"Oh, very immature!" said Sami, leaning forward and retrieving a bottle of fresh water from her backpack.

Bruce tapped her on the arm. "I wouldn't drink that, Joker added a maggot to it before."

"GROSS!" Sami jumped to her feet and threw the bottle at Joker. He skipped around like a ballerina feigning injury and waved the bottle in the air like a white flag. Dopey and Alfred watched happily, quite content to stay quiet.

Mel began to chew on an apple thoughtfully before standing up and waltzing over to were Lucius was sitting. "Hey Lucius."

"Hey Mel. Enjoying the show so far?" he smiled at her in a friendly way, rubbing his hands together as the fire burnt out.

"It's pretty good," she replied, rubbing her cheek a little, "But do you think Joker is constantly going to be harassing Rachel and Harvey?"

"Yep!" the Joker bounded over and sat next to Mel, his eyes glittering. "Don't tell anyone," he said quietly, "But I've put a slug on Rachel's head."

Dopey shot the Joker a look before leaning against Alfred, sighing in content. Bruce wiped his tuxedo jacket free of any dirt (despite the fact that there was none) and then smirked in what appeared to be mild humour. "You are cruel at times, Joker, do you know that?"

He nodded. "Yeah, I do actually. Not particularly bothered about it but what can you do, eh? Hey Batsy? BATSY?"

Bruce ignored him.

"Fuh-ine then, be that way..."

Commissioner Gordon folded his newspaper up (page seven) and glanced towards were the second (or was it the third) conflict of the day was unfolding. "You lot have problems, I hope you know that."

"Oh, they know Gordon..." Rachel looked at them with a dark expression on her serious face, "They just enjoy making fools out of themselves..."

"On the contrary," said Alfred, "I think they're just being themselves and having fun."

Rachel rolled her eyes but Danielle spoke up, a grin visible on her impish features. "Yeah Rachel – fun – you might want to try it some time!"

Lucius sighed. "Can we stop arguing for just ten minutes? I want to get some shut eye..."

Grumpy and Happy exchanged looks with one another and then nodded in sync. "We want some sleep too," they said simultaneously, before falling off the log and falling asleep somewhat instantly. Danielle looked un-nerved and edged away.

"Where... excuse me, Mr Wayne?" she asked timidly, smiling at Bruce who was sending death glares to the Joker, "Where do we sleep?"

Bruce glanced at the thirteen year old and nodded to no one in particular. "Uh, well... good question. No actually, that IS a good question. OI! ANT!"

Ant turned around from the studio house which was nearby. "Yes, Mr Dwayne?"

Bruce scowled. "It's Wayne."

"Whatever – what do you want?"

"Where do we sleep?"

"Well, the tents aren't ready yet," Ant stuck his head out of the window and smirked, "So you'll just have to sleep on the floor tonight..."

"THE FLOOR? ARE YOU KIDDING ME?" Rachel stood up and began to walk towards were the studio house was but as she strode forwards she lost her footing (thanks to the Joker sticking his foot out) and fell flat on her face. Ant and Dec tried to disguise their laughter as coughing.

"Way to go, Ruh-achel," said the Joker cruelly, smirking. "OH, by the way, if you want to wear your, ahem, foundation... I wouldn't..."

"And why," snapped Harvey, switching into defence mode for his girlfriend, "Is that?"

"I spat in it!" the Joker rolled around laughing in hysteria. Mel tried not to smile and Steph merely looked bored. Sami, however, was redirecting the conversation back towards Ant and Dec. "Um – so we have to sleep on the floor? No sleeping bags, nothing?"

Dec looked almost apologetic. "Yeah – sorry."

"That's the stupidest thing I've heard in my life," muttered Bruce, "My lawyers will be hearing about this!"

Danielle smiled at Alfred. "Alfred, do you have any chocolate? I usually have some before going to sleep, you see."

Alfred nodded happily. "Sure do – just a tick –" he delved into his waistcoat pocket and produced a half eaten bar of Cadburys, frowning. "I don't remember it being half eaten... but feel free to have the rest..."

At this point, the Joker wiped his mouth and sat next to Steph, making kissy kissy faces at her.

"ALRIGHT!" an unseen voice echoed across the jungle and everyone glanced around, curious. "THE FLOOD LIGHTING WILL BE TURNED OFF IN A MINUTE, SO FIND SOMEWERE COMFORTABLE TO SLEEP OR BE TRUELY LOST IN THE DARKNESS!"

Rachel glared at the Joker. "If you try anything funny..."

"Don't worry." Harvey put an arm around Rachel, "That won't be the case."

"Wouldn't want to anyway!" snapped the Joker, curling up like a cat on the sharpest rock.

3...2...1...

"Goodnight!"

"Ow! Who's kicking me?"

"He-ha-he-ha..."