I know it's been a whole year since you've heard anything from me, well if you followed me on Deviantart then it's been a few months. I could go on and on about why I suddenly disappeared but I'll keep it short and to the point: I was severely depressed and suicidal. This story that you are about to read was originally a oneshot that got way too long for my liking, so it shall be a story instead. I'll try to upload to it as much as I can, but I can't make too many promises incase I can't keep them.

The truth is that I am still depressed with the occasional suicidal thought, after leaving the hospital for the second time my life has changed. I was looking back on my life and remembered a long forgotten coping skill: writing. I then remembered all the people here that enjoyed my fanfictions, all the positive feedback and all the friends I had made. I miss that and hope to bring some of that old feeling of hope and joy back into my life.

I hope this helps you as much as it helps me, because if you are reading this and are going to continue reading then you will be with me as I recover. There are going to be ups and downs, days were I won't be able to even look at my own writings, but the thought of not being alone through it makes me feel better. I thank you all for sticking with me as I gradually begin to change my way of thinking. And if you don't stay along for the ride I thank you for even taking the time to look at my writings.

Anyway, I will end it here before this gets way too long, I have the habit of babbling on and on. If you really want to hear more about it feel free to send me a message, I always answer as honestly as I can. Just remember that no matter what I love you all. Even though I have never met you I still do, because you took the time out of your day to read the ramblings of a depressed nineteen year old girl.

I really hope you will like this story, since it touches me on a deeper level even as I write this.

One Frigid Morning

It was one of the coldest mornings Central had experienced. The actual temperature was twelve but with the wind chill it felt like it was in the negatives. Snow and ice from days before was scraped from the sidewalk and into the narrow alleyways. The snow was faintly sparkling in the light of the rising sun. Most people were indoors, staying warm before the trek to work. There would be no one outside for an hour or so, just enough time for Edward Elric's plan to go through.

Today was the day all his wrongs would be righted.

The young blond was sitting at his desk, bloodshot eyes fixed on the paper he was writing on. The paper was stained with tears in places, making a few words run down the page. With one final flourish of his pen Ed was done. He let the writing utensil fall to the ground with a faint clunk as it hit the wooden floorboards. He straightened his hunched over form and sadly looked over the paper one last time, tears threatening to make more of the message unreadable.

The note contained his plan and reasons, a letter directed towards Al, who would hopefully read it. Hell the colonel could read it for all he cared as long as his final musings were read. The truth was he just couldn't live like this any longer. He couldn't stand being Mustang's dog that was sent into dangerous dead ends weekly. He was just a burden to both his brother and the colonel and he was sick of it.

With a weary sigh Ed dried his eyes with the back of his hand and set the note on his pillow, face down in case Al found it too early. With his plan already going smoothly he calmly slipped on his red jacket and left his room, casting one last glance at the dimly lit area he had once called his own.

Al was in his own room, busy with research, the only problem would be getting past without his brother seeing him.

Careful of his bulky boots on the hard wood floor he tip toed through the short hallway. As he neared Al's door he held his breath, insides twisting with anxiety and a strange sort of excitement. He peaked around the corner of his brother's doorway and looked into the room.

Alphonse was at his desk, back to him as he worked. By the way his armor was hunched over; Edward guessed he was focused intently on his work. Tears threatened to fall once more as he remembered the night Al had been put into that hollow shell. He remembered screams, blood, and his own frightful tears. It was his entire fault that it had happened and finally he was to pay the price for his mistake, for trespassing into god's domain.

With one final glance at his younger brother Ed snuck past the door, thankful that the floorboards didn't utter their usual creaks. It seemed that the world was on his side tonight. As he entered the living area he confidently strode across the carpeted floor and into the small kitchen, towards the door. He felt resolve bubble up inside of his chest as he walked to the door. Today would be his final day on Earth.

Gently he opened the dorm room door and quickly slid out, carefully closing it. He heard a faint click as the bolt locked; now there was no turning back. With dreadful excitement he trotted down the corridor that led outside, cautiously as he did not want to wake his sleeping neighbors.

He practically threw the door open, now no longer caring if anyone would hear it bang against the wall. By the time they got up to check he would be gone. Ed felt no fear as he ventured out into the snowy world outside.

Snow had begun to fall and Edward stared up at the sky, watching the flakes flutter onto his face and into his eyes. Blinking the excess moisture away he walked the short walk to the small alley that was next to the dorms. As he entered the narrow passage he threw off his coat, letting it fall into the snow at the entrance. By the time someone noticed it, it would be too late. The frigid air raised goose bumps on his exposed flesh arm, but soon he would be even colder.

He grabbed a stray garbage can lid and filled it with snow then sat down in the alley next to a tipped over trash bin. Gently he placed the lid onto the snowy ground and clapped his hands, placing them on top of the snow that lie inside. Blue light flared against the alleyway walls like lightning for a few seconds before it slowly dimmed. In front of him now sat a makeshift bucket full of icy water. He looked at it and laughed quietly at the thought of this being his last shower.

Edward, still laughing to himself, grabbed the bucket and without any hesitation dumped it over his head. The instant the cold water hit his head the air was forced from his lungs with a surprised gasp, he hadn't thought about how cold the water would actually be. Still he sat there, gasping for air, as the liquid emptied onto his curled up body. Ed then threw the empty bucket to the side and focused on his quick breaths, how his heart pounded in his chest in a desperate attempt to warm him back up. But Ed made no move to leave his current spot; he leaned back and stretched his legs out in from of him instead.

The cold was unforgiving as his body shivered violently in response to the water. With a small, ragged, sigh he closed his eyes and waited for death's icy grip to envelope him.

One final note before you go, I guess you could call it a little trivia. Ed's method of suicide is the one I was going to go with. It's been so cold here up in Pennsylvania recently and with no knives, guns, or pills you get creative. When you really want to die you look at every possibility, you look at everything in hopes that in someway you could use it to end yourself.

Before this message gets to dark I shall just leave it there. I thank you so much for reading and hope you'll like the next chapter as well. If you liked this one leave a comment if you wish, I always love hearing from you guys. It truly does make my day to know people took the time out of their day to read this.

Love you always.