A/N: This will be my first attempt at writing anything involving bondage or D/s, so I would really appreciate your opinion and constructive criticism.

Warning: Mentions of bondage and D/s

Nick approached the closed door of his dorm room, reaching out to turn the handle, when his hand froze in midair. He could hear elevated voices coming from the other side. One of them was obviously his roommate and best friend, Jeff Sterling. The other voice could only belong to Jackson, Jeff's boyfriend.

"Well I'm sorry, Jeff, that I just can't give you what you need. How could you let it go—let us go so long, knowing I wasn't what you wanted? Was it a joke? Or an experiment? Was our relationship some kind of game to you?" There was a short silence. "Did you even have feelings for me?"

"Of course I did—I do!" Jeff's voice got quieter, repentant but still audible through the door. "I thought I could do it. I thought if I just had you, I could get along without…all the other stuff."

"Yeah," Jackson replied bitterly. "Well, now you can have the other stuff, and you'll just…have to get along without me."

"Jackson…" Nick's heart clenched at the breathy, desperate tone in his friend's voice.

"It's over, Jeff. I'm clearly not what you need, and I can't be in a relationship with someone when I'm not enough for him. It's not gonna work if you have to go somewhere else to…fulfill your needs. To someone else."

Nick heard shoes shuffling over the carpet, heading towards the door, and he made a move to back up. But the noise stopped and he froze again.

"Jackson…you don't think…"

"What?"

"You don't think, maybe, you could try? I love you Jackson. Maybe you could just…just give it a chance, and then we could be together, and you could be the one—I wouldn't feel like I needed to go to someone else if you could—"

"No! Jeff, that's just not in me. I'm sorry. I wanted it to work, but I could never do that. I could never be in that kind of relationship, and I'm already trying to understand why you would want to be in one. If that's what you want, then I can't—I shouldn't try to stop you. But it's not gonna be me. Goodbye."

This time, the feet reached the door, and Nick took a few steps back. When the door was opened, he hoped it looked like he had just approached.

"Oh hey, Jackson, how's it—"

"See you around Nick."

Nick didn't take the time to watch Jackson walk away down the hall. He softly stepped into the room, closing the door gently behind him.

"Jeff."

His friend was sitting slumped over on the edge of his bed, staring at his hands resting lax in his lap. Jeff cleared his throat quietly.

"Hi Nick." It was so soft, Nick almost couldn't hear it. He sat down at Jeff's side.

"Do you wanna talk about—"

"Not right now."

"Okay." Nick wrapped an arm loosely around Jeff's shoulders, squeezing once in what he hoped was a comforting way. "Okay, but whenever you do want to talk, I'll listen…to anything you want to tell me."

"Thanks."

Jeff rested his head on Nick's shoulder and tilted his face slightly to nuzzle against Nick's neck. As Nick held Jeff in his arms, he thought back over the conversation he had overheard. He thought he might know what it was about. He had begun to suspect that Jeff had certain…quirks when it came to his love life, but they'd never talked about it. He hoped that sometime soon Jeff would feel comfortable enough to share that side of himself with him, but he knew now wasn't the time to ask. So he just scooted back onto the bed and pulled Jeff close, holding him until he fell asleep.

Nick woke up, a little confused, in Jeff's bed. They had fallen asleep snuggled together, Jeff's head resting on Nick's chest and an arm thrown loosely around his waist. It wasn't the first, and it probably wouldn't be the last time, that Nick had comforted his friend, or vice versa. So it wasn't waking up in Jeff's arms that Nick found confusing. It was the fact that now, somehow, in his sleep Nick had ended up on top of Jeff. They were chest to chest, their torsos angled so that their hips didn't meet and their legs rested side by side on the bed. Nick's head was tucked into the crook of Jeff's neck, his cheek pressed against the soft, pale flesh curving under the side of his jaw. He didn't know if he had accidentally rolled over on top of Jeff, or if Jeff had pulled him into this position, but Nick immediately tensed, afraid that he was squishing Jeff too much.

He moved slightly, attempting to lift his weight off of his roommate's torso, but Jeff made a soft whining sound in his sleep and wrapped his arms more snugly around Nicks' ribs, pulling him back down. When Nick's full weight was once again pressing Jeff into the mattress, the blonde let out a contented sigh and snuggled his cheek against Nick's tousled dark hair.

Unsure what to do, and not wanting to upset Jeff again, Nick lay still, relaxing into the embrace they shared. After a few minutes he was dozing off again, and he couldn't say how much time had passed before he felt Jeff shift under him. His eyes opened sleepily when he heard Jeff groan quietly, and he immediately raised himself up onto his hands and knees as Jeff's eyes fluttered open.

"Sorry Jeffie, I didn't mean to squish you. I tried to get up earlier, but you, um…wouldn't let go." He blushed a little and looked away at the last words, not because he was uncomfortable but because he was worried that Jeff would be embarrassed.

"Sorry," Jeff said groggily, "I guess I just liked having you on top of me." There was a brief span of silence during which Jeff's eyes popped open wide and his eyebrows shot up. Nick met his gaze.

"Um, I mean," Jeff stammered, but Nick just shushed him.

"Don't worry, I understand. Sometimes it just feels nice to be cuddled."

Jeff bit his bottom lip and glanced away from Nick's gaze for a moment. "Yeah I guess so." He pressed his lips together. "Thanks for, you know, being here."

"Hey, man, it's what I do."

Jeff rolled his eyes and wiggled out from underneath Nick, sitting up on the edge of the bed. Nick knelt behind him, giving him a little space while he asked, "You wanna talk about it yet?"

Jeff took a deep breath and fidgeted with his hands. "You said…it doesn't matter, right? Whatever I tell you, you'll still be my friend?"

"Best friend, Jeffie. There's nothing you could say."

"Okay," Jeff sighed, turning around on the bed so he was sitting cross-legged facing Nick. "W-well, um, how much of my argument with Jackson did you hear last night?"

Nick hated to admit that he had been eavesdropping, but Jeff seemed to know already that he had overheard something, so he decided to be honest.

"I heard, um, Jackson saying that he couldn't give you what you needed…and you said something about having to go somewhere else, or to someone else to get it?" Nick looked down at his hands and then back up to Jeff's eyes. "I assumed it had something to do with sex, but…" He cleared his throat. "You didn't cheat on him, did you? I meant what I said, you can tell me anything. I'll always be your friend, and I know you're a good person, so if you did, you must have had a good reason."

Jeff rested his hand on Nick's forearm. "I didn't—" He paused. "I didn't sleep with anyone else."

"What did you do?" Nick asked slowly. If it wasn't sex…then what?

"I…I was in a scene with someone else."

Nick knew he looked befuddled, and Jeff began clarifying quickly, as if he hoped that if the words came out fast enough, slurred together enough, Nick might not catch their meaning.

"There's this club in Columbus called Restraint."

"Restraint?" Nick repeated. "I take it it's not just a dance club?" Nick tried to keep his face relaxed.

"No, it's a—a bondage club. I mean, there is dancing, and there's a bar, but it's for people who have…interests like mine."

"Bondage." Nick pursed his lips, hoping he looked thoughtful and not uncomfortable. "You like to…"

"I like to be…tied down. Spanked." Jeff squeezed his eyes shut. "Flogged, blindfolded. Denied."

"D-d—," Nick stuttered. "Denied?"

Jeff raised his eyebrows at Nick. "You know?"

Nick's jaw dropped. "Oh." Even though Nick had put some thought into this already, had suspected Jeff had some kind of tendency toward BDSM, he was still surprised. Orgasm denial? Why would anybody want to not be allowed to orgasm? Wasn't that kind of the point?"

"Okay, so, you went to this club. To be…tied up?"

"I've been there before. I went there quite a bit before I started dating Jackson, whenever I was single. I've never had a boyfriend who was into that kind of thing. I've gotten a couple of guys to handcuff me to the bed, but it's not quite enough. One of my boyfriends kind of liked to spank me, but he would get distracted. He couldn't really focus long enough to cause any pain."

Nick tried not to flinch at the word pain. "He'd get too distracted?" Jeff blushed. Nick blushed a little too. He had seen his roommate changing clothes enough times to understand how a person could get distracted by his creamy, soft ass. Well, soft-looking. It's not like he had any first-hand knowledge.

Jeff heaved a deep sigh. "Anyway, I was at the club. I'd told Jackson I was going home for the weekend, but he went there to surprise me. My older brother, the only other person who knows this about me, told him where I was. But the dick didn't tell him what kind of a place it was, so he comes marching into the club, thinking—I don't know—maybe he's going to find me on a date with someone else or something, and instead finds me strapped to a bench having my ass turned red by a man dressed in leather and wielding a flogger." Jeff stopped short and averted his gaze from Nick, obviously not having intended to be quite so descriptive. "It was awful. He freaked out and was thrown out of the club for interrupting a scene. Then I had to throw my clothes back on and chase after him. He was gone when I got outside. I texted and called him over the rest of the weekend, and every day this week, but he didn't respond. Last night was the first time we'd talked since he found me at Restraint."

Jeff lowered his head and sniffled softly. "I know I shouldn't have been there. I mean it is a form of cheating, because it's definitely a sexual experience, plus I lied to him. I guess I was just hoping I could get it out of my system, do it one more time and then I would be able to be happy with Jackson. I do love him. I didn't want to lose him. But it's something I need, to be…ugh," Jeff sort of growled, apparently making the decision to just let it all out and not let himself be embarrassed. "To be dominated. It's something I need. And it's not even just during sex. I like to be controlled, given orders, praised when I'm a good boy and punished when I'm not." He met Nick's eyes again, steadily, but with a very clear layer of fear behind his gaze. Fear that Nick would be too freaked out. That he would lose him too.

Nick took a moment to absorb everything. He was a little shocked. He'd had no idea this was so important to Jeff, and that made him feel like maybe he wasn't a good friend if Jeff hadn't felt he could come to him about it before now. But mostly he was just sad, seeing the desperation and disappointment in Jeff's face, and wishing he could make it go away.

"Have you ever had someone to do that for you? I mean like the non-sexual stuff? How do you know you like it?"

Jeff sniffed again. "I've met people at the club who will take on that role for the night. They'll put a collar on me, sort of claim me for that time period, and let me kneel at their feet, give me orders, pet my hair and call me a good boy when I do something that pleases them. Or when I'm feeling guilty about something, I can just go there and find someone to punish me. They'll spank me or flog me, or even just order me to stand in a corner for a while. But the most important thing is that they listen to me, they let me explain what I've done or who I've let down, and then after they punish me they praise me for taking it well and tell me I'm a good boy again." He scoffed. "I guess it sounds pretty pathetic, but it makes me feel better. I guess there's just something about me that makes me most comfortable when I'm giving up control, letting someone else take charge of me and doing my best to make them happy."

There was a pause during which Jeff stared at his hands in his lap and Nick watched his downturned, dejected face. He didn't know what to say to Jeff. It was a lot to take in, but as he examined his feelings, he realized he had been right. Knowing this about his best friend didn't change a thing. If anything, he felt closer, grateful that Jeff had finally opened up to him. Eventually Jeff sniffled and stood up, walking toward the door.

"I'm sorry if this freaks you out, Nick. I didn't mean to mess up our relationship, but I totally understand if you need some time to decide if you can still be my friend. I probably should have just kept it to myself." He took a deep, shaky breath. "Anyway, I'll get out of here for a while, give you some space. I'll see you later."

He was shoving his feet into his tennis shoes when Nick stood up and walked over to him. He placed a hand gently on Jeff's shoulder.

"You don't have to go, Jeff. I don't need any time or space. I told you whatever you had to say to me wouldn't change our friendship and I meant it." He rested his other hand and Jeff's other shoulder and squeezed reassuringly. "Just come back over here. We'll just hang out like we do every Saturday. You can tell me more about this whole, um, bondage thing, or we could just watch a movie. We can get some ice cream and say mean things about Jackson if you want." He winked at Jeff, who just grimaced in return.

"Thanks, but Jackson didn't do anything wrong. I'm the one who cheated and lied. Not just about where I was last weekend, but about who I am. I should never have gotten involved with him when I knew it wouldn't be enough." He shuffled back over to the bed and sat down, head in his hands. "I'm an awful person, and he didn't deserve anything I put him through."

Nick sat back down at his side, an arm around his shoulder. "Look, you're my best friend, so that automatically puts me on your side, okay? And maybe you made some mistakes, but everybody does. You didn't set out to hurt anybody, you're just human. You're gonna have to forgive yourself, man."

Jeff shrugged out of Nick's embrace and slumped over sideways onto the bed.

"I can't, Nick, it's not that easy. I was wrong. I did bad things. I'm a bad boy and I deserve to be punished."

Nick barely heard the words, as Jeff's face was buried in the comforter, but they shot through him like a jolt of static electricity. Jeff was almost writhing on the bed, obviously overwrought with guilt. Nick sat there, frozen. He wanted to help his friend so badly, but he didn't know what to do or say.

Finally, Jeff sat up with a sniffle, his eyes red but his face determined.

"I'll just have to go back tonight. I'll find someone there who will punish me. I'll pay for my mistakes, and then I'll be forgiven. And then I won't feel so bad anymore." He stood up and headed toward the door once again.

Nick shook himself from his stupor in time to ask, "Where are you going?"

"I'm gonna take a walk. I can't sit still. I'll see you later." Without turning around, Jeff was out the door.

As Jeff approached their dorm room, he was getting more and more nervous. He'd been gone for almost three hours; he'd wanted to give Nick time to think about everything. It wasn't that he didn't want to share this part of himself with his best friend. He just figured Nick could use some time to let it sink in, to get used to the idea. But now, what if over the last three hours Nick had realized that he couldn't handle it? What if the more he thought about it, the more twisted and messed up he realized Jeff was? Nick was Jeff's best friend, had been for the entire three-and-a-half years they'd shared a dorm. He didn't know what he'd do if he lost him.

Fighting down the sudden nausea overtaking him, Jeff slowly opened the door and peeked into their room. Nick was sitting on his bed, propped against the headboard, his closed laptop at his side. He looked up and stared intently at Jeff, and it was all Jeff could do to keep from retreating back through the doorway. But then Nick smiled gently and sat up more fully, leaning toward Jeff.

"How are you feeling? Any better?" He looked genuinely concerned, and Jeff realized that this was one of his favorite things about Nick. He was always honest, always open, and never disingenuous. Jeff sighed and stepped further into the room, closing the door behind him.

"A little. I still feel awful about what I did to Jackson, though." He paused, while Nick nodded sympathetically. "And, I'm a little worried about…us. Are you still okay with—with what we talked about this morning? I totally understand if you're freaked out, but I can't stand the thought of losing you—"

In a flash, Nick was off the bed and standing directly in front of Jeff, holding both of his hands in his own.

"Of course I'm okay, Jeff. I didn't really know what to say before, and I'm sorry if that worried you. I just don't have much knowledge about that kind of thing—well, except, I did read Fifty Shades of Grey—" Jeff smirked at that. "—but I get the feeling your experience is quite a bit different than that. I mean, that chick was basically just indulging the hot dude because she wanted to be with him so bad, but you actually like it right? I mean, it's something that makes you feel good, makes you happy?"

Jeff had sort of gotten lost in Nick's ramblings, but when he realized there was a question at the end, he nodded. "It is."

Nick nodded in response. "Okay, then we need to talk about this a bit more." He let go of one hand and used the other to pull Jeff over to his bed, where they sat side by side. "I want to know about this, how long you've been into it, what kind of experiences you've had." Jeff glanced uneasily at him. "I mean, you don't have to tell me any details if you don't want to, but I'd like to know if you've ever had any problems—you know during a…scene?" Jeff nodded when Nick looked at him to verify the terminology. "I just want to understand it better."

Jeff shifted on the bed so he was facing Nick more directly. He looked into his eyes for a moment before voicing his confusion.

"Why? Why do you want to know so much? I mean, I'm glad you're not running away or anything, but you don't have to listen to me go on about this just to make me feel better."

Nick looked down at his hands. "It's not that." He sighed, and Jeff waited for him to continue. "I just thought, if I knew more about it, if you could explain it to me, then I might be able to help you."

Jeff jerked to his feet, a chill prickling his skin.

"So you can, what, cure me? You want to psychoanalyze me so you can figure out how I turned into such a freak? Talk about my childhood so you can fix me?" He was backing away, getting angrier by the second, when Nick jumped up, his eyes wide.

"What? No, Jeff, of course not! I love you the way you are, man, you have to know that. How could you not know that?"

He looked sad now, and as Jeff's breathing calmed down, he started to feel like more and more of an ass. His shoulders slumped and his head drooped just a bit. Of course Nick hadn't meant that. He should have known that, after years of friendship, Nick wouldn't treat him like a freak.

"I'm sorry," he whispered, keeping his eyes on the floor. "I do know that. I guess I'm just really sensitive about this. I've never told anyone before. My brother only found out because he walked in on me watching bondage porn, and he wouldn't let it go until I admitted that I'd tried it. He's actually the one who hooked me up with the fake I.D. to get into Restraint." Jeff raised his head and noticed that Nick had taken several steps in his direction, leaving some space but now almost close enough to reach out and touch.

"So, why do you want to know all this then? What did you mean by 'helping' me?"

Nick clasped his hands in front of him as if he was trying to keep from fidgeting.

"Well, I was just thinking, if you need someone to dominate you…maybe I could do it."