Summery: A satire of Snape, taking place during his years at Hoggy Warty Hogwarts based on the song the Wizard & I from the amazing musical Wicked!
Disclaimer: I own nothing. I don't own any reference to Harry Potter, they belong to J.K. Rowling, the lyrics to the Wizard & I belong to Stephen Schwartz so don't sue me!
Snape:
Did that
really just happen?
Have I actually understood?
This weird
quirk I've tried
To suppress or hide
Is a talent that
could
Help me meet Lord Voldie
If I am bad
So I'll be
bad
When I meet Lord Voldie
Once I prove my worth
And
then I meet Lord Voldie
What I've waited for since: since…. -Snape pauses thinking- yesterday?
And with all his Voldie
evilness
By my greasiness, he won't be blinded
Do you think the
Dark Lord is dumb?
Or, like Gryffindors, so small-minded?
No!
He'll say to me,
"I see who you truly are -
A boy on whom
I can rely!"
And that's how we'll begin
Lord Voldie and
I:
Once I'm with the Lord Voldie
My whole life will
change
'Cuz once you're with the Lord Voldie
No one thinks
you're strange!
No marauder makes fun of you,
No Slytherin acts
ashamed
And all of England has to worship you
When by the Dark
Lord you're acclaimed
And this gift - or this curse -
I have
inside
Maybe at last, I'll know why
When we are hand and hand -
Lord Voldie and I!
And one day, he'll say to me,
"Severus
A boy who is so superior
Shouldn't a boy who's so
bad inside
Have a matching exterior?
And since folks here to an
absurd degree
Seem fixated on your greasyness
Would it be all
right by you
If I de-greasify you?"
And though of
course
That's soooo important to me
"All right, why not?"
I'll reply
Oh, what a pair we'll be
The Dark Lord and I:
Yes,
what a pair we'll be
Lord Voldie and I When people see
me, they will scream
For half of England's evil team:
The
Dark Lord
And I!