Destiny's End
Memories are so much like the open road; they stretch out into infinity, growing ever fainter with the distance of time, fading to a horizon which consumes all and reveals nothing. We all believe we can control where we go, but ultimately life can only take us where the road leads, it can only takes us to terminus; the end of our journey. It is here that all roads lead, it is here that all memories end, fading away as they are forgotten.
I've traveled this road many times before, watched its shimmering pavement stretch across the beautiful horizon, lit by the rays of the mid-day sun, covered by the clouds shifting across the majestic skies. Here, in this empty place far from the blighted ruins of Midgar, here on this endless highway, I am freed of my burden; freed of my memory. Where I am going, I cannot say, and in the end it doesn't really matter. All I know is that this forgotten stretch of pavement calls to me in a way no other place can, it offers me forgetfulness, and I offer it remembrance. This is a trade I am always willing to accept.
Yet this day is different, this time as I speed ever-faster across the lengthy highway, I feel something calling to me, I feel something needing me. It is a strange feeling, so foreign to me, for who would have need of me? Who would desire me? My heart knows the answer, but my mind denies it; for I was never worthy of her, I am not great or powerful. I am simply Cloud; a soul who was caught up in events far larger than himself. Beneath me the road goes on; double-yellow lines stretching off into the infinite horizon, guiding me ever-further towards my unknown destination.
Emotion. It is the only word I can use to describe the feeling that has overcome me. I am euphoric. I am depressed. I am so many things that I do not understand, and all of it wraps itself together into one intense feeling which I cannot describe. Does a word exist to describe this? Where does this highway lead, where does the dark, obsidian pavement reach its end? What lies there waiting for me? Once again my heart replies, but I cannot hear it over the mechanical sounds of rumbling pistons; I cannot hear it over the endless thrumming of tires on asphalt. Behind me the past fades away, receding from view until it is gone forever from my mind; I have passed the point of no return.
The road narrows, the twin lanes contracting as the double-yellow ceases to be, replaced by a dotted line that moves so fast in my vision that it seems to be one single line, guiding me ever-forward. Now the journey is truly a lonesome one, for there is nothing here but the endless greenery of forgotten fields covered by cerulean skies that stretch off into the heavens. Even at such high speed, I cannot help but appreciate the beauty which surrounds me, the peaceful serenity of this wide open space. Perhaps the road behind me is a blighted place filled with confusing, angry memories. But in front of me there is only wondrous beauty, and it is with little regret that I fly ever-faster towards my unknown destiny.
Still the feeling that burns inside my soul refuses to die down, still I feel it as warm and powerful as the engine beneath me, driving me forward almost without conscious effort. What is the feeling and will I understand it when I arrive? I was never familiar with emotions; to me they were confusing, strange, almost as if they should not have existed at all. Yet no matter how often I denied them; no matter how I strove to hide them from the light of day, they always remained, buried deep within. Aerith. The name came to my conscious mind and I replayed the sound in my thoughts, relishing the feeling of euphoria that simple word gave me. Why her name came to me now, on this forgotten highway, I could not understand. She had gone to such great lengths, such leaps of faith, to help me overcome my own flaws, my own guilt. And now it was all behind me, shrinking off into the forgotten unknown I had left in my wake. I had never traveled so far down this road; I was crossing into unfamiliar ground, some place I had never been before, and it felt so free.
Finally the yellow lines cease, leaving only a single lane of shimmering pavement before me, a road that has long since been abandoned to destiny's whims. Cracks and potholes are strewn about the ancient, worn surface and the landscape beyond flies around me in a blur of motion. The road is bumpy, and I shift uncomfortably in my seat, feeling that the end of my journey lies close at hand. As I slow down, I feel as if a great weight has been lifted from my shoulders; I don't have to run from the past any longer, I can let it go and embrace my freedom. All around me are beautiful golden flowers, shimmering in the sunlight, glimmering with that feeling. Nothing else matters but the terminus, nothing else matters now but Destiny's end. Now I cease to question whether I am worthy of what lies ahead, and focus only on reaching that unknown place. For how can I pass judgment on myself?
Worn pavement finally falls off into overgrown dirt, a road which had never been touched by human hands; somehow it is more pure than the highways I have traveled before. I am barely moving now, the engine idling softly as I slow, my heart beating wildly in my chest, my soul screaming out for something... for someone deep within. I already know what lies just beyond, I had been denying it to myself ever since that day so long ago. The feeling is so intense now, it is overwhelming my mind; the excitement, the nerve-wracking tension, it all fills me so completely. For the first time in my life I feel whole; I feel free, as if I could do anything, as if I could be with anyone.
There is no more road to travel, I have reached the terminus of my journey, I have found my reason for being. I stand now overlooking the field of endless flowers, I stand now underneath the warmth of the mid-day sun, bathing in it's ethereal glory. A smile crosses my face for the first time in so long, and it is a liberating thing which I know I will always cherish. Without the sounds of mechanical engines, without the noise of the endless highway, without the hustle and bustle of the world I had left behind, I can finally hear the words of my own heart. I know now what the feeling is. I also know that she is here, waiting for me in this heavenly place; waiting to hear my words. Just as she could not show herself to me until I was freed of my guilt, my false judgment weighed against myself, so now could she not be with me until I knew what it was I had always denied myself.
"Aerith... I..." I am so nervous, I am so afraid.
"You are..." I stutter again. How can I tell her all she that means to me, how can I explain the feeling I have finally allowed myself to understand?
"I love you." I close my eyes and feel the warmth of the sunlight shining down upon me.
"You came!" I hear the voice; a soft, sweet voice I would know anywhere. I can feel her hand wrapping around mine, fingers interlocking without conscious effort. For one last moment I embrace my journey, I imagine the road that brought me here, I remember all that came before. As I open my eyes, it all fades away over that endless horizon and I can only see her wondrous beauty.
"Aerith..." Her name is bliss; her name is love, warmth, so many things I cannot describe. It doesn't matter, I am here now, with her; I can touch her, I can feel her, I can even smell that sweet flowery scent of her hair.
"Shhh. You've found me. I'm not leaving you, okay?" She always knows exactly what to say to reach me, I cannot help but love her for that. I cannot help but love her for everything she is, for everything she has done. She leans into me, whispering in my ear as I wrap my arm around her, holding her close to me. "I love you... Cloud."
Now I know where I am. My journey has taken me down that solitary road, and at its end is something I never knew I had been looking for. No longer can I deny who I am or what my heart wishes for. My lips brush against hers ever so softly, ever so gently even as my heart beats loudly in my chest. I am nervous, I am afraid; I do not even know what to do, but it doesn't matter. She is here to guide me, to soothe me, and it isn't long before I kiss her again, this time with all the love I never knew I had. This is the terminus of our journey; this is what we were meant for. This is Destiny's End.