James Bond Comes Out As Pansexual
Note: This is based on the Connery version of James Bond. Therefore, I don't think pansexual was actually known as a word with the modern definition (about sexual orientation) at the time this story is set, but since this is fiction I'm just going to say it was.
Despite his famously impeccable dress and penchant for the finer things, Bond's reputation for womanizing had kept him from rumors of homosexuality. His reputation for –what would one call it? manizing, he supposed, and his dealings with those who were neither women nor men–had on the other hand been kept firmly under wraps, mainly through his own doing. In short, he had made certain that everyone believed him to be heterosexual, instead of pansexual as he truly was.
Not that he was ashamed of his desires or actions. After all, if one could be a spy and assassin while sleeping at night, surely one could do that after having slept with whoever one pleased, provided they were agreeable. And considering how short his life was likely to be, and how nasty and brutish it often was, he could hardly blame himself for making sex a bit more of an adventure, not to mention a priority, than it might be for the average fellow. His drinking, though in truth it only lowered his inhibitions and did not create his desires for men (or women, or others) might also serve for a convenient excuse.
His employers, on the other hand, were hardly likely to see it that way. The risk of blackmail and the shame to M16 if his activities with those other than women were publicized were more than incentive enough for him to keep them quiet.
But as for Q, that was another matter. A man with his own secrets could be trusted to keep another's. And Bond had enough secrets he knew he must take to the grave, should it come to that, and did not wish to die without revealing this one.
Q stood against the wall, ready to begin rambling on about gadgets, when Bond suddenly grabbed his wrist. He had a terrible feeling of now or never, and wondered wildly if the quartermaster could hear the rapid beating of his heart.
"Listen." Though he had meant the word as a command, it came out as a plea. Q raised his eyebrows.
"In case I don't make it back, I want you to know something. In such a case there will be, no doubt, many men offering their condolences who describe themselves as former friends. I won't say which ones – their reputations are theirs to protect – but quite a few of them are really more than friends."
Q could not raise his eyebrows any higher. He opened his mouth, but for a time did not speak. At length he stated, "If you're saying you're a homosexual, I don't believe it."
"I doubt anyone would, which is rather fitting, as it isn't the truth. The truth is that I'm pansexual." He continued, as Q's reaction was mere puzzlement, "It means I'm attracted to people of any sex and gender identity. Yes, including yourself, although I'm aware you don't feel the same." He shrugged. "Your loss."
Bond had anticipated a great many possible reactions to his revelation, but not a simple nod. That, however, was the reaction he received.
"When I came to work here I did so as a pragmatist," said Q. "Whatever adds pleasure to or takes away pain from this cold world suits me. Though, as I'm sure we can't say the same for your superiors, I'll keep this little matter to myself. Now, as for the casino portion of this mission, I suppose you aim to make Catherine your ally? And perhaps her brother as well, considering?"
Bond shrugged again. "Perhaps. Who knows? If I play my cards right, maybe I'll get lucky."