A/N: Right, so I should be working on my other story, but I can't get this damn idea out of my head! ARGH! Noooo, don't kill me! The gay deer made me do it! I swear! It's all their fault! ducks to avoid any objects flying towards her head Gay deer! Also, I'M A UNICORN!
Story Based On: 'Girlfriend' by Avril Lavigne (THE GAY DEER! I SWEAR!), 'OK2BGAY' by Tomboy, and 'My Boyfriend' presented by MCR (kudos to anyone who knows what I'm talking about with MCR singing 'My Boyfriend' and the gay deer comment.) coughs nervously Whaaat…
Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or it's characters. This is the first and only disclaimer you will see throughout this whole story.
The Author would like to state that she is on some very hard crack. Unfortunately, due to its nature, it is very hard to transport very far. Therefore, she is unable to share any with you and for that she is apologetic.
Freck, almost forgot the warnings.
Warnings: THERE IS FREAKING YAOI IN HERE! DO NOT READ IF YOU DO NOT LIKE YAOI! IF I KNEW HOW TO MAKE THIS MORE NOTICABLE I WOULD! THERE IS YAOI IN HERE! IF YOU DON'T LIKE YAOI DON'T READ!
The first person to complain about it being a yaoi story will be ridiculed in the next chapter. Ridicule as in pause in the middle of the story and proceed to read the person's comment to everyone and then make scathing remarks about their intelligence or lack thereof. DO NOT COMPLAIN ABOUT YAOI BEING IN THIS STORY. I've said it twice now, in bold and underline. I don't know how to warn you anymore than I already have.
Also, there is a bit of Sakura bashing, but I'm going to make sure there's not too much.
Pairing: Sasuke/Naruto
Side Pairings: Lee/Neji, Kisame/Itachi
Chapter One: Hey You
Sasuke tapped his pencil irritably on his desk. It was two minutes before the bell rang and he was a little more than impatient, especially since all they had planned on doing today was take a test and, being the prodigy he was, the Uchiha had finished in the first fifteen minutes. Leaving forty-five minutes of free time that he could do almost nothing with. The most productive thing he could do during the time was stare at the person in front of him, which just so happened to be his closest friend and fellow 'Prince of the School', Hyuuga Neji. Sighing in frustration, Sasuke propped his head up with one hand and used his free hand to drum his fingers on the tabletop. One could only stare at Neji's body for so long before getting brainwashed. With each passing second, Sasuke became more and more annoyed until finally the bell rang. The Uchiha was up and out of the class before anyone had even finished grabbing all of their books. Neji rolled his eyes and shouldered his own bag before following his friend out and striding to catch up with him. Hyuugas do not run to catch up to anyone.
"You seem a bit more agitated today than is normal." Sasuke scowled, a look not alien to his face at all.
"It's an annoying waste. Do you have any idea what I could have accomplished in the time I was just sitting there? I could have started on a cure for cancer, or figured out how to take over the world!" Neji scoffed, rolling his eyes a bit.
"Like you haven't already."
"That's not the point. These rules are so damned annoying!" He raised his voice a few pitches, purposely badly mimicking their teacher.
"'You can't have anything out while other people are still testing. It's distracting to the other students. Just put your head down when you finish your test.' We're not little kids anymore! Why the hell do they have all these tedious rules?!" Neji just listened patiently. He was used to having Sasuke rant at him and had learned to be quiet and let the Uchiha vent his anger. They reached their lockers and Neji rolled his eyes as he pulled a fancy heart-shaped card with rhinestones off his locker door. Sasuke snorted and pulled a similar one off his door, tossing it into the trashcan near their lockers. Neji cocked an eyebrow as he threw out his own.
"What if that was from Sakura?"
"I don't really care. I'll just say I never got it."
"Not a very caring boyfriend, are you." Sasuke sniffed in disdain and unlocked his locker door, scowling at the cards a few girls had managed to slip through the slits in the door.
"Our relationship is for appearance purposes only." Neji just shook his head and emptied his locker of it's own messages of love before exchanging his textbooks out for the ones he needed for his next classes. Once they had everything they needed, the two heirs headed for the courtyard where upperclassmen were allowed to eat lunch. Once outside, they were met up by two of their peers, Yamanaka Ino and Haruno Sakura. The latter quickly clung to Sasuke's arm, green eyes shining with love.
"Sasuke-kun, did you get my card?" The Uchiha tried to shake her off subtly and rolled his eyes.
"No. Someone must have taken it." The pink-haired girl pouted, not noticing his attempts to dislodge her.
"Someone always does. Those other girls are just jealous that you're mine." Neji kept his face impassive, but on the inside he was sighing. Sakura was absolutely and completely in love with Sasuke, while the Uchiha heir couldn't care less for her. The only reason he dated her was to rise to expectations: the best looking guy in school was expected to go out with the prettiest girl, which, by majority vote, was Sakura.
"Sasuke-kun, I brought you some lunch!" Sasuke rolled his eyes again and sat down on one of the benches, Sakura sitting right next to him so it looked like she was glued to his side. Neji sat on Sasuke's other side while Ino sat extremely close to him. The Hyuuga had left himself available, turning down all offers of a relationship since middle school. As such, this made him one of the most desired males in the school, right up there with Sasuke and the pretty English teacher, Umino Iruka. While Sasuke and Neji ate in silence, Ino and Sakura chatted about gossip. In Sasuke's mind, one of the few perks of dating the Haruno girl was he knew almost everything about everyone, their families, their third cousin, and their creepy neighbor down the street about five houses. Sakura was, without a doubt, the gossip queen of Konoha High.
"I heard we were getting two new transfer students some time today!"
"Oh, I heard that too! I also hear they're both guys." Sakura giggled.
"I hope they're cute." She spoke quickly, clinging to Sasuke's arm again.
"But there's no way they could be as cute as Sasuke-kun! I'll always be true to my one and only love!" Neji refrained from mentioning that Sakura's 'one and only love' looked as though he liked dirt more than he liked her. Ino didn't notice either as she spoke to Neji in that same tone Sakura used when talking to Sasuke.
"So, Neji-kun, how do you like the lunch I made for you?" Looking down at what was in his lap, a bento box with rice and little pieces of tough, leathery fish, Neji stopped himself from making a face.
"It's…unique."
'Unique' as in 'I had no idea you could get fish to be the same taste and texture of really old leather'.
"But I'm not very hungry right now." Closing the box, he handed it back to the girl before standing and shouldering his bag.
"I'm going to spend a bit of time in the library to do homework." He nodded to the three left, caught Sasuke's glare of betrayal, and hurried back into the building. Ino quickly gathered up her things, waved to Sakura, and hurried after him. Sasuke's eye twitched as Sakura pressed even closer to him, batting her eyelashes in what she thought was an alluring way. The Uchiha ignored her and concentrated on eating. He had refused Sakura's lunch, having brought his own instead.
"Um…Sasuke-kun…" He glanced at her briefly before looking back at his food.
"What."
"Well, I was just thinking. Since it's just the two of us…with no one interrupting us…"
"We're in the middle of the courtyard. We're surrounded by people." The pink-haired girl blushed a bit in embarrassment, but quickly recovered herself.
"R-right. But…since no one's bothering us…"
"Oi, Uchiha." Grateful for the interruption, even though Sakura wasn't, the heir looked up to see one of the few people in the school who did better than him, Nara Shikamaru. The other male looked rather bored and lightly annoyed, the former emotion not at all uncommon on his face, and neither was the latter.
"What."
"The dean wants you to go see her. Hyuuga-sempai as well." Since there were two Hyuugas in the school, Neji was referred to as 'Hyuuga-sempai' whereas his younger cousin, Hinata, was referred to as 'Hyuuga-kun'.
"All right." Gathering up his things, Sasuke moved to head inside. Sakura hurried to go with him, but Shikamaru stopped her.
"Just Uchiha and Hyuuga-sempai." Sakura looked indignant.
"But I'm Sasuke-kun's girlfriend!"
"How nice." Crossing her arms over her chest, the pink-haired girl scowled.
"I don't think you understand. I'm Sasuke-kun's girlfriend." This title allowed Sakura to some of the best things the school had to offer, such as the best place to sit on the bus, the best chair, the best table, and the best/last dessert. The title, apparently, did not impress Shikamaru, who just rolled his eyes.
"Yeah, I heard you the first time. But unlike some of the other people in this school, I really don't care. The dean said just Uchiha and Hyuuga-sempai, not Uchiha, Hyuuga-sempai, and Uchiha's girlfriend. And when it comes down to her word against yours, the real queen of the school wins." Defeated and upset about it, Sakura called to Sasuke.
"I'll see you later, Sasuke-kun!" Sasuke didn't even bother to acknowledge the cheerleader as he stepped into the now quiet halls. He headed for the dean's office, long stride eating up the distance. He met up with Neji on the way and they continued in silence for a bit before Neji spoke up.
"Nara kept Sakura from following you, huh."
"Yeah. Same with Ino?"
"Thankfully."
"I suppose he's not so bad."
"He just doesn't like Sakura, or Ino. I've heard him quite a few times remark on how troublesome they and all girls are." Sasuke gave a short bark of laughter. They arrived at the dean's office and Neji knocked on it, both waiting for the headmistress to allow them to enter.
"Come in." The headmistress's assistant, Shizune, opened the door and the two boys stepped in. Sitting behind a rather large, oak desk was the headmistress of Konoha High, Godaime Tsunade. The rather beautiful woman smiled almost evilly as the two boys came in and sat down.
"I'm glad you two could be so prompt. You're probably wondering why you're here." The two nodded.
"And no doubt you've heard of the rumors about two transfer students coming here." Again, the two nodded. Tsunade smiled one of those 'I'm about to make your life a living Hell and I'm going to enjoy every minute of it' smiles she had.
"I want you two to help them get used to the school." Neji, having spent an undeterminable amount of time with his uncle, managed to fight back the urge to shout. Sasuke, having yet to completely learn his brother's mask of cool indifference, leapt up.
"What?!" Tsunade's smile did not falter. In fact, it looked like she was smiling even more.
"You two have the exact same schedules, if I'm not mistaken, so it's not as if you will have to shoulder the burden alone, if you do in fact consider it as such."
"Damn right I do! Why the Hell should I show some moron around school?!"
"Because I told Godaime-sama that you would be happy to." Neji turned and immediately bowed his head in respect.
"Uchiha-sempai." Sasuke's whole body seemed to shrivel up in absolute fury as he slowly turned around to face his older brother, Itachi. The elder Uchiha had on one of his emotionless masks on, the only indication to what he was feeling being the small, almost invisible upturn of his lips, indicating a smug grin.
"You. Did. What?" Itachi's smirk widened a bit and he leaned against the doorframe, crossing his arms over his chest.
"I told the Godaime-sama that you would be happy to help with showing the transfer students around school. It would be such a…different kind of learning experience and unless I'm mistaken, which I'm usually not, you were just recently complaining about how you were so bored with all the same old rules and going-ons of school." If Sasuke could have killed his brother right then and there, he would have. Unfortunately, if he killed Itachi, he would have to live with a foster family and he wouldn't be able to claim the Uchiha fortune until he was eighteen. Since Itachi was in fact eighteen, they were allowed to live together without 'adult' supervision. So Itachi was safe. Well, he was safe anyway since he was by far a better fighter than Sasuke. Anyway, Sasuke's eye twitched as he tried to think of a proper word to describe his true feelings for the elder Uchiha. Taking his little brother's silence for admitted defeat, Itachi smirked.
"You should be thanking me."
"I hate you."
"I love you too, otouto-chan. Godaime-sama." The blonde woman grinned and nodded.
"Uchiha-kun. Now, as for you two, you will of course be getting extra credit for doing this. The transfer students will be arriving soon and I've directed them to the courtyard. They've been given your names and descriptions, so they'll be able to find you. Now, off you go." Neji stood and nodded to Tsunade while Sasuke just stormed out. Itachi was waiting for them by the door, inspecting his purple nail polish. Once outside, Sasuke glared at his older brother.
"You bastard."
"Were I truly a bastard, that would make you one as well as it would mean our parents weren't married."
"You asshole."
"There you go." Growling, Sasuke clenched his fists and glared at Itachi as hard as he could.
"You just want me to do this damn student transfer thing so you can have more time with Kisame." Smirking, Itachi moved off the wall and started down the hall.
"You better believe it, otouto-chan."
"Goddamn you!" Itachi grinned back at him.
"You're just mad because you're stuck with the Queen of Prima Donnas when you really want to be with another guy." At Sasuke's look, the elder Uchiha laughed and left them standing in front of Tsunade's office, his laughed echoing through the halls. And probably ringing in Sasuke's ears, too. The younger Uchiha recovered and stormed back to the courtyard, practically livid.
"I will destroy him." Neji sighed and caught up to the heir.
"I don't understand why you hate Itachi so much."
"You don't understand because you don't have to live with him! That damned infuriating grin, that damn look he gives you whenever you're frustrated with something, that damn smirk when he beats you at something, that damn mocking voice of his; everything about him just grates on my nerves!"
"Even the fact that he has a boyfriend?"
"Yes! Even that! Of all the people he could have chosen, and you know he could have had anyone he wanted, he chose Hoshigaki Kisame! Kisame! The damned shark freak! I don't know what Itachi sees in him!" Neji rolled his eyes a bit. He knew perfectly well what Itachi saw in Kisame. The rather strange male was completely different from everyone else. The first day he had arrived, moving from California in America to Tokyo, he spotted Itachi and gave a rather toothy grin. Itachi had noticed and winked at him, hoping to lure him in and then smash his heart. Instead, what had happened was Kisame had stood up, walked over to the Uchiha and, in the middle of the cafeteria, surrounded by almost everyone in school, had caught Itachi around the waist and kissed him full on the lips for almost a whole minute. Then he'd pulled back, grinned, thrown away his trash, and headed for the library. Itachi had been completely shock still for a while, then left the cafeteria in a hurry, touching his slightly swollen lips. No one had even kissed him like that, not even when no one was looking. When he had recovered from being in shock, he demanded that Kisame fight him. The larger teen had laughed him off the first five times, finally agreeing to it on the condition that if he won, Itachi would have to kiss him. The fight had lasted almost fifteen minutes, conducted in the gym. Everyone, including Sasuke and Neji, who were in middle school at the time, had come to see. Kisame wore a smirk the whole time they fought, even when Itachi kicked him the head. To everyone's amazement, Kisame won. Instead of collecting his prize, he just grinned and left the gym. Itachi had recovered and run after him and since then, they had been going out. No one knew what had happened after Itachi followed Kisame, only that the next day they were officially a couple.
"I mean damn it! Why Kisame? I would think Itachi would hate him after what he did!" Coming out of the flashback, Neji shrugged.
"Well, you have to admit. Kisame is the only person who made Itachi chase after him instead of the other way around." Sasuke 'hmphed' as he opened the doors to the courtyard. Ino and Sakura didn't notice them immediately, since they were busy going through a routine with the other cheerleaders in the school. On the sidelines, Inuzuka Kiba, Sabaku Kankurou and his older sister, Temari, laughed at them and made fun of them, or tried to distract them so that they fell or screwed up. One of the girl's, Tenten, spotted Neji and waved ecstatically.
"Hyuuga-sempai!" Sakura and Ino spun around, the former brightening and running over to Sasuke.
"Sasuke-kun! What did Godaime-sama want?" Sasuke made a face.
"We have to help with the new transfer students." The girl gasped and covered her mouth, looking sympathetic.
"Oh no! Poor Sasuke-kun!" Neji resisted the urge to roll his eyes again. The four (Ino came over) sat back down on the bench and Sakura clung to Sasuke's arm.
"Well, who are the new transfer students?"
"She never said. She said they would come look for us." Neji nodded and opened his mouth to say something when two hands closed over his eyes and a cheerful voice sang out.
"Guess who, Neji-kun!" The brunette squeaked and frowned.
"Naruto! Knock it off!" The voice laughed.
"Aw, you cheat!" He suddenly froze and his mouth hung open a bit as the hands were removed from his eyes. Neji spun around, lavender eyes going wide. The other three turned as well and Sasuke felt his own eyes going wide. Standing behind Neji, smiling happily, was, in Sasuke's mind, an angel. He had spiky, soft-looking blonde hair and sky blue eyes that sparkled with delight. On each of his cheeks were three scars that looked like whiskers. His perfectly shaped lips were pulled into an amused smile. His body was thin, not scrawny at all. His hips were curved delicately, giving him a feminine look. He wore a sky blue tank top that matched his eyes and a black jean vest over it that matched his black jeans, which were torn at the knees. Around his neck was a black leather collar with a light blue sapphire embedded in the middle of it. Neji looked shocked and the boy laughed again, opening his arms as invitation.
"I don't get a hug?" Snapping back to reality, the brunette quickly stood, hugging the boy tightly.
"Of course!" The blonde smiled and hugged the Hyuuga pulling back after a few seconds.
"Man, you look way different since the last time I saw you. I mean, look at your hair!" He grabbed a loose strand and tugged at it, still grinning.
"It's way longer than it was!" Neji nodded, not at all minding someone was playing with his hair. Usually, he would snap at whoever touched it.
"What are you doing here? I thought you had moved to California!"
"Well, I had, but then gramps got really sick of it, so we moved back here. So here I am!" The brunette laughed, a sound Sasuke almost never heard, and hugged the blonde again.
"I'm so glad you're back!" He suddenly remembered Sasuke and the two girls and turned to them, one arm around the blonde's waist.
"Oh, by the way, this is Uchiha Sasuke and his girlfriend, Haruno Sakura, and her friend, Yamanaka Ino. Guys, this is my best friend, Uzumaki Naruto." Sakura glared at Naruto suspiciously. He either didn't notice or didn't care since he smiled and nodded to them. Sasuke knew he was staring dumbly, but he couldn't help it. He managed to snap out of his daze when Neji spoke again.
"Naruto, you're one of the new transfer students, right?"
"Yup!"
"So…who's the other one?"
"Huh? Oh, right!" Naruto put his fingers to his mouth and let out a loud whistle, motioning to someone behind them. Neji turned a bit, having to let go of the blonde, and then stopped dead. Sasuke and the girls leaned around the two to see who it was and Sasuke's eyes widened a bit in surprise. Coming towards them, actually wearing the school uniform, was a rather…odd looking boy. He had black hair in a bowl cut and completely black eyes. But the weirdest thing about him were his eyebrows. They were huge, taking up about half of his forehead. But Neji didn't seem to mind, nor did he seem freaked out. The boy came up to them, smiling sheepishly and scratching the back of his head.
"Hey Neji." Naruto slipped away from the brunette, moving to stand near Sasuke as he watched. Neji was silent for a bit, then spoke in a quiet voice.
"You never said good-bye." The boy smiled sadly, letting his hand drop to his side.
"I know. And…I'm sorry." It was silent for a few seconds, then the brunette slapped the other teen across the face sharply. He scowled, eyes turning cold.
"That was for leaving and never saying good-bye to me. And this…" His face relaxed, eyes turning warmer, and flung his arms around the boy's neck, hugging him tightly.
"Is for coming back." The black-haired teen looked surprised, then smiled and quickly returned the hug. Naruto made an 'aw' sound and smiled happily.
"You two made up!" Neji turned to the rest of the group and motioned to the boy standing beside him. He still had an arm around the other's shoulders, the other teen leaving one arm around his waist.
"This is Uchiha Sasuke and his girlfriend, Haruno Sakura, and her friend, Ino. This is Rock Lee. He's my best friend as well. Oh, and Naruto?" The blonde looked up, blue eyes blinking in curiosity. Neji fixed him with one of his coldest stares.
"What possessed you refrain from telling me you two were coming back?" Laughing nervously, Naruto quickly hid behind Sasuke.
"W-well…"
"It's not his fault, Neji-san." The brunette looked over at Lee, one eyebrow raised.
"Oh?" Lee nodded and smiled sheepishly.
"I…thought it would be kind of a nice surprise…if you didn't know we were coming and then we suddenly appeared." Neji was quiet for a bit before looking skeptical.
"And you're telling me Naruto didn't have a hand in this?"
"Well…okay, so it's not entirely his fault." The Hyuuga huffed slightly.
"You're lucky I was assigned to help you guys get used to the school anyway." Lee looked surprised at this.
"Really?"
"Well, Sasuke and I were…I guess she wanted us to help just one of you each." Naruto cheered.
"Cool! I'll take princey over here!" He latched onto Sasuke's free arm, bringing the Uchiha out of his thoughts.
"Wait, what?!" Naruto smiled up at him.
"Neji can help bushy brows out and you can show me around!"
"Who said I wanted to help you?!" Naruto pouted, refusing to let go of Sasuke's arm.
"But you have to." Irritably, Sasuke tried to pull his arm away. Naruto had a really strong grip.
"I never agreed to it!"
"Naruto?" The blonde blinked and turned, as did the rest of the group. Standing at the door with Itachi was the elder Uchiha's boyfriend, Hoshigaki Kisame. The blonde brightened and released Sasuke, running over to him.
"Jaws!" The older teen gave a toothy grin and caught the blonde around the waist, swinging him around.
"Barbie! I didn't know you were coming today!"
"Ha! Fooled you too!" Itachi didn't seem at all surprised. Instead, he just grinned. Confusion misted Sasuke's brain for a while, then he figured it out. Kisame and Naruto were obviously friends, which meant that the blonde was in good with Itachi, which meant that Sasuke had to show him around.
"Oh goddamn you, Itachi!" His older brother just grinned at him.
"No swearing in school, otouto-chan."
End of Chapter One
A/N: …Meph. I've got nothing to say. Other than about halfway through the chapter, I had to stop to go see the new Harry Potter movie and it is AWESOME! blinks and looks around a bit What? I love the Harry Potter series. And Luna Lovegood. Also you know you've got the best family in the world when after seeing said movie, your parents, older brother, and you have a political discussion about the government of the magical community.