Lone Wolf (The Rain Goes On)

By StarWolf

Fall of 2001 - edited 4/25/2004

Title: Lone Wolf (The Rain Goes On)

Author: StarWolf (elendraug@yahoo.com)

Fandom: Dragonball Z

Rating: G

Genre: Angst

Character(s): Juunanagou/Android 17

Pairing: None

Distribution: Don't archive it.

Disclaimer: I don't own the characters; I'm just writing with them. The lyrics are from B*Witched's "Blame It On the Weatherman."

Summary: Cyborgs don't feel pain...

Authoress' Note: Juuhachigou = number eighteen; Juunanagou = number seventeen. Voila! Japanese names, translated.

This was my first fanfic. I just recently went over it and corrected some mistakes, but it's still not up to par with the rest of my work. I do, however, still like it, so I'll leave it here.

Enjoy.

______

I sit on my front step. It's cold outside -- I don't feel the harsh wind against my skin. I should be hungry -- I don't need to eat. I should feel lonely -- I don't feel emotions.

Alone.

It's been years since I've seen my sister. She's the only one I have (or, rather, had) in this world. We used to be inseparable, fighting side-by-side, facing everything the world threw at us, together. Always. Forever.

I don't know what happened.

They wished us back. Everyone killed by Cell, resurrected. I guess everything changed after that.

He destroyed so much, took so many lives from innocent people, solely to reach his "perfection." Us included, though I don't know if you could really say we were innocent.

Then again, Juuhachi and I did not actually kill anyone. All that we really did was break a remote control, a robot (mind you, a very intelligent but not very wise one...), a paperclip truck, a police car, three sets of handcuffs, Vegeta's pride and arm, and his son Trunks' sword. Most of that could easily be replaced.

Why us?

I later learned that in the time that the "future" Trunks came from, Juuhachi and I destroyed everything. But that was then. This is now.

I thought that after the "Cell Games" that I heard about afterward, everything would be like it always had been. That the bond between us would stay. Instead, we went our separate ways. She left me all alone, all by myself with no one else.

I guess the bond broke.

As I sit here, completely alone in the wilderness, she is having fun with her family. The three of them are probably visiting with Goku's family, and Vegeta's, although he is most definitely not expressing how much he enjoys spending time with Bulma, Trunks and Bra.

She married Krillin. She has a daughter. She has friends that care about her.

I have absolutely no one. No one would notice if I fell off of the face of the planet.

Not even my sister...a painful realisation.

I am a cyborg. An artificial human. Not capable of having feelings. Right?

Two words.

Yeah. Right.

I can't possibly be incapable of feeling, not when this hurts so much. It's pain in my soul that only gets worse, year after year, of being completely alone in this world.

And I will live forever.

Knowing that fact doesn't help in the least.

I try to fight back the tears, then realise that it doesn't matter. No one will see me cry. No one will try to calm me. No one will alleviate the pain that hurts me so, that kills me even though I will never die.

No one will stop the tears of a "cold, heartless death machine."

If Trunks could see me now, he might regret that he ever described me as that. But he wouldn't really care.

No one cares.

I once found solace in the wilderness, apart from everyone else. The beauty and simplicity of nature astounded me. I loved waking up to the sound of a bird outside my window, and going to sleep at the call of a solitary wolf.

I still do, but none of it was really worth leaving the only person who understood me.

Juuhachi.

Now this empty spot in the forest is my prison. Not that I'm unable to relocate; that's not the case.

But I'm still not able to leave.

I guess I'm afraid that if I left to find my sister, no one would want me there. Of course, she would be kind and let me in her house. It's not like she'd be able to leave her one and only precious brother standing outside.

Or would she?



Roshi would not be caught dead within ten feet of me. Krillin gets very nervous around me. I think, no, I know the only reason he doesn't say anything is because he doesn't want to hurt his wife's feelings. He obviously doesn't care about mine.

Marron barely knows who I am. Sure, Juuhachi's likely told her little daughter about her "Uncle Juunana," but only that I exist. She wouldn't tell her what we had done to Earth, or where I live, or even what I look like, besides hair and eye colour. Nor would she explain the other things about her life, and mine. Marron wouldn't understand. I don't think anyone understands me anymore.

Not even Juuhachi.

I used to believe that your family was supposed to care about you, to worry about you, to be there for you. To love you, no matter what.

I don't even remember what love feels like anymore. No one loves me. If anyone even cared, I wouldn't be here. Alone.

It's times like this when I can't help but think about my past. Juuhachi's past. Our past.

Anything I ever loved and cared about died with my past. All memories gone, wiped out, when Dr. Gero made us into cyborgs. He thinks he took all of our emotions away on that awful day.

Well, wherever he is, he doesn't know how much I hate him.

If he hadn't taken our lives, Juuhachi and I would be with our parents, and our friends, and we wouldn't have to worry about anything like this.

He destroyed everything for me, for my sister, and for everyone else on this planet, all because he wanted revenge on Goku. Simply because when he was little, the Saiyan took down Gero, Tao, and the whole Red Ribbon Army with them.

Red Ribbon wanted to take over the world. All that their lone survivor did was destroy everything. But I can't blame Goku -- he was only trying to help.

Love and hate are very similar feelings. Both can lead to and affect each other...

All this thinking is giving me a headache. I came out here at dusk. Now it's pitch black outside. Not that I can't see...I laugh mirthlessly.

I go inside my log cabin and lie down on my bed. I stare at the ceiling for a couple of hours. Eventually my headache goes away. Thinking too hard only gives me more unanswerable questions.

Suddenly an idea hits me: I could always ask Shenron to give me the answers. Then again, some things are better left unanswered.

I suddenly remember something I realized earlier. As my last conscious thought, it only causes me more grief.

I am completely alone, and I will live forever.

________

"It's just one more day; no one said there would be rain again. Won't blame it on myself -- I'll blame it on the weatherman.

Standing on the shore, calling out your name, I was here before, I could see your face.

Only clouds will see -- tears are in my eyes, empty like my heart. Why'd you say goodbye?

Alone I can hear, hear our song playing for me again. Won't blame it on myself...yeah, I'll blame it on the weatherman.

Maybe it's too late to try again. Maybe I can't pray, maybe I can't wait, and maybe I can't blame the weatherman.

The rain goes on...on and on again."