Memories of Misery
The Diary of Samara Morgan
November 1st
Today is my birthday, the celebration of the day I was born. My mommy, Anna, gave me this diary as a gift. She told me to write down all my thoughts and treasure it forever. I love my mommy.
But daddy hates me. He told me I didn't deserve a gift or a birthday. He told me I was even lucky to be born. But I think I'm born lucky.
November 2nd
Today the sun is shining and the grass is green. All of the horses are outside running around. I want to play with them, but daddy won't let me. He says I'm spoiled and have enough things to play with in my room. But he doesn't know.
November 3rd
Today is still sunny and green. But I can't play. I must stay in my room all day and do nothing just because daddy hates me. But mommy loves me. She came to visit me today and braided my hair. She sang to me and let me play outside until the moon covered the sun. And then I went back to my room with the horses. And watched the moon's bright light until the sun rose again.
November 5th
I saw the sun today as we rode in a car. It smiled at me with its bright rays. The sun makes a circle in the sky. A bright ring. One that I've seen before that I can't remember. I am dropped off at the doctor's home since my parents have to go to a horse show. I play outside in the sun with the trees, and watch how they collide. The tree and the sun forming together. The sun's rays setting the tree afire. The tree blazing flames on each stem. As the sun sets, the moon rises. Just as I do in the night.
November 8th
It rains today I dare not step outside. I stay in my room that I share with the horses. They kick and whinny and cause a fit.. The same way I did when I was a child. When I was placed into the water. They want to escape, they want to run free. But something traps them from living on. My daddy comes and beats me. He tells me to stop hurting the horses. But I did not touch them or bring them harm. My mind can only play tricks on people. My mind can control things with my thoughts. But they blame me for silly reasons. Only because they just don't know.
November 10th
The wind is brutal and howls at my ears. It laughs at me and the horses giggle. They know I'm trapped and can not leave. I do not want to watch T.V. I do not want to read. I do not want to sing or dance to a merry tune. I just want to sit and look all day. I look at the walls. I look outside. There is nothing I can do. I stare at the walls as they call out to me. They want me to discover their secret. I peel open the paper only to find, my tree with the blazing branches. The sun starts to shine and the wind settles down. The barn is solemn and the horses are silent. But I awaken, since I never sleep.
November 13th
I visited the doctor today and I don't know why. I'm not sick and I don't feel ill. But mommy does. When I asked her what was wrong she just shook her head. "I just don't feel good that's all." She said and felt her head. I asked her why she was sick and why she wasn't feeling good. She turned to be and held me close. "I don't know why, but I think you are the one who is making me sick." She said and looked me in the eyes. I nodded and smiled and told her she was right.
February 23rd
They lied to me. The doctors and my parents lied to me. They took my diary and ripped out all the pages. They told me they would give it back to me right away. But they lied. They took my thoughts. They stole it from me and gave it back to me destroyed. They asked me questions. But I wouldn't answer. They don't like me. They don't want to help me. They are liars. And someday they would wish they never wronged me. Because they don't know.
February 24th
Today I drew a picture of the fire tree. When I showed my mommy she began to cry out in pain and hold her head. Daddy immediately brought her to the doctor and he brought me there too. The doctors asked me why I drew it. But I wouldn't answer. I knew they were trying to trick me. I knew they wanted to find out more. But I was the one who had all the questions. Why was I being questioned? Why did they sit in another room? Why was I alone? Why were there instruments around me? But I did know the answer. They just didn't know.
February 25th
I drew more pictures today. Different ones. It's really easy. All I have to do is draw what I'm thinking of.
February 27th
The doctors asked me more questions. They asked me how I felt. They asked me about the pictures. I told them about how it just comes to me. But they didn't care. They thought that it wasn't true. But it was true. I never lie. I never cheat. And I never sleep.
March 5th
They looked at my diary again. I can tell. The pages are different. Markings are found. It's not the same anymore. Nothing is.
March 7th
The horses are scared of me. I can tell. They hide and go crazy and run of the cliffs. Daddy hates me. I know he does. I am not allowed to go outside. I am not allowed to play. I am only allowed to see the doctors. Who are liars.
March 10th
I visited the doctors today. They asked me questions about the horses. They asked me why I think they are scared of me and why they run away. I don't know why. And I don't know how. I just know that when they slumber. I am awake.
March 14th
The doctors are busy today. I had to wait in the room with the other children. They looked at me with funny faces and pointed and laughed at me. When their parents left they would always ask me questions. They asked me why I was different. They asked me why I looked weird. I told them that that was just the way I was. And I couldn't change. They called me a freak. And laughed and giggled. They hate me too. Everyone hates me. Nobody likes me. Only mommy. I know she loves me.
April 23rd
The doctors took me. They kept me in a room for a long time with nothing to do. I couldn't write in my diary. Or even play. Just sit there all day and night. Doing nothing. Waiting for something to happen. Waiting for someone to care for me. And love me. But they never came. They just left me there. Sitting. Waiting.
April 28th
I am back at home today. But I have to stay in my room. With the horses. I have never been to my parents house. Ever. I just sit and wait in my room. Until someone comes. But no one comes anymore. They stay away from me. They are scared of me. I know they are. Daddy only visits the horses. He doesn't love me. But mommy does.
May 12th
Today is mommy's birthday. The days are hot and the horses are out. The sun shines hot. And the moon glows bright. We played outside today. Me and mommy. We ran with the horses. But they are still afraid. They still run away. Mommy was scared too. She began to cry and call for daddy. But I told her not to. I told her that everything was ok. That we didn't need daddy. But mommy was scared. And daddy came. He yelled at me and cursed. He talked to mommy and looked at me. He picked me up and threatened to throw me off the cliff. Into the water. I yelled and screamed. I flailed my arms and kicked my legs. Mommy yelled and pleaded him to stop. He made an angry face. And put me down. He beat me and told me to stay in the room. And never come out. Ever.
May 25th
The doctors talked to me again. They asked me more questions. I gave them no answers. I just told them that I knew daddy hated me. They told me he didn't. But he does. The doctors are liars. And I won't listen to them. They told me they wanted to help me. But I know they don't. They want to find out who I am. And what I do. I know I'm different. And I know I'm odd. But they can't change that. Because I won't let them.
June 4th
I am back home again. Where I can roam free. Most of the horses are dead. They rest are new. I found something. Something dark. It sticks out of the ground and is filled with dark water. I asked mommy what it was. She told me it was a well. A well filled with water.
June 5th
I found something in my room. That reminds me of the past. My past. It is a tiny toy carousel with horses that bob up and down. It sings a tune I know very well. A tune I've heard before. I ask mommy what it is. She tells me it's just a toy. But I think it's more.
June 6th
I visit the doctors today. Only we ride by car. Along the way I see some deer. Running freely throughout the forest. But something bizarre happens. Something odd. They are transparent. Daddy stops to shoot. I ask him not to, but he tells me to be quite. You can never say that I never warned him. Warned him from danger.
June 8th
I am with the doctors and have nothing to do. I just sit and wait for something to happen. I sit in a solemn room that is plain and blank. I draw more pictures of all the things I have seen. The dead horses, the blazing tree, and the deer horns. These things haunt me. They call to me. And they haunt mommy. They upset daddy and I'm the one for the blame. The doctors ask me questions. I tell them it comes up in my head. And I just draw it. They don't believe me. They think I'm lying. But it's them who are the liars. The ones who stole my life. But they don't know.
June 15th
They did it again. They read my diary. They took the pages. And tore them out. They hate me. They want to hurt me. But I won't let them. I will keep myself safe. No matter what I must do. And how I will do it.
June 17th
I do not like the doctors. Any of them. They ask me questions. They call me a liar. They blame me for everything. They ask me why I did it. They ask me why I can't sleep. I tell them the answer. But they don't listen. They watch me at night. They watch me at day. They record things. They trick me. They tell me what to do. But I can't change. Who I am. I am me.
June 18th
Mommy and daddy are away today. They went to a show. A horse show. They left without me. They left me behind. Daddy told mommy to do so. I know he did. I saw him speaking to her. He told her. He told her to leave me all alone. By myself.
June 19th
Mommy was hurt. At the show. The doctors let me visit for a while. But then I had to go. When it happened. When the horse went wild. He went crazy. And ran around in circles. It left mommy all alone. On the ground. Hurt and tired. It ran away from me. It was scared. It jumped over the fence. And into the wild. It jumped off the cliff. And died. Just like that.
June 23rd
I visited the well. Singing the song from the circle. The circle of horses. Mommy saw me. And said nothing. She went back to the house. And left me there. Alone. The horses are gone. And none are left. They are all dead. And in the place above the sky. I drew a picture of it. And hung it in their stall. They don't keep me awake anymore. Now that they're gone. But I still don't change. Since I never sleep.
June 24th
I went back to the well. And sang the song. The song of the circle of horses. It plays in my room. Every night. Over and over. The water in the well. Looks so dark and cold. It tells me things. And calls to me. It wants me to come.
June 25th
I went to the well. And sang the song. The song with the horses. That dance in the circle. The same circle that is on top of the well. It makes a shape. The shape of a ring. The sun's rays. Are the only light. That shine through. I see the deer. And the dead horses. The blazing tree. Seems so vivid to me. Mommy comes. And touches my hair. She tells me it's pretty. I love mommy. She let's go of my hair. And puts a bag over my head. It's dark and I can't see. I'm scared. I want mommy. I want to see mommy. I can feel her. I can feel her hands. They touch close to me. And hold me. She then lets go. And says goodbye to me. I say goodbye to life. And say hello to the dark place. The water takes me. It pulls my hair. I can't see. I can't breathe. I want mommy. I want life. I want this misery to end. But it seven days. It all will come to an end.