the only thing worse, an avengers fanfic

When Peter woke up, he was lying face down on something.

Maybe dirt.

Maybe dust.

Maybe ash.

He tried to push himself up with his arms and then felt a sharp pain in his torso.

It hurt so much.

He doubled over, still struggling to sit up.

"Peter?"

He heard a familiar, comforting voice behind him. It was Tony Stark.

And then Peter fell over, no longer having the strength to support himself. But he felt someone catch him before he could hit the ground.

Tony Stark caught Peter before he could hit the ground.

He had waited for so long to see Peter again. He had worked so hard to defeat Thanos. Finally, the day had come, and he found Peter passed out, his torso covered in blood.

Tony's heart began to race. No no no no no was the only thing he could think, and it was racing through his brain, echoing through his skull. No no no no no.

Because when he pulled away the warm, wet suit where it was ripped, he could see a deep, dark gash on Peter's lower torso. A small line, but Tony could see it ran deep.

"FRIDAY, monitor his vitals," Tony spoke into his mask. Almost immediately, his view lit up with information.

"Peter was stabbed before the snap. The knife hit a major artery. He has, at most, a few minutes to live."

The words hit Tony like a knife to his own gut.

A few minutes. This was not OK.

Tears streamed down his face and he sobbed, not gentle sobs but big ugly choking shaking ones. Tony didn't like to show emotion but this was his kid. The kid who was like his son. And his kid was dying. And that was on him.

He picked up his kid and carried him to the ship.

"FRIDAY, call Helen Cho," Tony choked out finally, after laying Peter on the ground on top of a blanket.

"Hi Tony, is everything OK?" He heard her calm, friendly voice in his ear.

"No. You know the spider kid?"

"The one who climbs up walls and stuff?"

"Yeah. He's dying. What do I do?" He asked, panic seeping through his voice. "FRIDAY said the knife punctured a major artery in his torso. Is there anything I can do to save him?"

Tony looked at the lifeless teen in front of him and felt his heart clench with agony.

He could hear the lugubriousness rising in Cho's voice. "You need to put pressure on the wound. Try and stop the bloodflow. Other than that, there's nothing you can do. I'm sorry, Tony. Good luck."

"Thank you," he said, and disconnected the call.

Peter moved a little. Thank God, Tony thought. He's awake.

He stroked Peter's hair. "Hey, kid," he said as gently as he could muster. And Peter smiled. Tony didn't want to know how hard it was for him to smile through the pain.

"You got hurt, didn't you?" He kept his voice in a low, calm, comforting tone in hopes to soothe the dying teen and be as unalarming as possible. Peter nodded.

"Why didn't you say something?"

"I didn't want... to worry you," Peter whispered, wincing, and Tony could tell it was hard for him to get the words out. "You has more... important things... to do."

"Nothing is more important," Tony told Peter as he pulled off his jacket, scrunched it up, and gently put it on Peter's bloody skin. He could feel his kid's warm blood seeping through the layers of fabric. A pang rose up within his chest, choking him.

It hurt Tony. It hurt him to see his kid like this, to know that he could have done something, to know that there was nothing he could do now. And the last thing he wanted to do was cause the teen more pain, but he knew it had to be done.

"I'm sorry, Peter," he whispered. "This is going to hurt." He pushed down gently on the wound, hoping to staunch the profuse flow of blood.

But the kid didn't react.

He just continued to stare blankly. Lightly, he shook his head. "Nothing hurts anymore."

Tony's heart began to beat faster upon hearing the statement. He gently picked up the kid and pulled him closer. Peter wrapped his arms around him and nestled into his chest. The kid closed his eyes, his energy levels declining rapidly. But as he listened to Tony's quick but steady heartbeat, he knew, everything was going to be OK. Tony had always saved him. Peter knew he was safe.

Even if he died, that was OK.

At least he was safe.

Tony felt his kid's heartbeat, tears running down his face.

Ba bum.

He knew it was all his fault.

Ba bum.

He should have noticed that his kid was in pain. He should have known that something was wrong, before it was too late.

Ba bum.

"I missed you, Mr. Stark."

"I missed you too, kid."

Ba bum.

Peter knew he was dying. And he knew Tony would blame himself, even though it wasn't his fault.

Ba bum.

"I'm sorry," Peter whispered. Tony's heart clenched, his mind taking him back to Titan, filling him with pain. Too much.

And tony hadn't said anything when Peter died in his arms on Titan. He was too scared, too shocked.

But he wouldn't do that again. He would be there for the kid this time.

"Peter, no," Tony mumbled, gently running his fingers through his kid's hair, tears streaming down his face. "You have nothing to apologize for."

Ba bum.

Peter just snuggled in closer, not having the energy to debate the point.

Tony held his kid's lifeless body, watching him die in his arms for the second time. He listened to Peter's shallow breathing as it slowed down. And he held him there the whole time.

Ba bum.