I Would've Loved You Anyway, a harry potter fanfic

A/N-This story is dedicated to my mum and dad as this was their Christmas present...but I think it's also for Harry as he needed closure as much as I did...I'm on my way to not crying whenever I read a AU fic...or any fic with Sirius in it. I'm making progress! proud smile Anyway I hope you enjoy it...

DISCLAIMER:I do not own Harry Potter and I don't think I want to...too much pressure and then I would have to kill people off and I don't think my poor heart could take it...And I don't own the song I Would've Loved You Anyway, it's by Trisha Yearwood which was what inspired this story...if anyone wants the story with the lyrics please just e-mail me and I'll get it to you ASAP...and the lullaby Sirius sings to Harry is one my mum used to sing to me when I was little...I actually received an email from the composer of the song "A Lullaby of Love's Design" just a few hours ago. Her name is Miria L'auroel and she owns the rights to this song.

I Would've Loved You Anyway

Harry James Potter sat in the smallest bedroom of #4 Privet Drive, just looking out the window;staring at one specific star in the sky.

"Sirius," Harry whispered quietly. The Dog Star, the most important star in this 16 year olds universe. Or it had been he mused. After all Sirius was gone now wasn't he? Sirius was no longer part of his universe...he was just a memory...just a small ball of light in the sky...And no matter how much it hurt Harry to admit it he knew that his godfather could not come back...

And no matter how much he did not like second guessing himself he couldn't help but wonder...

If he had known that it would end this way would he have still gone through with everything that he'd gone through? Would he have allowed himself to become as close to Sirius as he had? Harry shook his head as if to erase the thought from his mind but as he returned his gaze back to the window, back to that star he knew that he had to find the answer...He must find the answer.

He sighed...But just because he had to did not mean he wanted to...In order to find the solution...in order to realize the result of his question he would have to query and examine every event he had gone through with Sirius...And he didn't want to have any reason to question his feelings for his godfather...

Harry had looked up to his godfather there was no doubt about that. And anyone who knew Sirius could tell you that he absolutely adored Harry. But had he loved him? Harry wasn't even sure he knew what love was...in either sense. He knew his dad had loved him and there was enough evidence that his mother had loved him but...had Harry ever really loved anyone?

Had Sirius?

Harry frowned. Had he ever loved anyone? Of course he had...he loved Ron and Hermione. They were his best friends after all but had Harry ever loved anyone in a more...family capacity? Harry snorted judging by the fact that he'd only had the Dursleys to base that kind of love on he'd have to wager on a negative answer.

But just because the Dursleys didn't have any affection for him (and Harry knew he had none for them either) that didn't mean that no one else did right?

Harry sighed this was useless...the only way he could ever know is if he found some way to ask Sirius himself, but Harry knew that that was an entirely fruitless thought. It was too late to ask Sirius now...

Harry walked away from the window and lay down on his bed and as he fell asleep the doubts were still floating through his mind.

Harry woke to find himself looking straight into a pair of sparkling ice-blue eyes on a pale face with shoulder-length black hair. He opened his mouth to speak;to say the name that was on the very tip of his tongue but heard a cry come out instead.

A baby's cry.

"Ah, come on Harry," Sirius spoke while picking him up."Don't cry, Padfoot's here."

Despite himself Harry giggled and grabbed onto a piece of his godfathers' black hair. Wait! Harry thought, Giggled? I don't giggle. Harry was beyond bewildered at this point. What was wrong with him?

Sirius smiled and tickled him gently."There's the Harry that I love to see."

Harry looked down at his body and was surprised to see a baby's body...He didn't remember this memory...was it a memory? Was it a dream? What was he experiencing?

Before he could think it through he heard the man holding him begin to sing. He had never heard Sirius sing before. He had a light tenor voice...one that Harry was sure he would never forget again.

When the twilight's over, there's magic in the night sky,
And moonlight dusts with silver the clouds that skim on high;
I love to be beside you, when stars begin to gather,
And then begin to play their lullaby.

A lovely twinkling message is in the stars that shine:
"Give me your tomorrows, and I will give you mine."
The stars all nod their heads, and the moon has closed his eyes,
To a lullaby of love's design.

Moon and stars and clouds all tumble through the night,
And as we sleep beneath them, they fill the sky with light.
The clouds glide on the wind, and the moon and twinkling stars
Play hide and seek in mounds of fluffy white.

Dreams are on the nightwind, and dreams are in my heart,
And when one dream has ended, another dream will start.
You are my moon and stars, and my greatest dream is always
That we'll never, ever have to be apart.

A lovely twinkling message is in the stars that shine:
"Give me your tomorrows, and I will give you mine."

The stars all nod their heads, and the moon has closed his eyes,
To a lullaby of love's design.

Harry had closed his eyes half-way through the lullaby. It was soothing, oddly soothing Harry thought. But that was coming from a boy who had never heard a lullaby before.

Sirius looked down at him, eyes filled with love and affection for the baby in his arms. Then he said the words that answered Harry's earlier question.

"I love you, Harry. I'll always be there for you, whether it's as a star...Or it's right here." He pointed a finger at Harry's heart. He kissed Harry on the forehead before placing him back in the crib and whispering "Goodnight,Prongslett."

Harry woke this time back on Privet Drive. He went to wipe his emerald green eyes and was surprised to find tears running down his cheeks. Sirius had loved him...When he was little at least and Prongslett? Harry smiled it was nice to have a nickname other than the Boy-Who-Lived. He stood up and moved back to the window. He always seemed to move to this window after he slept. It was strangely...comforting. As if all he had to do was stare out at the sky and everything would be alright.

Harry wasn't naive enough to really believe that just looking out the window could solve anything but...it was a nice thought.

Harry frowned as his thoughts turned back to Sirius. WOULD he have gotten close to Sirius if he knew this was going to happen? Would he have put himself through the pain and anguish that Sirius' death would cause? Harry looked back at Siri-his star. Looking at the star now-after that dream-he didn't see a ball of light on a blanket of darkness...He saw the face of his godfather. The face of a man who loved Harry and would always be there when he needed him.

And as Harry went through every single memory he had of Sirius he couldn't help but smile in contentment. Sirius may be gone physically but spiritually he was always there...

And Harry realized as he stood there that his depression after Sirius died had left him physically weak but mentally...

He had never been stronger. Magically he had never been stronger...And he realized that even with Sirius gone he had done something to make sure that Harry would make it through... With that dream he had given him hope. With that dream he had given him something to live for...something to remember. And with that dream he had given Harry the response he desperately wanted to prove correct...

He smiled, and the spark that had been missing for so long from his eyes came to life. Everything he had gone through had been worth it just to have the spark of life return to his eyes. Everything was worth it to have the memories that he now cherished to look back on. Everything was worth it to realize that he had someone who had loved him, who would watch over him, who was still watching over him even if he was gone beyond a veil of no return.

"I would've loved you anyway, Sirius," Harry whispered, and as he did he hoped-beyond hope- that Sirius was somewhere listening.