What up y'all? This is Summersunny and I am here with another stupid, random story! I started writing this story during the Christmas season and I tried posting it during the Christmas season but I was so busy. I wanted to do a Holiday story, Resident Evil style, LOL! Enjoy and Jah bless!
DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN RESIDENT EVIL OR ANY OF ITS CHARACTERS
Happy Holidays Albert Wesker!
It was Christmas Eve and the snow was falling. Outside a house a blonde and a tall dude come a calling? They ring the doorbell, holding presents in their hands. They await for the door to answer so that they can come in?
Sherry: Narrator, you are terrible at rhyming.
Jake: Yeah, maybe you should just talk normal.
Fine. At least I tried. It was a beautiful snowy night and Jake and his girlfriend Sherry were outside Albert Wesker's house.
Sherry: Much better.
(She rings the doorbell but nobody answers the door. She rings it again and still no one opens the door).
Sherry: Do you think he forgot we're coming over today?
Jake: We called him yesterday to remind him. He probably went out so he could avoid this get together. (Jake bangs on the door) Hey Wesker! You in there? Open the door! Wesker!
Jake keeps knocking the door hard. Just then, an alarm goes off.
Alarm: INTRUDER! INTRUDER!
Jake and Sherry fall through a hole that opens underneath them.
Jake and Sherry (falling): AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Jake and Sherry land into metal chairs. The chairs straps their hands and legs. Underneath them is a glass floor where they can see a giant shark. Just then, a man walks into the room.
Wesker: Who dares to disturb me?
Jake: Dad! Me and Sherry were at the front door you fucking idiot!
Wesker: Jake? Oh, my bad. I thought you were one of my many foes. I was about to feed you to the shark.
Wesker presses a remote control button that releases Jake and Sherry.
Wesker: What are you two doing here?
Sherry: Albert it's Christmas Eve and we wanted to spend it with you! We called to tell you we were coming over, remember?
Wesker: How many times have I told you not to call me Albert? You are Birkin's offspring. Birkin was inferior to me and therefore you are too! Those who are inferior to me do not address me by my first name!
Sherry: And I've told you a million times that I'm not calling you Master!
Wesker: YES YOU WILL!
Jake: Dad, Sherry is my girlfriend! You have to respect her! You disrespect her, you disrespect me! Got it?
Wesker: Fine. Come on, lets get out of my basement of torture and go upstairs to the living room.
Upstairs in the living room…
Wesker: Sorry about the mess.
The whole living room was full of death rays, killer robots, and other deadly machinery. There was however, a little porcelain statue of a cat on top of the fire mantle. Sherry sits down on a chair but the chair straps her in. A drill comes out from the bottom of the chair and the drill starts coming towards her face.
Sherry: AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Jake: SHERRY!
Wesker runs to the chair, pushes a button and it dismantles the drill and releases her.
Sherry: WHAT THE FUCK! WHAT THE FUCK!
Jake: I thought your torture stuff was in the basement!
Wesker: Well I have so much torture stuff that I can't fit them all in the basement.
Jake: Is there anywhere we can sit that won't kill us?
Wesker: Hold on, let me get chairs from the dining room.
Wesker gets three chairs and they all sit down.
Jake: So how've you been dad?
Wesker: Oh I've been great. You know that scientist that used to work for me that was actually an undercover agent, Dr. Jim? He's been hiding from me for years. Well I finally found him and killed him!
Jake: Um…okay.
Wesker: And I have a new plan to destroy the world! Now that you're here you can see it! Follow me to the kitchen!
Jake and Sherry reluctantly follow Wesker to the kitchen. In the kitchen, Wesker pulls out his remote control and pushes the button. A hole opens in the ceiling and a machine falls down to the kitchen floor.
Sherry: Is there no place in this house that isn't a death trap?
Wesker: Behold! My latest creation! I finished inventing it this morning and I spent hours trying to think of what to call it but I can't think of anything! DAMN IT!
Sherry: Does this machine create kittens, and candy and joy?
Wesker and Jake give Sherry a weird look.
Sherry: Wishful thinking?
Wesker: Of course not you stupid girl! Why the hell would I create anything that brings joy? I am Albert Wesker! The most evil villain in the world! I only create things that bring chaos, carnage and terror! MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Jake: I'm pretty sure Freddie Kreuger is a more evil villain than you…
Wesker: SHUT UP! Anyway this machine is going to brainwash people into following my every command! With everyone brainwashed, they will worship me and I will rule the world! MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Sherry: And when are you planning on using this machine?
Wesker: Tomorrow.
Sherry: But tomorrow's Christmas!
Wesker: Well no shit Miss Obvious. Geez Jake, you really picked a smart one here didn't you?
Jake: Dad, what she means is that you can't destroy the world on Christmas Day. I mean come on, you're a douchebag but you can't be that much of an asshole to ruin Christmas!
Wesker: Hello? Psychotic villain? DUH!
Sherry: Come on Mr. Wesker can't you destroy the world after Christmas? You can't destroy the world on Christmas! Children won't be able to open their presents! Families and friends won't be able to get together and celebrate.
Wesker: What part of evil psychotic villain do you not seem to understand?
Jake: Dad this is ridiculous! I can't believe you actually want to ruin Christmas! You know Sherry and I planned to spend Christmas Eve with you. We wanted to cook, decorate your place, sleep over tonight and then celebrate Christmas Day with you. But as usual, all you give a shit about is destroying the world and being all power hungry and shit!
Wesker: I wish that you grew up with me instead of your mother. I would have made you into a psychotic evil villain as well. But you're soft! How can destroying the world not be exciting to you?
Jake: I'm happy that I'm not a villain like you! If I were evil I wouldn't have an amazing girlfriend like Sherry and I wouldn't have any friends! If you keep being evil dad, you're going to die alone.
Wesker: I'm inventing a serum that will make me immortal! So take that! (Wesker sticks out his tongue)
Jake: You know what? Screw you! Come on Sherry, lets get out of here!
Sherry: Guys, guys come on! It's Christmas Eve! Don't fight! I'm sure you guys can work something out!
Wesker: This doesn't concern you harlot!
Sherry: You know what, fuck you. Lets go Jake.
Jake: Have a nice life Wesker!
Jake and Sherry slam the door.
Wesker: Whatever! Now let me get a good night's sleep and get ready to destroy the world tomorrow! MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Just then, Dr. Phil appears. Dr. Phil was floating in the air.
Dr. Phil: Howdy Wesker.
Wesker: The fuck? Where did you come from?
Dr. Phil: I am the Ghost of Christmas Past and I am here to take you on a journey. We will go back to your past to figure out why the hell you became such a douchebag.
Wesker shoots Dr. Phil in the arm.
Dr. Phil: MOTHERFUCKER! WHAT THE FUCK!
Wesker: I can't stand your show. If you think that I am going to go on a journey with you hearing your annoying opinions, you're wrong!
Wesker shoots Dr. Phil in the leg.
Dr. Phil: AAAAAAAAHHHHHHH! SHIT! Okay, okay, there's another Christmas Past Ghost that can fill in for me! Just stop fucking shooting me!
Dr. Phil gets out a walkie talkie.
Dr. Phil: I need you to fill in for me! Stop asking questions just fill in for me now! Alright, my replacement will be here very soon. Ow! You're a piece of shit Wesker!
Dr. Phil disappears and his replacement appears.
Ghost of Christmas Past (GOCP): No fair! I was just with Kate Upton! I was supposed to take her on a journey through her past. Now instead of me to stare at her succulent boobs I'm stuck with you!
The Ghost of Christmas Past (GOCP) looked EXACTLY like Wesker's mortal enemy Chris Redfield! DUN! DUN! DUN! Chris Redfield's look alike was wearing a pink leotard and pink ballet slippers. His butt cheeks were sticking out through the leotard.
Wesker: CHRIS?
GOCP: Who? No I'm the Ghost of Christmas Past!
Wesker pulls the trigger of his gun but nothing happens.
Wesker: Damn! I've run out of bullets.
GOCP: The fuck? Why did you want to shoot me?
Wesker: Because you look exactly like this motherfucker that I hate. My mortal enemy…my longtime foe…CHRIS REDFIELD!
GOCP: Wow you do have issues. Lets go back in time and see why...shall we?
Wesker: Why are we going back in time? Why are you here?
GOCP: I was with Kate Upton! I didn't ask to be here! But Dr. Phil insisted that I should replace him!
Wesker: No I mean why are there ghosts in my house?
GOCP: Why are there death rays in your fucking living room?
Wesker: *Sigh* fine, whatever lets go. Nice leotard.
GOCP: OH FUCK! Damn dimensional travel with magic! Magic messed up my outfit! I was wearing a shirt and pants before! Good thing Kate Upton didn't see me like this! Anyway come on lets go!
Wesker starts to fly with the GOCP.
Wesker: YAY! THIS IS FUN! Why haven't I ever thought of inventing something that could make me fly? UP UP AND AWAY!
Wesker and GOCP disappear into…the past! DUN! DUN! DUN!