A Dose of Reality

At four in the morning I snuck into the printing office of the Daily Profit and slipped a copy of the following letter into every newspaper. Hogwarts is in crisis and the public needs to know.

Dear Wizarding Britain,

For many decades Hogwarts has proclaimed to the public that Hogwarts is the safest place in the British Isles and that they provide the best magical education in Britain. I must wonder, what documentation has Hogwarts ever provided to support these "facts"? I will leave it up to the staff of Hogwarts and the school board to provide the public with proof of their claims.

My purpose here today is to provide you with facts that disprove those claims. Let's begin with safety.

Dangerous Creatures

Over the past five years Hogwarts, at the Headmasters behest, has played host to: a Cerberus, a troll, a werewolf, four dragons, blasted ended skrewts and accromantula. Now granted, some of these creatures were there for the Tri-Wizard tournament, but why should a school allow even a few students to be exposed to such creatures?

Many of you now know that He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named has returned (whether you wish to admit it or not), but what you are unlikely to know is that the Headmaster of this oh, so safe school laid a trap to lure You-Know-Who to the school, because he wanted to catch the Dark Lord. First off, what could possess even a Death Eater to think it a good idea to lure the Dark Lord to a school full of children? Secondly, what did Dumbledore plan to do with him once he caught him? Kill an immortal man? Send him to Azkaban so he could congregate with his followers? Now why do I bring this up here in the section on dangerous creatures? Because two of the guards for this trap, which was laid within the castle, were the fore mentioned Cerberus and troll! Now the troll was deep enough into the trap to require some other skill sets to get to it, but the Cerberus was behind a door that could be unlocked by a simple alohamora!

At the Ministers behest, Hogwarts also became home to more than 100 Dementors. Teenagers are known to be moody at the best of times. Many of your children spent a year living a mere few hundred yards from these creatures. Perhaps you noticed a darker tone to the letters your children sent home during the '93-'94 school year?

Now, on to dangerous creatures that were in the school without the Headmaster's permission.

In the 1991-'92 school year one member of the school's staff had a pet dragon! Also that year, another professor led a troll into the castle. (This was a different troll than the one used in the trap designed to lure in Voldemort.) The professor then went into the Great Hall where the Halloween feast was taking place and announced that there was a troll in the dungeons. How did our esteemed Headmaster react? Did he ward the doors of the Great Hall and assign professors to guard the doors? Did he use his communication device that allows him to call in help from the aurors during dangerous situations? No. He instructed the prefects to lead hundreds of students through the halls to their dormitories. The Slytherin dormitories are in the dungeons! Does the Headmaster have no care for the children from the house of Snakes? Despite this, it was three Gryffindors that were set upon by the beast. Miraculously they all came out alive.

Moving on to 1992-93 school year. On this Halloween a petrified cat was found in the corridors. By petrified I don't mean scared, I mean that the cat had been turned into stone. The petrified cat was found below a message painted in red: Enemies of the heir beware! The Chamber of Secrets has been opened! What was the reaction of those who are paid to care for your children? It was to tell the students that the Chamber is a myth and that no one is in danger. In reality, the professors and Headmaster knew the Chamber to be real, but didn't know how to find it and so decided it was best to sweep the whole matter under the rug. Which was what they continued to do throughout the year as over the course of several months three children were turned to stone. Not once did they interview the ghost of the student who had died when the Chamber was opened decades earlier. Perhaps she could have given them some insight into the Chambers location and the creature it housed. Yes, I said died. The creature in the chamber can not only turn living beings to stone, it can also kill with a single glance. Did the Headmaster know that the creature was capable of killing? Yes, even if he didn't know what it was, he did know that it had killed before. So why didn't he close the school and send the students home? Well that would ruin the school's reputation. What if people knew their children weren't safe at school? They'd send them elsewhere, that's what. Perhaps you are brighter than those instructing your children, have you already come to realize that the creature I am speaking of is a Basilisk?! The professors never figured it out, or if they did, they never bothered to do anything about it. The Basilisk is gone now; it was killed by a student who got tired of waiting for the adults to protect the children. For those of you whose children were turned to stone, were you ever reimbursed the tuitions fees for the months your child was out of commission? Were your children offered extra tutelage for the classes they missed? Were you even informed that it happened, or was that just another incident swept under the rug by those in charge of the school?

Now for the '93-'94 school year. This was mostly already covered. Recall the Dementors Minister Fudge sent to the school? Well they weren't the only dangerous creature living on campus that year. Dumbledore actually hired a werewolf to teach your children. Now granted, he was actually the only qualified defense teacher employed by the school in many years, but we will discuss proper education later. The werewolf dutifully took the wolfesbane potion every month, until May. On the night of the full moon in May he discovered that the murderer Sirius Black was on Hogwarts grounds and that he had captured a student. The werewolf forgetting that it was the full moon went to rescue the student. Had he waited but a minute longer he would have received his wolfesbane potion from the Potions Master and the two could have safely gone together to capture the criminal. As it was, the would be hero turned into a monster and the Potions Master had to protect the children from the beast while the mass murderer escaped.

Safe Decisions?

A few poor choices on safety decisions have already been discussed in connection to creatures, but there were, of course, poor safety decisions made that were not directly related to dangerous creatures.

Let's imagine for the moment that you are drinking tea and having a nice evening discussion with your spouse when you hear a door creak and the pitter patter of your child's feet. To your dismay you discover that they have been out wandering your well warded and perfectly safe garden, though be it at 11:30 at night. Do you:

A: Walk the child to their room, give them a tap on the bum and tell them to stay in bed.

B: Tuck them into bed and tell them they are restricted to their room for the next 24 hours.

C: Tell them they have just earned an early bed time for the next few nights.

or

D: Tell them you are very disappointed in them and that as punishment they will be sent in to the Forbidden Forest at midnight, without adult supervision and that they are expected to hunt down a creature that kills unicorns. Upon finding the deadly creature they are to shoot sparks into the air at which point an adult will come to assist them in capturing the creature.

As sane parents I'm sure most of you chose choices A, B or C. Your child's pseudo parents at the school for 10 months out of the year voted on D being the correct response for 11 year olds found wandering the halls inside the "safely" warded castle past curfew.

Speaking of safety wards, did you know that Sirius Black broke into the school twice and wandered the grounds numerous times during the '93-'94 school year? How did a mass murderer get through the wards and pass all those Dementors? One evening the Gryffindors made their way up to their tower to find the Fat Lady's portrait in tatters and her missing from it. The professors and Headmaster were called to the scene. They received confirmation from nearby portraits that the Fat Lady did not let Sirius Black into the tower. Rather than doing the intelligent thing and allow the students standing by the portrait into their dormitories and posting guards, the Headmaster decided again that the best idea was to have hundreds of students from all four house traipse through the corridors. All the students were sent to the Great Hall and guards were posted and wards were set. Once in the Great Hall the students were safe. But was it honestly a good idea to have the entire student body wandering the halls when a mass murderer was who knew where in the castle?

Most of you have probably only used blood quills on special occasions such as on your wedding day or at the birth of your child, or on sad occasions such as accepting an inheritance from a loved one. One professor at the school obtained permission from Minister Fudge to use them in her daily detentions. She assigned hours' worth of writing lines which were cut into the back of the students' hands until the message could "sink in". You may want to check your child's hand for scars, though lack of scars may mean that they only had one or two nights' worth of detention with the sadist.

Now here is something that might knock your socks off. Of the last five defense teachers, one was embodied by the soul of He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named and another was a polyjuiced death eater. That is right everyone the wards at Hogwarts are so wonderful and the staff is so observant (note the sarcasm) that no one noticed that your children were being instructed by the most evil of evil! Know I know some of you reading this are death eaters and so may find my statements offensive, but take a minute to recall what your gatherings are like and what you know your fellow death eaters are capable of. Do you really want them teaching your children? On second thought, he was a pretty decent teacher, even when he cast one of the unforgivables on us. All students fourth year and up were put under the imperious curse. This (supposedly) was done with Headmaster Dumbledore's permission, though I personally hope that the death eater in disguise was lying on that point. At the time we all believed his proclamation of being allowed to cast the spell on us, so none of us complained. Luckily he didn't make any of us do anything dangerous or evil and some of us did learn how to resist the spell.

Hmmm. Did you notice the part where I mentioned that You-Know-Who taught your children? Dumbledore's trap was a success! He did manage to lure Voldemort to the school's grounds. He spent an entire year possessing a professor. In truth, he was the monster that the tiny first years were sent into the Forbidden Forest to hunt. Unicorn blood assisted him in maintaining possession of your children's teacher.

For those of you who have not run off to demand justice for your children it is time to move on to Hogwarts claim of providing the best magical education available!

I'm sure everyone remembers nap time at Hogwarts, otherwise known as History of Magic. On a few occasions I had the miss fortunate of having Madam Pomfrey dump a pepper up potion down my throat just prior to this class. That left me with the unpleasant task of staying awake through History of Magic. To my shock I actually learned something; I learned that Professor Benz has been reading the exact same book to us every day for years on end. Why is this? He is a ghost and is only able to touch the corporal objects he was touching at the time of his death. He just happened to be holding a book on goblin wars at the time; therefore it is the only thing he has available to read to the class. Presumably wizarding history is rich and interesting, but who amongst us would know? It is time for someone both knowledgeable and alive to take over the position of history professor.

Professor Snape is a brilliant Master of Potions. Each potion he brews is flawless. His ability to create new potions is profound. Each and every one of us has probably benefited from the use of a potion he either brewed or created. It is in the best interest of us all that he be provided with a well fitted lab where he can spend his days creating and brewing the potions needed by the public. I'm sure when Headmaster Dumbledore hired Severus Snape he envisioned the school producing many competent brewers. But being brilliant at creating and brewing potions and being brilliant at teaching or two different things. Actually, being an expert on a topic and yet unable to teach it coincided. The expert's experience and knowledge is so far removed from the novice that is difficult for the expert to comprehend their students' lack of comprehension or knowledge. This results in the expert being impatient with the student and often ends in the expert belittling the student. It may seem like an incongruity, but the students of Hogwarts are more likely to become proficient potioners if they are taught by someone who is a proficient potioner, but does not have the expertise of Severus Snape. Many of the current and recent Hogwarts students do poorly in potions and most end up dropping the course due to their lack of knowledge of the basics which Professor Snape fails to teach due to his lack of understanding and patients with novices. For you muggleborns out there, here is a comparison you may understand: It would be like telling a NASA engineer that you think the best way to utilize their skills and knowledge is to have them spend the next thirty years teaching five year olds how to add and subtract. Let's stop treating Professor Snape like a kindergarten teacher and show him the respect he deserves by providing him with a well-stocked lab and a list of potion request.

Now we are going to move from highly credentialed to not nearly enough credentials. Two of the last five defense professors received a Poor on their defense OWL. A third professor had passed his OWL but was so terrified of the subject that he never bothered to teach any spells. Actually, only two of the last five defense teachers bothered to teach the students spells. The other three either bored the students with made up stories of adventure or had the students silently read the book during class time. But don't think the students are utterly useless at defense. Since the adults failed to see to it that the students received an education in defense they took it upon themselves to create practice clubs so they could learn the spells on their own. Is this really what you pay for each year? For your children to teach themselves from books and with unsupervised practice groups?

Fortunetelling is not a learned skill. It is a natural talent that you either have or don't have. There should be a prerequisite of a previously shown talent of fortunetelling before being allowed to take Divination. Most students that sign up for the course do so because they figure it is an easy course that they can lie their way through. Lying and easy O's are not the types of morals we should be encouraging at a school.

As for Care of Magical Creatures we have gone from a professor who knew so little about the creatures he worked with that he managed to loose several fingers, part of his left leg and had numerous scars; to a professor who is so sturdy that most creatures are unable to harm him. This has resulted in him (Professor Hagrid) introducing the students to incredibly dangerous creatures. He doesn't even realize they are dangerous, since they are not dangerous to him. But believe me, these creatures are quite capable of maiming your children. Heck, even the book has teeth and has bitten students, which has resulted into trips to the hospital wing. Professor Hagrid is very knowledgeable about creatures and is good at passing on that knowledge, but he needs a lesson plan laid down by the school to help him determine which creatures to instruct the students on and which to avoid.

Why isn't Dumbledore doing the job we assigned him, of overseeing the teachers and ensuring the safety and education of Britain's magical children? It is time to take action. By touching your wand to the bottom of this document you will be automatically signing your name to a petition for change. But don't leave things at only your name on a list, take action. Write letters. Protest. Pound on the doors of those in charge and insist that they make improvements. Our children are at risk and it is up to all of you to improve their situation.

I take my leave and hope that each of you is also taking your leave to act on this terrible crisis.

Yours,
Sincerely,
A Concerned Citizen