A/N: New kinda story with different flow and a plot! oh my. she threw in a plot, how daring. but its an old idea of mine and i love the "what if" questions it arises.
One of xx chapters. enjoy.
-Arena
Morning hit mercilessly through the curtains there were supposed to be changed when they first moved in, but had been hanging there for, oh about 5 years.
It was incredibly and grueling annoying the way it hit with all its happiness and cheerfulness – well it was summer so he supposed it was inevitable.
Getting the night's sleep out of his eyes and getting his brain to boot up again for a new day where brain activity were demanded, he turned and looked to his right.
Right there, just on his right side, merely inches away from him, were the biggest mistake in his life. The person who got him disowned, broke his ribs and in the end – saved him.
The blond man lying next to him breathed slowly as he was still deep asleep, though the supposed limp arm around his waist still held onto him with fierce grip, not that he ever minded.
It was a cozy morning, where everything just went a bit slower than usual.
It was summer and despite the place being cramped and the air dense with air condensation, it was still fairly cool, until the sun began heating the building up to an unmerciful temperature. But for now it was still alright, as the clock was only..
What time was it anyway?
He turned to look at the clock placed on the cabinet just above their heads, as they lay on the futon in the center of the tatami floor.
The clock ticked 6.34, so there was still plenty of time for nothing.
He always smiled shyly to himself as he looked at the photo standing next to it, him and the other were sitting and playing PlayStation with some other friends. In the photo he was nestled between the others legs and arms, almost being embraced as the blond was playing PlayStation with the others, and he himself were eating pocky while yelling at the TV.
It was an instant moment picture their friend had taken on their phone and he had just fancied it so, because they hardly ever took personal pictures like that. Mostly because they weren't super intimate in public, so this little secret was the more precious.
It just wasn't a normal thing in Japan – two guys kissing.
Surely Tokyo city had a very casual attitude towards gays and lesbian, but Tokyo weren't their hometown, as he was from the area of south Hokkaido and the blond was born and raised on the beaches of Okinawa – and these small communities they had grown up in, had posted a deep negative presentation towards gay people that had for both of them taken a long time to shake off.
So this picture was sort of a trophy. A trophy of courage, love and dreams.
As he sighed a deep relief, feeling tired and happy, he turned and looked at the sleeping man next to him. He was already completely sunburned like when he was on Okinawa, but unlike himself, he could keep a tan.
He didn't turn shrimp red only to fade into pure and utter shadow demanding white skin. He just remembered why he hated the summer time, except for its annoying rays early in the morning.
Caressing the cheek of his bedmate, feeling the bear studs under his touch, he smiled gently as the other stirred and sneaked an eye open.
"…'morning" he said as he stretched only to roll over on his back, letting his rosary chain around his neck dangle and sound from the movement.
He leaned down and kissed the plum lips of the blond man, who caressed his face ever so tired and gentle, wanting to do more but too damn lazy to move.
"I am going after breakfast" He said and grinned as the other slipped in and out of sleep, giving him one more kiss before getting up, pulling on his sweats and hoodie – or well it was all the blonds gear, but he took it on anyway.
He decided to jog down to the nearest bakery there was in the neighborhood, and then take a short cut through the park on his way home.
As he was about to leave he smiled at the blond who had fallen asleep again, lying with only half a blanket on him, exposing the burned and inked skin to the morning crisp air as he opened the door and went outside.
And as the blond lay sleeping on their futon in the small apartment in the area of Meguro in Tokyo, he didn't know that a car was speeding through a red light and colliding with another car in the next intersection, pushing the car it collided with onto the walk over where a man, clad in sweat pants were crossing at the exact same moment.
"Mr. Uzumaki I am sorry."
The blond man looked at the doctor who stood with his hand clutched around a file, papers flipped over to access the data written in it.
"Despite us being able to repair his broken hip and knee, we cannot repair the damage his brain has taken, and so far it's hard to say if his memory will ever return. There is nothing to do but to wait and see"
The doctor sighed and padded the young man on the shoulder. No one said it was easy to be a doctor, but it certainly had to be just as hard being a patient.
FLASHBACK.
"You may enter his room, but he is under a heavy dose of pain killing medicine and may not be so responsive, so please be kind to make it short."
Nodding at the kind nurse, he finally set foot inside. Since around 8 a.m. he had been waiting outside the doors there said operation rooms – personal only.
He had been called up from the hospital there had identified a young man, there had been in a car accident, by his wallet.
A wallet he had in his hand. A blood soaked thing there had a picture of him in it, a blood soaked thing he was ever grateful that the most important person in the whole world had had on him.
"Sasuke.." He walked slowly over to the hospital bed, a hand slowly running on top of the cotton blanket covering 8 hours surgery.
…"we had to put a steel screw into his hip, and replace the joint in the knee with a titanium one. He will never be able to run again." …
The words echoed like a fake phantom in his head.
Standing beside the bed he looked at the battered brunette, put together only just so. He had a blue eye and one side of his face was torn from the brutal meeting with the asphalt.
Naruto touched carefully the hand resting on the bed, pipelines with water and medicine running into it, making sure that he was pain free. Well as far as he could without dying.
He touched with his thumb the skin there, rubbing gentle circles until the other stirred.
"hey Sasuke.. " he said, words there threatened to break his voice and composure, wanting not to fall apart – he wasn't dead, he reminded himself.
The brunette blinked a few times before realizing it was only possible to open one eye, as the other hurt and could not open up fully anyway.
"Who are you?"
…"before we talk about the operation done on , I need to inform you that it seems he suffers from a traumatic incident when he got hit by the car. To put it short, he cannot remember anything. We know this as he woke up from surgery, but we need to do further tests to analyze it closer. But for now, keep everything short, and don't mention anything of his life. We need to establish grounds for his mental condition."…
Those were the doctor's words before he stepped in, those were the words denying him the most single important thing he wanted to do – embrace the other.
Hold him in his arms and never letting go ever again, not even if he was going to take a leak. But here he was, standing as a complete stranger to this person who he just made love to last night.
"I.. am Naruto. I am a friend." The words should have sounded 'I am Naruto, your lover and your best friend, the one you promised to share your life with as I did with you'.
But they died in that single sentence. Like the iron wall of syllables there could not be spoken.
"oh." The brunette said, feeling how the blond took his hands away and tilted his head, it was like he had seen that before…
"I have to go Sasuke, but I will be back tomorrow and say hi. I just wanted to make sure you were okay" the blond said, his lips portraying that of a fake smile, but the brunette didn't know that… - because, he had forgotten how he looked when he lied.
"oh okay." Sasuke closed his eyes as the blond left with a wave of the hand and a goodbye, but as the pale green door with the room number 607 closed behind him, he pushed his back against the door, sliding down against it, letting his face bury in the warmth of his hands – tears staining them with salt.
As he promised he came back next day, but the raven was sleeping and the doctor informed him that he had to have the raven hospitalized for at least 8 weeks while he was healing and taking test to establish how deep the loss of memory went.
Naruto left the sleeping figure and despite he with all his might wanted to kiss the sweet lips goodbye, he turned and left for work. He couldn't stop living, and there had to be a place when Sasuke returned –
Because he was returning.
PRESENT.
A week had passed since the accident, and Naruto sat in his usual chair – well it had grown to be his chair during this past week anyhow- as he waited for the doctor.
"Mr. Uzumaki" the doctor said, as the blond turned to look at him and got up from his chair, drying his sweaty hands in his jeans, nervous for the report from the therapist.
"Doctor Satou, So… what does the report say? " He had a hunch, but being the ever optimistic he decided that he was going to face the situation however it may have presented itself.
"Mr. Uzumaki, I am sorry."
No it wasn't true…
"Despite us being able to repair his broken hip and knee, we cannot repair the damage his brain has taken, and so far it's hard to say if his memory will ever return. There is nothing to do but to wait and see"
Tears swelled up in blue eyes there were already red due to the many hours of work, no sleep and oh so many tears already shed.
"I am truly sorry, but the report indicates that he has no awareness of his old self, and thus he is shaping a new one, and though you may influence it, you may never stop it."
The doctor stopped as he felt sorry for the young man in front of him. He had come every day, despite being worn out from overtime at work, lack of sleep – he had come to be with the other.
"Mr. Uzumaki.. the Sasuke you know, he might still be there, but the new one doesn't know that yet, so you have to guide him. And if he can't ever be found, the old Sasuke, then learn to love the new one as well." The doctor gave the youngster a squeeze of the shoulder, before he had to return to other important things.
Standing alone in the white hall, in front of the many pale green doors, Naruto dried away the tears and left. He couldn't handle seeing Sasuke right now – someone who had the face of his only love, but wasn't him. His heart hurt, in a way he could only tell was bad if he saw the other, someone who he had fallen in love with, but now knew nothing of this great love.
On the other side of one of the many pale green doors, a young man with dark hair sat, wondering where the guy who had visited him all week were. His friend Naruto.
He couldn't wait for him to visit, he was so funny and so incredibly annoying – though he didn't have the slightest clue as to why, maybe he would come tomorrow…
"I hope so…" he said, looking longingly out to the blue sky, listening to the hospital hustling and bustling around him, though noting nothing of the people coming and going.
A dream in a dream.
Waking up drowsy from the pain killing medicine, Sasuke woke up, looking up at the crack in the ceiling, a crack he had come to look at more than anything else.
The crack of boredom.
"Good morning Sasuke, how are you feeling? Are you hungry or would you rather go to the bathroom first?" feeling embarrassed was beyond him at this point, he couldn't care less now. Over a week of showing your privates and what not to a handful of different nurses just didn't bother him anymore, not even when they seemed more keen than usual on touching him.
"bathroom please" no, he didn't even bother with petty things like that anymore, what he really found infuriating was being unable to walk.
"After bath I will bring you your breakfast and then get you to the rehabilitation center at 11, okay?" the nurse helped Sasuke getting into the wheelchair and roll him into the adjourning bathroom where he was placed in all his naked glory on a stool (a freaking cold metal one at that too) and washed THOROUGHLY by the nurse he mostly wanted to call Olga.
Olga the sadistic nurse, though he supposed she was pretty, despite not knowing if he liked girls like that either way.
As he was being scrubbed on his back he looked down at his legs, a scar with stitches appearing on his left knee – making sure that he wouldn't accidentally forget just how he ended up here.
He tried to wriggle his toes but his left leg hurt like a bitch and only just moved the slightest. He hated being unable to do anything other than lie in that obnoxious bed all day and look at the crack of infinite boredom.
"Sasuke?" his head perked up at the sound of a familiar voice calling his name, well the only voice he knew thus far – Naruto's.
"in here!" oh shit, why had he yelled that. Was he coming inside now? Fuck he was so stupid, no guy should see him stark naked on a stool like this! Made him look like something out of a Russian horror movie, with the nurse Olga too!
"I am gonna wait out here, so just take your time 'kay?" the sound of the others feet withdrew from the bathroom door and Sasuke was sure he knew the sound as the one of the blond sitting down on the chair by his bed.
"There we go, all spotless" well of course, she touched him everywhere with that dreadful foam thingy, and he meant everywhere.
The nurse helped him getting dressed before she rolled him over to the bed where she helped him get in.
Sasuke adjusted himself on the bed and found himself looking at the other more eagerly than he anticipated – but he just looked forward to their talks whenever he came.
"I brought you a book to read in, though I don't know your taste yet, so if you don't like it just tell me and I will find something else. Oh and also I bought some snacks, because the hospital food is just gross when you have to eat it every day… by the way.."
"Naruto… how was I before the accident." He hadn't meant to interrupt with such a question, he hadn't meant to interrupt at all, but he didn't know anything – and it made this feel kind of awkward as the blond man knew anything about him, or well, how he used to be anyway.
"you know I can't tell you that.." Naruto looked down at the book in his lap, it was called 'in the widows keep' and was Sasuke's favorite book. It told the story of a couple in the old Japan, how a samurai fell in love with another man, and how they lived a hidden life.
It was a real sob story that's for sure, he knew because he once read it, but to Sasuke it was sort of an inspiration he figured. People who dared.
"I know.. but I don't know how to behave around you, when you know everything there is to know about me, and I don't know anything about you. Like.. do I have a family? What did I work as? How old am I actually?"
Sasuke laughed nervously, which kind of took the blond by surprise, because Sasuke wasn't like that, or that was not correct, the old one didn't do that.
He would have sighed and given a look there said, "You know what I mean moron", and maybe a slight curve of the lips, which in Naruto's world was a smile.
"It will come Sasuke." That was the only thing he could say, because that was what he told himself, that one day the old him would come back and balance to the universe would be restored and the force would be divided equal yet again.
"I know, but I keep wondering you know? What was I like? What did I like to eat, to do or not to do? In here I aint getting anywhere as all I am asked is what I feel like and what I remember. It's frustrating" Sasuke ranked a hand through his black locks, still a bit wet from his bath, making his hair look strangely out of perfection – a trait not common to him at all.
And as if he noticed the blond staring at him, he grinned shyly, yet again not something an Uchiha would ever do. Not even with a close family member.
The constant glare was a family trait after all, perfected throughout the generations.
But here he was, smiling shyly at Naruto, who was actually his lover, though he didn't know any of this – which made the entire situation ridiculously preposterous.
"I guess it's not like me to smile?" He said, making his cheeks burn. Mostly due to the intense stare of the blond who had kept surprisingly quiet.
"oh.. no, I mean it's not like you didn't smile before, it's just.. it's hard to explain. " Naruto said, giving that there fake grin again, the one he used to get out of unpleasant situations.
A silence fell onto the room and the tension in the air made it awkward to even breathe. He didn't believe that the old Sasuke there was him, would never smile when he was with Naruto.
It seemed so easy to the new him, the way the blond would tell a story of his own past – evidently leaving some things out in the dark- and the way he would retell things and narrate them vividly with arms and legs. He was quite entertaining, and he could see now how they had stayed friends.
"how did we meet?" Sasuke said after a good 5 minutes of silence and avoiding eye contact.
"I don't know if I can tell you anything… about you." Naruto said, getting up from the chair.
"I need to speak with the therapist first, and that's first on Friday, so for now you have to settle with just listening about me." He put the book down on the table by the bed and smiled gently, a way Sasuke was sure the old him also had a certain feeling for.
It was.. what would the word be for it. Charming? Yea, maybe that was it. He had a charming smile. Overall Naruto was a good guy, and Sasuke wondered why he never heard anything about his girlfriend, or lack thereof.
"yea, so will you come tomorrow?" he said, looking at him with big black eyes, curving the slightest into a smile.
"I cant. Work you know, and your insurance need some paperwork, so I am quite busy until Friday actually, which is why I also brought the book. Hope it's okay." Naruto said, putting his hands into his pockets of his pants.
"oh right. The… erhm.. cargo.. thingy you do." Sasuke looked down at the fabric of his blanket, avoiding the blue eyes looking at him.
"yea, so I will be busy until Friday, but then I will be off Saturday so I can take you out in the wheel chair for a stroll if you want?" Naruto said, leaning back and forth on his heels, shifting the balance.
"yea, I would like that." Sasuke said, cheeks slightly rosy and an adoring smile upon his thin lips.
"take care then, and see you Friday." Naruto waved and left, leaving the raven in solitary – alone in the room where his world so far stretched. He hadn't been outside yet, so it was actually quite exciting, mostly because he wondered if he would remember more.
And if he did, would the old him disappear or would they just merge? How was his personality designed? He was quite unsure of this entire matter, and decided it was a solid question for his therapist – or god.
A dream in a dream
Life hadn't changed much, it just presented itself in a new way, like that of seasons changing.
And like that of seasons changing, Naruto found his entire existence merely a fraction away from how it used to be, but a fraction large enough to make the biggest difference.
He now knew what it felt like if Sasuke ever left him, how emptiness was a song drowning him and pulling him down to the bottom of a lake, making darkness swallow him.
Was dreaming like this?, he wondered, something so unrealistic that you can't wrap your head around it, but can't dismiss it either. A deep sigh left his lips as he gave up pondering about it and pulled of his t-shirt and threw it in the hamper in the bedroom, flexing his muscles in the mirror, looking to see if they had grown smaller due to all the time he used in the hospital instead of the gym.
Maybe he was being narcissistic, but when it all came down to it, he enjoyed the hard labor that were his work, and that it had made Sasuke more of a horn dog, well.. benefit. Purely and utterly just benefit.
And as he didn't have time to hit the gym, it was purely just work there kept him fit. Working a truck and lifting crates with brute force was something he had done for 3 years, and despite he had a major in communication, he had taken a job where the pay had been good and the benefits likewise, and just as with many other things, time had just passed, and he found the job fulfilling and the money had meant that their life had been a little nicer.
Flat screen TV, clothes, new futon and so on. They had also gotten a bigger apartment as time went by, but never exceedingly over the top, just big enough for them, and the increasingly amount of gear now accumulating there.
Naruto looked around, chuckling a little as he was a huge airhead and tended to throw things on the floor and getting yelled at by the raven who hated picking his things up.
And now…
No Sasuke to yell at him, kiss him and rub his sore shoulders and whisper in his ears dirty things.
God. He would grow hard as a brick wall if he didn't do anything about that there thing called release. Opting that he couldn't be bothered with such a thing right now, he walked into the kitchen and grabbed a Kirin from the fridge, taking a huge slurp before he said the commercial line "damn that was good" and went to the bathroom with his cold beer, turned on the faucet to fill the tub and then he would sink into the wonderful hot water with his icy beer by his side.
As he stripped out of his pants and lower layer of clothing, he got into the tub and sighed as his muscles tensed before they relaxed in the heat of the scorching water.
He had been to the hospital today and just talking with Sasuke, though it turned in an awkward direction, not because they didn't have anything to talk about, because they could talk about anything – just not about Sasuke.
Though he supposed he knew why – the feeling of being a stranger to everyone, and wanting to know and being denied the answer. It must suck.
Resting the arms on the tiled surface of the tub, he grabbed his beer standing on the ground and took a sip, not caring about the need to wash himself before he got in, it was just him in the house for now anyway.
Sasuke had been a weird guy today, as well as the other days. It felt like he was someone totally different, though as the doctor said, he had no self-awareness in the form of how he used to be, so he couldn't act like that – and despite Naruto had many times thought about the idea of Sasuke being a little less uptight than he seemed to be, this was maybe pushing it.
This new version of the raven was always smiling, mostly with a cute color of pink on his cheeks, very cute indeed…
And he was always acting a little giddy around him, like not knowing where to place himself or how to talk to him, come to think of it, he actually reminded him a lot of his first girlfriend – Hinata.
Cute girl, definitely a cute girl, but she had major issues with her being shy and wanting to hide her face like some ostrich – to such a degree that Naruto couldn't handle it. Hell yes he liked cute and shy girls, but apparently he wanted dirty talking men who wanted to be taken by force, or that is maybe a little too blunt to say but it wasn't totally untrue.
How he and Sasuke got started.
Taking another sip of his beer, while running a hand through his wet bangs; combing the wild locks back with the heavy water drops, Naruto couldn't help but just let his mind wander.
It was a most surreal situation he found himself in. Who on earth would ever believe that his lover, a man, who had cut of all contact to his family, was hit by a car and lost his memory and was now more or less dependent on Naruto to help him remember it all otherwise the Sasuke he knew might cease to exist at all.
The prospect was daunting and terrifying.
Sliding down under the water and lying there under the surface for a couple of seconds, he closed his eyes and tried for a second to wash away his worries before emerging for air again.
It was futile. .
"will he ever come back.." maybe he didn't notice himself, but the water drops falling from his hair merged with bitter sweet drops falling from darling blue eyes, making delicate ripples in the quiet surface.
As night fell upon the little apartment in Meguro, so did it also fall upon the hospital not far away, letting the warmth of the sun leave, and replace it with that of its colder twin, the bare moon.
And many nights the bare twin had to wander over the city there were Tokyo before yet again the blond had time to visit the hospital and its most important inhabitant.
"ah Mr. Uzumaki, good to see you." The doctor said, greeting the blond as he for once wasn't waiting for him but came walking down the hall way, arriving from work.
"ah Doctor Satou, good afternoon." Naruto was almost at the brink of falling into pieces due to nerves, as today was Sasuke's mental evaluation, something there would set the guidelines at how to progress further in the future.
"I am glad I ran into you just now, because I have the report." The doctor said, motioning for them to go to his private office to discuss the matter.
As they took a seat, the doctor opened the files and then looked at Naruto who wanted desperately to be distracted by the interior of the office, but couldn't as he was so anxious for the report.
It wasn't so much whether Sasuke wanted to remember or not, but also whether or not Naruto presented a threat to his recovery, if so then he would be suspended from coming to the hospital, and that meant no more Sasuke, if ever.
"Oh don't be so nervous Mr. Uzumaki, as I am pleased to say the report tells us that you aren't a threat to Sasuke, on the contrary. We can see that he greatly responds to you, and so we want you to actually talk about what happened in the past, step by step though. You cannot rant through it in just 30 minutes, you need to take a subject at the time – maybe waiting a while with the information about your relationship till we see how he responds to the other information".
The doctor smiled pleased with the report, knowing just by the look of the blond, how a heavy rock was lifted off of his heart. It was evident in the blue eyes that this report had been weighing him down, and he too was sincerely happy that the report didn't say for the two to be apart.
"I am so happy to hear that." Was all Naruto managed to say, as he let the words sink in, and making him yet again able to breathe freely.
"I was sure you would be. We will be keeping Sasuke for yet another month or so, to keep up with his therapy but also rehabilitation, which he will have to come for once he get permission to leave the hospital, and by then Mr. Uzumaki, I recommend that you take it easy on him, as the lifestyle you had grown accustomed to will have to change". The doctor flipped the folder over, closing it, before he smiled and said to the blond.
"I believe that is all, now, don't you have someone to talk to?" The blond grinned as he saluted the doctor in good old army fashion and walked out of the office, his heart light as a feather, and hopes never ending.