(A/N): This takes place right after the last scene in the final episode. This is where they have gone to the coffehouse right before it's time for Monica and Chandler to go to the new house.
Friends: The One After The Final One
[Scene: Central Perk; all the friends are sitting down drinking various sizes of cups of coffee. Ross is sitting on the left table and Rachel is in his lap. Chandler, Monica, and Phoebe are sitting on the middle couch. Chandler's arm is around Monica's shoulders. And Joey is sitting on the right recliner.]
Chandler: And so I said, "Could you be any more arrogant?"
(The gang laughs. Joey laughs and then everyone resumes drinking coffee. Joey looks down and starts sobbing. Everyone exchanges glances. Chandler leans forward to look at Joey.)
Chandler: You alright, Joe?
(Joey sniffs)
Joey: Yeah, yeah. I'm fine. It's just... I'm gonna miss this... I mean, things are never gonna be the same... and I... I just –
{Joey starts crying again)
Rachel: Oh come on, honey! It's not like the six of us aren't ever going to talk to each other again.
Monica: Yeah, Chandler and I can come over on the weekends. Or you can come over. We do have a Joey room.
Joey: I know, but if I wanted to talk to Chandler or something, I couldn't just walk across the hall and talk to him. I'd have to call him.
(Joey frowns. Chandler sighs.)
Joey: And you know, it's not even that. I just feel like all you guys are growing up so much faster than I am. Phoebe's married. Ross and Rachel have a baby. Chandler and Monica just adopted twins and are moving!
(Joey sighs)
Joey: And I'm 35 and I don't even have a real girlfriend...
Phoebe: Oh come on, Joey. You can get a girlfriend anytime you want.
Joey: No, I can have a one night stand anytime I want. Don't you remember the last time I tried to have an actual girlfriend? She didn't like me that way. And I always fall in love with people who don't love me back...
Ross: Come on, Joe! That was just one girl. I bet if you tried to have an actual relationship with all the women you meet, you could have a girlfriend in no time!
Joey: Maybe...
Ross: No, I'm serious. Find someone who would normally just hit on, and ask her out on a date. But, just as friends. You don't want to do too much too soon.
(Ross looks at the entrance to the coffeehouse when an attractive woman walks in towards the counter)
Ross: How about her? She seems like your type.
Joey: Yeah, she is hot. I'm gonna go talk to her.
Ross: Alright, remember. No pick-up lines. No "special" moves. No (imitates Joey) "how you doin'?"'s –
(Joey laughs)
Joey: Dude, you so can't pull that off.
Ross: Just go talk to her!
Joey: OK, OK!
(Joey exhales and slowly walks up to the woman)
Joey: Hey. What's your name?
(Woman glances at him and turns to the counter and pays for the muffin she ordered)
Woman(uninterested): Danielle.
(Joey just stares at her)
Joey: Um... I'm – I'm Joey. It's nice to meet you.
Danielle: Mhmm...
(Danielle sits down and looks through her phone. Joey, persistent, follows her)
Joey: Well, I – I just wanted to see if you wanted to go on a date with me, tonight.
Danielle: I'm not looking for a relationship.
Joey: Oh, do you have a boyfriend?
(Danielle shakes her head)
Joey: Husband?
(She shakes her head again. Joey exhales sharply)
Joey: What? Are you gay or something?
(Danielle looks up at him)
Danielle: Excuse me?
(The gang jumps up and pulls Joey away from Danielle)
OPENING CREDITS
(Monica is holding Joey's shoulders and leading him to the couch. Joey is still staring at Danielle, puzzled. Meanwhile, Danielle is gathering her thoughts. Monica pulls Joey down onto the couch and everyone sits back down.)
Monica: Joey! If you want to have a relationship with someone, you don't ask them
if they're gay!
Joey: Sorry. Stuff like that usually doesn't happen to me, though. It's like... she wasn't attracted to me.
Phoebe: Um, Joey. I don't think she was...
Joey: But that's not possible. I mean, I'm Joey! I'm irresistible!
Rachel: Yeah, but she said she wasn't looking for a relationship right now. She might have been attracted to you, but maybe she has a demanding career, or something...?
Joey: You know what it was? My charm wasn't on. I'm gonna go talk to her again, and this time, I'll turn up the charm!
(Joey gets up and Monica stops him)
Monica: What are you doing?
Joey: Getting a date!
Monica: Joey, she obviously isn't interested in you, and probably won't be any time soon. Just move on and find someone else.
Joey: Oh, no! I'm not giving up without a fight. No girl has ever turned me down. I have a perfect record!
Monica: What about Janine?
Joey: Eh, she doesn't count.
Ross: What about Charlie?
Joey: She doesn't count, either.
Rachel: What about me?
Joey: You don't count, either!
(Everyone's a little taken aback by Joey's anger and Joey sighs)
Joey: Besides I did date Janine, Charlie, and Rachel, all at one time or another, and eventually I'll have Danielle, too.
(A moment passes and everyone is silent)
Chandler: Well, hey, what about –
Joey: She doesn't count!
(Joey starts to get up and talk to Danielle but Phoebe stops him)
Phoebe: Well wait a second, if you ask her out on a date without being friends first, you won't be able to actually have a committed relationship with her. And it'll just be another one night stand. You don't want that do you?
Joey: What are you talking about? Of course I do!
Phoebe: Well, think about it,what's more important? A perfect record? Or a committed relationship?
(Joey thinks for a second)
Joey: Yeah, you're right Pheebs.
Phoebe: Thank you.
Joey: OK... so I'm gonna go talk to her!
Everyone: Wait! Wait!
Joey: Oh come on guys! I don't just want to sleep with her. I really do want to have a committed relationship with her.
Chandler: I think she's made it clear she isn't interested in you.
Joey: Not for long.
(Joey walks back over to Danielle and starts talking to her)
Chandler: Well, I guess we should get going.
(Everyone sighs and gets up. Everyone hugs each other)
Rachel: I'm gonna miss you guys so much!
(Rachel starts crying. Ross puts his arm around Rachel and consoles her)
Ross: Yeah, it's never gonna be the same... We're really going to miss you guys.
Phoebe: Make sure you call and visit us as often as you can!
(Everyone gets choked up and hugs Monica. Chandler looks around while everyone starts crying. Chandler clears his throat. Everyone looks at him)
Chandler: Hey, uh quick question... how come you guys didn't act like this when I went to Tulsa?
(Everyone looks at each other, searching for an answer)
Chandler: Alright, whatever, whatever. It doesn't matter. Let's go, Monica before the twins wake up.
Monica: OK.
(Monica grab Jack's stroller and Chandler grabs Erica's stroller. Chandler pats Joey's shoulder to get his attention.)
Chandler: See ya later, Joey. We're leaving.
(Chandler opens his arms getting ready to hug Joey. Joey's looking down at Danielle and waves over at Chandler)
Joey(to Chandler): Yeah, yeah. Later.
Joey(to Danielle): Are you sure you don't want to go on a date with me?
(Chandler closes his arms, pretending like he's actually hugging Joey)
Chandler(sarcastic): Oh don't cry, it's gonna be OK. Yeah, I'll miss you, too.
(Chandler sighs and puts his hands in his pockets. He looks back at everyone else and smiles)
Chandler: See you guys later!
(Chandler and Monica start to leave)
Monica: We'll call you guys when we get there! Bye!
Phoebe, Rachel, Ross: Bye! Bye! Talk to you later!
(Chandler and Monica leave. Phoebe, Rachel, and Ross all sit down on the couch)
Rachel: So I guess that's it, huh?
Ross: Well, we won't see them as often as we'd like, but we'll still see them.
Phoebe: Yeah, that's true.
(Phoebe's cell phone rings)
Phoebe: Oh! It's Mike, he told me had a gig at this café, and he wanted me to see him play. He said he'd call when I should go over.
(Phoebe stands up and grabs her purse)
Phoebe: I'll see you guys later!
Ross, Rachel: Bye Pheebs!
Ross: So what do you want to do now?
Rachel: Sulk?
(Ross smiles)
Ross: Come on, we need to have some fun. (gasps) Let's go to the museum!
(Rachel stares at him)
Rachel: Really, Ross? Really?
Ross: Alright, fine... Hey. Do you want to do it for the 301st time?
Rachel(smiling): What are we still doing here?
(Ross and Rachel get up and start to leave)
Ross, Rachel: Bye Joey!
Joey(to Ross and Rachel): Yeah, uh-huh. See ya...
Joey(to Danielle): Look, you can't be that busy to where you can't go on one date with me!
(Ross and Rachel smile and leave)
Danielle: I'll admit, you're attractive. But I'm not looking for a relationship. I don't have the time. My career comes before my love life.
Joey: Well that sounds boring...
Danielle: It is what it is.
Joey(groans): C'mon! Please! Just one date?
Danielle: Now you just seem desperate...
Joey: Because I am! Alright, look. We don't have to go out on a date date, why don't we just go out, and eat dinner as friends?
(Danielle thinks about it for a second and her phone goes off)
Danielle: Ugh, I have to take this.
(Danielle looks at Joey)
Danielle: Alright, if I say yes, will you stop bugging me?
Joey: Yes!
(Danielle's phone rings again and she groans)
Danielle: OK, OK! Fine!
(Danielle writes down her number, and a restaurant on a napkin and hands it to Joey)
Danielle: Just meet me there at 8'clock.
(Danielle answers her cell phone, and walks out)
Joey: Thanks! I'll see you tonight!
(Joey smiles and turns around)
Joey: Guys! She said yes! I have a date tonight!
(Joey sees that everyone is gone and looks around)
Joey(under his breath): What the hell? Where is everyone...?
(Joey leaves)
[Scene: Ross's Apartment; Ross starts to get undressed but Rachel stops him]
Rachel: Hold on Ross...
Ross: What?
(Rachel sighs)
Ross: Oh, god. Don't tell me you aren't ready to get back together.
(Ross groans over dramatically and Rachel laughs)
Rachel: No. I kind of want to have the where-are-we talk...
Ross: Oh come on, Rach. You know I'm not good at those.
Rachel: No, I know. But this relationship is kind of confusing. I mean, we're finally together. And I don't want anything to screw that up.
Ross: So... we can't have sex?
Rachel: Ross!
Ross: I'm kidding, I'm kidding. Listen, Rach. We've been through a lot, right?
(Rachel nods)
Ross: We love each other, right?
(Rachel nods)
Ross: So what do we have to worry about?
Rachel: Our careers? Our jealousy? Our friends? Our baby?
Ross: Whoa, OK... Um, well, did those things ever stop our love before?
Rachel: Yes! All of them did!
Ross: Right, right... but, uh... that's over with. I'm going to stop being jealous and stop putting things before you.
(Ross puts his hands over Rachel's and puts them together)
Ross: Because I am madly in love with you, Rach. And I won't let a damn thing get in the way of that. Ever.
Rachel(choked up): Oh, Ross. OK. Alright, you're right. I was just being paranoid.
(Rachel smiles and they both start to get undressed again. Emma starts crying from the next room)
Rachel: Oh, Emma's hungry. Just wait in there Ross. I'll be right back!
Ross(sighing): I'll be here!
(Ross smiles)
[Scene: Café where Mike plays at; Mike is tuning the baby grand piano. Phoebe is sitting at one of the front tables, bored. Mike and Phoebe are the only ones in the café.]
(Phoebe looks at her watch)
Phoebe: When does this place open?
Mike: In about an hour...
Phoebe: An hour? Mike, why did you tell me to come here if it's gonna be an hour before I get to see you play?
Mike: I thought you would have liked to see me practice...
Phoebe: Well, I guess. But I was enjoying coffee with my friends. That was the last time the five of us were going to be together for awhile.
Mike: Five? There- there's six of you.
Phoebe(smiling): Nuh-uh.
(Phoebe counts on her fingers)
Phoebe: There's Joey, Monica, Rachel, Ross... and me! That's five.
Mike: What about Chandler?
(Phoebe sits and thinks)
Phoebe(laughing): Oh right! I'm sorry, you're right! Wow, I totally forgot about him!
(Phoebe laughs and Mike rolls his eyes)
Mike: Well, I'm sorry I broke you apart from your friends. I just thought it would be nice to spend some time together.
Phoebe: You're right, I'm sorry. Do you need any help?
Mike: Yeah, actually. Can you press some of those keys? I wanna see if I'm tuning this right...
Phoebe: Sure.
(Phoebe walks over to the piano and bumps into the hinge which keeps the lid of the piano up. The lid crashes down on Mike's hands. Mike screams in pain. Phoebe steps back in shock)
Phoebe: Oh my God, Mike!
(Phoebe runs over to Mike and then lifts the top off of Mike's hands)
COMMERCIAL BREAK
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's new house; the movers have just brought in the last of the boxes. Monica and Chandler walk in with Jack and Erica.]
Monica(to the movers): Thanks! You guys did a great job!
(Monica smiles and closes the door)
Chandler: Yeah, great job... What kind of movers are they?
Monica: Chandler...
Chandler: I just can't believe they let Pat the Dog fall off the truck...
Monica(pretending to be sad): I know, I know.
Chandler: Joey's going to be so mad... What am I gonna tell him?
Monica: Oh come on, Chandler, let's not think about that right now. We have to put Jack and Erica down so we can unpack!
(Chandler groans over dramatically)
Monica: Come on Chandler, it won't take any time at all.
Chandler: Monica. We've been driving for two hours. I'm tired...
Monica: The sooner we get this done, the sooner you can go to sleep.
Chandler: Fine! But I'm not gonna be happy about it.
Monica: Fine by me.
(Chandler sighs and sets Jack and Erica down in their strollers and opens one of the boxes. Chandler grabs a stack of plates totally wrapped in bubble wrap)
Monica: Careful with those!
Chandler: I'll be careful.
(Chandler pretends to lose his balance and almost drop the plates)
Monica: Chandler!
Chandler: OK, OK. I promise to be careful.
(Chandler sets the plates on a counter and unwraps them. Monica grabs all the silverware and organizes it. The phone rings)
Monica: I'll get it!
(Monica answers the phone)
Monica: Who's this?
(Phoebe is in the hospital waiting room, a little bit away from Mike, and Mike is sitting down, in pain)
Phoebe: It's Phoebe.
Monica(to Chandler): It's Phoebe.
(Chandler nods and puts some plates in the cupboard)
Monica: What's up Phoebe?
Phoebe(on phone): Me and Mike are at the hospital.
(Monica pulls the phone away and puts her hand on the speaker)
Monica(to Chandler): Phoebe and Mike are at the hospital!
Chandler: What?
(Chandler walks over and puts his ear to the other end of the cell phone. Monica puts her ear back to the speaker)
Monica: Phoebe... why are you at the hospital?
Phoebe: Well, you see, Mike had a little accident with the piano... and um, his hands might be broken...
Monica: Oh my God! Is he- is he gonna be OK?
Phoebe: We don't know anything yet, we're still in the waiting room. I just wanted to let you all know where we were.
Monica: Well, should Chandler and I come down there?
Phoebe: Oh, no. You don't have to do that. It's a two and a half hour drive, and we'll probably be gone before you guys even get here. Just, you know, send good thoughts out in the Universe, please.
Monica: OK, but let us know if you guys need anything... Alright... Well, bye...
(Monica hangs up. Her and Chandler sigh)
Monica: Ugh, I hate this. I want to be there. I mean, what if someone else we loved was in the hospital? We'd have to drive two and a half hours just to see them!
(Chandler puts his arms around Monica)
Chandler: I know, I know. It's gonna be tough not seeing our friends for awhile, but it's best for the twins...
Monica: You're right, you're right. Jack and Erica come first...
Chandler: You gonna be OK?
Monica(pouty): I guess...
(Chandler sighs)
Chandler: Do you... wanna do some more unpacking?
Monica(excited): Are you kidding me?
(Monica breaks apart from Chandler and continues to unpack. Chandler smiles)
[Scene: Ross's apartment; Ross is lying down on the bed, looking through a catalogue. Rachel stands in the doorway wearing lingerie, lustfully looking at Ross]
Ross: Is Emma all taken care of?
Rachel: She is sound asleep...
(Rachel jumps over to the bed and her and Ross start to make out when Rachel's phone rings. Ross pulls back and sighs)
Rachel: It's Phoebe...
(Rachel answers the phone)
Rachel: What's up Pheebs? ...Why? ...Oh my God, is he gonna be OK?
Ross: What? Is who gonna be OK?
Rachel: SH-USH-SHUSH! Uh-huh. OK... We'll be right there... Bye.
(Rachel hangs up the phone, looks at Ross and sighs)
Ross: What is it?
Rachel: We're gonna have to put this on hold for a little while. Phoebe and Mike are at the hospital.
Ross: What? Why?
Rachel: I don't know, Mike was tuning a piano or something and he broke his hands.
Ross: Is he gonna be OK?
Rachel: We're not sure yet. Come on, we gotta go. Go get Emma.
(Ross groans and goes to Emma's room. Rachel rolls her eyes, and walks in Ross's direction)
[Scene: Hospital waiting room; Phoebe is pacing and biting her nails and Mike is sitting down. Phoebe sits down next to Mike]
Phoebe: I am so, so sorry Mike.
Mike(smiling): Oh don't worry about it, Phoebe. I should be fine.
Phoebe: Yeah, maybe, but what if something is really wrong with your hand and it will never be back to normal and you can never play piano ever again?
Mike: You know, Pheebs, I didn't think about it that way. But thanks for that dream-crushing possibility.
Phoebe: Sorry...
Mike(sighing): It's fine...
(Phoebe and Mike sit there. A moment of silence)
Phoebe: So... does it hurt?
Mike: Oh, nah, it's not that bad.
Phoebe: Really?
Mike: No. It's actually one of the worst pains I've ever experienced.
(Phoebe is staring at him, concerned, when Rachel and Ross walk in)
Mike: Oh, look Phoebe, there's Ross and Rachel. I, uh, I would wave them over, but I've kinda go the whole broken hand thing going on, so...
(Phoebe waves Rachel and Ross over)
Phoebe: Guys over here!
(Rachel and Ross see Phoebe, walk over and sit down)
Rachel: Oh my God, Mike, are you OK? Can you move your hand?
Mike: No, not really...
(Phoebe frowns)
Ross: Hey, did anyone call Joey? Where is he?
Phoebe: No, he called me earlier and told me he had a date with the girl at the coffeehouse and I didn't want him to miss his date.
Rachel: Really? He actually got her to say yes?
Phoebe: Yeah, I couldn't believe it either!
(Everyone starts to talk about Joey when a nurse comes out to the waiting room)
Nurse: Mike Hannigan?
(Phoebe and Mike stand up and Phoebe looks back at Ross and Rachel)
Ross: You guys go ahead, Rachel and I will just wait here.
(Phoebe and Mike follow the nurse and Rachel and Ross sit in the waiting room. A moment passes)
Ross: Hey, um, how long do you think Phoebe and Mike will be gone?
Rachel: I don't know, 15? 30 minutes?
Ross: Hmm, that sounds like just enough time to... y'know.
Rachel: I think it just might... Dr. Geller.
(Rachel and Ross smile)
Rachel: Oh, wait, wait, wait. What about Emma?
(Ross thinks)
Ross: ...Phoebe and Mike can watch her.
(Ross grabs the stroller and tries to catch up to Phoebe and Mike. Rachel laughs)
[Scene: Joey's apartment; Joey is looking in the mirror and straightening his tie when Chick Jr. and Duck Jr. walk by, quacking and chirping. Joey smiles and crouches down to talk to them]
Joey: Hey guys, guess what? I'm going on a date tonight. You guys should wish me luck because I am really gonna need it.
(Duck Jr. quacks)
Joey: Ha ha, yeah. It is gonna be tough to not...well you know. But I really do want a committed relationship. I mean, I deserve at least that, right?
(Chick Jr. chirps)
Joey: Yeah, see he agrees with me.
(Joey stands up and takes another look at himself in the mirror)
Joey: Alright, I guess I'm gonna go now.
(Joey grabs his coat and starts to head out the door, but then he turns back to the chick and the duck)
Joey: Duck Jr., you're in charge, make sure that the chick doesn't get into any trouble, alright?
(Duck Jr. quacks)
Joey: Alright.
(Joey leaves)
[Scene: Hospital corridor; Ross has him arm around Rachel. They are both giggling quietly and are headed toward a supply closet]
Rachel(whispering): So are you sure we can do it here? I mean, we've been kicked out of like... 6 rooms, and the private restroom.
Ross(whispering): Yeah, I'm sure. No one comes in here, and we shouldn't be in here long...
Rachel(smiling): This is so cool. I've never... you know, done it, in a place like this.
Ross(whispering): I know me neither! Alright come on, we gotta hurry up before Phoebe comes looking for us.
(Ross opens the door and they are about to walk in when Phoebe runs over. Mike is walking behind her wearing casts on both hands)
Phoebe: There you guys are! We've been looking everywhere!
(Ross and Rachel sigh and turn to Phoebe and Mike)
Phoebe: Guess what! The doctor said that Mike's hands will be good as new in 5 to 8 weeks! Yay!
Ross and Rachel(apathetic): Yay!
(Phoebe and Mike smile)
[Scene: Restaurant; the host leads Joey to a table for two and hands Joey a menu while setting the other one down on the table.]
Host: A waiter will be by soon to take your order.
(Joey nods and the host leaves. Joey starts to look at the menu when Danielle walks in)
Joey: Hey, you made it! Come on, sit down, I'm just about to order.
Danielle: I see you already got a table...
Joey: Yeah, what are... friends,for?
(Danielle looks upset)
Joey: Why? Is something wrong?
Danielle: Oh, no. But, um... you know? I'll just get another chair.
(Joey looks confused as Danielle gets another chair and puts it next to hers. Danielle sits down and looks at the menu)
Joey: What... what's that chair for?
Danielle: Oh, I invited my friend Hank to join us.
Joey: Who – who's Hank?
(Hank walks in and sits next to Danielle, Hank looks at Joey)
Hank(smiling): Hey, nice to meet you... Joey is it?
(Hank puts a hand out for Joey to shake it, but Joey just stares at him. He turns to Danielle)
Joey: Who's Hank?
Danielle: Hank is my coworker.
Hank: Yeah, Danielle and I are writers for a fashion magazine.
(Danielle smiles at Hank and looks at Joey)
Joey: Well, why did you invite him? I thought this was gonna be just the two of us...
Danielle: It was, but you said we were just gonna be going as friends. I didn't think you'd mind if I brought Hank along.
Joey: I don't know Hank.
Danielle: Well, why don't you get to know him? Come on, it'll be fun, right?
Hank: It's gonna be so fun! Oh look! The waiter's here!
(Joey, unamused, fake-smiles at them)
[Scene: Restaurant; Danielle, Hank, and Joey have all eaten and there is a little bit of food still left on Hank's and Danielle's plates. Joey's plate is totally clean of course. Joey has an exhausted look while Hank and Danielle are talking and laughing]
Danielle: And could you believe how he also thought that no one would see the resumé he left in the copier?
Hank: I know, I know! Like, make it more obvious that you hate all of us and want to quit! Right?
(Danielle and Hank laugh. Joey looks at his watch and then at Danielle. He sighs)
END CREDITS
[Scene: Ross's apartment; Rachel and Ross are in bed]
Rachel: Wow...
Ross: I know.
Rachel: That was definitely worth the wait...
Ross: Hey, do you maybe, wanna do it again?
Rachel(smiling): Sure...
(Ross and Rachel start to make out when Emma starts crying. Ross pulls away)
Ross: Dammit!
END
(A/N): Thanks for reading! I do updates on this story every Thursday with the exception of holiday weeks. Anyway, please R&R!