So Complicated, a marching band fanfic

A/N: At the moment I feel like crap, so I apologize if you don't like this fic, it wasn't written for others to read. I decided to post it anyway, you like it then you can review. Have a nice day.

Slumping down in my hard-backed chair my ears catch the sound of the first bell, signaling for all to get to class. The bell rang a Concert G, I noted absently, a fleeting smile passing across my lips with amusement. In a few minutes people would pour into the band room for class, but for now it was quiet, and empty but for the people who had spent the last half of our lunch period there. Glancing around the room my heart caught in my throat, and I began to polish my trumpet ardently, looking down at it to avoid looking at him.

I'm so scared that the way that I feel
Is written all over my face
When you walk into the room
I want to find a hiding place

A glance shows that my attempts to be undetected were unsuccessful; he was now making his way to'ards me, grinning brightly.

We used to laugh, we used to hug
The way that old friends do
But now a smile and a touch of your hand
Just makes me come unglued
It's such a contradiction
Do I lie or tell the truth
Is it fact or fiction
Oh, the way I feel for you

I gulped hard as he smiled warmly in greeting, "What's goin' on?" his voice came. "What do you mean?" I replied, confused. "I mean, why are you polishing your trumpet like there is no tomorrow?" he said jokingly. I blushed hotly, glancing down at my Bach Stradivarius, noticing for the first time that I had been rubbing the same part of my trumpet over and over. "Oh, that, um…" I answered lamely.

It's so complicated
I'm so frustrated
I wanna hold you close, I wanna push you away
I wanna make you go, I wanna make you stay
Should I say it
Should I tell you how I feel
Oh, I want you to know
But then again I don't
It's so complicated

No way was I about to tell him that I had been thinking about him. "I, uh, saw some tarnish on my bell and just wanted to make sure that it was gone," I continued, discomfited. He nodded, convinced at least for the moment and turned away to get his trumpet out of his locker. My eyes followed him across the band room, and I sighed heavily as he disappeared into the locker room, "You confuse me so much."

Just when I think I'm under control
I think I finally got a grip
Another friend tells me that
My name is always on your lips
They say I'm more than just a friend
They say I must be blind
Well, I admit that I've seen you watch me
From the corner of your eye
Oh, it's so confusing
Yeah, I wish you'd just confess
But think of what I'd be losing
If your answer wasn't yes

My cousin, whom I tell everything to, had practically begged me to tell him. He said that I have nothing to lose by the letting the guy I like know that I like him and have liked him for so long. I can't tell him, he would hate me if he found out.

Things in band would never be the same if I confessed, and the friendship I had tried to build with him would be crushed in awkwardness. I frowned, irritated with myself for liking him, and irritated with him for being so easy to like.

I hate it
'Cause I've waited
So long for someone like you
Oh, what do I do

Turning back to my stand I adjusted the music as the other band members began to flow in as if someone had broken a dam. Catching sight of him, my section leader, sitting a two chairs up from me I paused. Feeling someone's gaze on me I looked 'round, catching him watching me from the corner of his eye. He did that a lot. I scolded myself, just because he looks at you doesn't me he feels the same way.

Why should I say it
Should I tell you how I feel
Oh, I want you to know
But then again I don't
It's so complicated (complicated)
So complicated (complicated)
It's so complicated, oh

Raising my concert trumpet to warm-up my thoughts turned elsewhere, at least for the moment. I knew, though, that soon enough my mind would come back to him. I thought of him so much, wondering what he was doing, what he was thinking, whether he would ever feel the same. Within the security of my own mind I wondered, and daydreamed, hoping that one day he would be mine. Then, perhaps, life wouldn't be so complicated.