Brian

It had been a year since a distraught nineteen year old Molly Taylor had shown up at Britin on a cold, rainy Pittsburgh night. Justin was in his studio painting. I was working out when I heard the doorbell. I was expecting Lindsay with Gus, so when I saw the petite blond with Justin's smile, I was speechless.

"Molly?" I managed to get out, not hiding my surprise.

"Hi Brian, I'm sorry to disturb you. Um, is my brother here", she was clearly nervous.

"Yeah, come in. I'll get him", I offered opening the door wider.

To my knowledge Justin hadn't seen his sister since his mother's funeral. Jennifer died of breast cancer almost three years ago and Molly was already estranged from her having lived with Craig after her parent's divorce, she had grown into one hell of a queer hater at that time. I knew things were desperate if she showed up on our door. Justin had just gotten to New York and was making a splash on the art scene when Jennifer received her diagnosis. Molly had refused to see her at first but from what Justin said when he moved back to take care of her, his mom had made peace with her. She refused to come to our home where Jennifer was staying but she was a regular visitor at the hospital and had said her good-byes. I couldn't imagine what brought her to Britin.

I bound up the stairs to the studio, taking two steps at a time.

"Justin", I called out over his music. "Justin"

"What?" Justin didn't stop working on his canvas to look at me. Annoyed I was interrupting his creative flow, he shouted, "Is Gus here?"

I stared at his beautiful blue eyes and grabbed his shoulders to get his attention. "No not yet. You have a visitor though." I paused to kiss him deeply. "Molly is here."

With those three words, our lives changed. Molly had enough of Craig. She refused to go home. She needed a place to stay for a few nights. A few nights turned into a year. She wanted to start college but Craig, as expected, refused to pay if Molly didn't cut Justin out of her life. It had been an adjustment.

At least three months into her stay, she still cringed at any displays of affection between Justin and me. I was getting irritated as Justin was turning me away more and more trying to make it more comfortable for her. Finally after Christmas, she walked in on us going at it in our kitchen and I don't think she's eaten at the table since. Finally, I had enough. I explained to her if she was going to live with us, and we were glad she was here, she needed to accept that occasionally she was going to see us fucking. She burst out laughing. She explained she was over the gay thing, it was the seeing her brother have sex thing, that made her uncomfortable.

After that we had settled into a routine. Molly was working at Kinnetik as a receptionist; she had enrolled in community college. Justin would paint during the day while we were out of the house and we would take her clubbing or to the bars on the weekends. She was making friends and was leaving us alone in the house more and more to go out on her own.

Justin

"Daphne", I called over the crowd. "You're here!" I ran up to my oldest friend at the airport. Daphne had been traveling for the past four months and I had missed her.

"Oh my God", she embraced me. "It's so good to see you".

I grabbed her bags and walked out to the car. "I want to hear everything"

"First lunch please. I've missed American food."

"The diner?" I offered

She nodded and launched into her travel stories without taking a breath. Once we grabbed a booth at the diner she finally took a break. "Hey, how's Brian. Doesn't he have a birthday coming up?"

I laughed; Brian never acknowledged his birthday and this one in particular might need ignored by all under penalty of death. "Yeah, the big 4-0" I was practically whispering.

I told her all about Molly and Brian. I gave her the rundown on the gang. Lindsay and Melanie and the kids were all good. Still living in the same place a block from Michael and Ben they bought when they moved back from Toronto. Ben was good, on a new regimen and about to publish his fourth book. Michael had bought a second comic store near their neighborhood which Hunter manages. I went on and on about how great Gus was doing and how much we loved having him close by. He practically spent every weekend with us at Britin.

When we were nearly done, Daphne got very serious. "Justin, have you and Brian ever talked about having kids?"

"We do have a kid", I clarified, "I've known Gus since he was born, and he's like my son as much as Brian's."

"I know, but I mean a kid of your own". She smiled. "You know I would carry it for you, you just have to ask."

I just stared at her. I had never considered it before and I could just hear Brian's response now. I mean it would be a dream just to get legally married to Brian, let alone have a baby with him.

"Thanks Daphne. I really appreciate the offer but there's no way Brian would go for full-time parenting."

We left the diner and headed to drop her off at her apartment but I couldn't stop thinking about it. I loved kids and to have one with the man I love would be a dream. Brian had said he would do anything, be anything, to prove to me how much he loved me once. Maybe he still would?

Brian

When Sunshine walked in from picking up Daphne, he was paler than usual. His blond hair showed tale-tell signs of having hands run through it repeatedly. If I didn't know better I would think he had been out with a trick. "What's the matter dear?"

"Huh?" Justin stared at me with that adorable blank look. "What?"

I smirked, "You okay? You look like you were fucking your brains out all afternoon instead of with Daphne" I went to hug him and inhaled his scent, searching for the after-sex aroma. I sighed relief upon finding nothing. I kissed him deep on the mouth, my tongue searching for unfamiliar taste.

"Brian, stop", he pulled away.

"If you tell me you're going to take a shower, we have a problem"

"It's nothing like that", he paused running his own hand through his hair.

Well that explains the hair, sighing, I offered a less forceful, more welcoming kiss which he responded to.

He grabbed the back of my head and pulled me close; I could feel his cock growing hard against me. I pulled back and looked at him. "This is a nice surprise" I grabbed his hand and led him to the bedroom. Wasting no time, I pushed him back to the bed, and sprung his hard cock from the confines of his pants. In one movement, kneeling and taking him fully into my mouth. My tongue was working him furiously and he tried halfheartedly to object before moaning loudly and spurting hot cum down the back of my throat. I undressed and positioned myself in between his legs. Leaning over him, kissing him and grabbing a condom. I used the cum still covering his softening cock to lube him, rubbing my cock on the outside of his hole, waiting for him to relax. With one stroke, I filled his tight ass with my cock. Pausing a minute for him to catch his breath. He called out my name in a slow sexy voice wrapping his legs tightly around me. I began to stroke in and out of him, feeling his hole squeeze my throbbing cock. He always feels so wonderful, just as tight as the first time. I angled myself to hit his prostate and the change made a noticeable difference as his cock filled again, pushing against my stomach. I lowered my torso so to increase the friction. He started begging, "Fuck me harder", I increased the speed in which I was pounding him quickly bring me to my climax. I kept going as best I could, reaching down, using one hand to pinch his nipple and the other to steady myself. I felt the hot liquid hit my chest and knew Justin had cum a second time for me. I collapsed on him and pulled out, removing the condom and kissing him hard on the mouth.

"Damn Brian, that was amazing", Justin had an ear-to-ear grin lighting up the room.

"I aim to please", I whispered.

Justin

I dosed off after sex that afternoon and had a dream. Brian and I were spending Christmas in the Bahamas relaxing by the pool, fucking our brains out in the private cabana when all of a sudden we hear a baby crying. Brian won't stop fucking me, he's not even a bit concerned. Then the noise stops and we hear a woman scream. There's a dead baby in the pool, she drowned. It's our baby. Brian isn't even fazed. I woke up in a cold sweat.

Brian came back from the bathroom, I didn't hide my disappointment he showered without me. "About time you woke up, sleepy-head. Molly will be home soon. What do you want for dinner?" he asked me.

Finally, I can't stand it. I have an overwhelming need to know how he feels. "Brian, do you ever think about having a baby?"

"I did", he paused "haven't you met Gus?" he laughed.

"Brian listen", "Are you listening to me?" I change my tone to show him I am serious.

"Yes I am listening" Brian looked at me with those piercing eyes, his mouth slightly open. I could tell he was nervous as hell.

"I love Gus, you know that but I want a family, a baby that's ours that we raise together. I need to know. Will you ever be able to make that level of commitment? I need to know if you're open to it at some point."

"Sunshine I'm almost…" He stopped unable to say forty pausing to reconsider his objections. "Do you know what that would mean to our lifestyle; do you how much things would change?"

"Yes, I know but I'm ready…I'm 28 now and I want kids….at least one…with you." I placed my hand on Brian's cheek drawing him in close to kiss him. I paused staring deeply into his eyes before our lips touched. I knew that look; it was in the Brian Kinney revised operating manual. I knew that was the "I want to do anything to make you happy look".

"Just promise me, you'll think about it seriously" I offered pulling away from the embrace.

Brian

I pulled up to the Kinnetik offices still in a daze. I hadn't slept well since my conversation with Justin two days ago. I opened the doors to my office glad to get my mind off it. Cynthia was at my desk, organizing my day as she was prone to do for me.

"Good Morning Boss", she smiled looking up at me. "Jesus, what's wrong?"

"What, nothing, I'm fine" I offered a weak reassuring smile. "How's my day look?"

"You have a meeting with Angel Baby in about 30 minutes."

"Angel Baby?" I picked up the folder on my desk to familiarize myself with the account. Great! An upscale children's boutique chain but potentially a 25 million dollar account.

During the meeting, the word baby was said over 400 times. I tried multiple times to avoid using the word but it was unavoidable. So much for my plan to get my mind off the subject. I left the meeting having secured their new campaign but I didn't feel like celebrating. Honestly, I didn't want to raise a kid. I couldn't be a full-time dad. As much as I loved Gus, I loved that Linz and Mel took all the responsibility. I stepped in, planned fun dad-son weekends on occasion, went to his little league games when my schedule allowed but really parenting? That was not for me. As sure as I was, I was equally sure that Justin would be devastated. He might even decide that he needed to leave me again. He was no longer my adoring teenage lover following my every lead, he was a man. He knew what he wanted, what he needed to be happy. I was dreading the conversation, but I needed to tell him.

I called Linz to see how Gus was doing. She immediately picked up on my stress. I hadn't planned to but I ended up telling her everything about Justin wanting to have a baby. She laughed her gentle laugh and told me the story of her and Melanie deciding to have Gus. I knew Melanie wasn't thrilled especially since Lindsay had insisted I be the baby's father; Mel had preferred to use an anonymous donor. The fact that Mel didn't really want a baby at first is a surprise to me. Lindsay explained how Melanie had all the same objections that I was raising. The change in lifestyle, the sacrifices that we would have to make, but eventually Melanie had seen what it had meant to Lindsay and by the time Gus arrived she was over the moon. It will be just like when Gus was born, she reassured me. "Once you see your child, you will be instantly in love", she promised "but because this time you will be bringing that child into the world with the person you love it will be even more special, more meaningful."

I drove home to Britin. It was almost an hour drive in traffic, I had plenty of time to think and my mind was racing. Lindsay's words kept swirling in my head. I needed to see Justin, I need to look into his eyes and know what to do.

I walked in to see Molly and Justin on the couch in the family room. They were talking intently and Molly looked red-faced like she had been crying.

"What's the matter?" I asked to both of them.

"Molly got in to Penn" Justin started to explain, "but she didn't get the scholarship and Dad won't help".

Justin

Brian and I were in our bathroom, getting undressed, ready to take our evening shower. I was mildly annoyed that he was distracted and not his usual flirtatious self. He hadn't noticed I was hard after seeing him undress. His body still gave me instant wood. He wasn't even looking at me. I got in the shower hoping he would share what was bothering him. I grabbed the soap and started working my hands over his back and neck. He leaned over, his head against the shower door. My cock grew harder as I massaged him and it was pressing against him. He turned to look at me finally.

"You want me to suck you off?" he offered, reaching down to grab me, stroking me slowly but intently.

"You don't want to fuck tonight?, I asked searching him for clues.

"Tonight is all about you, what do you want?" Brian said in his most suggestive voice making a rare offer, putting everything on the table, including letting me top. He turned off the shower and opened the door.

Sex was Brian's greatest distraction, he could avoid a multitude of problems with it and I knew he needed distracting from whatever he needed to tell me. "Why don't you suck me off and then fuck me?" I offered, taking the towel from the towel rack and drying him off taking the time to encourage his hard on.

He walked me over to the bed, kissing at my neck and grabbing my hair. I loved his passion; even after all the times we fucked there was never any lack of intensity in our love-making. He pushed me to the bed and started working my cock over with his mouth. It was so hot, feeling his lips squeeze me, his tongue exploring the underside of my shaft with a constant rhythm of deep thrusting; I exploded erupting several streams of hot cum down his throat. As soon I finished, he grabbed my legs thrusting them onto his shoulders and probing my hole with his now fully engorged cock.

I took a deep breath, bracing for the pain and pleasure of his entry. He rammed me hard, entering me quickly and filling me completely. "You like that" he whispered into my ear before kissing me with his tongue probing into my mouth.

"Yes", I whispered back.

"You like feeling me inside you raw?" he continued, his talk getting me more worked up.

"Yes" I responded pulling his head back by his hair. "I want you so much"

He picked up his rhythm slamming me hard. I let a moan escape my lips and that only encouraged him more. His body was shaking, his lips tightened, and his eyes closed. He was so beautiful when he was climaxing. He filled my ass with his hot liquid and melted on top of me. I shifted to support his weight as he let his body fall on mine as he does. He grabbed my hair and caressed it. He kissed my neck and earlobe. I waited to hear the words. "I love you Sunshine". Brian never said them easily but when we were really connected he would always say them. I grew to count on them.

He rolled off me and turned on his side facing me after grabbing and lighting his cigarette. I rolled over to face him, rubbing my arm over his muscular chest circling his nipple with my finger. "So how do you want to do this?" he asked.

I stared at him confused. "You want to go again, already?"

"No, even I need a little more recovery time than that." He smiled. "How do you want to have a baby, just in case you weren't aware, we are missing some key ingredients?"

"Are you serious", I choked out finally, my mouth open wide in shock.

"You said to think about it, to think about it, I need to know what you're thinking" Brian rolled back on his back and pulled me close to him so I snuggled under his arm and he was rubbing my back.

"I don't know" I admitted, I hadn't gotten that far.

"Well did you want to be the biological father or did you want me to?" Brian continued "I'm not sure I can after my cancer."

"I thought the doctor said your fertility wouldn't be affected", I replied, alarmed by the thought.

"Well not by the surgery but the radiation might be a problem" he started, "Sunshine I'm not making any decisions mind you, I just am curious how you wanted to carry out this miracle of modern times".

"What about if we both give and see what nature has in store" I offered.

Brian stared at me before asking the obvious question, "Did you have a mother in mind?"

I told him about Daphne's offer. "I'm not sure if that's the right decision though."

"Why not", he asked, clearly surprised.

"Jesus Brian, I don't have all the answers; I honestly never thought you would even discuss it", I said a little too harshly.

"That makes two of us", he said closing his eyes and sighing.

Brian

"I can't explain it Lindsay. I had a totally calm discussion about having a baby with Justin and didn't freak out." I was sitting with Linz on the park bench watching Gus's soccer practice.

"Well it's only taken 40 years but you're finally a grown up Peter" Lindsay laughed. "So how are you going to do it?"

"Well I wanted to talk to you about that", I started before she cut me off.

"Oh Brian, you aren't going to ask me to be the mother are you?" I failed to see why she was so amused.

"Well I helped you out, thought maybe you might return the favor", I reminded her.

"Brain, I'm forty. You might have missed your window with me" Lindsay said while patting my leg "There's so much risk with pregnancy at my age not for me but for the baby. You're going to need to find younger eggs but I would carry the baby for you, if Melanie agrees."

"Don't bring your husband into this yet, Justin and I haven't made any decisions. I am not sure I even want to do this" I relented kicking myself for not realizing that Lindsay was my age. She still looked amazing for forty.

"Sure thing Daddy", she smiled.

Justin

It had been a week since Brian and I discussed having a baby. I was dying to talk to someone about it but I couldn't bring myself to turn to Daphne. As generous as her offer was, my dream was to have a baby that looked like Brian and me. I wasn't sure how but I wanted to see ourselves reflected back. Daphne and I would make a beautiful baby, but it wouldn't be Brian's smile or his chin staring back.

I headed to the comic book store to meet Michael. He was hiring a new illustrator for Rage finally and wanted me to meet him. I was just too busy with my painting now to keep up the comic book. I still plan to look over the art before the release and Michael still insisted on my input which I was happy to give.

I walked into the store and saw Michael talking to the candidate. He introduced me and I took the man's portfolio. Michael continued talking, not letting me have a word in edgewise. While they spoke I checked the man out. He was about Brian's age, well dressed, thin but athletically built. He has a rainbow bracelet peeking out from his suit jacket. Another queer, of course he would be, not many straight artists willing to draw graphic sex between two men. I admired the man's ass and smiled as I thought to myself how he looked familiar. He was probably one of Brian's tricks back in the day. In a town the size of Pittsburgh, it was not unusual to run into one of my or Brian's former lovers especially with the closeness of the LGBT community. If the man recognized me, he didn't let on and the interview ended. After he was gone I tried to talk to Michael, who was being as stubborn as ever.

"He's good", Michael stated. "Did you like him?"

"Yes, he's good", I relented, "but there's a part of me that doesn't want to give up control."

"Well, I would love if you still drew Rage but getting your time has been a bit challenging what with you and Brian living in the middle of nowhere, plus Molly and your other art keeping you so busy." Michael was realistic.

"I need the income from Rage, I count on it and we will lose readers if we can't get issues out on a regular basis, this needs a full-time person now." Michael continued to justify his decision to bring in another artist more to himself than to me.

"I know, I know and life might get even busier for me soon". I teased. I knew Michael would understand.

"What? You get a new commission project?", he asked putting some new inventory on the racks.

"No, we might have a baby", I smiled.

He laughed thinking exactly what I had, that Brian Kinney would never, ever agree to have a kid he actually became responsible for raising.

"I'm serious, we are talking about it", I clarified.

"YOU ARE? HE IS?, Oh my God, that's fucking unbelievable.", he stopped what he was doing to give me a hug.

"I know! I couldn't believe it when he agreed to talk about it. We haven't decided yet, just talking but still. It's more than I ever thought possible with him."

"What are you going to do about the mother, a surrogate?" Michael asked.

I sighed, "Not sure yet, we haven't even decided if, let alone how, we would do it"

"You know Ben and I talked about having a baby together but..." Michael said slowly.

"I'm sorry", I interrupted, "I should have kept my mouth shut. I didn't mean to bring up anything painful" I apologized for forgetting that Ben and Michael couldn't have a child together, no surrogate would allow for a HIV positive parent.

"No, it's not a sore subject", he reassured me; "We asked Ben's sister if she would donate an egg and we would use my sperm so the baby would be ours and have the same grandparents etc. She turned us down. We didn't pursue it after that. Ben wasn't that wild about using a stranger."

Brian

I came home to an empty house. There was a note on the counter from Justin that Molly was out with friends and he was meeting with an art gallery about a new show opportunity. I grabbed some dinner and wandered into the office to do a little work. I was pouring over the Angel Baby mock-ups when I felt Justin's hand on my shoulder. "Hi Baby", I said before I turned to kiss him.

"Hi, long day?" He asked nodding to my stack of papers and taking off his jacket.

"Yes, what do you think? I showed him the baby models we were using, "cute huh?"

"Anything to get you thinking about babies", he smiled.

"Well if you want to win me over, I know what might do the trick" I said moving his hand to my crotch. Justin grabbed me and pulled in closer, kissing me. "If that's all it took to get you to do something, I would have had everything I ever wanted a long time ago".

"Molly will be home soon. Let's go upstairs", he grabbed my hand leading the way.

"See, if we have a kid there would be no more blowjobs anywhere the mood strikes us" I half-heartedly rationalized, he persisted in kissing me as we walked upstairs to the bedroom.

Once inside, I enjoyed quite the passionate blowjob. Afterwards, Justin got up to turn on the shower instead of lying in bed with me.

"How was your meeting, did you get the show?" I asked feeling bad that it had taken me so long to see how his day had gone.

"Oh didn't I tell you, yes I got seven pieces. I only have four done, so I will need your inspiration for the other three." He smiled. Justin always got very turned on when he was creating new art on a deadline, his last show left my dick sore for a month.

"Well I better start carbo-loading now." I grabbed his small waist and moved into the shower with him. He was soaping me and I started to get hard again. Justin looked down and without missing a beat turned around to expose his perfect ass to me. I rubbed against his backside probing him, teasing his hole with my fingers to open him up for me. I slid my cock into him and breathed in the aroma of his shampoo and soap. Our bodies were sliding with perfect timing and the hot water running down his back was so erotic. He had reached around grabbing my lower hip pulling me deeper into him, speeding up the franticness of each thrust. He cried out as he came, the sound put me over the edge and I was spilling into him.

After we cleaned up and were lying back in bed, he turned to me. "Brian, I've been thinking."

"Always a dangerous thing" I responded as he tickled my side to show his annoyance with this now predictable response.

"I want you to father our baby, but I want to ask Molly if she would donate the egg and maybe serve as the surrogate. That way the baby will still be part of me and my mom would still have been the grandmother. She would have loved that."

"Sunshine," I smiled and kissed him. Continuously surprised by how the thought of a baby with Justin was no longer causing me to panic, "No promises but I might be warming up to this"

Justin

I melted into Brian's arms that night. I cuddled into him and listened to his breathing as he fell asleep. I let myself start to imagine life with him and our baby. I had a dream that night that we were looking over a crib at our daughter. She had Brian's dark hair and my blue eyes. I watched as Brian picked up our daughter and cradled her in his arms. He sat in the rocking chair and told me how much he loved me. When I woke up we were still in the same positions as we fell asleep except Brian was awake stroking my hair.

"You have a pretty big grin on your face this morning" he said, reaching down to assess my morning wood.

"I had a great dream", I said stretching.

"Oh, I want a name and position", he said stroking my cock firmly now.

"It wasn't that kind of dream. You were holding our daughter and we were blissfully happy"

He stopped stroking me and grabbed my chin. He kissed me and pressed against me, half on top of me.

"Sunshine, I hate to burst your bubble, but we aren't asking for a small favor, this is huge. She could say no. After your dad's influence, she will likely say no."

"I know" my smile faded. "Can we at least talk to her about it?"

Brian nodded yes but the way Brian looked at me, I was scared. I could tell he was so in love and wanted to do anything for me. I hadn't seen that face since the night I left for New York and we made love for what we thought might be the last time. It was the face he made when he was about to sacrifice what he wanted, for what I wanted.

"Are you sure?" I asked rubbing his cheek, "I want you to be sure this is what you want too".

He paused at first but then in his most loving and reassuring voice said "Justin, if you want to have a baby, I want you to have that experience. I love having Gus, seeing your child, there's nothing like it. But are you sure you don't want to be the father? We can use a surrogate and the baby can be yours biologically. I would love it because it's part of you."

"Are you saying you want to have a baby with me? I asked, my heart leaping for joy.

"Yes that's what I am saying, but I have one condition"

"And what's that?" I prepared myself for the letdown of what I assumed to be a ridiculous condition.

"I'm a good Catholic boy", he joked with a knowing smile, "we should get married before we have a baby".

Brian

I hadn't planned to propose again to Justin, it was really a spontaneous declaration.

After he returned from New York to take care of his mom, we had discussed going through with the wedding but it was a bad time and gay marriage was still not legal in Pennsylvania so it seemed less important than just being together as partners, as we were before. We slowly progressed from rules about fucking other people on our own, to only fucking other men together, to not really wanting to fuck other men. Justin would still make an occasional suggestion about him or I going to the back room or VIP lounge at Babylon for a blowjob or hand job or just to watch and jack off, but it never seemed to appeal to me when he proposed it and so much to my amazement, I became for the most part monogamous preferring Justin alone to a random trick. It was about two years ago when we had both realized we hadn't been with anyone else in over six months and after our routine HIV tests were negative, we started fucking without condoms and the monogamy was just implied.

I searched in the safe for the rings, the ones I bought for the wedding so many years ago. I never could bring myself to return them. I ran my fingers over the bands. If Justin and I are going to have a kid, I want to make sure we were together for life and more importantly that he and the baby would be protected should anything happen to me.

I walked into work the day after my proposal and called my attorney to set up a meeting with Ted. If fags can't get married in good old Pennsylvania, then we would have to legally entwine ourselves in other ways. I asked my lawyer to draw up some documents. I asked Ted for a run-down of my financial picture and I did what I had come to find increasingly easier to do over the last ten years, I made Justin my top priority.

It was my fortieth birthday, what better day to start facing life as a grown man?