Author's note: This one-shot takes place entirely within S3 E5. This is one of my favorite episodes. Aside from being a great story in general, Lucien and Jean are pretty much a couple in all but name. It's what makes the separation between them over the next few episodes so mindboggling. For one tantalizing minute, they almost had it all.

I am not sure if this combo of serious conversation and romancefloof worked very well, so please send reviews or PM's and don't hesitate to be honest with them.

...

Jean was having a terrible night. It had started out so promising, a chance to perform on stage with a famous actress, her friends all there to see her, even her son was in town. Instead, the actress lay dead in the billiard room and the whole audience was being held hostage by an autocratic police chief. The same autocratic police chief who had dressed her down in an interview and threatened to arrest her son.

To make it worse, she had quarreled with her son Christopher. It was the first time she had seen him in years and he would barely speak to her. It was clear he had not been happy to be there in the first place. Jean pressed him on it, too hard, and things were said by both of them that probably didn't need to be.

Lucien had been acting strangely all evening. They had become close friends over the past year but he was erratic during the best of times. During murder cases, she was practically invisible to him. Given the difficult circumstances of this case she would not have blamed him for being completely absorbed by the dual challenges of the investigation and police politics. Instead, he seemed to be at her elbow every time she turned around. No matter where Jean was in the building, Lucien never seemed to lose track of her. Ironically it was Lucien who had insisted Jean invite Christopher. He paid for his ticket to the show as a birthday present.

Jean had forgotten it was her birthday. She chastised herself. She was getting far too old to care about birthdays. She decided to head for the balcony for some air. She doubted the police wanted any more to do with her. A few minutes later she heard the door swing open. It was Lucien.

"There you are! I was getting worried."

"How far could I have gone?"

Lucien laughed and leaned out over the railing. With no businesses open other than the club, the street was unusually dark. "Not the night I'd hoped for your birthday."

"Oh," Jean squeezed his arm. "It's certainly not your fault. And thank you for bringing Christopher Jr. down. It's so great to see him."

Lucien smiled, "My pleasure." He furrowed his brow. "Is everything ok there? I know it's been a difficult night, but I don't think Christopher has cracked a smile all evening."

Jean sighed, "Not really."

Jean looked away but Lucien stood there, looking concerned, and waited for a response.

"I don't know. It was just the three of us. I could barely handle the boys and still get food on the table after Christopher died. Jack was doing so badly and I thought Christopher Jr. could manage on his own. And now he hates me for it. And then when they grew up, I thought I was doing him a favor. Leaving him alone to live his own life, not being one of those mothers who followed their grown sons around fussing over them. It seems like he resents me even more for it."

"Oh Jean." Lucien reached out and rubbed her shoulder sympathetically. "You did the best you could in very difficult circumstances. You can't blame yourself. Sometimes there is no right answer. And Christopher does not hate you. He wouldn't be here if did. He came tonight because he wanted to see you."

"A lot of good that did either of us."

Jean turned and looked out over the balcony. She shivered a little and rubbed her arms against the cool night air. Lucien looked down in surprise. "Jean, you're cold! Here." Lucien took off his suit jacket before she could protest and draped it over her shoulders. He lingered there, standing behind her, rubbing his hands over her arms. "Better?" Jean's heart caught in her throat. She wanted him to stay there, to wrap his arms around her, but she dared not encourage him. She just tried to keep her breathing steady, to not stiffen up or jolt or make him think his attention wasn't wanted. Ever so subtly she could feel him pulling her backward towards him. She lifted her head so it was leaning against her chest. He lowered his chin so that the side of his face was just brushing against her temple. They stood that way, in silence, for several minutes.

Eventually Lucien let go. He leaned back against the railing with his arms crossed, looking at her. "You know I envy you. I know things are difficult with Christopher and Jack, but at least they're in your life. I'd do anything to see Li again. I'll never know my grandchildren. And I certainly wouldn't mind having a fine young man like Christopher for a son."

Jean gave him a puzzling look. He had never mentioned that Li had children and she wasn't sure if the last statement was a supposition or another one of his secrets. When he didn't volunteer any more information, she decided not to press him. Jean looked away.

"I'm not sure I will now."

"Jean you mustn't speak that way! Christopher loves you. You're his mother. You know, being an army officer isn't easy. Maybe you could reach out to him more, let him know you're there if he needs it."

Jean sighed. "I'm not sure how to anymore. I keep making things worse."

"Well," Lucien hesitated for a moment. "You could start by being nicer to Ruby."

Jean winced. Apparently Christopher and Lucien were ganging up on her. "Get that from Christopher, did you?"

"No, I got that from you. I've heard you speak about her over the phone, and to me."

"Well the woman is so high strung, she's impossible. She can't make dinner without a breakdown."

"Now Jean, that high strung woman is your daughter now. And believe me when I tell you, Christopher is not going to leave his wife just because his mother doesn't like her. I'd know."

Jean looked up at him. Those last words weighed heavy in the air between them. Jean knew it was more than hypothetical talk. "Is that why your father never talked about Mei Lin?"

Lucien started at the question, and then looked at the ground. "My father never knew."

Jean gasped. Lucien continued. "My father was so obsessed with doing things the right way. I knew what I had gotten into when I married Mei Lin, the life I'd damned us both to. My father would never have understood. Then when I lost them both, there was no one to turn to. In a way, I'm glad he never knew what he lost."

Lucien glanced up at Jean and there was a tear in his eye. Jean felt her heart ache. She wanted to take him in her arms and kiss his pain away, to help him banish the demons of his past. Instead she just squeezed his hand.

Lucien gave her a grateful look. "We can't change the past, Jean. I know that, and you know that. All we can do is try to make things right in the future."

Jean smiled weakly and looked back out onto the street. She pulled Lucien's jacket tighter around her like a shawl. The temperature was dropping, and the damp air was starting to seep through. She wanted to go back inside and warm up, but facing the harsh reality of all the dramas playing out in the Colonist's Club seemed vastly less preferable to staying out on the balcony alone with Lucien. She wanted to stay out here, near him, even if that meant freezing to death. Something about being near him made her feel safe.

Jean sighed. "I feel old, Lucien. I never used to. I always kept too busy to worry about silly things like that. But I think the world is finally catching up to me."

Lucien turned to face her and put an arm around her shoulder. There was no space between them now. "Jean, a woman as beautiful as you could never be old."

Jean wasn't sure if Lucien kissed her or the other way around. All she knew was that when she turned to look up at him their lips met. She didn't remember wrapping her arms around him but she could feel him gripping the collar of his jacket as he tried to keep it from slipping off her shoulders as he held her. She could only vaguely recall kissing the side of his face where the tears had fallen but the sensation of him trembling slightly under her lips was vivid. She felt only the faintest sense of alarm when he pressed his mouth against her neck. They were putting themselves in a highly dangerous situation and she at least should have known better, but time and sense seemed to be lost to both of them. The sound of voices outside the door to the balcony brought them back to the present. They stood for a moment, holding each other as if their lives depended upon it. Lucien was breathing heavy and Jean noticed that suddenly she felt overly warm.

Lucien sighed. He loosened his grip on Jean but when he spoke his mouth was against her hair, muffling his words. "We'd better go back inside. Munro will be furious at me for disappearing, and Christopher will wonder where you've gone off to."

Jean stepped back reluctantly. "You're right. We've been out here way too long." She paused for a minute to straighten Lucien's tie and wipe some lipstick off the side of his face. Lucien looked like he was trying to suppress a smirk at the latter. Men were hopeless, Jean thought. Jean handed Lucien back his jacket. "Besides, I think Christopher Jr. is becoming suspicious of you. Nothing ever gets by him."

Lucien smiled broadly at this and put his arms on Jean's shoulders, but at a safe distance this time. "Just like his mother!" Lucien pushed open the balcony door and ushered Jean back inside.