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So, for the first time in my life, I heard BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY. I know, it's pretty sad. That I didn't know what it was in the first place, I mean. That seems to happen a lot, being so oblivious to different things… Like The Bloods and The Crips for example.
Anyways. It's a song by Queen, the most awesomest ever, other then 'Under Pressure' which is definitely my all time favourite, but Bohemian Rhapsody pulls a close second.
My latest update for you all, please review :D
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"Get up!" Someone yelled, and I immediately jumped to my feet.
I tried to hear over the gunshots to what people were telling me. It was at a point where I couldn't hear most of what was going on, and what I did hear; I couldn't recognize who was saying it.
"SHOOT! SHOOT!" Someone else yelled from ahead of me, so I ducked down to the sound of gunshots going over my head, waiting for one to hit me by accident.
Is this the real life?
Is this just fantasy?
Caught in a landslide
No escape from reality
"CARRIGAN, GET UP!" Someone else yelled.
By that time, I was guessing that bullets were flying both ways. So I closed my eyes and shot. Over and over. When my gun was empty, I reloaded it and shot again, blindly.
Open your eyes, look up to the skies and see…
"Max!!" I heard someone yell desperately. "Max, please! Stop, Max!!" But I couldn't tell who was saying it.
Finally, when my gun was unloaded and the other gunshots stopped shooting at me, I looked around.
The gun powder still hung helplessly in the air, so I wasn't able to see right away. But when it cleared up a little, I saw him, sprawled out on the ground.
I called his name. "Jim? Jim!" I realized that it was his voice, begging me to stop. "Oh god," I said, mostly to myself, and then ran over, falling at his crippled body lying on the grass. I shook his arm. "Jim?"
He eyes opened, halfway. Like he was half sleeping. Thinking that he was only going to sleep formed a knot in my stomach.
"Jim, are you okay?"
He only gave me a look of disappointment and sadness before closing his eyes, falling back in the dirt—giving up.
Mama, just killed a man
Put a gun against his head
Pulled my trigger now he's dead
Mama, life has just begun
But now I've gone and thrown it all away
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I sat on the docks, listening to my sister singing a sweet, sad song about Blackbirds flying into the night.
I dipped my feet in the water and looked up at the sky.
I killed him.
The thought repeated itself over and over in my head. I couldn't stop from thinking it.
He begged me to stop, and I killed him.
Of course, there was one side that was telling me that it was none of my fault, but sometimes it was so small that it was nearly invisible. The other side seemed to cover it, as if it was the much better opinion.
The thoughts had been eating away at my brain since that day on the field. It was clear to me now. I lived through the war. But part of me died and was left behind in Vietnam. And if I could never get that back… I could never live life properly again.
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"Max, I'm a bit worried about you mate, you aren't yourself."
I look up from the paper. "Hm?"
"What's on your mind?" Jude asked, looking at me from the kitchen table.
I looked down. "Nothing."
"You used to be really different, Max." Lucy said quietly. "I don't know what happened to you."
"Vietnam." I replied.
"I don't want it to change you forever." Lucy said, her voice breaking. "It's not fair." A tear falls from her eyes. "I was talking to mom, she's worried too. We're all worried. You haven't eaten in days. When you do eat, it's very little. Look at yourself, Max, you're skin and bones."
I shrug, and look back at the paper, reading all the names mentioned. All the American soldiers who died in the war.
"Don't ignore me." She said sternly, the tears running down her face.
I put the paper down. "Lucy, I know that I'm different, okay? I went to war. You haven't been there. You don't know what its like. If you did, you would cut me some goddamn slack!" I hiss.
"I've cut you some 'goddamn slack' since the day I was born, Max!" She yelled back.
"You'll have to show me how you fucking do it then!" I yell louder then I really wanted, and she looked at me one last time before fleeing to her room in tears.
Mama, ooh, didn't mean to make you cry
If I'm not back again this time tomorrow
Carry on, carry on.
As if nothing really mattered
I looked at all my stuff, packed into a little bag.
I looked down.
Suicide.
It seemed as though it was the only answer. Lucy was right, I wasn't the same. I wasn't eating, which had formed an eating disorder. I was already extremely physically unhealthy, let alone my mental health.
What I thought that I would get over; war, was still in my head, replaying itself like a picture on a screen.
Lucy didn't deserve to feel so upset and concerned about me. Neither did Jude, or Sadie, or anyone.
So I thought that suicide, killing myself, would be the best thing to do. Take the burden off of everyone's shoulders.
My hands are shaking as I reach in my drawer and pull out the revolver my dad made me promise to keep, 'in case of emergencies.' I checked to see if there were any bullets inside, and then closed it up. I looked at it one last time, my hands trembling so much, I thought I might have dropped it.
Too late, my time has come
Sent shivers down my spine
Bodies achin' all the time
Goodbye everybody
I've got to go
Gotta leave you all behind and face the truth
Hands still shaking, I cocked the gun, then held it up to my head, finger on the trigger.
I dropped the gun and fell on the ground in a mess of sobs and anger. I kicked the gun away and tried to catch my breath. I couldn't.
Mama, ooh, I don't wanna die
Sometimes wish I'd never been born at all…
Lucy, hearing my crying, walked in.
"Max, are you okay?" She asked, and then saw the gun in the corner. She gasped, then fell to my side, wrapping her arms around me.
"Max…" She said, her own hot tears falling on my shoulder. I was crying so hard I could barely breathe.
Jude walked in soon enough, and left as quickly as he could. He loved me, and I loved him, but this was something that Lucy needed to deal with. I was her big brother. I had always been there for her. When she first had a crush on a boy, when she failed her first math test… All those times, I had always had to be the big brother. Now it was her turn to pretend to be the big sister. I needed her. More then all the times she needed me put together.
Nothing really matters
Anyone can see
Nothing really matters
Nothing really matters
to me
Any way the wind blows…
FIN.
Notes
Yes, I did in fact cut out the majority of the song. YOU try fitting all those verses in. Still, an incredible song.
Not many Beatles references, unless you count 'Jim', which was sort of a double reference… To my lover Jim Sturgess and also James Paul McCartney. Haha, I bet you couldn't find THAT one out.
Thank you for reading, please review?