The bare skin of my thigh brushes against Quinn's as I shift towards her in my seat and I feel the little tingles I've been getting lately every time we touch. I expect Quinn to jerk away immediately since she seems to have developed an aversion to actually touching me or even spending time with me lately. I'm actually a little surprised when she doesn't leave with Santana who abandoned our weekly brunch after getting a text from Brittany. Actually, I was surprised that Quinn even let me sit next to her when I arrived.
I was confused about what was going on with her ever since she moved to NYC with the rest of us after graduation a few months ago. The easy best friend's status we developed while we were in school has somehow become more complicated now that we have easy access to each other. I see her less now than when we had to plan out our visits between the 2 cities, making good use of the train tickets we had purchased for each other, and I don't really understand, but it's Quinn and sometimes she just needs time and space. We still have daily phone chats so I don't really feel abandoned by my best friend, just a little confused by her actions lately.
I assumed Quinn would try and slide even further against the wall away from me and watch as she fidgets with her hands on the table even faster before I hear a small sigh and feel her leg press, surprisingly, more firmly against mine. I see a faint blush rise up her cheeks, but I don't know why. She's developed this disconcerting habit lately of trying not to touch me which is odd after several years of her allowing me to touch as much as I wanted. I thought maybe the distance between us had meant that she needed more reassurance from her best friend before, but now she was reverting to her more reserved normal state.
I continued rambling about my current cast mates watching her as I finished my salad. Not once did she actually look in my direction. I was actually starting to get a little annoyed with her. At some point she was going to have to tell me what the problem was. As I finished eating, I realized she was absentmindedly picking off her nail polish and reached over to stop her. When my hand closed over her, I felt her tense at the same time I felt little sparks shoot up my arm. "You're messing up your nail polish" I tell her.
Almost instantly, she relaxes and smiles at me before turning the palm of her right hand over to squeeze me hand, her other hand dropping to her side. I see the tip of her pink tongue wetting her lower lip as she smiles at me. I focus on her lips for a split second be shaking myself out of that. Before she can pull her hand away, I thread my fingers through her long slender ones relishing the way my best friend's hand fits perfectly in mine. I throw some cash on the table to cover our bill and tug her out of her seat. "Let's go home."
As we exit the building and head towards her apartment which is on the way to mine, I feel her try to untangle her hand from mine, but I just squeeze me fingers tighter around hers. I don't know what's going on inside her head, but I miss touching Quinn and I just want to hold her hand the 4 blocks it takes to get to her apartment. If it's going to potentially be 2 more months before she spends time with me in person then I want my 10 minutes of hand holds I think smiling to myself.
As usual, I continue talking to Quinn with her adding just enough to keep the conversation moving, but after about 2 blocks, she tries to pull her hand away again. This time, I stop walking and look at her, happy that there aren't many people around on this Sunday morning and no paparazzi appear to be following me today.
"Please just let go Rach" I hear her whisper. "I can't…I don't want…" Looking at her I see her eyes glistening with unshed tears. I push her back in a nearby alcove, releasing her hand, but holding her in place with a hand on her waist. "Quinn, please sweetie, you have to tell me what's the matter? I know somethings been wrong since you moved into the city, but I can't work out what it is on my own. I barely see you anymore. I miss my best friend and I don't want you to be sad. Just tell me what's wrong."
I watch as Quinn rapidly composes herself under my gaze, a transformation I've seen many times over the years. It's actually amazing how fast she can make herself look like nothing is bothering her at all, but I can see the sadness in her eyes when she looks up at me finally. Then I see her eyes flicker downward toward my lips before returning up again and watch as she unconsciously licks her lips again and it's like a lightbulb just came on in my head.
Quinn is attracted to me. That thought races through my head and is immediately followed by an inappropriate thought of how soft her lips look. Quinn likes me as more than just her best friend and she's trying not to make me uncomfortable with it. I'm processing this idea quickly because I know that Quinn will very quickly push all these thoughts aside in her own head and I only have 1 chance to get this right with her, to not lose my closest friend or make her uncomfortable or make her think she's made me uncomfortable.
Quinn doesn't want to touch me because it's hurting her that she can't touch me as much as she wants, maybe? But I like when Quinn touches me. I like it better than when anyone else touches me. I just sort of melt into her touch whenever we hug or cuddle on the couch. I just never connected it to anything because I never thought about any girl that way especially not my best friend. And I've missed her, I missed touching her lately.
Unconsciously, I shift closer to her, the fingers at her waist flexing and my other hand wiping the only tear that escaped off her cheek. "Sweetie, I didn't know. You should have told me. I'm your best friend. You didn't even give me a chance to…" and then I'm kissing her, the most delicate kiss of my life like she's made out of glass because I don't want to break her. I just want her to be happy, really happy because she deserves it. The hand that was on her cheek slides around to tangle in her hair and Quinn doesn't respond at first. She doesn't pull away or tense up or kiss me back. I think I shocked her.
Very carefully, I slide my tongue across her lower lip tasting her and suddenly, I feel her kissing me back and I smile against her lips because this is the best first kiss I have ever had and we're hardly kissing. I feel her tongue dart out to taste me and wonder briefly why her hands still aren't touching me even though our bodies are pressed fully against each other now, both of us having shifted closer to the other.
At that thought about her hands and wanting to be touched and to touch her, I stop kissing her because we're on a public street and this isn't how I should be kissing her because Quinn deserves better than stolen first kisses in little alcoves on our street. Quinn deserves real dates followed by real kisses. Immediately I step back, but not too far keeping my hands on her waist. Just enough to look at her.
Her eyes are still closed and I see her fingers forming fists at her side like she was determined not to give in and touch me even though she wanted to. "Quinn," I say and see her eyes flutter open to look at me. I realize that now is the time to be bold and confident because Quinn will try to resist me if she thinks I'm hesitant and not sure of my feelings about this. She doesn't want to get hurt. Quinn has had enough hurt to last a lifetime I think to myself. I would never do that to her. "Will you accompany me to dinner tonight? Or any night that you're free this week? Please?" I ask hopefully.
"You have shows this week Rachel. You don't have time for dinner with me" Quinn responds.
"I don't have a show tonight and that's why I have an understudy so I can take a night off if I need to and I definitely need to take you to dinner so I can kiss you properly good night afterward."
Quinn's ears turn a pretty shade of pink at that, "You never use your understudy, ever. You can't just take a night off to go on a date."
"I can actually. It's in my contract that I'm supposed to take a certain number of shows off in case I need to rest my voice. I just never do it, but I will, though I would prefer to go tonight just because you know I'm impatient about things and I don't want to wait until later this week to see you again and my understudy would be ecstatic to actually get to perform. I want to take you on a date Quinn. Hopefully, more than one, but let's start with one. Please say yes."
"Ok then. I'm free tonight." Quinn says shyly.
I step away from her then, grabbing her hand and tugging her towards her apartment. "Come on then, I have things to do now." I tell her excitedly and she just laughs at me.