Main pairing: Derek/Stiles/Scott/Allison/Lydia/Jackson/Danny

Warnings: polyamory, obviously. Some language. Non-graphic sexual content. Slash, femslash, het.

Disclaimer: I own nothing but the story. Characters are from MTV's show Teen Wolf. Title and lyrics from the song 'Cold War' by Janelle Monae.

Author note: English's not my first language. Un-beta'ed oneshot. Not a songfic.

DSSALJD

I Was Made To Believe There's Something Wrong With Me

If you asked any one of them, they wouldn't know how to give you a good answer – or any answer really. They genuinely have no idea; they can't pinpoint the moment they all came together and become that. It just… happened. There were probably some triggers; some of them started off as couples, or maybe even as triads, but it's hard to tell now. It's difficult to remember who was with whom first; it's tricky because they're just them now. The feelings are so overwhelming, so all encompassing, so complex, it's hard to untangle them, hard to say who likes who better, because it just doesn't work that way with them.

Sure, it's easy to state the obvious, easy to say that Lydia and Jackson have been kind of dating on and off since they were ten, that Scott and Stiles were almost raised together, that Danny and Jackson have been best friends since the moment they met in kindergarten, but you can't use that to quantify how close some of them are, or to determine if one relationship is more important than another. It's something that doesn't obey whatever established code you may have in mind to categorize relationships. It just is. They're them, and they're together, and they're in love. Yet, if you really want to understand, if you really need an explanation or some kind of chronology or at least some clues, they can try. It probably won't be very helpful, probably won't make any sense to you, but they can try.

DSSALJD

It might have started off with the strange combination Lydia-Jackson-Danny.

Jackson and Danny have always been BFFs – even if Jackson would probably punch you in the face if you used that exact term to describe his relationship with Danny. They are inseparable; they joined the lacrosse team together, they study together, they go on camping trips together. Danny is Jackson's emergency contact and it means everything, it means that Danny is more important to Jackson than anybody in his own family, it means that he wouldn't mind Danny seeing him weak and broken and vulnerable. Danny is the one friend Jackson can be real with. He's the sweetest boy on earth and he would never judge Jackson, even when he acts like a douche, even when he fails at being perfect 24/7. Danny expects nothing from Jackson, he's supportive and nice with him and not because he wants something from him.

And Jackson might be cruel to some people, might act the part of the heartless jock but he's always been good to Danny too, always been there. When Danny told Jackson about him being gay, his heart heavy, fear compressing his chest, he thought it was going to be the end of an awesome friendship. But he just couldn't keep this secret any longer and he thought he owed to Jackson to be honest with him. It's when Jackson laughed and told him "Dude, seriously, you're just figuring that out? Damn, I thought you were the brilliant one" with a bright smile and so much honesty and affection in his eyes, that Danny got it. The two of them? It was forever, it was too strong to be destroyed. And Danny can't fathom how he could have gone through his coming out as the only gay kid in Beacon Hills without Jackson's indefectible support. Jackson's here for Danny when he feels different from everybody else in town, when he feels too big for Beacon Hills, too strange. He's here to scare away the jerks who want him to feel like he should not be who he is, like he should not be proud of his difference. Jackson's the first to congratulate him when he wins a science fair, even if all his other friends make fun of him for being a science geek and for having such passion for chemistry. They're here for each other in all the ways that count.

At the same time, Lydia and Jackson have also been together for ages, but in a together together way; always the power couple, always the perfect duo. They just get each other, in a way even Danny sometimes can't because he has good relationships with his relatives and he grew up in a relatively healthy environment. Lydia understands when Jackson feels like he's going to explode from all the pressure in his life, when everybody wants something from him, when he has to maintain a reputation that has nothing to do with who he really is, when he has to wear a mask constantly. She gets it simply because wearing a mask is a daily activity for her too. She's supposed to be the pretty girl, the classy one, the bitchy one too. It's what she's supposed to be, and people don't like when a person doesn't really fit in the box they're supposed to stay in, when somebody doesn't accept to be reduced to a label and that's it. So she's the pretty girl, the queen bee, she plays her part and she plays it well, like everything she does. She doesn't show how clever she is, because the 'so smart, it's almost too much' nerdy girl isn't part of her role, it's not who she is supposed to be, even if it's something she is, under all the designer clothes and the make-up and the expensive perfume and jewelry. She doesn't show that she has a heart, that she has feelings too, that she cares for some people so much sometimes she wants to hold onto them and never let go, and she moans, and bitches, and manipulates others. Because that's what Lydia Martin is supposed to do and that's what Lydia Martin excels at.

So Lydia gets Jackson and Jackson gets Lydia. They're a match made in heaven but not because of their looks, of their hobbies, of their characters. It's a mix of all of that, yes, but it's so much more too. They need each other. They enjoy being able to look at each other when they're feeling low and see total understanding in the other's eyes, 'I know', 'stay strong', 'don't worry', 'you're so much more than that' clear as day. They like being able to run to each other's houses, hide under the covers when they're alone, just breathe and kiss it better, without having to exchange a single word, and having it means the world.

Yet, somehow, the two of them? It didn't really work out that great. They get each other, yes, they support each other, no doubt, but sometimes their destructive tendencies just join and they make mistakes, big mistakes. Like those days, when they are both really upset and they drink and smoke weed and steal some drugs from Lydia's mom's purse and get into Jackson's car, the blond driving always a bit faster, with the music always a bit louder every time. Sometimes they think that without the pack, they would probably have ended up doing something terrible together. People say everybody has a dark side, but Jackson and Lydia have a really dark side, something greedy and destructive and mean and fueled by their memories of their childhood, by their family, by what is expected of them. They're good for each other in some aspects but they also tend to drag the other down without meaning to.

That's why they have Danny. They don't really know how they got lucky enough to get him in the first place, how he just slipped into their relationship, without making a noise, without saying anything. It's just one day, he was there with them, in that way. They woke up together, the three of them naked, in Jackson's bed, Jackson on his back, Danny beside him, his head resting in the crook of the blond's neck, his hand at the small of Lydia's back, Lydia on top on Jackson, a perfectly manicured hand laying on Danny's thigh. They don't remember how they got there. Did they get drunk at a party? Did Jackson have a bad night and did he call his two friends to spend the night with him? Did they talk about it beforehand? Was it something that had been coming for a long time? They really don't know, they just remember waking up like that, tangled in each other, Lydia's perfume flawlessly blending with Jackson's after-shave and the clean smell of Danny's shampoo. They remember calmly thinking 'uh, okay', they remember feeling like something clicked at last, but more importantly, they remember not freaking out. It's like something fell into place that day and they didn't even talk about any of it, they simply… accepted it and continued. It didn't matter than they were too young to be in a relationship with two other people, that it was too complicated for a bunch of messed-up kids like them. It didn't matter that Jackson never told them he was bisexual before; it didn't matter that Danny didn't feel any sexual attraction to Lydia; he was still in love with her too. They just loved each other and they rolled with it.

DSSALJD

Then again, it might have started off with the combination Allison-Scott-Stiles. All things considered, it's a bit strange how they're alike Lydia, Jackson and Danny, while being so different at the same time.

It's always been 'Scott and Stiles'; for a long time there was no Stiles on his own and no Scott on his own. They've always been an item even if it seems strange to use that expression to describe friends. They've always been best buddies. They were the two losers at school, the asthmatic kid and the ADHD one, always together, helping each other out. Stiles' been there for Scott when his dad just decided that Beacon Hills was less than he deserved in life, and that leaving a wife and a kid behind was a small price to pay if it meant he could start a new life in a big city much more fitting for his ambition. Scott was there for Stiles when that drunken truck driver took his mom away and when the Sheriff was not always present for the boy that had the same eyes as the woman of his life whom he had lost so suddenly.

Scott gets Stiles and never loses his patience with him, not even when he's so high on sugar/coffee/soda/Adderall it's like he can think and talk faster than the Flash can run. He always knows how to look at Stiles, how to gently brush his hand, how to softly sigh to convey that it's a bit too much for him today, that he should slow down. He knows how Stiles' attention span is akin to a four-year-old's. He knows that Stiles has bad days where he misses his mom so much he overuses his medication, he knows that the boy is sometimes horribly afraid of losing his dad too, of never making him proud, of never making first string, of forgetting how pretty his mom was. He knows how to hold him so tightly he feels grounded, he feels whole again. He knows what to say and what to do to make him understand Scott's not going anywhere, that he won't leave him.

And even if Stiles tends to think about a dozen things at the same time, he knows how to handle Scott's one-track-mindedness. He gets that his friend has obsessive tendencies, that sometimes he gets so engrossed in something that he can't really focus on anything else. He knows how people get offended sometimes, when they think Scott's self-centered, and oblivious, and careless, even if it's really not true. He gets that Scott's incapacity of letting go of a single thought or desire is as much a curse as his own incapability to focus on one thought or activity for more than five seconds.

People get annoyed with them very quickly and it hurts sometimes to be cast aside only because they're a bit different, but it's mostly okay because they're lucky to have found each other early enough that neither of them got too damaged by the other kids' mean streak when they were at their most vulnerable. They've always had each other's back and for so long it's only been them against the world. They were each other's first kiss and first hand job and first blowjob, which might sound weird now, but made so much sense at the time. They were alone all the time, always in each other's personal space, they had no other friend and girls didn't even know they existed. It was so simple to find excuses for what they were doing, 'it's practice for when I meet the girl of my dreams', 'it's just to try it, better try it together so it's not awkward', 'just this time, just one more time', 'it's no big deal', 'it means nothing, really, I bet everybody does some stuff with their best friend too'. So yeah, basically, it's been 'Scott and Stiles' for a long time and in more ways that you'd think.

Then, werewolves happened. Scott was bitten and both their lives changed. They got thrown into a new world without even knowing what was happening, without knowing the rules. And with werewolves came hunters, and when you say hunters, Argents are often not far. So Allison came into their life. Allison, with her sweetness, and her air of mystery, and her looks, and her overall badassery, and her crazy family, and she saw Scott. She saw the new Scott but she also saw the former Scott, the one only Stiles was able to get before. At first, she didn't know about his furry problem but she quickly got into the confidence, and she just took it in stride as if it was alright, as if a girl from a family of hunters and a werewolf in love was a-okay. She stayed. She stuck with them. For a bit, it felt like she was replacing Stiles in Scott's life and Stiles hated her, truly hated her for it. He didn't want to, didn't want to be that guy but he couldn't help it, she was stealing Scott away and she has no right to. The worst thing was that Stiles was often forced to play third wheel during their dates and how cruel was that?

But one day, when they were watching a movie together, the three of them in Scott's tiny bedroom, Scott in the middle, Stiles noticed that the werewolf was holding both their hands while watching the TV. And when he leant to kiss Allison, his hand went to pet Stiles' neck gently as if to soothe him, and the quirky teen realized that it wasn't the first time that had happened. He started wondering if it was standard attitude for a guy to pet and cuddle his best friend while making out with his girlfriend. He didn't think so but what did he know about relationships anyway? Then he started to wonder if it was normal for said girlfriend to just accept it without looking uncomfortable in the least. Once again, probably not, but how could he be sure? He opted to watch the end of the movie and google it later than night, but before he could go home and start researching, Allison kissed him goodnight. With her lips on his, and her tongue in his mouth. In front of her boyfriend who just happened to be his best friend and who seemed happy enough with watching them make out.

He didn't get it at the time, and he's still not sure of the how or the why, but like everything else with them, it just happened. And it happened again. And again. Every time, they went a bit further, did a bit more. First, Allison and Scott started doing things in front of Stiles, while making him watch. Then, Allison started making out with Stiles with Scott touching himself in the background. After some time, Allison and Scott started touching Stiles at the same time. And the touching escalated: the tree of them touching, then kissing while touching, then fucking (or, as Scott insists, making love).

The weirdest thing was that it all felt very natural. Natural for his first kiss with a girl to be with the same girl Scott has his with. Natural to have his first time with his best friend like all his other first times. Natural to realize he really liked Allison, in the way Scott liked her. Stiles still tried to freak out – he's always been good at freaking out and at overthinking things – but Scott and Allison quickly put an end to it, reassuring him, making him see things their way. And it wasn't really difficult because lying in a bed between the two of them felt good, felt right. Falling asleep his head pillowed on Scott's abs and his hand in Allison's made him feel loved and wanted for once, and maybe it was wrong but at least it made the thoughts and the voices in his head quiet for a bit, and it made that pressure in his chest loosen for the night.

Scott's always been good for Stiles but Allison is too, in her own way. She might not get him sometimes but she doesn't want to, doesn't need to, she just accepts him. At the beginning, sometimes he would ask her why she was so patient with him, why she never got annoyed at him and why she never shouted, why she just didn't seem to hate him. Because except for Scott, everybody seemed to hate Stiles sometimes, there were days when everybody was fed up with him and he got it, he can't stand himself sometimes either; what he didn't get was how Allison was always cool with him, why she never told him to just shut up for a while, why she always listened when he talked, why she cared enough, why she simply cared to begin with. It couldn't be only to please Scott because even the best actress in the world couldn't have enough control and self-restraint to not get mad at Stiles at some point. So sometimes he asked her and she always shrugged with a cute small confused frown on her face like she didn't get why he was even asking, like it was obvious or something, and she just said "You're Stiles" like it explained everything, like it made sense, and to her, it probably did.

And they're good for her too, even if it's probably the hardest thing to conceive. Because Allison? She's perfect. Or at least, everybody thinks she is. She's pretty but not bitchy, she's smart and she knows things about many subjects but she's not pedant, she can be ruthless but she's fair, she's nice but not naïve. Yet, sometimes, her family makes her feel like she's deficient or something, like they can't stand to look at her anymore because she refuses to take part in the family business and wants to protect a bunch of werewolves. And sometimes, she's tired of explaining why she's older than anybody in school, why her parents move so much, why she has such good reflexes. She looks at other girls, normal girls, and she wonders why she never made friends before, why she can't just sit with other girls and laugh and gossip and be normal for once. Sometimes she hears people say she's perfect and how fucked up is that? Perfect is another name for different because it's not possible to be perfect, nobody's perfect, and she certainly doesn't want to be perfect, she wants to be normal. And when she's with Scott and Stiles, when they laugh or watch a movie, when they go grocery shopping for the sheriff, she feels normal. She feels like she belongs.

DSSALJD

It didn't start with Derek and Stiles, and at the same time, it kind of did. Because the day Stiles started to get closer to their Alpha and the day said Alpha let him get closer, it disturbed the balance in the pack. At that time, Stiles was already in a relationship with Scott and Allison, and Derek was still grieving and still trying to adapt to his new status and to his new pack. He wasn't supposed to get in that kind of relationship, and certainly not with the youngest, loudest, most annoying member of his pack. A member who also happened to be the underage son of the town's sheriff.

Derek is not a nice person. He might have been at some point in his life and might have remained one if everything hadn't crashed around him as it had. But the point is: he's not a nice person, not somebody that a teenager should fall in love with, and even less a teenager like Stiles. Because even if annoying, Stiles is pure, he has faith in people, he's always willing to help people, even people who would stab him in the back without hesitation, he's like that. He is also very complicated and comes with too much baggage.

Derek is as silent as Stiles is loud, he is as asocial as Stiles is outgoing, he can be as cruel as Stiles can be nice, he is as dark as Stiles is bright. He is also a werewolf, as strong and powerful as Stiles is weak and pathetically human and breakable. He could hurt him so easily, could kill him so easily. When they started getting closer, Derek was not the image of somebody sane: he still lived in the house his whole family burnt into, he drove his big sister's car just to feel close to her, he slept with a knife under his pillow just to be extra safe, he had escape plans twirling in his head, he had lived with ghosts and voices in his head for only company for a long time. He was no 'boyfriend' material.

But Stiles is as stubborn as he is weak and he doesn't take no for an answer. So when he decided Derek needed a friend, he volunteered and he didn't leave him any say in the matter. He started hanging out at his house, even when Derek could hear his heart hammering in his chest in fear. He began talking to Derek, and he got replies out of him, one by one, until one day they were able to have real conversations. He brought lunch to Derek's house and ate it with him. He harassed him until he caved and fixed up his house, turning it into a real den for his pack. He dragged him to the movies, to the mall, to coffee shops and small restaurants. He made him get back into the outside world. Not every day, Derek couldn't change completely, but some days, on occasions.

Then, one day, without Derek noticing anything, Stiles was all settled in Derek's life. The book he was currently reading was on his bed table, his favorite hoodie was on Derek's couch, Adderall stocked in his bathroom cabinet. He was just there. The first time they had sex was after a bad encounter with another pack in the woods, and Derek had been hurt, and Stiles had been freaking out, on the verge of an epic panic attack. Scott was with Allison talking to her father about a possible alliance, and somebody had to make sure Derek was resting in his bed and somebody had to keep Stiles grounded. They had sex in Derek's bed, the lights out, the rain pelting the window, with the moon for only witness. They spent hours making out, Stiles touching Derek everywhere, just to make sure he was still there, still with him, still alive. Afterwards, they didn't talk about it, they weren't ignoring anything, they just didn't want to talk about it: too complicated. Yet, they continued having sex when one of them was scared, when Derek couldn't stand the loneliness anymore, when Stiles needed to feel like he was really pack.

Like all secrets, it was discovered. Scott walked in on them one day. He didn't freak out, didn't shout, he just got this very intense expression on his face and stayed. Like he was waiting to make up his mind. Like he had any right to watch them because Stiles was his, and always had been. Stiles was weirdly okay with it all but he thought Derek would get angry and put an end to it. But he just resumed fucking Stiles, staring straight at Scott. Like he was challenging him while acknowledging his rights at the same time. It was all very strange but it was also weirdly okay.

The next time, when Derek asked Stiles to come spend the night with him, Scott was there too. The two werewolves took time to figure things out that night, putting their scents together on his body, marking him theirs. They took turns enjoying his body but neither one of them left the bed that night. They kept touching him and touching each other, just adjusting, just easing into this new thing, this new relationship, this new dynamic. Then, after some time, Allison joined them, tentatively kissing Derek, gently stroking his face, his shoulders, his sides. And she just… Connected with them all, she just slid right into the middle of their weird triad, just like she did some months prior with Scott and Stiles.

It's difficult to know if Derek, Stiles, Scott and Allison happened before that thing between Jackson and Derek did. Because just like Stiles and Derek started getting together in the dark because they needed it, that thing between the Alpha and the first person he turned happened because of a deep need, a real pull. Jackson needed the reassurance from his Alpha, he needed the closeness, needed to know he was good enough for the person above him. And Derek needed a sure way to reinforce the connection and the closeness with him because he didn't know how to be Alpha, he was never supposed to become one (Laura was, but Laura was gone) and it just felt natural to do it that way. And when you say Jackson, you say Lydia, you say Danny. Derek turned them too and the four of them happened as naturally as Stiles, Scott, Allison and Derek did.

It was all very complex but it also felt so natural, so easy, and it was just a matter of time for the lines to blur, for the groups to mingle. Stiles walking in on Danny and Lydia exchanging languorous kisses, Allison and Jackson flirting a bit more than usual, Jackson and Scott resolving a conflict between co-captains in the showers after practice, first by accident then on purpose, Danny taking a page off Derek's book and shoving Stiles into a wall before biting his neck and shutting him up with kisses after one too many 'am I attractive to gay guys?' questions; it just all happened. With no conscious moves on their part, no planning, no long conversations, no nothing. It just slowly built up to what they are today.

So yes, it's difficult to explain, difficult to remember the chronology, difficult to explain or even talk about it. Even Stiles, the king of rambling, doesn't have the words to explain. It's not conventional, they know. It's not normal but norms don't apply to them a lot anyway. It cannot even be explained by pack dynamics because Derek never heard of something like that before, and Stiles researched it and didn't find any precedent. They're unusual, as usual.

The best way to get it is probably to see them interact when they're all together, alone in Derek's house, during the weekend or the holidays, when they're relaxed and happy and together.

DSSALJD

Usually they get together every Friday night, when they have a whole weekend in front of them. It's easy to tell their parents that they have 'friends only weekends' because parents are suspicious when they know you're going to be alone with a girl or a boy, but when they know you're going to be seven, they think nothing's going to happen, that it really just is a get-together. So it's a tradition, they spend their weekends together, in Derek's house.

Friday night is pizza and movie night; the weekends always start like that. They all come to the house, some by groups, some on their own. Derek orders enough pizzas to feed a small army, Stiles brings his signature cookies and brownies, the girls bring drinks, Jackson and Danny bring snacks, and Scott brings sweets. They all gather in the basement, which was totally renovated and turned into what can only be called a den. There is a giant TV on the wall, complete with a gaming system; there are tables against the walls where they all drop bags and phones. There are plush chairs too but they're not used a lot. There is no couch, but in the middle of the room, there's that giant futon, custom-made, covered in thick duvets and colored cushions and pillows. Jackson calls it their 'orgy bed', Stiles simply calls it their nest. It's comfortable and fluffy, and it smells of pack, of home, of family, of love.

They spend rainy days there, and bad days too. Lydia will read lying on her front on top of the covers, her feet on Allison's lap, Allison softly stoking her ankle while playing Battleship against Danny, close to Scott and Jackson who sit cross-legged to play Halo while bantering. Stiles will bring his laptop and surf the Internet, his back pressed to Derek's bent legs, while Derek will just lay there, his eyes closed, his senses full of his pack mates close and safe and his.

"Did you know that sea otters sleep holding hands because they're afraid of drifting away from each other? Isn't it the cutest thing ever? No, seriously? Hum... Is it gay of me to say that? Danny?" Stiles asks, frowning.

"What? Why are you asking me?" Danny squeaks, watching Allison aiming at his smallest boat, always the hardest to find.

"Well, aren't you gay? Because I was under the impression you were, you know with the huge crush on Jackson and whatnot?"

"Excuse me? Because you are not gay in the least, right, with all the screwing around you're doing with all of us and whatnot?"

"That totally doesn't count, there are two girls with us. It's not gay if there are girls. Right, guys? Right?"

"And what about you and McCall before Allison? Uh?" Jackson says, pressing his thigh against Scott's to let him know he's not involving him to annoy him.

"What? Who told you about that, Jacks? Because…"

"Stiles, don't even. I did, okay? I didn't think it was that big of a deal," Scott interrupts him, his eyes still glued to the screen, his thigh pressing back against Jackson's.

"No, no, it's not but… Yeah, okay, whatever. But still, is it gay to find sea otters cute? I mean it's like finding sloths cute right? Everybody does. The people who don't, they probably have no heart or mental diseases that make them eat kittens too. Don't you think? Guys… Guys, I'm talking to you. Hello?"

"Yes, Stiles, I agree. Sloths and sea otters are the cutest," Allison comes to his rescue, beaming at Danny because she finally won their game and leaning to kiss his temple in apology.

"Thank you Allison! You're the best. My only friend, really."

"I resent that Stilinski. Who bought you lunch three days in a row this week because you forgot your wallet, three days in a row?" Jackson reminds him, scowling.

"Yeah, yeah, you're my knight in furry armor, Jacks, I know. Speaking of furry, when is the next full moon, Der?"

"Next Thursday," answers Derek, his hand slowing in its petting of Stiles' short hair.

"Ooooh, not good. We have a chemistry test on Friday morning. Scott, buddy, you're screwed."

"Fuck. Are you sure it's this week?"

"Uh-uh."

"Don't fret McCall, I'll sit beside you and let you copy on me," Lydia says, popping her cherry-red chewing-gum.

"Lydia, you're awesome!"

"Well, duh."

"Cute. Okay, who wants pizza? Because I'm starving," Stiles asks before getting up to fetch the pizza boxes.

And it might be weird, this thing between them all. People might call them freaks if they find out. But people already call them freaks anyway. They are all different from the rest of the town folks; they are all strange in their own way, too perfect or too screwed up. But together? They fit. They cope, they're fine. They found something to belong to, something to fight for, and they wouldn't change it for the world.

DSSALJD

I'm trying to find my peace

I was made to believe there's something wrong with me

And it hurts my heart

Lord have mercy, ain't it plain to see?

This is a cold war

You better know what you're fighting for

DSSALJD

I don't even know, you guys. It started off as a way to procrastinate (because writing a Master's Dissertation can suck). Also, I was listening to the song 'Cold War' (which I love, just go listen to it if you don't know it!) and those lyrics! They just make so much sense to me. And then, I was like they make so much sense for the characters of TW too. And that happened. My brain, what is wrong with it?

Anyway, hope it kinda makes sense. Hope you liked it. A bit?

I know I have other things I'm supposed to write and it's coming, I swear, it's just I am so busy right now, and I can't just write on command. Yeah, inspiration and all that jazz.

Reviews = cotton candy.

QuirkyChick