Summary: One Shot. Kaylee is in love with Ray…whose dating her sister Mariah. He sees her as his best friend, she sees him in so many other ways. RayOCMariah.

Infatuation

It always hurt me to see him with her. Whenever they touched, or kissed, or when he holds her in his strong arms. I wanted to be her. The girl he hugs and kisses, and dances with for now reason. Just to hold her in his arms. She was beautiful too, and so was he. They were perfect for each other.

I had been his best friend for a long time, since we were kids. I had always liked Ray, but never had the guts to tell him. Mariah was my beautiful sister, with pink eyes and hair, and a pretty smile and a kind heart. I would have preferred his girl friend be a bitch so I was allowed to hate her, but it was my kind sister, who had no idea of my feelings for Ray. I didn't blame her…it was inevitable that they would eventually end up together. Yet I always had this pain in my heart whenever I saw them together, and sometimes I felt like crying. They always smiled at each other, and it was obvious their love was over the usual high school love.

I stretched, arching my back and tilting my head to peer out the window next to me, my bright purple hair falling over my shoulders, bright golden eyes peering outside coolly, my pale skin tingling with the urge to leave the house and go outside. Mariah and Ray were on a date again, and I was left alone at home like always. I leaned forward, pressing my forehead against the cold glass, my fingertips pressing on the glass as well. I really hated this. Waiting at home, wishing I were with Ray, in his arms…kissing…

I pulled away, standing up and walking towards my thick door, pushing it and shutting it behind me tightly, walking down the stairs, skipping a couple steps as I went. I knew I needed to get over him, but I couldn't help it. I couldn't help my feelings for Ray…and it disgusted me. Mariah was my sister and I loved her with all my heart. But…I couldn't help it.

I walked over to the front door and pushed it open, walking out and down the driveway, turning and wandering down the sidewalk. I let my mind wander helplessly as I went, my eyes gazing at the sky, hands clasped behind my back. I didn't like this sad, hopeless feeling. I had tried so many times to tell ray how I felt, but always came up blank. And acting like everything was okay when I was dying inside didn't help either.

I didn't like when he came back and sat with me, telling me about how much he loved Mariah. Or when we cooed about her over the phone, and so on. I hated it. It made me miserable. I wanted to tell him that I loved him and it killed me hearing him talk about my sister, his girlfriend, like the way he does to me. I needed to tell him…he deserved to know.

But I couldn't do that to him and my sister. I didn't want to ruin our friendship. Definitely if he didn't love me back. And if by some wild chance he did, what would become of Mariah? I wasn't evil. I couldn't do it. I felt disgusting and vile, like I just did something horrible and cruel. Just thinking of doing that made me sick to my stomach.

I eventually made it back to my house, and instantly collapsed on the couch, burying my face into the pillow, groaning every now and then. My life was so messed up. Why did this happen to me? Did God have some grudge against me? I hated this…loving my best friend, someone I could never be with.

I felt like crying but I didn't; I just lay there in silence, face buried in my pillow, hoping to suffocate. Maybe die, and maybe then Ray would stop talking about Mariah. I felt bad for thinking all this, but I couldn't seem to control my thoughts. I stayed like that until I finally heard the front door open, and Mariah stepped in, closing the door and walking in. I looked up from my pillow and saw her, sitting up and smiling at her brightly. It was forced, but I was an actress. Well, I liked to act in school plays and wanted to be an actress, but you get it.

She saw me and blushed, giggling as she walked over to me and sat down, bringing her knees to her chin and turning to me. I smiled at her and slung my arm over her shoulders as she put her heads on my shoulder, eyes shutting and sighing heavily.

"He's wonderful." Was all she whispered. I fell silent, not knowing what to say, but then deciding on it

"He is." I agreed. She smiled without opening her eyes, and nodded, her pink hair brushing against my shoulder lightly. I moved my hand to play with her hair, and she opened her eyes slowly, tilting her head to the side a bit and gazing at me.

"Yeah." She said softly. I looked away, her innocent gaze too much for me to bear, and rested my head on the couch behind me, eyes closing shut slowly. As if sleeping. I wished I was…so I wouldn't have to think about all this. Yet my mind wouldn't stop. The thoughts and images didn't stop. It was overwhelming…I opened my eyes and shifted, pulling away and rubbing Mariah's head before wishing her goodnight. She waved to me as I pounded up the stairs, and into my room, collapsing onto my bed and closing my eyes.

And then morning came. I guess I fell asleep eventually, so I slipped out of my bed and stretched, hastily rushing to my bathroom and getting my bath ready. I grabbed a bagel and ran back to my room, eating it while stepping in the bath water. I finished eating and took my bath as fast as I could, before drying off and brushing my teeth. I dried my hair, got changed in a pair of jeans and a green tank top, and brushed my hair into a low French braid. I bounced downstairs and saw Mariah dressed and ready, fidgeting and glancing at the door every now and then. I quirked my eyebrow and walked over, slipping into her lap and giggling when she jumped.

"Hey." She laughed, patting my head. "What would you like for Christmas?"

Your boyfriend.

"A pony. And it has to have a pink mane and rainbow fur!" I demanded. She laughed and I slid off her lap, stretching and smiling at her.

"You have a date with Ray tonight?" I asked casually. I expected her to say yes, but she shook her head and shrugged a bit. It wasn't like they went out every night. It was more like a lot, but not exactly every other day or week.

"Oh." I said, blinking. She giggled at my bemused expression, and spoke again happily.

"Well, I'm hanging out with some new friends today. Want to come?" She offered kindly. I shook my head, declining without saying a thing. I didn't like strangers. And anyway, Ray and I were planning on hanging out this weekend anyway. I bid her goodbye as she left the house, and I walked to the phone and picked it up, dialing Ray's number. He answered on the first ring, and I instantly spoke.

"My house. Now, mister."

I heard him laughing, and he agreed to come over, and we hung up. I pulled out some old movies and popcorn, and waited on the couch until he came over. Ray never really bothered with ringing or knocking on the door, since we were such good friends, and I perked up when the door opened and Ray walked in. He grinned and sat next to me, and I pulled out the movies, the popcorn bag on top.

"I got some old crappy horror movies and a bag of popcorn. Yeh dig?" I winked.

He laughed, and said, "Hells yeah."

And so we did. I popped in the first movie; the original black and white count Dracula. We popped the popcorn and shared the bowl, cuddled up under a blanket as we watched that, then Frankenstein. We laughed and talked about it, until there were no movies left, and the bowl was long empty. We settled on talking about random things, which included his beloved Mariah, and so on. Eventually he asked me casually if I was dating anyone. I didn't know what to say. No, Ray I'm not because I'm in love with you? I don't think so. So I just lied to him and said I was dating Tala, one of my other friends, at which he shrugged and said he seemed nice.

We talked for a bit longer until Mariah came home and joined us, cuddling with Ray as we all talked. Eventually it grew late and Mariah kissed Ray goodbye and I hugged him, and he left. Mariah shut the door and turned to me, grinning that same love sick grin she always had on now. But it seemed different…off. Like it was fake. I shooed the thought away as I went up to bed.

Morning came and went, days passed, and soon I noticed something was wrong with Mariah. She was gone more often with her friends, and didn't go on as many dates with Ray as she used to. She didn't have that same blissful expression on, and she grew more distant. So one day, I confronted her.

It was Friday around five o'clock, and Mariah was reading a magazine, planning on seeing a movie with her friends later. I walked up to her, yanked the magazine from her hands, ignoring her protesting, and glared at her as angrily as I could.

"Mariah, something's wrong. Tell me."

She stared at me defiantly, but obviously she was waiting for me to notice, for she broke down crying and flung herself into my arms. I murmured comforting words to her as I cradled her and sat down, holding her to me as she cried. She eventually calmed down and looked up at me, eyes red and puffy and her face was tear-streaked and flushed.

"Mariah." I whispered. She bit her lip and looked away, taking a shaky breath and looking back at me slowly, as if scared of what she would see. I offered a smile, and she forced one back.

"Well," She explained quietly, rubbing her eyes and sniffling. "I feel horrible. I'm going to Hell, I just know it." her tone grew hushed. "I mean, I didn't mean for it to happen, Kaylee. It just did…he was my friend, and he kissed me…and I felt everything I ever wanted then, and kissed back. Kaylee…" By now she was sobbing again, and she looked up at me. "I-I'm cheating on Ray. God, I feel horrible! I love both of them! I really do! Oh God, Kaylee…oh God…" She buried her face into my shoulder and cried harder, and I felt numb and shocked. Mariah…Ray….oh God. I held her even though it disgusted me, and stroked her hair, suddenly feeling bad for her, yet still angry at her for what she's doing to Ray.

"Who is it?" I mumbled into her hair. She paused, and clung tighter to me, sniffling and choking out a name.

"Tala…"

Oh, how ironic.

I sighed and helped her wash up, and helped her to bed. I stayed with her until her and her guilty heart fell asleep, and I left, my limbs and heart heavy. I slept restlessly, and woke up the next day with a headache. Mariah refused to come out of her room, so I brought her breakfast and went to go for a walk, only to almost run into Ray, who looked furious. The first thing that came into my mind was; he knows.

But then he embraced me and held me to his chest, and spoke slowly, as if not sure himself.

"I saw Tala kissing another girl…I didn't see her, but I knew it wasn't you. I'm so sorry, Kaylee." He soothed. I almost laughed but didn't, and feigned shock as I put my face in his shoulder, pretending to be upset. I couldn't tell him. I couldn't do that to Mariah. I inhaled his scent; it smelled good, like always. He pulled away finally and smiled at me sadly, and I offered a sad smile in return.

"I'm sorry." He sighed again.

"It's alright." I mumbled. It really was, since Tala and I were never really dating…

"No, it's not." I heard a voice speak. My mind seemed to react slowly, for it took me a minute to realize it was Mariah who had said it. I blinked, surprised, and saw Ray had the same expression on. We both turned to her, and she looked at us sadly. Her hair was mussed up, her face was streaked with tears and her eyes were puffy and red. She was still in her silky pink pajamas, and she was clutching her pink teddy bear to her chest. Her eyes were filled with guilt, and she smiled at me sadly.

"Thanks for covering for me, sis. But I have to tell him…"

I took the hint and waked away, ignoring the shocked look Ray sent me. I went upstairs and locked myself in my room, and put my earphones on, turning the music on my old iPod high, music blasting in my ears, hopefully drowning out any noise, in case there was a fight. I fell asleep and woke up with the earphones off, on my desk, and a blanket draped over me. I smiled and sat up, looking around and standing up slowly. It was still dark outside, so I assumed I hadn't slept too long. I walked downstairs and out the door without bothering to say a thing, and instantly headed towards the park. Knowing Ray, he would probably still be there. It was where he and I always went when we were upset. It was raining, and I was getting soaked since I hadn't bothered to grab a jacket or change, but I didn't care. I wanted to see Ray. Just as I assumed, there he was, on the swings, staring at the ground sadly.

I walked to him and then hesitated. What should I say? What could I say? I licked my chapped lips and perched myself on the swing next to his, grasping the cold metal and kicking the wood chips on the ground below me. I hard his soft shaky breaths, and knew he was crying, even if the rain hid his tears. But it didn't hide the pain on his face.

"Hush my love now don't you cry. Everything will be all right. Close your eyes and drift in dream. Rest in peaceful sleep." I sang. That was the song Ray sang to me whenever I was upset or crying, one of my favorite songs by Creed. He looked at me then looked away, but I sang on gently, chopping some words to make it shorter.

"If there's one thing I hope I've shown you. Just give love to all. Just give love to all. Oh my love in my arms tight. Every day you give me life, as I drift off to your world. Rest in peaceful sleep." I sang softly. He avoided my gaze, and I could tell he was calming down. So, I continued on, my voice as soft and gentle as the cold breeze, drifting with it as I sang on.

"I know there's one thing that you've shown me, that you've shown me. Just give love to all. Just give love to all. Just give love to all. Let's give love to all." I finished lightly. By now his eyes were closed and his breathing was steady. I slid off the swing and walked to him, kneeling down and wrapping my arms around him, pulling him to me. He shut his eyes and leaned into me, breathing slow and steady as I ran my fingers through his hair. And right then, I knew what I had to do.

Ray needed me right now. He needed his best friend to comfort him in his time of need. I could never be his girlfriend and he could never be my boyfriend. It was just how things had to be. I couldn't deny it. I was his best friend, and you know what?

Holding him under the dark gloomy skies in the rain, his tears falling on my cold skin, I was perfectly fine with that.