AN: I own nothing here, except the ability to combine moviecanon, comicbookcanon and my own headcanon in order to perform the miracle of fan fiction. Yeah yeah, I'm full of it, but read on.

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Betty Fucking Ross.

That was all Darcy could think of as she watched the two of them hug.

No, not true. While choking down the need to scream, Darcy was also thinking of the way Bruce had been smiling at her just moments before Betty entered the lab.

As Agent Coulson's second-in-command when it came to the Avengers, Darcy had read all the files associated with each member of the team. She knew about Clint's early life in the circus, Natasha's messed up childhood at the hands of the Soviet government, Tony's father issues, what Steve actually looked like before the serum, the stuff that went down between Thor and Loki during the Chitauri invasion, and Bruce... well, she knew all about Betty Fucking Ross.

The first thing Darcy knew about Betty, she was the 'great love' of Bruce's life. The second thing, Betty's father was a psycho general from the Air Force who had a permanent grudge against Bruce (it was a damn Shakespeare play waiting to happen). Three and probably the worst news for Darcy, Betty's last husband, Colonel Glenn Talbot, had been confirmed dead in Japan two years before Bruce joined the Avengers (apparently he had been trying to track Bruce down at the time).

As she watched Betty take hold of Bruce's hand, and tried not to vomit in her mouth, she could feel Jane sidle up to her and put an arm around her shoulder. "I've got a bottle of tequila, two pints of Ben&Jerry's, and every season of Doctor Who back at the tower."

"Jane, you're the best friend a girl could have," Darcy mumbled, as Jane led her out of the lab.

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"What the hell am I supposed to do? She looks like a damn elf princess! She's closer to Bruce's age, and we both know that's like a whole thing with him. She's a freaking genius who gets everything Bruce is talking about without having to have it explained, and she'll be working with him all the time!"

Darcy took another shot and threw herself back onto Jane's couch. Jane eyed her warily, having listened and agreed and put down Betty Ross for an hour with her increasingly drunk friend. Thor good naturedly sat in a corner reading about the Midgardian history he had missed since the last time he really stayed on Earth for an extended time.

Jane sighed and squared her shoulders. It was time for her to do the time honored tradition of cajoling your friends into picking themselves up.

"Darcy!" Jane shouted. Darcy startled and looked up at Jane with wide eyes. She had rarely ever heard Jane use her big girl voice. "You are better than this. You are Darcy Samantha Lewis and you do not give up! So what if Betty was his so-called 'great love' and they have a tragic history, he finally just asked you on a date after you both pined after each other for a whole year!" Jane had gotten up and started pacing back and forth. She even air-quoted 'great love' and Jane did not do air-quotes. "So what if she's some hot shot researcher in gamma radiation, you are Agent Coulson's right hand woman and we all know he's a damn ninja! So what if she looks like an elf, who the hell wants to look like an elf anyway! You are younger and have a way better body, so you better rock that shit! And I don't ever want to hear you badmouth yourself again, because you're my best friend and I'm a fucking genius and I don't pick just anyone to be best friends with!"

Darcy sat perfectly still, or as still as one can be after drinking six shots of tequila, which meant she was slightly rocking side to side in her effort to follow Jane's pacing. She watched Jane come down off the high of her impassioned speech and somewhere in the drunk haze of her mind, under her new found fear of Jane, Darcy became determined to not let Betty Fucking Ross blow into town and ruin the friendship and easy flirtation and possible romantic relationship she and Bruce had built up over the past year.

It was on.