Play, my children.
What seems important, won't last forever.
---Filter, "Cancer"
Yukari blinked.
There was no reason to attach any importance to what she had just seen. Junpei's necklace had apparently slipped around so the clasp was in front. Akihiko had casually adjusted it as he was walking by. His hands hadn't lingered on Junpei as he slid it back into place. Junpei hadn't looked up from his magazine. Nothing else had happened and Akihiko had walked on almost without missing a beat.
But…that's what had been wrong. Neither boy had spoken or displayed any awkwardness…none at all. Normally a guy wouldn't bother to straighten another guy's clothes anyway, and if he did so the other man would be embarrassed about it and make some kind of comment to pass it off. What she had seen had been a little too natural.
The more she thought about it, the stranger their interactions lately had seemed. As she had done in the past with other things that bothered her, (like Mitsuru's reticence about the Incident) she decided to ask Fuuka about it.
Besides, Fuuka and Natsuki…what she knew about them made her think that maybe Fuuka would have an insight about this kind of thing that Yukari lacked.
---//---//---//---//---//---//---//---
It had begun a long time ago. A long period had followed where neither of them pursued it, but the beginnings were still in that very first night. They had run through the darkened streets, now a maze of coffins under a swollen and evil moon. Akihiko had explained that most things didn't work during Dark Hour. Their steps were the only noises on the street. Junpei had made a snap judgment not to be afraid of this older boy that had hauled him up from his knees and dragged him out of the store earlier, but now that his head was settling a little he had time to wonder if he had sized him up right. That was a gun strapped to his thigh. What the hell was he doing with a gun?
He finally found the courage to shout at Akihiko to stop and was immediately rounded on by the older boy. "SHH! Quiet! If there are any more out tonight I want to surprise them, not the other way around." Junpei trembled a little but he stood his ground and asked, "Any more of what? What the hell is going on?"
Akihiko sighed irritably, looked around, spotted an alley and dragged him into it. He tried to explain it to Junpei as best he could; when that didn't work, he swore and pulled out the gun at his side. Junpei struggled with him and cried "No," but Akihiko didn't point the gun at him at all. Instead he put it to his head…pulled the trigger…and Junpei's horrified eyes were staring at something it was impossible to make sense of. "W-what is it?" Akihiko let him go and Junpei slumped back against the damp bricks. If the wall hadn't been there to hold him up he would have fallen. "This…it comes from me. You have one too." Junpei shook, reached up to touch it. Akihiko, not expecting this, backed away suddenly, eyes widening, and Polydeuces wavered and then faded until the air above him was empty again. Junpei slowly lowered his hand and locked eyes with him. "All right…I'll listen. Tell me everything." Akihiko scanned the empty streets. "…not here."
When his patrolling was completed, Akihiko took Junpei back to his room and explained everything to him again, slower, stopping for questions when Junpei asked them. He told him he would have to meet the Chairman, and someone he called Mitsuru. (At the time it didn't connect for Junpei that he meant the Mitsuru Kirijo.) Then he asked Junpei if he wanted him to walk him home. Junpei looked down and said nothing. When Akihiko pressed him, all he said was it had been a long night and no one was waiting for him at home. At the time Akihiko didn't understand, but he believed him. Without thinking much of the problems it would cause them in the morning, they went to bed. When his alarm went off the next day Akihiko was relieved and maybe a little saddened to find that his guest had left sometime in the night. But it had been the right thing to do. There was no use stretching out something that had clearly been meant to only last a night.
---//---//---//---//---//---//---//---
Fuuka's voice was soft. "Are you sure something like that is…well…any of our business?"
Yukari sighed. "Well, no. I guess I just wanted you to tell me that I wasn't crazy."
"…and why do you think I would know better than you, Yukari-chan?" Now her voice was even softer.
"I…oh! I'm sorry, Fuuka. I'm not being very fair to you, am I?" Yukari flushed and gulped. "I really didn't mean to hurt your feelings…"
Fuuka shifted her legs a little and looked down at the floor of Yukari's room, where she was sitting. She wasn't mad at Yukari, but she didn't have any desire to cause trouble for anyone, either. Secrets about the enemy they were fighting…those were things that everyone in SEES deserved to know. Secrets about each other were, in her opinion, very different. She stirred a little and spoke. "You remember how when I told you…you promised not to tell anyone else?"
Yukari nodded. "And I haven't, I promise---"
Fuuka smiled gently and shook her head. "I know. Well you see, I feel like this is the same…even if I knew, I don't think I could tell anyone. Although to be honest," she looked up and frowned, "I don't know. I really don't, Yukari-chan…that's the truth." She seemed genuinely sorry not to be able to help. But Fuuka was like that…she was kind and sweet to a fault.
"I-I see…I'm sorry, Fuuka. I feel like an idiot."
"It's only natural to be curious." Fuuka got up and smoothed her skirt. "But my advice would be to let it go. It could really cause a lot of trouble for them…if something like that turned out to be true." She went over to the door.
Yukari walked over and put a hand on Fuuka's sleeve apologetically. "I guess you're right…I'll try to keep my nose out of it this time." She wished her friend a good night and shut the door quietly after she had left, feeling guilty. Guilty…and unsatisfied.
---//---//---//---//---//---//---//---
Several months later they had been running together again, this time through the winding and changing halls of Tartarus. Everyone had been ordered to split up and Junpei and Akihiko had ended up surprising a couple of shadows at the same time. After they both stood back, panting and satisfied at having destroyed more of the enemy, Junpei had motioned to Akihiko and led him back into one of the darker recesses.
"What?" Akihiko had asked, re-adjusting one of his cestuses as he walked up.
Junpei had stood facing one of the shifting walls for a moment before he had gathered the courage to speak. "Stuff lately…it's getting to me."
"Yeah." Akihiko's tone was nonjudgmental.
"And I was wondering…no, I want to…" Junpei halted and frowned down at a spot on the ground.
"Yeah?"
Junpei looked at him. "Again. I want it again. Maybe for longer this time. Not just one night."
Akihiko regarded him silently. In the months since, he had come to see what had happened between them that first night as something on the order of a half-remembered dream. It was something he never would have normally done and besides that neither or them had ever mentioned or referred to it afterwards, not even once.
Junpei took a step forward and then they both stopped and turned as Mitsuru ran past them. Fuuka was calling for everyone to regroup.
Akihiko's answer to him came later that night. This time their roles were reversed. Junpei knew that it was because Akihiko had a lot to forget, too, and he did the best that he could. It was apparently enough…after that they didn't observe the same silence about it and there were other times, times they planned carefully or times that happened suddenly out on the dead streets or in the black corners of the Tower of Demise.
---//---//---//---//---//---//---//---
Ultimately Yukari decided that she simply had to know. But it was going to be okay, she reasoned, because she wouldn't do anything once she knew. She wouldn't tell Fuuka, or Minato, or anyone. She would just keep it to herself, and probably stop thinking about it once she knew one way or the other because it would no longer be a question eating at the back of her mind. With her new single-minded determination, she set out to keep an eye on both boys. Neither of them were horribly observant when it came to some things, so this wasn't as hard as it might have been.
But, although they gave her more opportunities to be suspicious, they never gave her any proof. They never said anything that sounded like they were setting something up, or talked in an especially familiar way. She began to grow desperate that she would never know since she had already sworn to herself she wasn't going to sneak around or listen at doors. It was ultimately chance that gave her the proof she thought she wanted.
They were in the middle of another endless night in Tartarus. Time certainly was different here, she thought tiredly as she battled another Shadow alone. She spotted a chest and dug around in it to see if there was anything useful. Then she straightened up and frowned. Something…there were sounds coming faintly down one of the corridors to her right side. It didn't sound like any Shadow she had ever heard, and a half-formed suspicion started to rise in her mind. Carefully, moving as quietly as possible, she edged through the darkness toward the end of the passage. It was probably just a Shadow…
When she finally spotted it, it stopped her cold. A shifting tangle of arms and legs, but not a Shadow. They hadn't seen her yet, and she slid silently to her knees, unable to do anything but watch. Akihiko had his back pressed up against the slick wall but he didn't seem to feel the coldness of it. Next to his side, one of Junpei's hands was caged against the wall as well, steadying him. They were both trying to be quiet but one or the other of them would occasionally slip up, and Yukari's hands clenched her bow tightly at every stray noise.
It was Akihiko, with his chin dug into Junpei's left shoulder, who noticed her first. She saw his eyes shift into focus and then open wider in recognition, and she gasped and frantically pressed her back to the wall like she could sink into it. Since that wasn't possible, she was trapped there watching in horror as he brought his fist down lightly against Junpei's chest to get his attention and then grabbed his chin and turned his head to look. Any other time the expression on Junpei's face would have been funny, but Yukari felt all the blood drain from her cheeks as he looked at her in complete shock.
Junpei turned a little so he could lower Akihiko until both his feet touched the ground. Yukari drew her knees in tight and hid her face behind her arms as they presumably got their clothes back into place. She'd never meant to find out like this, they had to believe her, she never meant to see them…
A hand was touching the back of her head.
"Hey…uh…Yuka-tan? I can explain everything, honest."
She heard Akihiko laugh bitterly as he walked past them, heard the clink of his belt as he fastened it. "Good luck on that one."
Junpei grunted and then focused on her again. "Hey, Yuka-tan…Yukari, come on." Trembling and ashamed, she looked up at him. He just smiled reassuringly though. "…you okay? I'm sure that must have been…er…kinda weird."
She blinked a couple of times and then realized that he was genuinely concerned. As far as they knew, she had just been unlucky enough to come across them. And of course, that was true…but she knew deep down that she had also been half-searching for that Proof that would set her mind at ease. Well, Yukari told herself miserably, she had gotten it, all right.
"I-I'm fine…I mean, I won't tell anyone…s-so don't worry."
Akihiko, standing a little ahead in the passage with his arms crossed, turned back to look at the two of them. "Do you promise, Yukari? I don't mean to be cruel when you're all shaken up, but…it is very important."
Yukari gulped and nodded. "I really promise!"
Junpei shot back something or other at Akihiko about not knowing how to talk to girls and then smiled at her and helped her up. "Man, Yuka-tan," he joked, "You have the worst timing."
---//---//---//---//---//---//---//---
Back in Junpei's room later that night they were trying to pick up where they left off. Akihiko finally shoved Junpei away though and rolled a little to the side. He still felt anxious about being discovered and it was killing the mood for him. Junpei propped himself on his elbows and surveyed Akihiko a moment before speaking. "What are you so worried about? She won't say anything. And even if she did…so?"
Akihiko looked tiredly at him. "You never think past tomorrow…do you? I have a lot of things I plan on doing after I graduate, even if you don't. And not all of them go well with this kind of thing."
Junpei sat up and rubbed his arms, suddenly feeling very cold. "…I never thought about messing things up for you…"
"I didn't mean it like that," Akihiko began. But he could tell he had hurt him.
"Why'd you even say yes anyway?"
Akihiko sighed and then said deliberately, "Because…I thought it was worth the risk."
"And now?"
He closed his eyes. "It's still worth it."
Junpei watched him quietly for awhile and then stretched out and lay on his back next to him. The shadows he watched playing across the ceiling were obscured a moment later by the deeper shadow that was Akihiko's silhouette.
"What are you doing?" Akihiko asked as Junpei drew his legs up a little on either side of him.
"I thought maybe you wanted to change places."
Akihiko frowned. The hell of it was, he did want to switch, but he resented Junpei figuring that out before he did. He clamped a hand down on one of Junpei's shoulders and moved forward suddenly, watching with some satisfaction as the other boy gasped and closed his eyes.
Junpei recovered after a moment, however, and managed to piss him off even more with the next thing he said. "She did look cute when she saw us though, don't you think? All shocked, and so…ahn!"
"That's about enough," said Akihiko firmly.
---//---//---//---//---//---//---//---
Sunday. Junpei had been putting this off for quite awhile, but today he had the whole day to himself and so he had no more excuses. Without telling anyone where he was going he cut out early and rode the train across town, after doing a little bit of shopping at the convenience store. When he finally got there it was worse than he expected. His dad had clearly "indulged" again last night, as he liked to call it. The place was filthy and the old man himself was snoring in one corner, surrounded by empty cans. Everything smelled sour.
Junpei hung his jacket on the least dirty corner of the couch and got to work. His first act was to open all the windows in the place. It took a long time to get everything livable again, especially since he wasn't at all good with cleaning. The refrigerator, as he expected, was empty except for bottles and a few items well past the expiration date. He had to avoid the urge to pour all the bottles down the sink; he'd actually done that once before and when his old man had woken up Junpei had really caught it. Instead he took what he had bought and put it in there, hoping it wouldn't just sit there and rot like the last round of groceries, and went over to kneel next to his dad.
The old man kept snoring and Junpei wasn't really inclined to wake him. When he did stir it was to violently hunch over and start retching. Junpei hadn't actually thrown away the convenience store bag yet so he put it to use, holding the old man's head over it until he subsided enough to make it to the bathroom. Junpei left him like that, swearing and getting sick in waves and telling him to get his ass back there, his voice echoing hollowly against the porcelain.
Outside he washed his hands at a water fountain and shook out his jacket. Well…now he could go another one or two weeks without feeling guilty, at least. He walked back to the station, wondering aimlessly how he should spend the rest of his day.
At Port Island Station he saw Yukari. She was having an animated conversation on her cell phone, and he hung back and watched her out of curiosity. He couldn't make out what she was saying, but he was pretty sure he knew who she was speaking to. His suspicions were confirmed when she slammed the phone shut and turned her head violently to one side in an obvious effort not to cry.
She hadn't heard him come up behind her, so Yukari spun around violently when she felt a gentle touch at her elbow. When she saw who it was she was even more upset. "I must have the worst luck…! What do you want, Stupei?" She gritted her teeth, furious to be seen in a vulnerable moment by Junpei of all people.
Junpei was strangely unaffected by the nickname he usually hated. "Your mom…right?"
Yukari opened her mouth to ask him what the hell business it was of his but instead she started crying. It was horrible and she couldn't control it. When she finally subsided she had her fingernails dug deep into the front of his shirt and her face buried against his chest. The cold metal of his pendant was pressed against one of her cheeks. She jumped back, ashamed of doing something stupid and weak like that, and in a public place. To mitigate her embarrassment a little and change the subject, she pressed a hand to her nose and said, "God, you reek…where have you been?"
Junpei put his hands in his pockets and replied briskly, "Dad's. Cleaned up a little." The rim of his hat came down and the gaze under it challenged her to say anything more about it, go ahead. She frowned and stepped a little closer. "I didn't mean…it's not that bad."
Junpei shrugged it off. "Doesn't matter, 'think I'll go back to the dorm anyway. I always feel like I need a shower after I get out of there."
Yukari looked down at her feet. "Before you do that…"
Akihiko woke up from his nap on the dorm couch just in time to see Junpei open the door to let himself and Yukari in. They were both finishing what looked to be takoyaki. He rubbed his eyes in disbelief and as a result almost got creamed by the greasy paper-wrapped object that was tossed at him. He looked down at it, sniffed it. It was still warm. Junpei finished his and licked his fingers. "We saved one for you."
---//---//---//---//---//---//---//---
"NO. Are both of you nuts?"
Junpei used what he thought was his most persuasive voice. "Look, if it bugs you that much she could just watch."
"…Now I know you're both crazy." Akihiko rubbed his forehead. He was sitting at his desk, Junpei was on the floor leaned against the bed, and Yukari, against all sense of propriety (and every rule in the book, Akihiko thought unhappily) was sitting cross-legged on the bed.
Yukari flushed. "I know I don't have any right to ask---"
"Damned right you don't…oh, sorry." Akihiko was abashed. He tried not to talk like that in front of girls if he could help it.
Junpei shook his head. "I think you're the one who's crazy, Senpai…" He cocked his head back so he was looking upside-down at Yukari for a moment. "Forgive me for saying this, Yuka-tan, but…" he turned back to look at Akihiko. "Any other guy would probably give his left nut for a chance like this." He was immediately kicked in the back of the head by Yukari.
Akihiko scowled at him. "Oh, I know why you want to do this." Then he looked up at her, genuinely perplexed. "But why…do you want it?"
Yukari cleared her throat and clasped her hands together over one knee. "Well…I…I was wondering about the two of you for a little while," (here Akihiko's eyebrows shot up) "…and…when I saw you two it was…um…I…"
Akihiko felt a sense of growing dread. "You…noticed something? About us?"
Yukari looked up at him. "No, it's more like…I think I was looking for it. I'm pretty sure nobody else would have ever noticed anything."
"What was it? Do you remember?"
She blushed. "It's so stupid…it was just the way you turned Junpei's necklace back when the clasp got turned around. But it made me start to think…that's all."
Akihiko frowned. "Something that tiny…"
Junpei stood up and toyed with Yukari's heart choker. She exclaimed sharply when he unbuckled it and let it slide off her neck. Something about him undoing her choker, with Akihiko-senpai watching…felt like a violation. Then Junpei ran the backs of his fingers along the newly exposed skin and she shivered and closed her eyes involuntarily.
"So what if it's something that tiny." Junpei said quietly. He noted that Akihiko was a little red now. "So what if it's crazy." Yukari half-opened her eyes and bit her lip uncertainly. "Come on, Senpai," Junpei's voice was very soft. "At least, let her watch."
---//---//---//---//---//---//---//---
"But why does it have to be me?" Akihiko was blushing furiously.
"Well…" Junpei paused in the middle of unzipping him, "I figure you think I'm just going along with this so I can sleep around, right? If I'm back here I can't do anything though." He grinned as if one smile could make this any less embarrassing.
"Actually I know that's what you're up to, and as far as I'm concerned the two of you can leave me out of it," Akihiko started to mutter. A moment later though he ducked his head as Junpei's hand slid into place.
"You know that wouldn't be right," Junpei said reproachfully. "Yuka-tan wouldn't trust me alone in a room with her for two seconds. At least you're a gentleman." Akihiko didn't reply, only squirmed and tried to stifle a moan, so Junpei looked over at Yukari. "Right?"
Yukari gulped and crossed her legs. She was perched on Akihiko's chair now, fully dressed, a foot or two away from the bed. "Yeah…no way I would trust you."
Junpei nodded. "You gotta be more considerate than that, Senpai." He slid his other hand out of sight under the sweater.
"…shut up…"
Yukari tried to think of a way to ease the tension a little. "So…does he even wear that stupid hat when he…um…"
Akihiko looked up at her wearily. "More times than I could count."
Junpei grunted and said, "Gloves."
"Shut up."
Junpei bit one of Akihiko's ears softly, cutting him off again. "…hey Yuka-tan, are you still sure you want to just watch?" Yukari, startled, jumped a little in her chair.
Akihiko meanwhile was rising angrily from his place reclining against Junpei's chest. "Dammit Iori, you said---"
"Cool it. I don't mean anything weird. Girls are picky about that stuff anyway."
Yukari scowled. "I hardly think you're the authority on girls, Stupei."
Akihiko grinned a little bit until Junpei pinched one of his nipples. "Ain't pretending to be," Junpei continued calmly. "All I'm saying is, Senpai here is kind of on the shy side around girls, believe it or not. So if he wanted to do anything else you'd be the last person to know it."
"I don't want to do anything else. I don't want to do this! I---" Akihiko's protests were slightly muffled by Junpei hauling his shirt up. When he was free of it and could see again, he made an exclamation and backed up a little until he knocked into Junpei. Yukari had swiftly and silently come over to kneel in front of them.
"…is that really true, Senpai?" Yukari was looking intently at Akihiko. Flustered, he stared back and dug his fingers into Junpei's leg. Junpei winced; Akihiko's grip was strong as ever. Yukari moved in closer. "Can I…" She gulped and hesitated, then touched his side.
Akihiko drew in his breath sharply and froze. Junpei, however, smiled. "Wow, I'm jealous. You just touch him and he gets hard as a rock all of a sudden."
"That's it…I'm going to kill you." Akihiko half-turned to make good on his promise, but Yukari's hesitant voice stopped him.
"Then…it's okay? You don't hate it?"
"Uh…I…well I mean of course I don't, but…" Akihiko felt like he shouldn't be encouraging her but he certainly didn't want to hurt her feelings either. A moment later his confused thoughts all receded into the background as she leaned up and kissed him. She was clearly shy and uncertain about it, but she was also Yukari and the kiss was just as spirited as everything else she did. Akihiko was overwhelmed, especially with Junpei still working him. He groaned and let it happen, and after a moment or two he was even responding.
Yukari gulped and pulled back first. "I-I don't know what made me do that. That was actually my first time kissing a boy…"
Akihiko was feeling a bit dazed at this point. Behind him, Junpei shook his head and said philosophically, "Lucky bastard. I hope you know all the guys at Gekkodan hate you now." Then he grunted and shifted his legs a little, tugging Akihiko's slacks down slightly and getting the two of them into place. It was pretty hard without Akihiko helping, but he managed. Yukari's eyes widened and Akihiko's eyes shut suddenly as Junpei gripped Akihiko's sides and moved again.
Junpei panted as Akihiko groaned and settled back against him. "This bastard's heavy, Yuka-tan…I think I need both of my hands…could you maybe…?"
Yukari turned scarlet. "You want me to…?!"
Junpei grinned again, the sweat starting to slide down his neck. "If you would."
Akihiko was vaguely aware that the hands on him now were softer and smaller. It wasn't a disagreeable feeling, in fact in its own way it was just as nice as Junpei's larger, rougher ones. He reached out and touched something soft…pink sweater…pulled it closer. He kept touching her, letting her know in different ways that this was nice…
---//---//---//---//---//---//---//---
If Yuka-tan and Senpai weren't as skinny as they were, Junpei reflected, the bed would definitely have been too small. As it was they were all pretty much forced to be on their sides if they wanted to fit without hanging off. He was facing Yukari and Akihiko was behind her, one arm looped over her waist. They were all just lying there, dressed for the most part. Junpei played with the hair that fell against Yukari's neck. She seemed to be withdrawn, thinking about something.
"Am I…am I like my mom?" she frowned. "I mean…two guys…"
"You're not a damned thing like your mom." Junpei's voice was hard and uncompromising. Yukari felt Akihiko nodding behind her. She closed her eyes.
Akihiko tried to be helpful. "This is all Junpei's fault anyway."
"Thanks a lot, buddy…but yeah. Pretty much." Junpei smiled at her gently.
"That's sweet…but I make my own decisions," Yukari said firmly.
"Yeah well…have you decided whether or not you want to…you know."
Junpei got a gentle slap for his question. "You pervert…I should have known." Yukari glared at him, although not as angrily as she might have done in the past.
Junpei was indignant. "Excuse me, but that's not what I meant." He blushed a little and rubbed the back of his neck. "That is, me and Senpai have…um…both gotten what we needed, but I don't think you did…?"
She shrank back against Akihiko. "O-oh, that's okay, I don't really need…oh." She looked back over her shoulder at Akihiko, feeling betrayed. "I thought you were a gentleman!"
Junpei was surprised too. Akihiko merely said, "So it's there, right?"
Later Akihiko drew his hand back and Junpei took it and sucked on the fingers. Yukari, panting softly and waiting for her body to stop shaking, watched them hazily. Cradled there between the two of them she felt very safe.
---//---//---//---//---//---//---//---
Some nights later in Junpei's room he and Akihiko were up very late talking. They had just finished another round of exams and Yukari had teased Junpei unmercifully.
Akihiko stretched a little. "I can't believe you two fought over that again."
"She just knows how to get under my skin, you know? Always has." Junpei pouted and scratched his arm.
"Well, she has a point. You'll never get into a decent school if---"
Junpei cut him short; it was an old argument. "You never have told me what you plan on doing."
"What…after I graduate?"
"Yeah. You told me you have plans, so come on. What are they?"
Akihiko looked off into the distance. "I talk to Officer Kurosawa sometimes…and…I think I might want to do that. Be a cop, I mean."
Junpei looked at Akihiko thoughtfully. He was remembering again that first night, Senpai patrolling, the gun strapped to his thigh.
"I guess you think that's stupid."
Junpei shook his head. "No…I guess it suits you."
Akihiko stirred a little. "…Really?"
"Yeah." Junpei gave him a certain look, a very obvious one. "Hey, I'm not tired yet."
"I don't know…are you sure just me is enough?" Akihiko was teasing him, but he was testing him a little too.
Junpei frowned. "…are you mad I brought her in?"
Akihiko thought about it and shook his head. "Not really. I mean, I'll graduate before you. And she's really sweet, so…I don't mind."
"Did you have to say it like that? Now I'm really depressed."
"You were the one who brought it up." But all the same he started to comfort him, and the conversation between them left words behind in favor of more concrete things. At the end of it, as Junpei was falling asleep, Akihiko told him quietly that after all, the police have their ways of finding people.
And as he had predicted, when the time came…it was easier with her there.