"Fine, we're done. I'm choosing to let you go... After all I am married, I have kids, its not fair to you or the country. It's over. Were done." Fitz said.
It didn't register. I could not comprehend the damage I had done by pushing the love of my life away. She was right... It would hurt me more than him. I couldn't look at him, for fear the tears would escape and I would break. I had to be strong. I had to stop losing it all the time. I get to get my shit together. This is what I wanted right? I wanted him to let me go, to move on... to have a fighting chance at happiness. My wish came true.
I gathered my courage and looked him. His beautiful eyes looked at me with defeat. No emotion of sadness, heartbreak, or anger swam in his eyes. Pure hopelessness and defeat had now encamped themselves in his gaze.
"Okay. We're done." It was a lie. He knew it and I knew it. We could sit here and say we were letting go and I was going to go back to being Olivia Pope, world re-known fixer; he was going to go back and be the leader of the free world, but we would never move on. This was not a fling, it was the tragic romance. We were Romeo and Juliet, Scarlett and Rhett, Olivia and Fitz. We defined the horizons of romances that teenage girls and divorced mothers dreamed of.
We just stared at each other, both knowing that as soon as he left our lives were shattered. Our love would end. I kept waiting for him to say," NO! Dammit Liv, we can fix this. We can fix us. Your the fixer, fix us. I need you, I can't function without you. You have bags under your eyes, and sweet baby; your mine. We can't be done. We are not going to be over. I can walk out of here and never see you again but WE would not be over. My love for you will burn inside me till the day I die. Fix us. Fix me. Do not let me walk away"
Nothing came. Silence swallowed our space whole. Yet we still looked at one another. Me, silently begging him to partake in my day dream. Him, looking at me waving his white flag. He looked lifeless. Slowly he stood up, mumbling about me ordering food. I didn't hear anything. My gaze focused on the space moments ago his muscular body had filled. I broke. Tears of anger, hurt, and despair came pouring from my eyes. By then he had already left, and I was left alone to mend my brought on broken heart.
One Minute. I gave myself one minute to cry. One minute to let go of all of my feelings and let my burning soul release its overwhelming emotions. This was my fault... but I knew it had to be done. I couldn't be Anna or Amanda. I couldn't be summoned when he wanted me. I was never going to be his. I couldn't have christmas mornings or fights over the dishes. I couldn't have the children or the date nights. I could have late night phone calls and secret meetings above his office or get away weekends at Camp David three times a year. We were star crossed lovers damned from the beginning, and Olivia Pope should have known better.
I gathered my things and left the restaurant. I walked to the park, walked to my apartment, and then walked to the office. After all, walking was better than crying. Walking allowed me to think. Stepping out of the elevator I quickly noticed no one was here. Thank God. Abby had been interrogating me all week with questions and I couldn't deal with her this evening. "We're done..." His voice echoed through my head like a siren, over and over and over again.
I threw my purse on my desk and sat down on the couch. I must not cry, I must not cry, I must not cry. If I said it enough, maybe it wouldn't happen.
"Livvie?" Shit. I did not want to deal with Edison. I didn't want to walk down memory lane, and thats all he wanted to do. He wasn't Fitz. No one would be Fitz...
"In here." I called to him.
"Hey... You did good today. I'm proud of you for putting Mellie on screen, smart move Liv. Bringin the wife into it.. I guess I did teach you something in politics after all?"
I looked at him. His black hair was not as wavy as Fitz's brown spirally hair. His brown eyes did not match gray ones. His hands did not have the rough edge brought on by work at the ranch. There were no wrinkles next to his eyes from lack of sleep or late night phone calls. Edison wasn't Fitz. I wanted Fitz.
"I need to make a phone call. Can you step out for a minute?"
"Uh... yeah sure. Liv... you okay?"
"Yeah, I have a phone call I need to make for a case I'm working on."
I picked up my phone. I had lasted three hours. How weak am I? The great Olivia Pope was a needy, love-sick, broken hearted woman, who needed to call the ex. How sad am I? Dialing with shaking fingers and with lightening speed, I got his voicemail. Damn... I forgot he was flying to Tokyo.
"Hi...it's me. I know we said it's over. I know you said you were letting me go. I know your mad about me dragging Mellie into the Jenna case. I know your mad at me about Edison. I know... I said things. You said things. We didn't mean them... and I know you know that. You asked me to join you in Tokyo... and I'm booking my flight. I'll see you tomorrow Fitz.. I love you."