If I'd've known the way that this would end
If I'd've read the last page first
If I'd've had the strength to walk away
If I'd've known how this would hurt
James felt her hand slip from his and as his eyes watched her fall, he could barely breathe. He wanted to look away and yet, he couldn't. This was the last time he would ever see her and he had to hold onto her image until the darkness consumed it. James felt his entire body shaking as the tears came. "No!" This could not be happening. He was still sitting on the sub holding her hand, captivated by her smile when he confessed his love to her. "No, no no…" he whispered with immeasurable sadness lacing his voice. He felt Kate's hand on his back trying to pull him away, but he resisted her touch. The only fingers he wanted on his skin were hers and she was gone. Jack's arms were secured around him now, pulling him away from the shaft that Juliet's body had been sacrificed to. He could still see her eyes, they were haunting him. She was so calm, knowing her fate was irreversible. As she told James how much she loved him he couldn't say those three words back. Doing so would have proved he had given up on saving her and he couldn't accept that. He wished he had told her now. On the dock not long ago he had apologized for convincing Juliet to not board the sub three years prior. With complete confidence she responded that she was glad she had stayed. He wondered, as the pain in his heart refused to stabilize, would he have stopped himself from loving her had he known he would lose her?
I would've loved you anyway
I'd do it all the same
Not a second I would change
"Horace said you left some papers at the office…again." Her laughter filled the garage as Juliet flashed one of her trademark smiles at him. "Like you ain't ever left a wrench out of the tool box," he replied. "I got distracted." Juliet nodded, stopping her work to pay full attention to the man standing in front of her. "You've been distracted a lot this week. Why?" He stared off in the distance, unsure if he should lay everything out there. What if she didn't feel the same way he did? But if she didn't, why had she stayed? They had been living and working as part of Dharma for two months now. Their deal on the dock had only been for two weeks. "James, what is it?" He took a step closer to her, feeling like a school boy as his nerves weighed down on him. "I was thinking about you and me, about us." Juliet's expression softened and she felt her breath catch in her throat when James leaned closer. "Three subs have come and gone," he whispered. "You ain't even tried to get on one." Juliet licked her bottom lip, both of them knowing why she couldn't go. When his lips met hers she smiled against the kiss, her hands reaching up and cupping his stubble-ridden face. When they parted she began to laugh. "You've got grease all over you." She leaned over to grab the rag by her tool box and made a movement to touch his cheek. His hand stopped her and that cocky grin that made her weak in the knees formed. "Leave it," he requested before kissing her again, the rag dropping to the pavement as she followed his orders.
Not a touch that I would trade
Had I known my heart would break
I'd've loved you anyway
James clinked his beer glass against Horace's, laughing as he bore witness to Juliet belting out Don McLean's 'American Pie' with Amy at the famous Dharma New Year's party. The crowd was eating it up. James clapped along to the beat, winking at Horace when Amy began to dance as Juliet continued singing. "She's a wild one," he joked. Horace grinned but he didn't argue. "Yeah. And who knew Jules could carry a tune." James shook his head and beamed with pride as the song came to an end. He hadn't known that about her either. "That's my girl," he told Juliet as she sauntered over to their table and sat on his lap, leaning in for a kiss. "Thank you." Amy took Horace's hand in hers and leaned on his shoulder, watching the exchange between James and Juliet. The two of them really were perfect for each other. "You know, you're sexy when you sing," James told her with a twinkle in his eye. "Maybe you could give me a private concert tonight." Juliet giggled and James nuzzled his chin against her neck, the words spilling out before he could stop himself. "I love you." Juliet froze and looked up at him, the light mood in the room changing instantly. "What did you say?" He smiled, more confident the second time. "I said I love you." Juliet beamed, kissing him tenderly before responding. "I love you too James."
It's bittersweet to look back now
At memories withered on the vine
Just to hold you close to me
For a moment in time
He could hear her crying even before he reached the bedroom. When he cracked the door open and saw her standing by the window, shoulders shaking, his heart broke. "Juliet?" She jumped initially, but once she recognized it was him her body instinctively relaxed. "What happened?" She didn't know if she could say it out loud. Once the words were spoken they became a reality she was not willing to face. "I lost it." James frowned at her answer; The confusion on his face was unmistakable. "Lost what, sweetheart?" he crooned. Juliet's hand let go of his hand and lowered to her stomach. He hadn't even known she was pregnant. Amy had just confirmed her suspicions a couple nights ago and James had been so busy with work this past week. She had wanted to make him dinner and surprise him, but now the fairytale was flawed. "The baby," she finally choked out. "I was pregnant James. I don't know what I did wrong…I -" His eyes flashed with sadness before he drew her body to him tightly, stroking her golden hair. "Shh, it ain't your fault Jules. We can try again." She released a tired sigh and looked up at him, smiling through the pain. "Why do you love me so much?" she asked, past insecurities rising to the surface. "Why do you love me?" he replied. The answer was simple. It was because they were one in the same. Survivors.
And even if I'd seen it coming
You'd still've seen me running
Straight into your arms
In the jungle Juliet had said if she had never known him she would never have to lose him, but James wouldn't have traded the three years he spent loving her for anything. She had been the only person in his entire life that believed in him, who had his back whether he was right or wrong. James had never thought he deserved to be happy until Juliet made her way into his heart. He was still crying, but the tears were slower now. Closing his eyes, James pictured the way she felt in his arms in the mornings. The curve of her tiny frame against his muscles, the way the shampoo she used smelt like a mixture of gingerbread and cinnamon. She was gone, but memories of her would never leave him. He would love her forever. In this life and the next. Always.